Torn: the Melissa Williams Story: Will Melissa Choose the Path of Least Resistance or Will She Continue on a Path That Keeps Her Torn and Caught in the Middle?

By Ella Campbell

Melissa Williams, a small town Alabama girl, takes you on her journey as she goes through a very difficult time in her life. Although her high school years were quite memorable, there is one moment in time that stands out more than others. Melissa and three of her closest friends often find themselves hanging out at night clubs. The fact that it was usually on school nights didn't matter much to them. But, on one night in particular, they return to the Club after having left already and this one decision changes Melissa’s life forever.

Because of her troubled past, she struggles in relationships with men. But just when she thinks she has it all figured out, an accusation of infidelity causes her to question herself even more. She doesn’t know what to do about it nor does she know where to turn for advice. Melissa’s faith in God is put to the test when that accusation forces her to deal with a seemingly corrupted legal system in Florida.

Just like many of us, Melissa wants to do the right things and make better choices, but she keeps finding herself going around in circles and ending up with the same results. Although she is somewhat limited, she doesn’t limit herself to other possibilities of happiness. Will she choose the path of least resistance or will she continue on a path that keeps her torn and caught in the middle?

After reading this book, you will begin to look at your own life's struggles in the same way that Melissa had to eventually do. Although Melissa's decisions may not have all worked in her favor at the time, she learned how to depend on the people that God placed in her path.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trafford Publishing
• Release date: Jan 19, 2011
• ISBN: 9781426946400

Ella Campbell

Ella Yolanda Johnson (Campbell), born and raised in Monroeville, AL, is proud to announce her first of many novels to come, Torn: The Melissa Williams Story. Ella's dream is to put Monroeville on the map again for another classic, right next to Harper Lee's, To Kill A Mockingbird. To give life to this Book, Ella takes some of her very own life's experiences, along with the experiences of others, to create a story that will, hopefully, inspire women across the world. Hard times are not specific to any one person, but the one certainty that we will all learn is that the battle is not really ours, but it belongs to the Lord. Ella graduated from Monroe County High School in 1988 and went on to Mobile College to study Communications, with a concentration in Broadcast Journalism, with the hopes of replacing Oprah Winfrey one day. Aside from this, she has had other interests along the way. For a short period of time, Ella served as a model/actress in Tampa, FL. Although these things were exciting, Ella's greatest accomplishment has been the births of her children, her greatest inspirations. Ella currently resides in Orlando, FL and her goal is to, one day, have a Novel worthy enough for television. "If it is to be, it is up to me." (one of her favorite quotes)

Book preview

Copyright 2010 Ella Campbell.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted, in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without the written prior permission of the author.

ISBN: 978-1-4269-4638-7 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4269-4639-4 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4269-4640-0 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2010915798

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Trafford rev. 02/17/2021

47447.png www.trafford.com

North America & international

toll-free: 844-688-6899 (USA & Canada)

fax: [phone]

CONTENTS

GOD DOESN’T MAKE MISTAKES

Chapter 1 First Signs of Trouble

Chapter 2 It All Goes Wrong and Thank God

Chapter 3 Off to College

Chapter 4 It’s Not His Fault!

Chapter 5 What’s Wrong?

Chapter 6 Jesus Love You, This I Know

Chapter 7 Back To School

Chapter 8 Wouldn’t You Do It For Me?

Chapter 9 Angels From Above

IS IT REAL LOVE?

Chapter 10 I Really Like This One

Chapter 11 Tell It Like It Is

Chapter 12 Back to Church

Chapter 13 Dana Has What?

Chapter 14 This Man is the Truth!

Chapter 15 Mark Who?

Chapter 16 Kalin Meets My Family

FAMILY COMES FIRST

Chapter 17 And Now It’s My Turn

Chapter 18 We Don’t Cuddle Tonight

Chapter 19 Amber’s A Winner!

Chapter 20 I Just Can’t Leave Them!

Chapter 21 Not Again!

Chapter 22 Laura is What?

Chapter 23 Not My Children!

WHAT DOESN’T KILL YOU MAKES YOU STRONGER

Chapter 24 Back to Middleton

Chapter 25 He Died. Why Should You?

Chapter 26 Rita to the Rescue

Chapter 27 Don’t Believe Him!

Chapter 28 Keep Your Nose Clean

Chapter 29 What A Pitiful Sight!

Chapter 30 Hurt My Baby and It’s Over!

Chapter 31 Liberty and ‘Justice’ For All

Chapter 32 He’s Gone!

Chapter 33 As Long As He’s With You

Chapter 34 Back in Court for the Finale!

TROUBLE DOESN’T LAST ALWAYS

Chapter 35 Why Did I Do That?

Chapter 36 Ms. Rita Brings Trouble

Chapter 37 I Don’t Understand Teenagers

Chapter 38 Go Buccaneers!

Chapter 39 Why Are You Saying These Things?

Chapter 40 Why Did He Run?

Chapter 41 Stuart’s New Friend

Chapter 42 Is There A Problem?

Chapter 43 Fire Her or I Will!

Chapter 44 Dejavu or What?

Chapter 45 Is There Probable Cause?

