The Buoy: Self-Enhancement Based on Relaxation Breathing and Emotional Introspection

By Guðbjörg Thóroddsen

The Buoy assumes that deep down everybody is good, and that all people draw upon a foundation of love for inner strength. The Buoy, therefore, is self-enhancement based on love.

Its purpose is to promote self-enhancement and self-knowledge, which are two of the most precious conditions anyone can attain. In order to achieve happiness, you need to first love, know, and honor yourself.

IN THIS BOOK, YOULL LEARN HOW TO: Control your emotions and behavior Use relaxation breathing and emotional processing to become stronger Discover the emotions that drive your feelings Solve your troubles instead of getting stuck Compare your experiences with others And much more! With six simple steps, youll move closer to self-fulfillment each week. It wont be easy; youll be expected to complete each step before moving forward, taking time to review what youve learned from the previous lessons. But six weeks from now, youll have a much better life by holding onto The Buoy.

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Nov 9, 2009
• ISBN: 9781440148217

Guðbjörg Thóroddsen

Guðbjörg Thóroddsen graduated from Icelandic Actors College, and worked as a stage actor. She received a teacher’s license from Icelandic Teachers College. Using the methods she describes in The Buoy, she helps social workers, educational professionals, troubled youth and others solve problems in a successful way. She resides in Iceland.

Book preview

The Buoy

Self-Enhancement Based on Relaxation

Breathing and Emotional Introspection

Guðbjörg Thóroddsen

iUniverse, Inc.

New York Bloomington

Copyright © 2009 Guðbjörg Thóroddsen

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

Translation 2008: Kristján Friðgeirsson

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ISBN: 978-1-4401-4820-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4401-4821-7 (ebook)

ISBN: 978-1-4401-4822-4 (dj

Library of Congress Control Number: 2009931841

Printed in the United States of America

iUniverse rev. date: 10/26/2009

Original title: Baujan, sjálfshjálparbók

Aðferð til að stjórna líðan sinni og hegðun

Translation 2008: Kristján Friðgeirsson

Illustration: Siggi Valur

© Guðbjörg Thóroddsen 2006

Contents

Introduction: To Those Intending to Find Their Buoy

The Buoy

Step 1 Introduction

Step 1

Step 2 Introduction

Step 2

Step 3 Introduction

Step 3

Step 4 Introduction

Step 4

Step 5 Introduction

Step 5

Step 6 Introduction

Step 6

To my daughters Asdis and Kristin.

Introduction: To Those Intending to Find Their Buoy

Apart from problems that are biological in origin, I cannot think of a single psychological difficulty—from anxiety and depression, to fear of intimacy or of success, to alcohol or drug abuse, to underachievement at school or at work, to spouse battering or child molestation, to sexual dysfunction or emotional immaturity to suicide or crimes of violence—that is not traceable to poor self-esteem. Of all the judgements we pass, none is as important as the one we pass on ourselves. Positive self-esteem is a cardinal requirement of a fulfilling life.

—Nathaniel Branden,

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem

I choose to start this section for those who want to implement the easy methods of the Buoy for self-improvement, with those words of Nathaniel Branden.

I name this method the Buoy because buoys show sailors a safe route and are essential signs. A buoy-watch has to be manned in all weather, and sailors need to get safely to harbor. The methods of the Buoy are signposts for everyone’s happiness on sea or land, and that is why the name is optimal. Another reason for the naming is also that my nickname is Bauja, which is Icelandic for the buoy.

The Buoy utilizes the healing powers of the body and mind by using diaphragm breathing (relaxation breathing). In its simplicity, the ways of the Buoy aim at having the individual cure himself on his own grounds. In relaxation the mind gets to sort out feelings, situations, and experiences. In this healing capacity, which is a gift to us all from nature itself, you will find help for those psychological problems that are not physically based.

The Buoy assumes that all people are inherently good, that love is the foundation we all build upon, and that it is natural for all to seek happiness and pleasure. The Buoy is self-enhancement based on inner strength, on love.

