A Broken Promise

By Tina Place

Dementia is an illness that affects not only the people who suffer from it, but also their families and friends. This book takes you on an incredible journey of a loving daughter who tries to keep her promise to her mother and pays the ultimate price in doing so. Her family begins to be torn apart by the sudden changes forced upon them, as a result of her mother's dementia. The characters in this book are fictional but the events are real.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: Jun 14, 2010
• ISBN: 9781456771683

Tina Place

Born in 1962 and brought up in Newcastle upon Tyne. She watched her father work hard all of his life to support his family and could see being a parent was not an easy task. It was not until she became a mother and then a grandmother herself that she fully realised just how hard it could be. She opens up a window into her life to tell you how it looks and feels through her eyes as a grandmother. With determination and self belief, she is pleased she can now share her story with other readers.

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© 2010 Tina Place. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

First published by AuthorHouse 6/9/2010

ISBN: 978-1-4520-2790-6 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4567-7168-3 (e)

This book is printed on acid-free paper.

Contents

Acknowledgements

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

About the Author

Acknowledgements

I would like to thank all the members of staff at Ceddar House Private Day care Centre for their dedication and care for the elderly people attending, that suffer from Dementia. They and the elderly people who have attended over the years have inspired me to write this story.

I would also like to thank my husband Dave and my wonderful family, Emma, Richard, Dean, Carl and David for their love and support, and the one lady who is like a mother to me, Olive.

My mother always had dinner with me and my family at my house alternative Sunday’s. However, lately I have had to change it to every Sunday to make life easier for me. The Sunday’s she was not with me she would ring 6 or 7 times. There never seemed to be a reason for the calls, just mum needing to hear my voice for some reassurance I suppose. So I had now decided to have her with me every Sunday. Dad had passed away 4 years ago and much to my surprise mum had adapted to life on her own much better than I thought she ever would. She only lived a fifteen minute car ride away from me. This was just far enough away for mum not to walk round to my house and close enough for me to get to her quickly if I ever needed to.

I had an older brother in my family called John, but since dad died he seemed to come round to mum’s less and less. Today was a lovely hot day mum and I had finished our lunch and we had decided to sit in the garden. Stew my husband had gone to watch our son Craig play football. So I did not have to worry about lunch for them today. Two of the garden chairs were shaded from the sun. Mum sat on one of them. It’s very quiet here she said. Just the way I like it mum I replied. Your fence is high, so how do you speak to your neighbour? she asked. I can stand on that ledge, if I need to. Or I can just pop round to her house I said. I like to be able to see my neighbour and talk over the fence mum replied. Well that is what you are used to mum as you have lived in your house since I was 3 years of age I said. I tried to read my newspaper, but all mum seemed to want to do was talk.

Mum and I had always done a lot together. Even more so now that she was on her own. Lately mum seemed to have little interest in going out to places we had always visited on a weekly basis. Her concentration levels appeared to be getting worse. Today was one of those days. Mum had no desire to read the paper or watch television and after only being in the garden long enough to finish a cup of tea, she was becoming unsettled. Do you feel unwell? I asked. No not at all, why ask me that? she replied. You just seemed a little unsettled mum, this is not like you at all I said. It’s hot out here. That’s all she replied. Accepting her answer I decided to take her for a nice drive along the sea front before taking her home.

When my husband Stew, came home, I told him I was concerned about certain changes in my mum and how she just did not seem to be herself today. If you are that concerned love, why don’t you book an appointment with her doctor and have him check her over? he said. Yes I think I will, she might be sickening for something and she has not been to the doctor’s for quite a while I said. Stew and I had just settled down to watch some television when the phone rang. Hello love, I was just wondering if I was coming for dinner tomorrow? mum asked. Mum, I am at work tomorrow, as it is Monday. You came today, because it is Sunday, don’t you remember? I asked. Oh Yes, how silly of me. Right I will see you soon then love she said, before hanging up. Tell me that was not your mum asking to come tomorrow? Stew asked. Yes, but only because she thought tomorrow was Sunday I replied. Flaming hell love, it’s only 2 hours since you dropped her off. You definitely need to take her to the doctor’s. That is not normal behaviour he said. After a restless night sleep, I phoned the doctor’s surgery and made an appointment for mum. I then telephoned mum to tell her I would pick her up after work, as I had an appointment for her to see the doctor. I was surprised that she did not question as to why she had to have a doctor’s appointment. She promised me she would be ready for me. Luckily I worked part time as a hotel receptionist and so I always had time to help mum whenever necessary.