Chapter 46 Tell It To The Judge!

Chapter 47 Nothing Else Matters

Chapter 48 Nothing To Live For Anymore

Chapter 49 Please Don’t Take Them!

Chapter 50 Cry If You Need To!

THIS BATTLE BELONGS TO THE LORD

Chapter 51 Fifteen Minutes Left

Chapter 52 Move on Counselor!

Chapter 53 How Do You Know Her?

Chapter 54 And, How is the Main Witness?

Chapter 55 Nothing Else We Can Do

Chapter 56 I Can’t Do That!

Chapter 57 Ordered to Attend

Chapter 58 Letter For You

Chapter 59 Is He Flirting With You?

Chapter 60 Cindy, Don’t Go There!

Chapter 61 Dear Ms. Melissa

To the most important people in my life – Chenaya, Jonathan, Devion, Stefani, Brianna, and Justice.

To my sisters and brothers for all the memories growing up in Monroeville, AL.

To Yolanda Adams, Shirley Caesar, Creflo Dollar, Greg Powe, Marvin Sapp, Kirk Franklin, Donnie McClurkin, Oprah Winfrey and Tyler Perry. Your music, ministry, and life has inspired me in so many ways to complete this book. Keep doing what you do because your light forever shines for others to see the way to achieve greatness.

To My Special Friends – you know who you are.

The Introduction

Torn: The Melissa Williams Story

Remember those years when we thought our lives would always be happy and fun. During those times of our lives, we were lead to believe that we were invincible and that things would never change. How wrong were we about that?

Throughout the following pages, many of you will be able to relate to the good, the bad, and the ugly and will be reminded of those times when you, yourself, sneaked out of the house in the wee hours of the morning, or told a little white lie to your parents about where you were going or who you were going with, or even those times when you allowed yourself to lose your virginity in the backseat of a car. Regardless to the act that you committed, you will be able to relate to the young lady, Melissa, and see how her journey in life led her to be ultimately caught in the middle.

In this day and time, there is always a war going on in one way or the other. Raging fire is how I have heard it put in a song by the Florida Mass Choir. But I am reminded from a scripture in the Bible that taught me that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared to the glory that we will receive.

After reading this book, you will undoubtedly gain more strength to be able to go through the wars in your very own life. You will understand that you are never alone. When times get tough, that is the time to really exercise your faith and hold on! Walk with Melissa through her journey of life. Just like she will find out, you will also remember that ‘the battle is not really yours, it belongs to the Lord’.

Melissa’s High School Years

As a varsity cheerleader, Kiwanis Club sweetheart, SHARE club member, and a class officer, it seems as if life just can’t get any better for Melissa. She is dating one of the hottest guys in school. He proudly lets Melissa wear his letterman jacket, and has no problem letting everyone know that she is his girlfriend. Over lunch and in the hallways, the main topics of discussion are Janet Jackson’s latest video and whether she is a better singer and/or performer than Whitney Houston.

Going to the clubs during the week has become a regular thing for Melissa and her friends. Their main excuse to get out of the house is that they are out studying. Because there isn’t a dance club in Middleton, they have to travel to Asbury to go dancing. Neither is there a movie theatre, beaches, or anything of the sort. To get by, they substitute the beach for a lake, and the movie theatre for sleepovers. No matter what, they always find a way to make life in Middleton exciting.

Melissa’s life changes forever when on a nice spring evening, close to summer break, she and her girlfriends decide to go to the club on a school night, when, in fact, they are supposed to be studying for finals at a friends’ house. Once they make it to the nightclub, they hook up with their male friends and decide to share the night dancing, drinking and having fun. Melissa and her friends are the coolest because they always find male friends to hang out with no matter where they travel.

On this particular night, Melissa specifically remembers being in the club studying for her Government Finals, and dancing in between songs. Melissa knows that this isn’t cool! As much as she wants to be out with her friends having fun, she is not crazy enough to flunk out of school doing it. It’s getting late and the night is quickly coming to an end. Melissa and her friends know that they have to get home before their parents start to worry. But, they are having too much fun to leave. On their way home, Melissa and her friends let their creative juices flow and come up with a brilliant plan that convinces their parents and they return to the club. There are four girls in the car, but this decision changes Melissa’s life forever.

First Signs of Trouble

"M e lissa, why do you keep throwing up?" says Brittney, my next door neighbor. Brittney is speaking to me from the other room, because I am wrapped around the porcelain toilet.

I don’t know. I guess I have a virus or something, I respond. I have never experienced anything like this and can’t understand why I am throwing up every time I eat something.

Yeah, a 9-month virus, she softly says. I don’t know quite what to think about her comment nor do I care because my head is still in the toilet. Melissa, why don’t you let me take you to the doctor just for precaution because I think that you might be pregnant? she asks. Pregnant? Where in the world would she get such an outrageous idea? Of course I am sexually active but why in the world didn’t I remember to have Wil wear a condom? Could this be true? Could I be pg? No way! Getting pregnant is just not part of the plan.

