Confessions of a College Football Rules Violator

By LANCE

n/a (per SIF)

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Mar 11, 2011
• ISBN: 9781456716097

LANCE

n/a (per SIF)

Book preview

BACKGROUND

I grew up in the thriving metropolis of Bangor, Maine. At the time, I thought I knew all about the real world. I would soon find out how sheltered and dumb I was.

My family has a rule that all the children will go to college and become a doctor, lawyer, or engineer. Any other profession is a failure. My goal; however is to get a job with a pro football or basketball team.

Contents

BACKGROUND

FRESHMAN YEAR

SOPHMORE YEAR

P.T.C. favorite running play: 44

Junior Year

SENIOR YEAR

FIFTH YEAR

LATER ON

I

After Thoughts

FRESHMAN YEAR

August 15

Arrived on campus early to go through Fraternity Rush. Checked into a dorm, and then went to the football stadium to apply as student manager. Got the job because no one else wants to do it. The head equipment manager Jim Chambers is a black guy that’s been in charge of equipment for about 20 years. All the guys that work in the equipment room are black. They seem to think it’s funny that a white guy would work with them.

Practice doesn’t officially start for a week, but a lot of the players have been working out on their own all summer. I’ve never seen that many guys as big as this team in my whole life.

August 16

Met Bill Johnson, the head Coach. He welcomed me as part of the team. He sounds like a great Coach, but the newspapers want him fired.

I helped out during workouts. No Coaches were present, but Jerry Paxon (DE, 6’’I", 225), one of the three captains, reports to the Coaching staff to let them know what’s going on.

I got my schedule for Fraternity Rush. Delta Chi has the most athletes of all the fraternities. Hopefully they will pick me.

Mark Barkley (OT, 6 ‘4", 230’), the biggest guy on the team and black, took and instant liking to me, he was impressed that I didn’t mind working with all the black guys in the equipment room. I don’t know why everyone makes such a big deal about it.

August 17

Started Fraternity Rush and quit after an hour. All those guys-sound like the biggest phonies in the world. I went to two houses just to get some free beers, then left.

Something really strange happened after the workout today. Torn Green (DB, 5’10", 135), one of the married players, asked me if I wanted to have sex with him. I told him I wasn’t interested and he said he was only testing me, because the team didn’t want any fags hanging around. Somehow I get the impression he wasn’t just testing me.

August 18

Most of the team returned to school today. I spent the whole day handing out equipment. I wasn’t supposed to notice it, but .Jim Chambers gave the newer better equipment and pads to the black players. All the players from New England got together in Jerry Faxon’s room. I’m from New England, too. He wanted to show us his pet tarantula he kept in a shoebox. When we got there, he found the top of the box half off and the tarantula missing. He kept yelling, Don’t move, you’ll step on him, and Don’t let him bite you. I couldn’t believe how many big football players got scared. It turned out that Paxon has two boxes and the tarantula was safe in the other one. I love a good practical joke.

tarantula.jpg

The older players told the freshman and J.C. transfers which classes and professors to sign up for and which professors to avoid. At least I won’t, need to worry about flunking out my first year.

August 19

Big all night card game in the dorm. About 3:00 a.m. we broke for food run at the 7-11 on the corner. I didn’t realize until we got there that no one planned to pay for anything. The only clerk watched as ten big football players walked in and walked out with enough food to feed an army. I didn’t do any shoplifting, but when we got back to the dorm I ate as much as everyone else. Mike Sanders (TE, 6’2", 190), told me it happens every night. The store doesn’t care because the owner is a big booster and doesn’t want to get the players in trouble.

August 20

Jack Williams (6’ 3", 200), a freshman tight end, is really upset. It seems that when one of the Coaches was recruiting him he showed Jack a picture of one of the local motel rooms and said it was in the dorms. Needless to say, our dorm rooms are not quite as nice as hotel rooms.

Got registered today. I don’t think I really want to be a college student.

Paul Embry, (6’4", 223), a junior split end and member of S. A. E. Fraternity, showed me tests for all the classes I signed up for. Most of the professors gave the same tests year after year. A lot of the players are Physical Education majors.

I didn’t pay for any books. Some of the players that registered for the same classes said that I could use their books if I helped them study. Not a bad deal since my parents gave me money to buy books.

Another all night card game and another free food run about 3:00 a.m.

August 23

There was a party I didn’t get invited to. Too bad, because two of the cheerleaders pulled a train for everyone that was there. It seems to be a yearly tradition.

It rained this afternoon and Lee Anderson, the best player on the team, walked around with an umbrella. He looked like a fag, but at (6’4". 225) no one gives him a hard time.

rain.jpg

Ted Tinker, (5’11", 220), a black linebacker, was at a bar and someone was looking for him. When Ted found out that one of the guys on the team described him as black he got insulted. It was only meant to be a physical description, but Ted didn’t take it that way. Racial discrimination is new to me.

August 26

I got chewed out by Coach Mullins because I went to class and was late for practice. He told me football came before class and I should change my schedule or quit the team. Tomorrow I plan on dropping the class.

Coach Johnson was quoted in the paper, predicting an undefeated season. Actually, what he said was that there wasn’t a team on the schedule we couldn’t beat. The paper keeps misquoting him to make him look bad. Last year the team only won four games. The players think that will be all we’ll win this year.

Paul Pierce (5’11", 210) full back got injured today. He reinjured his right knee. He missed all of last year because of a bad knee. His wife came by to pick him up. All the married players’ wives have jobs arranged through the boosters club. It helps with the recruiting.

August 30

Everyone working in the equipment room left practice