Finding Myself

By Gelasia Marquez

In Finding Myself, author Gelasia Marquez puts the puzzle pieces of her life together in this memoir. She not only reflects on the significant milestones in her life, but she also provides insight into the important people who touched her and impacted her existence.

Born in Cuba in 1938, Marquez tells about growing up as a boarding student and as a confused young adult who suffered the effects of the political, religious, economic, and socio-cultural changes that destroyed her country of origin. She narrates her experiences as a student of Colegio del Apostolado, as a consecrated lay minister, a nine-year Cuban exile, a concerned bilingual school psychologist, a cancer survivor, a friend of friends, and a woman of faith.

Finding Myself reflects on the transitions, crises, and challenges in Marquezs life and how these eventstranspiring across three countriesplayed a substantial role in shaping her, her profession, and her future.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Feb 4, 2011
• ISBN: 9781426953293

Gelasia Marquez

Gelasia Marquez is a Cuban-born psychologist who immigrated to United States in 1980. After her arrival, she earned a master’s degree in religious education of the child and family life, a professional diploma in bilingual school psychology, and a PhD in psychology, all from Fordham University, New York. She currently lives in Florida.

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© Copyright 2011 Gelasia Marquez, PhD.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

Printed in the United States of America.

isbn: 978-1-4269-5327-9 (sc)

isbn: 978-1-4269-5328-6 (hc)

isbn: 978-1-4269-5329-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011901287

Trafford rev. 01/25/2011

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North America & international

toll-free: 1 888 232 4444 (USA & Canada)

phone: [phone] fax: [phone]

Contents

Prologue

E-mail

Sun, 23 Nov 2003

Letter

Dear Friends

Chapter 1

The Best-Kept Secret

Chapter 2

My Father, José Marinas:

El Bodeguero Asturiano

Chapter 3

My Mother Gelasia Alés:

La Mejor Costurera y Bordadora

Chapter 4

José George Thomas

Chapter 5

Gelasia Marinas Ales

Chapter 6

From Nena to Gelasia

Chapter 7

Nena la Cooperadora

Chapter 8

José Marquez Quesada:

PP# 27549

Chapter 9

José Néstor Marquez Marinas

Chapter 10

The Transition: From Cuba to Spain

Chapter 11

Becoming a Migrant, Immigrant, Political Exile

Chapter 12

Hispanic Family Life Minister

Chapter 13

About Being a Psychologist

Chapter 14

Living with Stress: Breast Cancer Survivor

Chapter 15

Saying Good-bye and Going into Retirement

Epilogue

Finding Myself

Appendix

Toward a Comprehensive Model to Accompany Immigrant

Hispanic Families in Cultural Transition

References

I may not have gone where I intended to go,

but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.

(Tal vez no he logrado llegar donde yo queria ir,

pero yo pienso que he terminado donde yo necesito estar.)

Douglas Adams.

Prologue

This book is my autobiography. Through the different chapters I will present myself traveling across time and space carrying not only my genetic makeup but also the imprint of everyone who has touched my personal history during its different moments.

While traveling, I went through critical moments, those where to follow my path in life I had to leave behind everything. At age seven, I left my home in the countryside and went to live for ten months a year, for the next ten yearsat a girls’ boarding school in the capital. At age twenty-one, I put aside my social and professional life to become a lay Catholic minister in a secular institute. In 1980, at age forty-two my family and I migrated from my country of origin, Cuba, to the United States where we became political exiles. And at age sixty-seven, my husband and I give away all the goodies we had accumulated after our immigration into the United States, sold our house, and went to Florida for our retirement. In all and each one of those opportunities, I just took with me my memories and personal experiences. Just what I was. And from just what I was, I began to be again until who I am today.

Like every human being, throughout my seventy-two years of life I have gone through transitions and through severe crises. In this autobiography I discuss some of them. Like the impact in my country of origin and in my family of the drastic socio-economic and cultural changes that began on January 1, 1959; or the challenge of living for nine years as a consecrated lay Catholic minister in a society heavily indoctrinated by the Cuban government with its atheist Marxist-Leninist philosophy; or marrying an ex-political prisoner and trying to raise our son for six and a half years with a different set of values from those of the socio-political system; or at age forty-two leaving Cuba and becoming an immigrant professional who had to learn not only a new language but also academic courses so my previous knowledge and professional experience could become meaningful and productive in the United States.

In the chapters that follow, I describe my periods of confusion, my periods of loneness, my periods of depression, and my periods of anger. I relate my efforts to overcome solitariness, my efforts to find a reason to fight back, and my efforts to become who I am.

No doubt that the process of writing this autobiography has brought a valuable gift to my life. By looking back, I have cried repressed tears; I have healed my psychological and spiritual hurts, pains, and distresses, and have given closure to many unresolved issues.

Finally, this book has helped me to put together my different ego stages and components—not as a sum but as an integrated whole where all and each one of them easily matches with each other to give a perfect and meaningful portrait of my real self.