Without hesitation, I agree to go to see the doctor. I guess it is better to know than not to know. Because Brittney is older than I am and is a senior next year, I figure she will certainly know her way out of this mess. I always go to her when there is something bothering me. She and Laura are the only friends that I trust to hold on to this type of information. Brittney, too, has found herself in some tight situations. We always have each other’s back through the thick and the thin. So, this is no exception. She picks up the phone and before I know it, she has made an appointment for me to see her doctor. I can hardly wait to finally put an end to the madness of possibly being pregnant.

With so many thoughts running rampantly through my mind, I start to remember all of the gossip I have heard just walking through the hallways about girls who end up pregnant. Many of them end up getting abortions or dropping out of school. I have to admit it, but my choice, if I am found to be pregnant, will definitely be to get an abortion. But, this can’t be why I am throwing up. Oh God no!!

With the appointment coming up and all, I can’t sleep, eat, or anything. The anticipation of my doctor visit is really starting to be somewhat overwhelming. I can’t tell my little secret to anyone because I don’t know what will happen nor do I know what to expect.

Brittney decides to attend the doctor visit with me. Brittney has so graciously prepared me for the doctor visit. Hmmm, how does she know so much about these visits anyway?

Melissa, when you go in there, they are just going to have you pee in a cup, check out your vital signs, and the doctor will examine you, she explains.

I have to pee in a cup, for what? I ask, sounding like a young child to her mother.

They have to do all of that to see if you are pregnant, she explains.

And, what else?

The doctor will have you lay back on the table and he will examine you, sweetheart. It won’t hurt. Just sit back and relax, she continues.

How do you know so much about this stuff? I ask, looking for an answer. Before she has a chance to answer me, the nurse calls my name.

Melissa Williams, the nurse says. I follow her to the back and wave goodbye to my friend. Right before the door closes, I can see that Brittney has already picked up one of the magazines sitting on the table in the waiting area. Even though she decides to stay in the lobby, it is so comforting just knowing that she is here with me.

The visit is going just as Brittney told me it would. Is this something that is taught in Health class that I missed? How does she know so much? It is almost as if she has been here herself?

The visit takes approximately 45 minutes and I am back in the lobby with Brittney.

So, how did it go? she asks, as I join her on the sofa.

It was everything you said it would be. I was so scared.

Deep into our conversation, I look up and see the nurse heading our way.

The doctor will see you now. We follow the nurse down to the doctor’s office where he is waiting for me. He looks up as if he is ready to deliver the news. Will it be good news or bad news? If it turns out that I am pregnant, will this be a good thing or a bad thing? Will I be able to handle whatever news he is coming to deliver?

Can my friend come in?

Sure, if you don’t mind. It is up to you.

Brittney, please come in with me.

The doctor begins to speak. I don’t know if this is good or bad for you young lady but the test results show that you are definitely pregnant, he says, as if he is delivering the news to an excited couple or something. I can’t be pregnant!

What! I say, with a look on my face that immediately lets the doctor know that I am not excited about being pregnant. I look over at Brittney and she has her hand over her mouth. She is just as speechless as I am. But the funny thing is that just days before, she was quite certain that this was the reason for me throwing up my guts.

What in the world am I going to do? How in the world will I ever be able to tell my mother? She is going to be so disappointed in me. She, too, was a teenage mother and I just repeated history again. The people at the church will be so disappointed in me. I am disappointed in me. What in the world was I thinking? Why didn’t I have Wil wear a condom that night? Or was it even Wil’s baby? I was with Michael the week before that. How do I know exactly who the father is?

The doctor can see that I definitely have a lot going on in my head right now. He is probably wondering why I am not here with my mother, but I am sure that we are not the first teenagers who have come into his office without a parent. We are both very stunned about this news. He begins to give me the alternatives for pregnancy.

Melissa, if you have doubts about wanting to have this baby and raise it yourself, there are other options such as abortion or adoption. You should go home and speak with your parents about this and between you and them, you can decide what is best for you and the baby, he explains.

Does this man not understand that my mother is going to kill me? She is not going to ask any questions. She is just going to start yelling and cursing and yelling some more. Or better yet? Maybe she will call all the women in her missionary group and, perhaps, they will pray the baby out of me, I thought.

This news has me feeling very frustrated, afraid, and desperate. At this point, I will do anything to wake up and find out that this is just a bad dream and that none of this is really happening. Brittney tries to comfort me by telling me that everything is going to be okay. I can’t fathom the idea of having a child. I won’t have a child. I will make all of this go away and nobody will ever have to know my little secret.

We finally leave the doctor’s office and on the way home, there is complete silence in the car. I don’t know what I would do without Brittney. She had to borrow her father’s car to take me to the appointment. I am so hungry, but I don’t want to chance it by eating anything right now because I will only throw it up anyway. I can’t seem to get the events of my last sexual encounter with Wil out of my head. The thought of it continues to flash before me. I am not sure why Brittney is so quiet, but I am definitely thinking of what my next move will be. Who will I go to now to make this all go away?