I let myself into my mother’s house and found mum at the sink washing dishes. Hi mum I said. Hello love, what are you doing here at this time of day? she replied. Don’t you remember mum, I phoned you this morning, to tell you, I have an appointment at the doctor’s for you and I would come and get you to take you there I said. Oh yes, I forgot, sorry she replied. Never mind, get your shoes and coat on so we can go I said. On the way to the doctor’s mum chatted away to me about her day. I almost felt that I had probably been a bit hasty, because she seemed back to her normal self. However, my instinct was telling me to go ahead with the appointment. The doctor was running half an hour late, so mum and I sat talking in the waiting room whilst waiting for her turn. As time was moving on, mum started to get unsettled, as she had done yesterday in my garden. How much longer do we have to wait? Mum asked. Won’t be long now mum I replied. Mum sighed and folded her arms in disapproval. She then jumped up out of her chair to get a magazine. I smiled at her as she plonked herself back down into her chair and flicked through the pages without reading them. The buzzer went and mum’s name appeared on the screen. That’s your name mum. Let’s go I said. Go where? mum asked. To see the doctor I said. I started to walk through the corridor and mum followed closely behind me. Hello Mrs Grinsbury. How are you? Doctor Julian asked. He had been my mother’s doctor since I was born and mum had a lot of respect for him. I am very well thank you doctor she replied, with a puzzled look on her face. I made the appointment doctor, as I am a little concerned about mum I said. He immediately picked up on my awkwardness and buzzed for the nurse to come to his surgery. He asked her to take mum to have her blood pressure taken and get weighed. Whilst she was out of the room I explained everything to the doctor. I felt like I was betraying mum’s trust, talking about her behind her back. The nurse had taken a water sample and it revealed mum did have a water infection. This could cause a little bit of confusion he said. He took some blood from mum and told me to make an appointment for 10 days time, when the results should be in. Thank you doctor mum said, shaking his hand. You are more than welcome he replied.

In the car on the way home, mum seemed very quiet. Are you alright mum? I asked. I am fine. You need to learn to stop worrying so much. Your father always used to worry and look where it got him she said. Mother that is not very nice I said. No, but true love she replied. Mum made me a cup of tea when we arrived back. It is time you were going home to your husband she said. Yes mum I suppose it is. Will you be okay? I asked. Of course I will. I have had to look after myself for a long time she said. I kissed her goodbye and left. It was a mad rush trying to get tea prepared for Stew and Craig, before they arrived home. Craig had been helping his father at the pub today that we owned, so I knew they would arrive home together for once. Craig had just finished a 2 year course at college and it was now the summer holidays, so he would often help his father out. Stew worked the pub on a Monday evening, so as soon as he had finished tea he had to get ready to go back. Everything go alright at the doctor’s with your mum? Stew asked. They have done some tests and I have to take her back in 10 days time I replied. It will be fine. You need to stop worrying so much he said. God you sound just like my mother I replied. I was not very busy at work today, so I decided to give mum a call and check she had taken the antibiotics that the doctor had prescribed. The weather was not very good today and mum’s neighbour had popped round to have a cup of tea with her. I was pleased to hear she had company on this miserable day. I had told mum if she did not take the antibiotics regularly she would not be able to do her usual activities and go to bingo as she always did with her friend on a Wednesday Evening. I popped round after work to check mum was okay. She appeared to be a little better in herself, but still seemed a little confused. We talked about her missing bingo tomorrow evening because of her not being too well. Mum was having none of it, she was adamant she was going to go. I suppose it was what she was used to and she had been going regularly since dad died. It is the only activity she has carried on with apart from going out with me or coming to my house. John, my brother, was never one for having mother over at his flat. He has lived on his own since his marriage broke up several years ago and he was always working. He has his own painting and decorating business and keeps himself busy with it. He has never been very comfortable around people. He is happiest in his own company. I know if I ever needed him he would be there for me. He made sure mum’s house was always decorated to the high standards that dad had always maintained. If there was any decorating he needed to do at mum’s he would ask me to take her to my house so he could get on with the job without any interruptions from mother. One of his excuses for not seeing mum as much as I did, was he would do all the manual work and I would look after mum.