February, 2011.

E-mail

Sun, 23 Nov 2003

From:

To: Gelasia

Subject: Felicidades

1. por que eres mi mamá

2. por que eres la esposa de mi papá

3. por que eres una persona lindísima

4. por que eres muy inteligente

5. por que te has sacrificado para mejorar la vida de otros

6. por que crees en la vida

7. por que tienes mucha paciencia

8. por que, tanto como mi padre, eres mi inspiración

9. por que te gusta la cerveza fria

10. por que sabes cocinar a pesar de tener un PhD

11. por que te acuerdas del ingenio España

12. por que me llevabas a tus aulas, oficinas y talleres

13. por que tienes una risa llena de calor

14. por que eres bilingüe

15. por que eres idealista

16. por que eres pragmática

17. por que fuistes estudiante de beca

18. por que fuistes estudiante por cinco décadas

19. por que eres cubana

20. por que ya eres americana

21. por que divides a todos los protagonistas del cine entre los malos y los buenos

22. por que ya no logras ver una pelicula de principio a final

23. por que lees ya más que yo, y en inglés

24. por que logras conmover a los ancianos y a los niños

25. por que luchastes en contra de lo malo de la Iglesia

26. por que luchastes en contra de lo malo del communismo cubano

27. por que luchas contra la ignorancia

28. por que lograstes mantener unida a tu familia bajo circunstancias difíciles

29. por que viajas sin miedo

30. por que sabes distinguir entre lo bueno y lo malo de las tradiciones

31. por que lograstes triunfar en el exilio

32. por que mandas docenas de tarjetas de felicitación navideñas cada año

33. por que siempre andas cambiando el papel tapiz de tu computadora

34. por que te gustan la joyas sencillas

35. por que has perdido mucho pero jamás has pedido que te tengan lastima

36. por que has ganado mucho pero jamás te has lucido

37. por que eres la copilota y el chauffeur

38. por que has tenido consultas en dos continentes

39. por que eres curiosa

40. por que la inventas cuando no te la sabes

41. por que crees en corazonadas

42. por que das más que lo que pides

43. por que te conoces a cada iglesia en Brooklyn y Queens

44. por que has entrenado a maestros y maestras

45. por que has entrenado a papás y mamás

46. por que has entrenado a curas y monjas

47. por que lograstes sacar a tu hermana de Cuba

48. por que quisistes vivir al lado de tu hermano

49. por que las experiencias feas no te han amargado

50. por que te gusta bailar

51. por que te asustan las tormentas

52. por que siempre hablas con mucho cuidado

53. por que sabes escuchar

54. por que me enseñastes a apreciar a Tres Patines y la Tremenda Corte

55. por que me enseñastes a leer

56. por que me enseñastes a ser adulto

57. por que me distes la confianza que aún me sobra

58. por que me dejastes ser mi propia persona

59. por que aprecias a mis amigos tal como son

60. por que te registrates como miembra del AARP hace ya años

61. por que tienes tu Isla del Sol

62. por que eres una compañera ideal para mi papá

63. por que te llevas bien hasta con los americanos que acabas de conocer en sitios públicos

64. por que te gusta Disney World más que lo que se espera a tu edad

65. por que, a tu edad, ya te sobran las listas y lo único que necesitas es una silla de playa, SPF 30

y el manuscrito de tu autobiografía

Felicidades, Mamá.

Letter

Dear Friends

Gelasia Marquez, PhD

6158 Palma del Mar Boulevard, S

Unit 505

St. Petersburg, FL 33715

November 1, 2008

Dear Friends,

In just a few weeks I will celebrate my seventy birthday. While I approach this unique occasion I feel the need to stop, reflect, give thanks, and prepare myself to face God when He calls me.

A few weeks ago the Gospel was about people who were called to work in God’s vineyard and how they reacted at the moment of receiving their payment. I really feel overwhelmed when I look back and see how God has taken care of myself always. How He provided me with opportunities to better myself, not only through education and faith development, but by surrounding me with people like you to whom I am and will always be in debt. Your words and deeds, your example and support in different but very important moments of my life have helped me to work hard in becoming who I am today.

Your name is next to the name of my family of origin and of the name of my husband, son, daughter-in-law. You name is next to the name of Msgr. Arcadio Marinas who took my hand when I was six years of age and helped me achieve the tools to become the professional that I am today. You too have touched my life and today I need to tell you, Thank you.

Love and prayers,

Gelasia / Nena

Chapter 1

The Best-Kept Secret

Every family has more than one secret that is hidden and never transmitted from one generation to the other. It could be the alcoholism of one of its members; or the sexual abuse—perhaps molestation—committed by a parent, grandparent, or a relative; or maybe it is the wife’s adultery or the husband’s out-of-wedlock child.

My family of origin has a few well-kept secrets, but I guess that the most secretive one was the mental illness of my maternal aunt. Her name was Margarita. She was short, slim, and had beautiful green eyes. She was the youngest of four siblings. I know that she started to have the symptoms (or manias as my mother called it) when she was in her late adolescence.