After making it back home, I walk in the door and speak to everyone as if I had not just moments earlier been told that I am an expectant mother. What in the world will they think when they find out my secret? I have to call my other closest friend, Laura. Laura and I have been friends since kindergarten and if I had to leave everything I own in this world to anyone, I would leave it to Laura. She is a no-nonsense kind of girl. Nobody messes with her. She is somewhat of a bully, especially to anyone who thinks they want to start trouble with her friends. Laura is also older than me. She is mixed with black and Italian and has long curly hair. She is beautiful and always has some guy trying to get her number. Although she could be stuck up, she chooses not to be that way, but, instead is very likable and friendly.

Hello! she says, with the radio blaring in the background.

Laura, hey girl, how are you? What are you up to?

Nothing. Just chilling. I just got off the phone with this boy who wants to take me out Friday night. Now, how is he going to do that and he knows he has a girlfriend? Boys are something else!, she says with a hint of sarcasm.

Girl, who are you fooling? You know I know you! You only like the boys who have girlfriends anyway! We both laugh behind this comment.

So what’s up with you Meme? Sounds like something’s up, she says.

Laura, I have bad news, I begin to say.

Ok, what is it? What’s wrong? she asks.

Remember when I told you that B was going to hook me up with her doctor to see why I was throwing up and stuff?

Yeah, and what happened with that?

I am pregnant, Laura! My mother is going to kill me as dead as I can be!

Oh no! Are you serious? Are you kidding me, Meme? Don’t worry. We will figure it all out. Don’t cry. But, what are you going to do? she asks.

I don’t know. I know that I don’t want to have a baby right now in my life. I am too young. How in the world will I take care of a baby? My mother can’t afford it right now, either.

OK, so if you don’t have it, that means that you will have to have an abortion, she says.

That is right! I will just have to get an abortion and move on with my life as if this never happened, I respond.

Go on with your life like it never happened? she asks. Once you get that abortion, your life will never be the same. Don’t kid yourself. It will never be the same!

So, do you think the abortion is the best idea or what do you think?

I am not sure what to think right now. I can’t believe that you weren’t more careful.

Do you personally know someone who has had an abortion?

Of course I do.

And?

Honestly, most of the girls who get the abortion are all doing just fine today. As a matter of fact, some of them have had more than one, she responds.

And did they all turn out okay?

Yes. I don’t know of anyone having complications with the abortion, if that is what you are asking. It is a dangerous procedure and you should carefully think about this before making that decision. Oh, I almost forgot! You remember Ms. Maureen who lives around the corner? She actually got an abortion and died from the complications. Everyone thought she died from something else, but it was actually an abortion that killed her.

Oh, that is great! Why don’t you just scare me to death? I am sure of one thing and it is that I do not want to have a baby at this time. In my mind, this thing growing inside of me is just as much a virus to me as anything.

So, is it Wil’s baby? she asks.

Yeah, I think so.

You think so? she asks. So how many times did you get with him?

Just that one time.

Well, it doesn’t take but one time, she comments. Does he know that you are pregnant?

No, I haven’t told anyone. I just found out myself.

What do you think he is going to say? she asks.

I wish that I knew.

So, how did you two hook up? He lives all the way in Asbury for crying out loud.

It was three weeks ago when me, Janet, Brittney, and Janay went to the nightclub.

Yeah, I think I remember that. You all went during the week and on a school night, right? she questions.

That’s right! We had gone to the club already and had our little fun, but no, we just had to go back! And when we did, Wil and his friends were still there and we all hooked up. Wil had been bugging me all night for sex. And honestly, I just got tired of him asking, so I decided to give it to him right in the backseat of the car. I didn’t even bother to take off all of my clothes. It was too much of a hassle. And the sad part about it is that there was nothing special about it at all! There were no fireworks. All I was thinking about was getting back inside to dance.

So you had sex with him one time and got pregnant? she asks.

Yep! And honestly, it really was a waste of my time! That night is not worth this hell that I am going through right now. It wasn’t even good to me.

Girl, how in the world can you joke at a time like this?

I have to laugh to keep from crying.

Laura and I talk for hours about my little situation. But, in the end, she decides to support me no matter what I decide.

A couple of weeks have passed since I found out that I was pregnant and I have not made much progress one way or the other. Through the grapevine, I heard about this woman who manages a local restaurant who is looking to adopt a baby because she can’t have any children. I think it’s worth a shot. What do I have to lose anyway?

The following week, I decide to pay the lady a visit just to get a feel for her and to see what she thinks of the idea of taking my baby to raise as her own.

Again, Brittney has to get her father’s car to take me to the restaurant. Once we arrive, she decides that I should go in and speak to the lady by myself. She and I agree that she should stay in the car and wait for me to return.

Once inside the restaurant, I see that the employees are extremely busy taking orders from the customers, while children are running around and playing with their bunny ears. The place smells like Easter candy. Luckily, one of the employees finally takes notice that I need some help and approaches me.

May I help you?

Yes, I am here to see Cheryl, the manager.

Sure, she will be right with you. I don’t know what to expect. Will she deny it? Will she accept my offer? What kinds of questions will she ask me? I don’t have an idea of what types of questions to ask her. Maybe I will first find out if it is true about whether she can have kids. Does she plan to marry? Will my baby have a father in the picture? Will she let me see the child?

