A Living Loss: Surviving Separation from a Loved One

By Barbara Rombough

A LIVING LOSS: Surviving Separation From a Loved One focuses on living losswhen a person becomes estranged from a loved one who still lives - a friend, a partner or a family member. This book focuses on a forced estrangement, wherein one family member (the enforcer) refuses to see another family member (the enforced). There is not necessarily any explanation, which can lead to grief, depression, and eventual decline in health.

When a family member is lost to death, the grieving process is shattering. Lives are changed; hearts are broken. Yet, even in the depths of despair, there is hope. There is help, tootherapists, support groups, and other family members. A living loss is soul wounding. Support is often not available for those experiencing this loss. They grieve alone. Resolution is extremely difficult.

Even in estrangement, there is hope. Author Barbara Rombough is ready to help you heal. She uses cognitive therapy strategies, relaxation techniques, and so much more to help mend the brokenhearted. It is possible to emerge a different person, renewed with strength, inner peace, and acceptance, whether or not the broken family bonds are ever healed.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: May 25, 2011
• ISBN: 9781426957352

Barbara Rombough

Barbara Rombough, M.Ed., is a family therapist in private practice. She has produced several visualization and healing CDs for clients in pain. She lives in Canada with her husband. This is her first book.

Book preview

© Copyright 2011 Barbara Rombough, M.Ed.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

Author Credits: www.innerguidedhealing.com

Disclaimer: The information, ideas, and suggestions in this book are not intended as a substitute for professional advice. Before following any suggestions contained in this book, you should consult your personal physician or mental health professional. Neither the author nor the publisher shall be liable or responsible for any loss or damage allegedly arising as a consequence of your use or application of any information or suggestions in this book.

Printed in the United States of America.

isbn: 978-1-4269-4113-9 (sc)

isbn: 978-1-4269-5735-2 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2011902014

Trafford rev. 05/05/2011

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North America & International

toll-free: 1 888 232 4444 (USA & Canada)

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Contents

TO MY MOTHER...

Acknowledgements

Epigraph

Forward By Shauna Foote, M.Ed.

Chapter I

Going with the Flow: Living Losses

Chapter II

Sorrow Unmasked: Helping Those Who Grieve

Chapter III

An Inner Journey: Losses

Chapter IV

Finding Your Centre: Unresolved Grief

Chapter V

Erosion of Sorrow: The Journey of Grief

Chapter VI

Trust Yourself: Stages of Grief

Chapter VII

Overcoming Suffering: Physical and Living Losses

Chapter VIII

Facing Unresolved Grief: Grieving Stage I

Chapter IX

Changing Our Thinking: Grieving Stage II

Chapter X

Moving on: Grieving Stage III

Afterword

Conclusion

Additional Journal Pages

About The Author

Bibliography

TO MY MOTHER...

I feel blessed to share an interesting and loving relationship with my mother. At age eighty-nine she remains an inspiration to family and friends as she continues her independent and deeply meaningful life.

Acknowledgements

I particularly want to thank Susan J. Lunney, artist, teacher and editor, who not only expertly edited this book with a keen sense of the readers’ needs; she also made it a joyful experience. As well, Susan produced a wonderful piece of cover art, which so skilfully introduces, visually, the content of my book. I thank my special circle of friends who have supported my journey in so many ways. Thanks to my husband, son and daughter in law for loving and understanding me. To my daughter’s valuable input, technical skills and love which enriched my ‘writing life’.

Epigraph

"I am driven forward into an unknown land

The pass grows steeper

The air colder and sharper

A wind from my unknown destination stirs

The strings of expectation.

Still the question: Shall I ever get there?"

These are the last words of a college president’s farewell address. He had been forced to relinquish his cherished position. With these final words he collapsed and died.

….Dr. Robert Ramsey’s book, Living Losses: A Dramatic New Breakthrough in Grief.

Forward By Shauna Foote, M.Ed.

I remember it well – in fact, I doubt I will ever forget it. The year was 2000 and I was on top of the world. I was a young woman about to enter graduate school and at the time, I felt I had the world by the tail. I was also blessed to have two very close friends, one I had met during my undergraduate degree, four years earlier, and one I had been best friends with for twenty years. The three of us were inseparable, and those women were like family to me. I was close with their families and they were close with mine. We spent every weekend together and travelled often. One of these women even had her daughter on my birthday! Then, one day, for reasons even 10 years later I do not understand, the two of them went away on a trip without telling me and when they returned they ended their friendship with me. I was heartbroken. The break was sudden and unexpected, and I was left feeling like the rug had been pulled out from under me. Not only did I lose my two best friends, I also lost the connections with their families – people I had known my whole life. Indeed, my own family felt the loss as they too had known these women for many years and considered them family. I was in the middle of a confusing ripple effect. The whole event was painful and unfortunate, and what I did not understand at the time was that I was part of an enforced separation, and that I was grieving. I did not have the tools to properly deal with this event – instead I was filled with shame and bewilderment. I questioned my self-worth and had to work hard to forge new friendships when I believed I wasn’t worthy of having them. It was not until years later, in therapy, I understood how this living loss had affected me. It is because of this event, and other similar events when I have helped clients, during the past ten years, that I became interested in living loss.

Loss and grief are natural elements of life. As human beings, we experience a variety of our own losses throughout our lifetimes, and we all experience grief in some form or another. As clinicians, we are often faced with the grieving of others. In fact, many clients who come to us are dealing with grief and loss, even if they do not initially understand that. Grief and loss can be linked to a host of difficulties, such as physical ailments, sleep disturbances, trust issues, relationship problems, just to name a few. This is why it is vital for counsellors to develop a tool kit that allows us to identify grief and help guide our clients towards resolution. We need to be able to walk our clients down the path towards healing, which begins with identifying the possible loss or grief they are dealing with. We have to be able to think outside of the box – grief does not only involve the death of a loved one. It can be the result of a loss of a relationship, the loss of employment, the loss of one’s financial stability.