The Buoy is a method that is entirely homemade. I have used it myself in my own reconstruction, and I know its ways from the inside. It has been useful to me and is by now a proven method after many years of being taught in the schools. The pupils who have learned the ways of the Buoy are now several thousand. The miracles I have seen when utilizing these methods are numerous.

The Buoy emphasizes the fact that the healing process is autonomous in almost every way and, therefore, made to last. Nobody should feel as if somebody is barging into their private space and bossing them around. The Buoy has the keys to the doors leading to individual houses, where each person is his own master and maker of his own fortune. Inside, the Buoy does not reign; it only gives advice. The house owners decide for themselves whether to use them or not. This way of thinking is the precondition for the effectiveness of the Buoy.

After the six steps of the Buoy, the method is easy when:

•     we begin to realize our feelings and emotions better;

•     we start thinking objectively about feelings and emotions (i.e., we have made them palpable, and as a consequence we can throw them about, or store them away, or even forget about them!);

•     we can seek relaxation breathing and reach the control station for the way we feel;

•     we are conscious about our breathing—whether we are breathing up into the ribcage or down into the abdomen in relaxation;

•     we have realized that the fundamentals are:

o     to love and honor ourselves;

o     to think positively and in a solution-oriented way;

o     to travel the path of love instead of the roads of fear and refusal, and then positive things simply start to happen.

The healing of the body starts, and a search for balance and well-being commences. Most people will then consciously or subconsciously start processing their emotions and feelings, and self-reconstruction starts. If we are lucky, the subconscious will handle the reconstruction and the processing for the most part, but all we have to do is to make sure that the correct tools and methods are available. The Buoy gives us the keys, but everyone works for himself in the reconstruction.

That is why it is important that the chronological order and the methods of the Buoy are correct, and each step is important, not least the repetition: the smile, eyes, voice, wheel, veil, breathing. (We’ll discuss this in more detail later.)

Usually, and if everything is normal, self-assurance and well-being of those utilizing the methods of the Buoy will grow, but remember that everyone reaps what he sows—according to what his will, maturity, and circumstances offer at any given time.

With the constant repetitions of the Buoy, we cannot avoid noticing how we feel and act. An education will seep in and stick somewhere in your mind even if today’s circumstances do not offer a full utilization of its methods. You will obtain a solid foundation of emotions, upon which you can always build consequent work.

The Buoy is not a treatment; it is a method of introspection and self-work. It is a method in self-strengthening, where relaxation breathing is the main key to self-reconstruction. The peace of mind that comes with relaxation is a prerequisite for normal introspection, emotional work, and self-reconstruction. I was given this key in the theater where the actor uses this method in all his work. I have reflected this upon our own feelings and daily life.

With the method of the Buoy, we gain the knowledge that we can control our own feelings and behavior. Once we are able to connect our feelings to how we breathe, and we know that our control center is in our own abdomen in relaxation, and we are not controlled by someone else, we start gaining strength! Once we are reasonably capable of introspection and processing our own feelings, we will be able to handle difficulties and personal disasters more easily, and we will then have a better chance of emotional development.

Upon a traumatic incident our self-image can break, skew, and weaken. It is important to know ways to rebuild ourselves, so that we will be able to participate in life again in a healthy way. Our self-image has to be solid to use it as the strength it is supposed to be. Emotional work and introspection should be a natural part in all upbringing of our children.

The solution to our problems would not be to run away emotionally into dangerous behavior and addiction—into drinking, drugs, violence, eating disorders, religious fanaticism, or, in our despair, suicide. It is a known fact that a person with a broken or skewed self-image is most susceptible to danger-seeking activities or suicide.

We need to know that we make our own reality with our own feelings and behaviors. The defense of the person who has frail self-esteem can be strong and well hidden by intricate masks of discomfort. We can even have a hard time seeing our own defense and breaking through it. In that case we have blocked our feelings instead of processing them. We have locked them in deep inside ourselves. That gives rise to the danger of psychological illnesses like depression and anxiety. A false self-assurance can be made out of a combination of, or distinguished by, any difficult feeling, like anger, sadness,