Drake's Rose

By Ashley Bradley

Tired of the hoes, Drake decides to seek his soulmate on The Bachelor. For some reason Will Smith is there.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ashley Bradley
• Release date: Jan 8, 2018
• ISBN: 9781386009139

Book preview

Drake's Rose

Ashley Bradley

After one of the girls from Drake's harem corrected him that Johnny Depp's name was actually Johnny Depp not Ginuwine Depp, immediately following Drake declaring he liked Ginuwine Depp in "Pirates of the Booty Treasure: Dead Man's Gaping Cavern, Drake decided he was done with diseased thotties and was ready to find his one".

Al B. Sure, Drake's fat boyfriend, scrunched his brow, And what am I?

Drake sighed, You're my bae, but you post-thick, you had one of your whole entire kids stolen by P. Diddle, and you look lowkey like if Plankton and Ms. Puff had a baby. My soulmate can't and here Drake paused to look him up and down in disgust, be... and he gestured to Al's sloppy body, this.

Al B. tried to suck his teeth to hold back the tears but they just crumbled apart in his mouth and tasted like popcorn butter, so.

Drake used to be the submissive in his relationship with Al B. Sure Can't, but after Albania's teeth crumbled apart like gouda in his mouth hole, Drake took the dom position and hence was able to bark at Al B. to call them people at The Bachelor and ask if Drake could go on.

Tears streaming down his fat face, Al B. asked The Bachelor people if Drake could be their next Handsome Man. The Bachelor people were like fuck no. Not only is Drake, Not American, but he also possessed the name of a rapey ass fratboy college douchechill, without the cachet of being A White™. But Drake is white, Al B. responded. He puts mayonnaise on his french fries. The Bachelor people scoffed in disgust that that is not a white thing, it is a Canadian thing. American Whites put mustard or whatever he said. Drake could put mustard if you want, Al B. assured them as Drake slapped him in the back of his neck and mad chunks came off. Al B. put his hand over the receiver, Why do you slap me, sire?. Drake said he would not, under any circumstances, put fucking mustard on goddamn poutine. What is poutine? Al B. cried, and Drake told him he was getting sent to bed early without dinner and before Al could open his mouth Drake quickly was like, And no apple juice!. Al B. started punching at the air and crying and Drake was like, Nigga, what is you doin...??? and Al B. was like, They say the n-word in Canada?. Drake nodded and said they got the word after Justin Bieber became popular. Al B. nodded and was like, Cool. Drake nodded back and was like, Yeah.

So cuz them haters at The Bachelor said Drake was way too cool to be on their show, Drake decided to do his own version, and hold it at Al B.'s rented mansion where he lived and where they made love in the hot tub Al put in the kitchen to double as the place where he made his Al B.'s Chicken Titty soup. This soup he fed Drake anytime he got sick, or a tummy ache, which both happened a lot because Drake liked to eat butt, and was not discerning at all. Like, Drake was not the type to turn his face up at a dingleberry or some confusing type of mold or maybe it's a rash. All butt was good butt to Drake.

Now, where will we find the contestants to be on this shit? Drake pondered as he posted on Twitter a photo of River Phoenix in Little Nikita with the caption Ginuwine Depp in #FindingNeverland, my second favourite movie of my second favourite movies :). Immediately, people started @'ing Drake to say that that, too, was their favourite Ginuwine Depp movie.........

Al B. was eating three Entenmann’s doughnuts at once. Ask on Twitter, he said with his mouth full.

Don't fucking speak to me when you are chewing on anything besides my butt chunks.

Al waited til he was done swallowing to speak, even though he was used to not fully swallowing so he could gush out stuff for reasons, but whatever, "Why don't you ask your fans