This is getting crazier by the minute! All of this is because I had sex with a boy ONE TIME and there is a possibility that I may end up being this child’s mother! Cheryl finally comes out and I am pleasantly surprised. She looks to be a middle-aged woman, very attractive, very friendly, and very kind. She looks almost too young to raise a child. She almost looks like a kid herself.

Hi, my name is Cheryl and I understand you want to speak with me, she says, extending her hand out to me.

"Yes, Cheryl, I am here to speak with you about a private matter. Can we talk in private somewhere? She looks somewhat puzzled and starts to look me over trying to decide if speaking with me is worth her while.

Of course, follow me to my office. She leads me down a hallway into her office. I can see the pictures on the wall of previous employees who have earned awards, the Minimum Wage Poster, and the restaurant’s mission statement. She seems curious to know why I am there. Please have a seat.

I apologize for barging in on you at work, but I have something very important to talk with you about. I heard through the grapevine that you can’t have children. Before I can say another word, she throws up her hands as if she is ready to call a truce or something.

Wait a minute! she shouts. I can’t believe that you would come here to my place of business to discuss this with me. That is my personal business!

Cheryl, I don’t mean to be rude or to upset you. I am here because I have a proposition for you. Three weeks ago, I went to the doctor and found out that I was pregnant and I am only 16 years old. My mother doesn’t even know that I am pregnant yet and I don’t want to have a baby. I don’t necessarily want to abort the baby but I can’t afford a baby right now. I still have to finish high school and I have dreams of going on to college, I explain.

Throughout the conversation, Cheryl starts looking away. She looks in the ceiling, at the pictures on the wall. It seems as though she is doing everything that she can to avoid eye contact with me. I can’t really tell what is on her mind. She might want to throw me out of her office.

I can’t have children, she admits. I have wanted nothing more than to give birth to my own child, but when I was younger, my father raped me and my mother made me abort the baby. My mother took me to a woman who did abortions with a wire hanger and her homemade surgery ruined any chances that I have for giving birth to my own child. I would love to adopt your baby and give it a good life, she says.

Cheryl and I are both crying. I don’t know if I am crying because of what she has experienced in her past or if I am just happy that I may have found a home for my baby.

If you don’t mind, I have some questions for you, Cheryl.

Sure, ask away!

First question; are you married?

No. I am not married. I live with a woman. She is my lover. I am bi-sexual. I sleep with men and I sleep with women. I have not decided which I will end up marrying. I am attracted to both of these sexes, she admits.

I am not crazy at all about Cheryl’s answer. Bisexual! My child may or may not have a father in the picture, but possibly another woman. Two mothers? Will this cause my daughter to think that something is wrong with her?

Next question, do you believe in God?

I believe that God exists. I don’t go to church because the people in the church only care about what you are wearing when you walk through the doors. They never get a chance to know you. They just judge you period. I don’t want to be around any of that. I listen to my gospel songs and I watch church on television. I don’t have time to sit up in anybody’s church. My mama used to have us in church every Sunday – me, her, my brother Kevin, and my father – but it didn’t stop my father from raping me. Where was God? she says, as a tear drops from her eye.

I can tell that Cheryl is still very hurt by what happened to her as a young lady. Does she still have a relationship with her mother and father? Where is the man that did so much harm to her? I want to ask her all of these questions but why would she be honest with me about her personal business? She just met me. I am not sure if I really want to know about it anyway.

If you don’t mind my asking, where are your parents now?

My mother is dead and my father is in a nursing home, she answers.

Do you ever go see him?

Hell no! I hate him and will never see him again, she yells. I hate that bastard for what he did to me. I don’t care if he falls dead right in his tracks.

Well, that is all the questions that I have for now. I can see that you are upset and I don’t want to make it any worse. I am just trying to find a better solution for my baby than to abort it.

I am truly sorry for getting upset but I would love the opportunity to take your baby. I have always wanted to have children but never could. I would take care of the baby. I can certainly provide for the baby. Here’s my number if you have more questions for me, she says. She hands me her number on a post it note and stands up from her desk to give me a hug. Cheryl politely walks me to the door.

Thanks again, Cheryl I say, as I walk away.

When I make it back to the car, Brittney is sitting in the car listening to WBLX, the Beat of the Bay. They are playing one of my favorite songs from Salt and Pepa, Push It. She is startled when I pull on the door and get in. She can tell that I am not that happy either.

How did it go? she asks.

Not well at all. That woman has issues. She may have a job and can provide for a baby, but she has tons of baggage. And not only that but she is bisexual!

Bisexual? Brittney asks, with a puzzled look on her face.

Yes, bisexual! She said that she likes men and women and is just not sure which she will end up married to. She lives with a woman now who is her lover. God knows that I am not trying to judge her, but I don’t think this is the best environment for my baby.

Wow – now that is messed up! Brittney comments.

Yeah I know. She was raped by her father when she was younger and her mother made her get an abortion and the lady who did it used a wire hanger and it messed her up from being able to have children. Understandably so, but she is filled with hatred for her father and I have been taught that no matter what, you have to love everybody and I want my baby to know that and live that and if she is around people who hate others, she will too.

Wow! Now that is messed up!

Oh well, back to the drawing board. I already know that I am not going to give this woman a call. So, I don’t need this! I tossed her number out the window. Geez, I wish I could toss myself out the window and just fly away into the wind.