On Wednesday evening mum’s friend, Olive met her at the bingo hall as per usual. I had telephoned her before hand to tell her about mum’s confusion and her visit to the doctor’s. She told me mum had been struggling to keep up with her usual 6 bingo tickets and for the past 3 weeks had reduced them down to 3, but apart from that she had not noticed anything else different with mum. She promised me she would keep a close eye on her and if there was any further changes, or any concerns she would call me. She had been very good to my mother since my father died. Olive lost her husband two years prior to my father’s death, so she knew what mum was going through and therefore was very supportive. Olive and mum spent a lot of time together. They had been on holiday together a couple of times over the past 4 years. I expected to get a call after she had been to the bingo. When I did not, I assumed mum had coped alright with the 3 bingo tickets. I called mum on Thursday lunch time and asked her how bingo had gone last night. Oh just the same as usual she said. Did you or Olive win anything then? I asked. No never even had any waits she replied. You’re losing your touch mother I said. Mum and dad used to go to the bingo together every Wednesday and Saturday evening, but after dad died mum dropped the Saturday evening as she said it was too much for her to cope with. I will pop over later after work and have a cup of tea with you I said. That will be nice she replied. When I arrived at her house she must have stripped her bed, as I could see her sheets blowing outside on the washing line. She was fighting with the wind to get them off the line. Here you are mum let me help you, I see you have been busy today I said. Yes housework does not do itself she replied. I could not help noticing the washing did not smell of the comfort she always used in her wash. I did not say anything to her and went in doors to check the drawer in the washing machine. As I expected there was no trace of washing powder or comfort in the machine. I helped mum put fresh bedding on her bed and told her I would take the bedding home to iron it for her. Mum did not do much ironing now, so she was happy to let me take it with me. I was pleased she did, as it was the only way I knew I would be able to put it through a proper wash.

I did not work on a Friday. So this was the day I always picked mum up and we would go to our favourite fish and chip shop for lunch. It was a lovely sunny day. Mum was ready and waiting for me, when I arrived at her house. She always loved the scenic route we took. I loved the smell and the colour of the sea on days like today. It made me feel happy inside and I know it made mum feel the same. If I ever win the lottery mum, I will buy a big house by the sea and you can come and live happily ever after with me I said. Dream on love, you are not that lucky she replied. No you are quite right, but a girl can dream I laughed. After we had finished our fish and chips, we had a long stroll along the promenade. The day could not have got any better. Mum’s cheeks were glowing and she had the biggest smile of contentment on her face. We talked about dad and reminisced about all the good times we had with him, whilst driving home. I felt like mum was more like her normal self again today.

We arrived back to mum’s house and had our usual cup of tea. Her neighbour, Maureen popped in to see how mum’s day had been. I asked her if she had noticed anything different with mum’s behaviour. She told me mum seemed to put things away and not remember where she had put them, but apart from that she had not noticed anything else different about her. The telephone rang just as I was about to leave, so I hung back to find out who it was. I will tell my daughter, she is with me now mum said. You have to go to the surgery to pick up another prescription for me love. That was the doctor’s receptionist she said. I will do it now mum and pick it up on the way back to your house so you have the tablets today before the weekend I said. As I arrived at the surgery I walked up to the reception desk. I saw Doctor Julian at the same time as he saw me. He came over to me. Some of the tests have come back and your mother’s water infection is a little worse than we first suspected. I am in no doubt that this is making her more confused than usual. It is not uncommon in elderly people. The Antibiotics I prescribed last week for her would have helped, but I would like her to take another dose for a further week he said. I did not class my mother as being elderly, but I suppose at the age of 70 she now does come under that category. If you have any further concerns, just call me. I am still waiting for the blood results. Make a further appointment for a week’s time and they should be back then he said. I went straight to the chemist and picked the tablets up and took them to mum. Stew rang my mobile phone to find out where I was. Oh I am sorry love, I just lost track of time. I have been to the doctor’s to pick up another prescription for mum, as the doctor wants her to take more antibiotics for this water infection I said. Oh okay there is no problem, Craig and I have already had a bite to eat whilst we were out and about. So if you want to stay with your mum a little longer you can he said. I think I have been with mum long enough today. She is fine so I will be home soon I replied. When mum came to my house on Sunday, she was much more settled in herself. We managed 2 hours in the garden, just sitting talking about the old days and how she had met my father. I had heard this story so many times now that I knew it word perfect, but I felt mum needed