The Marginalized Diaries

By Dakota Senese

Dakota Senese has written with poignancy and honesty on the topics of mental health, faith, and being LBGT in The Marginalized Diaries, which is a compilation of his first two books: McNally Robinson Bestseller Middle to Margins, containing poetry on what it's like to come out as trans when you are in leadership in a conservative church, and Dear Diary, his second book containing essays, art and poetry from inside a locked psych ward. This edition is expanded with commentary about the headspace Dakota was in when writing the poetry for Middle to Margins, and gives a clear overview of what it is like to go from living a middle class whitewashed life to living on the margins in one of the poorest neighbourhoods in Winnipeg.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Dakota Senese
• Release date: Jan 12, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224584291

Dakota Senese

Dakota Senese is an bestselling author from Winnipeg, Manitoba. His first book, Middle to Margins, outdid all expectations, and is his pride and joy. When not writing, you can find Dakota going to school, crocheting, and snuggling his cat, Clyde. He lives on the margins of society in his hometown and is always seeking ways to bring justice and equity to his neighbours, and in the past these have included cooking large meals for community out of his kitchen and volunteering with Big Brothers Big Sisters.

Book preview

2

On love

Oh god, the maker of heaven and earth,

The ever-loving and ever-present one,

For the hurting, we pray comfort.

For the starving, we pray food.

For the cold, we pray warmth.

For the wrongly incarcerated, we pray freedom.

For the Trans souls lost to violence, we pray

peace.

For the queer souls caught in the crossfire, we pray

safety.

For those in crisis, we pray longevity.

For those caught in the crisis that is the

conservative church, we pray understanding.

For in all these things, we pray the world to be a

better place for all to coexist together.

Through the mercy and merit of Jesus Christ our

savior, who by his redemption and ascension

is the mediator of our faith and worship.

3

BREATHE

1234

In

Out

In

Out

My breath speaks truth

When my mind lies

I was 19

When I was robbed

Of this sacred truth.

20 when I was labeled ‘ill’.

The thieves left me broken years ago

And yet, only now,

My breathlessness is cured.

For my suffering,

Do I blame them?

Sometimes yes.

Sometimes no.

We all were wrong.

Them for saying,

Me for listening.

I called myself stupid for years

Because I kept failing.

I was only failing to breathe.

---

On these first three poems - I had a wild childhood. My Gram died when I was 9 and my mom uprooted my brother and I from New Jersey to Florida. In Florida she met an internet friend named Rick who married her and moved us to Canada after only a year of being in Florida. I spent my teenage years doing a lot for my family - one of my memories of being in Middle School is telling my basketball coach that I had to leave practice early so I could go home and cook supper for my family. I was thirteen.

I joined the church when I was 17 and I thrived in the structured environment. I was experiencing schizoaffective disorder pretty intensely, and hallucinating every day, and church was the only place I didn’t have mental health concerns. I was appointed quickly to the role of Children’s Ministry Leader and that church was my life for ten years.

But mental health kept on chasing me and in that time I dropped out of college three times due to depression and undiagnosed ADHD. I was diagnosed with mental health concerns when I was 19 and finally medicated when I was 20 when a doctor started to listen to my concerns around medication. My church family told me to pray more and read my Bible and my mental health would be cured. I knew it wouldn’t, that I would need heavy intervention, so I began to attend therapy twice a month with a Psych Nurse and see a psychiatrist once a month. After dropping out the third time I was admitted to an outpatient treatment program for DBT. Around this time I also started coming out as a Lesbian, and later I came out as Transgender. I was removed from my position when I came out, but I was allowed to keep teaching under the authority of an Elder. I told them no thank you and left.

4

DOUBTING

University?

Piece of cake,

My high school teachers said.

Now, 10 years later,

I've dropped out 4 times.

I don't know what I should be doing.

Why is it so hard?

I'm smart.

Sometimes Brilliant, even.

So why can't I do this?

My head gets crunched

A few weeks in.

I buzz

And then

Everything stops.

I stop.

I can do this,

I tell myself every time.

But really, I can't.

What's wrong with me?

5

NAME

You see my Mother -

Beloved as she is -

Won't say my name.

She calls me -Shh-

Baby girl, favourite,

Beanie, My eldest -

But refuses to acknowledge me.

I can't fault her.

Her daughter is dying

and in the phoenix ashes rises

Her son.

The man I've always been

Always felt dirty for.

When most girls were learning

What it means to be mother,

here I was, wondering,

Can't I be father?

When my girlfriends wanted