We finally make it home. Hey Melissa, would you like to come in? she asks. I really want to go in but I know that Brittney has other things in mind and I am not in the mood for it.

No, I have lots on my mind. I need to go home. She walks away and goes inside her house waving goodbye.

When I get in the house, my youngest nephew, Sean, is on the phone. When he finally gets off the phone, I dial Laura’s number and she finally picks up after three rings or so. Hello, she says.

Hey girl, I have lots to tell you.

What is wrong? Are you okay?

Yes, I am fine. I went to talk to the lady at the restaurant about adopting my baby and she has issues! Check this out. She is bisexual, lives with a woman, and can’t have children because her father raped her and her mother made her get an abortion and the lady who did it used a wire hanger, I explain, not even taking a breath in between.

What! she exclaims. Girl, you need to just let that idea of adoption go the hell away. That is not going to happen and you know it! she says.

Of course, I have already come to that conclusion. She gave me her phone number, but I have already tossed it out the window.

Good, because with all of that mess going on, you might as well have your baby and raise it yourself, she comments.

What did you just say?

It seems as though Laura hasn’t been listening when I explain to her that I just can’t have a baby. There is just no way! As much as I don’t want to admit it, but she is right about the fact that this woman’s life is just messed up, but I am not sure about the raising the baby myself idea. I do know that this is really starting to take its toll on me. This is draining my energy and almost feels like a waste of time. Am I going through all of this to end up having the baby anyway?

Having a baby will mean that I will have to completely give up life as I currently know it to be - the cheerleading, the clubs, the sleepovers, and the girlfriends. Who will want to be around me with my belly sticking out? What guy will be interested in me now? I have to make a decision and I have to make a quick one. At this point, my decision is one of two; either have the abortion after cheerleader camp or before. I don’t know what prompts me to want to speak to Mrs. Knowles about the abortion and the pregnancy but I somehow find the courage to want to do so. I’ll speak to her tomorrow after practice. I will just have to pull her to the side and hopefully none of the girls will pay attention to us as we discuss this matter. After such a long day, it is time to close my eyes and try to go to sleep.

Right before practice, I pull Mrs. Knowles off to the side and speak with her about my situation. Our cheerleader sponsor is very down to earth. We talk to her about everything from sex to dating and back to sex. She gives us good advice about boys. I can say that I don’t always like her advice because she is usually telling me to stop doing something that I am doing. I remember one time when she pulled me into her office to tell me to stop dating this one guy just because he was of a different race. I don’t usually like to be told who to date and the truth of the matter is that she might as well had told me to do it!

Mrs. Knowles, I have to tell you something.

Is everything okay at home? she asks.

In a way. Please promise me that you won’t tell my mother. Promise me that this is just between the two of us, I plead with her.

Meme, you know how I am about keeping secrets from parents.

I know, but this one is a matter of life and death. Will you help me or not?

Ok, go on.

Well, you see, I got myself pregnant and I have not told my mother yet. I am working on getting money for an abortion and I really need your help!

I can clearly see and feel the disappointment. I already know why she is disappointed. I am disappointed in me too. She is always encouraging each of us to make better choices. I don’t really want to hear that at this point.

Oh, Meme, I am so disappointed. Who is this baby’s father? Is it someone from here? I already know how she feels about me dating boys of the opposite race. I am sure that she is thinking I got myself pregnant by one of the white boys.

You don’t know the baby’s father and no, he isn’t from here. I don’t want to admit to her that I’m not quite sure who the father is. The less she knows, the better. Mrs. K, I just want to just have the abortion and carry on as if this never happened. To get the abortion, I need $75.

You know that I don’t believe in abortions, right? she mentions.

I know that, but I am asking this huge favor. I am too young to be a mother. You know how much I love cheerleading and I am not ready to give all of it up just to be pregnant. Will you please help me with this? No one will have to know that you gave me this money.

I like you a lot Melissa and that is why I will help you out this time, but you better not tell anyone that I had anything to do with this, she demands. Do we understand each other?

Yes ma’am. Nobody will know about this.

There is one other thing. Don’t do it this week. Wait until after cheerleader camp to get this operation. I don’t want you to start hemorrhaging while we are at camp. This will be our little secret.

I am relieved that this whole ordeal is almost over. Pretty soon, I will have this thing out of me and my life can go back to nomal. It is finally starting to feel like there is a light at the end of the tunnel. How can I be so happy about ending this child’s life? I am not exactly proud of myself right now. What I do know is that I will still be a cheerleader. And besides, Wil will never have to find out that I am or was even pregnant.

Cheerleader camp is off to a start, and as usual, it is lots of hard work out in this 98 degree weather in the middle of the summer. The camp scouts are on the prowl again looking for the cheerleaders who they will use as models at the end of camp for the Cheerleader Uniform Fashion Show. I am picked again for the 4th time! For a brief moment, I am able to forget about the idea that I am carrying a child.

I want so badly to share my news with Lisa, my roommate, but I just can’t do it. Lisa and I always room together during Cheerleader Camp. I don’t know if she can tell that I am a little pre-occupied, but if I do like we normally do and pig out on some Oreo’s and milk, then hopefully, she won’t notice anything differently. I just hope that I am able to do it without throwing up. That will probably blow my cover!