One of my early recollections of her illness was a visit that we did to a santero in Jovellanos, a town in Matanzas, Cuba, in the hope that he could get out of Margarita all the bad spirits that possessed her. Santeria is a polytheistic religion whose divine beings, or orishas, are deified ancestors. The santeros call on them to solve problems. The Regla de Ocha Ifa, known as Santeria, was one of the most widespread cults of African origin in Cuba, and the town of Jovellanos was known for having the real santeros.

At the time of this visit to the santero I was young, maybe less than four years of age, because I don’t remember being there with my siblings. My mother, my maternal grandmother, Encarnacion, my aunt Margarita, and I went to this town one hour away by car from our hometown, Central España, to see him. Probably my family received testimonies or recommendations of other believers who had found peace, health, or good luck due to the influence of this man. I recall that he sat on the floor, totally dressed in white. The room was dark, but there was smoke coming from incense burning inside black small calderos de hierro. I do believe that he was a black man. He probably did some rituals, but I don’t remember anything more of that visit.

Another strong image that comes to my mind and is associated with Tia Margarita is waking up in the middle of the night and listening to conversations in the living room: Margarita left the house and is at large. My maternal uncle Manuel was telling my mother while my father was quickly dressing himself to run and search for her. They found her in the middle of a sugarcane field, in the fetal position, her mind lost. I remember that they brought her home and my mother cleaned her face and her body, changed her clothes with love and with that special kindness that I always found in my mother when she was taking care of her sister. My mother gave her a hot drink and tried to calm her with sweet words and warm touching. Then my father came with a rented cab and he and my older maternal uncle, Baldomero, drove her to Quinta Covadonga, a health hospital in Habana sponsored by immigrants from Asturias, Spain. Margarita was at the mental illness ward for women for a while.

My mother and my grandmother Encarnacion never stopped fighting for Margarita’s health. I want to emphasize the fact that abuela Encarnacion and my mother, Gelasia Alés, never gave up. When my father was asked what Margarita had, he repeated the diagnosis received from the doctors in Habana, without understanding its scope and nature of the illness. Margarita was suffering paranoid schizophrenia, one of five subtypes of schizophrenia. Its main features are a preoccupation with one or more delusion or frequent auditory hallucinations. The delusional content (the beliefs) of the person with paranoid schizophrenia is marked by grandiosity or persecution, or both. Anger, irritation, or argumentative behavior may be the most prominent features, as is extreme jealousy.

However, when my mother was asked what Margarita had, she repeated that Margarita estaba mala de los nervios (she was suffering from her nerves), but she would recover one day when the right cure was found. Because of that, my father, my mother, and my abuela were always looking for new places or for new doctors or for new medications or for remedios that could reverse the course of the illness. That level of commitment to Margarita’s cure was something that I started to realize in my early adult years—as I began to study psychosis and mental illness. From that moment on, I not only deeply admired them, but it made me feel very proud of my family.

I was especially proud of my father, who played a very important role in my Aunt Margarita’s life. He was the person who always had las connecciones, because he had a lot of friends within the Masonries and because the masons were a fraternity all for the one who is in need, as he used to say. I don’t remember my father discussing the money that was needed to find la cura. He was always the one who traveled with Margarita and some other relative to the different hospitals in the capital Habana, or the one that went to take Margarita from hospitals to my grandmother’s house in Reglita, the small and poor suburban part of Central España where my grandmother was living with her younger son, Manuel.

In the decade of the 1940s, there was a Cuban psychiatrist who became famous for bringing to Cuba the Electro-Shock treatment for mentally ill patients. He constructed a brand new clinic, Hospital Galigarcia, at the entrance of capital Habana with trees and gardens for the patients to enjoy outside activities instead of having them in closet wards, sometimes with bars closing the entrance and big keys to open the lockers. I still ask myself how my poor family got the money to bring Margarita to that sophisticated psychiatric clinic. She was one of the first persons who received the treatment. Once per week for about two months my father rented a cab and traveled for five hours to Habana to bring Margarita for Electro-Shock treatment. He waited for her recuperation after it, and returned back with her to Reglita. She noticeably improved after the eight sessions, but a few months later she started to deteriorate again so she went back to La Quinta Covadonga for the rest of her life.

When I went to study in Colegio El Apostolado, a boarding school in Habana, every time that my parents brought me to the school or came to pick me up for vacations, we stopped for an hour in La Quinta Covadonga to visit Margarita. At the entrance of the hospital were men selling fruits for the patients. The fruits were tempting: the smell and the colors anticipated the delicious flavor. I loved those beautiful apples, pears, peaches, grapes, and bananas—fruits that we could not buy for ourselves because they were very expensive. My mother selected a few of them and with a paper bag we began to walk to the ward that was located toward the end of the center. I clearly remember the strange sensation I had always in my throat while we were walking through the different avenues to