None of the cheerleaders have a clue as to what is really going on with me. Camp finally comes to an end and it is time to face the real world again. My reality is that I am 16 years old and will get an abortion next week. Because my mother doesn’t know about this, I will have to go through one of the hardest things in my life without my mother by my side comforting me. I am terrified and feel so alone.

A few days later.

Oh my goodness! In the morning, I will travel to Marin to kill this child that is growing inside of me. I have had to grow somewhat heartless just to go through with this. How embarrassing it would be to walk around the school campus in maternity clothes! I just can’t do that! What would everyone think? What would my family and friends say about me if I ended up making this terrible mistake of having a baby in high school? It is just too much stress to even think about.

This is it! I am scheduled to be in Marin by 2pm. Laura can tell that I am nervous because I am not as talkative as usual. I was told that I am not allowed to eat anything before the procedure. Because I can’t eat, Laura decides that she won’t eat anything either. Before leaving Middleton, Brittney tries everything to keep me from going through with the abortion. Her final attempt is that she takes this time to share a secret of her own with us.

Melissa, is there a chance that you will change your mind about this? she asks.

No, I have to do this.

Why do you feel as though this is the only option?

"I don’t feel like this is the only option, but I know for sure that it is my only option. Come on! We have been talking about this for 2 or 3 weeks already and you know how I feel about this whole thing. Why is it now that you are so concerned?"

I have something to confess to you. The truth is that I got pregnant last year and that is why I understand how you are feeling. My parents didn’t ask me how I felt about the pregnancy or whether I even wanted the baby or not. They made the decision for me to get an abortion. We went to Marin and I got the abortion like they wanted and I have never been the same. That is why I don’t want you to go through with this, she says, as tears begin to fall down her face. I am not trying to scare you or anything but I don’t want you go down there and get this abortion.

I am going through with this. There is no turning back now. All I need from you is to let my mother know where I am just in case I don’t make it back, I say, giving her a hug and fighting back the tears.

Melissa, please take it easy and I will see you when you get back, she says, as I walk away.

Laura and I get into the car with Tony, who has to travel to Marin for business. He lets us go along for the ride and has agreed to drop us off at the Clinic. He doesn’t ask us any questions about our plans and we don’t tell him anything either.

Melissa, you know that I love you and will go anywhere you need me to go, but honestly, I agree with Brittney. I don’t think that you should do this either.

Is she serious or what? All of this time they were both in agreement with me and the day that I am scheduled to get this over with, they start talking with me about not getting it done. I thought I could depend on these two. I thought they had my back. I thought they actually agreed with this decision of mine. Why do I feel so angry right now? Doesn’t matter anyway – it’s too late!

Laura Walters, are you serious?

It Goes Wrong and Thank God!

L aura and I finally make it inside the lobby, after passing through all of the protesters outside. One of them, ever so clever, manages to slip a brochure in my hand that reads, God Can Turn Your Wrong Into a Right. I don’t want to read it. I know what it is going to say. I decide to lay the brochure to the side and just forget that it is there. Walking into this abortion clinic feels like walking straight into hell, if there is such a thing!

We walk in and see that there are two chairs that are empty right next to each other. We take these seats and immediately pick up a People magazine, with the beautiful Janet Jackson gracing the front cover. This issue features her new album that is about to drop. Janet is absolutely beautiful! With a little time on our hands, I look around and notice that there are kids in this office that look young enough to be my little sisters. They look so afraid. I notice this one girl who looks like she is about to cry. Next to her is an older woman reading a magazine, looking like she is completely bothered by having to be in such a place.

I wonder how she ended up pregnant. Did she have to go through what Ms. Cheryl went through? Was it a boyfriend or what? Is she scared? Does she know what is about to happen to her body? I am not sure if I understand what is about to happen or if it is going to hurt. How will I feel when it is all over? I keep thinking about what Brittney said before we left. Does she really know what she is talking about?

Laura, how am I going to do this without my mother finding out I was here? She will kill me dead in my tracks if she finds out that I arranged this abortion and came here without her permission. I know that I am putting my life in danger but there is just no way that I am going to have a baby. It doesn’t fit into my life right now.

I don’t know how we will keep it from her. Change your name or something. Nobody knows that we are here but me, you, Brittney, and Ms. Knowles. You know that she isn’t going to tell anyone.

I will have to give a different name because I don’t want anyone to recognize Melissa at all. What do you think about Pamela Knight?

OK, that is geeky, but it will have to do, she responds.

Pamela Knight it is! I sign in under this fake name and wait patiently to be called. I can’t think of a fake social security number so I guess I will just have to use my own.

Pamela Knight! the receptionist yells. After a few times, I finally realize that she is actually calling my name. This is it! Oh God, please watch over me. I know that this is wrong, but please watch over me as I go through this procedure. I can’t move. This is the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Amen.

This is, no doubt, the scariest thing I have ever done in my entire life. Do I really want to do this? Am I going to end up regretting this for the rest of my life like Brittney said that I would? Is it going to hurt? I will never ever put myself in this type of position again because this is just too hard for any one person to have to deal with.

Okay Melissa, if you are going to change your mind, this is the time to do it! The nurses have come into the room, ready to administer the anesthesia for the procedure. The nurse instructs me to take off my clothes and to put on their gown. She takes my temperature and listens to my heart with the stethoscope. It is so cold against my skin. I can feel my bare back being exposed in this gown.

While the nurse is preparing the anesthesia, the doctor comes in and begins to examine me. He starts making small talk with me about my age, the grade I am in, the activities that I am involved in, etc.

How old are you young lady? he asks.

16.

Do you realize that you are the oldest child in here today? The youngest kid out there is 11 years old. You young girls are getting pregnant just to have something to call your own.

Wow!

Ms. Knight, when was your last menstrual cycle? he questions.

I am not sure. Why?

I am sorry to tell you this, but after examining you, I believe that you are too far along than what we allow for a simple abortion, so we are going to have to do a sonogram just to determine how many weeks you are before we can proceed, he says.

What? I say in disbelief.

I know exactly what is going on here. It was the cheerleader camp week that threw everything off. If I had not listened to the cheerleader sponsor, I would have been here and it would all be over now. What in the world am I going to do now? This is not going as planned. I should be almost on my way home getting ready to hang out with my friends, but, instead, I am still here in this office.

Yes ma’am, once you have entered into another stage of the pregnancy, it then becomes more risky, which increases the costs of the procedure, as well as more paperwork that you will have to sign, he explains. If you still want to have this abortion procedure, you will have to bring in $200 more dollars to complete the procedure.

Where in the world am I going to get $200 more dollars? The only person I know who lives in Marin who could give me more money is my cousin, who I am so sure will call my mother and let her know that I am here. I have to do something. I don’t want to blow it so I will have to get back to Middleton and rethink my plan.

OK, thanks. I will just have to return later to complete the procedure. I need to go and pick up the balance of the money.

Ok, Ms. Knight, get dressed and inform the ladies at the desk of your intentions, he says, while removing his gloves.

When I make it back into the waiting room, Laura is right there with open arms to console me and when I tell her that I didn’t get the abortion, she almost seems relieved. When I explain to her why I didn’t get the abortion, she tries to comfort me by saying that it just isn’t meant to be.

Wrong answer buddy! That is not what I want to hear, I thought. I want her to help me come up with our next plan so that I can return to complete the procedure. This is one time when I really wish that I was surrounded by a heartless friend. I wonder what Wil would think if he knew I was here to abort his baby.

I have a plan, I say to Laura, as we are walking through the parking lot. I am going to call Wil and let him know that I am pregnant and that if he doesn’t want to pay child support for the rest of his life, he had better come up with the rest of the money that I need to get the abortion."

Melissa, seriously, do you think that Wil will just give you money if he doesn’t know if it is his baby or not? she asks.

I don’t know but I have to try something. I can not have this baby. I just can’t!

We can figure it out when we get back to Middleton. For now, let’s just get something to eat because I am starving, she begs.

OK, let’s get something to eat but promise me that when we make it back to Middleton, you will help me figure this thing out so that we can get back here and get this over with.

OK, I promise!

It is almost as if Laura is starting to believe as if this abortion thing is just not going to happen. I don’t want to start feeling like it’s not going to happen, but I have to admit that I am starting to lose hope. In the end, I just may have to have this baby. But that means that I will be another teenage statistic and finish high school as a mother. This is certainly not what I intended for my life. Who would have thought? I never wanted to have children. It was just not part of the plan for me.

We finally make it to Burger King. We both order the Whopper Value Meal, except that mine ends up in the toilet. The morning sickness is still kicking in. Laura enjoys her meal, though. On the way back to Middleton, Laura and I agree to just relax and not speak of what happened. We have already agreed that our plan is to get back home, get the rest of the money and return to complete the procedure.

We are back in Middleton and go straight to Laura’s house to try and figure out how we will get $200 to complete the abortion. With Laura by my side, I muster up the courage to call Wil and request his assistance, but he did just what Laura said that he would do. He went religious on me and decided that he didn’t believe in abortions and would not agree to the procedure. He admits that even if he did have the money, he wouldn’t give it to me because he can’t be sure that the baby is his. What a jerk! How stupid could I have been to sleep with this idiot! Oh, he doesn’t believe in abortion but he believes in sex before marriage!! It looks like I am on my own with this one or so it seems!

Laura and I flop down on her bed and carefully discuss what has happened so far and what we will do next. I have to relax! I decide to give Brittney a call with an update. I am sure that she is patiently waiting by the phone. B, we’re back!

Melissa, I have something to tell you before you go home. Your mother called and was looking for you. She kept questioning me about where you were and I had to tell her the truth. My mother forced me to tell her the truth and said that she would whip my behind if I didn’t tell your mother what was going on with her child. So, I told her that you went to Marin for an abortion. She was very upset, but I had to tell her, she confesses.

You are kidding, right? I ask. By this time, Laura sits up on the bed as if she wants to know what was just said.

"Sweetheart, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to betray you this way, but she and my mother cornered me and I just couldn’t look at your