Above and Beyond: 365 Meditations for Transcending Chronic Pain and Illness

By J.S. Dorian

Easy to read and follow with a visually appealing format.

Based on the author’s vast personal experience, as well as his.

Perfect for anyone living with chronic pain and illness.

Original meditations, keyed to the struggles and challenges faced by those with chronic illness and pain.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Central Recovery Press
• Release date: Jan 2, 2012
• ISBN: 9781936290826

Book preview

January 1

The only journey is the one within.

RAINER MARIA RILKE

The words healing and curing are often used interchangeably, although they have separate and distinct meanings. Many of us have had to swallow the bitter reality that for now there is no cure for our condition. However, we can always be healed, through our own efforts or with the help of others.

What do we mean by healing, and how does it differ from curing? In the context of chronic illness, healing relates primarily to one’s inner being, to the ways we strive to achieve healthy attitudes as well as personal and spiritual growth. As we progress in these areas, we can gain a positive perspective on our illness, our physical limitations and, indeed, on all of the dramatic changes that have taken place in our lives.

Inner healing can move us from resentment and self-pity to faith and acceptance. The healing process allows us to transcend our fears, to nurture hope, and to face adversity with serenity.

The essence of healing is self-acceptance, through which we affirm our wholeness no matter what our physical condition or how remote the possibility of cure.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

I will be healed.

January 2

What loneliness is more lonely than distrust?

GEORGE ELIOT

Many diseases can be diagnosed rather quickly these days. Certain ones, however, remain elusive and require a considerable amount of detective work. As some of us have discovered, such hard-to-diagnose illnesses can present special problems.

When our symptoms came and went, increased and diminished in severity, and seemed not only mysterious but possibly imaginary, friends, loved ones, and even our physicians became somewhat skeptical. The longer the condition remained undiagnosed and unnamed, the more skeptical some of them became, and the more our own self-doubt grew.

Even now, months after we were finally diagnosed, certain people exhibit a degree of skepticism and mistrust. They raise an eyebrow, so to speak, when we describe our fatigue, pain, and limitations. And then it’s as though we are back in pre-diagnosis limbo, frustrated and infuriated.

We’ll do everything we can to help those people understand the seriousness of our illness. If it becomes clear that understanding is beyond their reach, we’ll then do our best to let it go and move closer to those who do understand.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

My priorities do not include convincing skeptics or defending myself.

January 3

We, by our suff’rings, learn to prize our bliss.

JOHN DRYDEN

As we used to know physical pain, it was something that could always be fixed, not unlike a faulty toaster. We had a rude awakening when chronic pain entered our world and threatened to overpower us.

We discovered that doctors can’t always determine the cause of pain. Even when technology such as myelograms and CAT scans makes it possible to pinpoint the source and cause of pain, technology can’t always relieve pain entirely. So it seemed at first that this lingering pain would wring every bit of joy from our lives.

It has since become clear that there are volumes to learn about pain, and that there is much we can do to understand it, manage it, and limit its influence. One of the most heartening lessons is this: Pain is not simply a physical problem that can be isolated and repaired like a burned-out bulb on a string of Christmas lights. Rather, pain is truly a systems problem involving mind, emotions, attitude, and inner spirit. This means that we need not suffer passively and endlessly; that we can regain control; and that we can marshal our inner resources to achieve transcendence.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

My goal is not to fix pain but to manage and overcome it.

January 4

Differing but in degree, of kind the same.

JOHN MILTON

Every so often a sense of uniqueness comes over me. Recently, for example, in the waiting room of an orthopedic surgeon’s office, I felt profoundly different and totally alienated from the other patients who were waiting.

I remember thinking: None of them has the health history and combination of symptoms that I have. Not one of them can possibly understand the kind of life I lead, the problems I have, the difficulties I go through every day.

Not surprisingly, the longer I dwelled on my uniqueness the more desperate and disconnected I felt. I had to pull myself back to reality and take the power from those self-destructive thoughts. I did so by looking once more around the waiting room, carefully this time, focusing not on the differences I imagined, but on the similarities.

How can I say that my pain is more severe than anyone else’s? How can I insist that my illnesses are more baffling, my symptoms more misunderstood, or my anger and frustration more intense? Why not, instead, concentrate on how much alike we all are, and as the result, benefit from wisdom shared, love exchanged, and hope renewed.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

Focus on the similarities, not the differences.

January 5

My stronger guilt defeats my strong intent.

WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE

When I heard the phrase window of opportunity in connection with a space-shuttle launch, I could see a clear parallel in my own life. Because of illness, I have a limited amount of energy and often must push through pain in order to get things done. Within each day’s window of opportunity I usually choose the activities that provide the biggest payoff and most satisfaction.

Today I chose yoga class over housecleaning. Yesterday I chose gardening over shopping and cooking. The day before yesterday you may have gone to the mall instead of visiting your mother.

The problem is that your enjoyment and satisfaction in the activities you choose are often overshadowed by guilt. You can’t help feeling at times that you are being selfish by choosing pleasure over responsibility and self-enrichment over service to others.

But in truth there’s no valid reason for you to feel guilty. You’re not a selfish person and never have been. This is a very challenging time in your life. Like the space-shuttle astronauts, if you don’t take advantage of your windows of opportunity each day, you’ll never get off the ground.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

Doing things for myself is just as important as getting things done for others.

January 6

Have the courage to face a difficulty, lest it kick you harder than you bargain for.

KING STANISLAUS OF POLAND

When we get to the point where we fully acknowledge our illness, including its devastating potential, we may think (or wish) that the problems we had before we became sick will fade away. The reality is that preexisting problems may require even more of our attention, especially in the area of personal relationships.

For example, if we had constant monetary disagreements with our spouse or partner, the financial strain of illness is likely to increase the burden. Similarly, if we had difficulties communicating, we will probably face even greater communication challenges. The reason is that illness brings up unfamiliar and often frightening feelings for both partners—feelings that need to be expressed and handled.

We may want to take the attitude I’m too sick to deal with any of this. But we know as adults that we can’t abdicate our responsibilities, so we must ignore the temptation to do so. We continue trying to strengthen our relationships, as an integral and valuable part of the healing process.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

Now, more than ever, we need to work things out in order to be loving and close.

January 7

All things are difficult before they are easy.

THOMAS FULLER

We’ve all had the experience of trying to repair something highly fragile or extremely small—replacing the tiny screws in eyeglass frames, for example. As we know, such projects require a steady hand and a delicate touch. Sometimes the harder we try to control our fingers, the more shaky they become; the harder we squint and try to focus, the more our vision blurs.

The same can be true of our inner life. The harder we try to relax, to overcome pain, to achieve inner peace, or to improve our conscious contact with God, the more elusive these objectives become. And all too often, our seeming failure causes us to abandon our efforts in frustration.

However, when we stop trying so hard, when we stop struggling, when we let go and let it happen, we’re far more likely to be successful. Rather than forcing ourselves to become relaxed, we can unclench our fists and jaws, breathe deeply, and allow the tension to flow out of us. Instead of battling our pain, we can calmly return to those control methods that have worked in the past. Instead of straining willfully to move closer to God, we can quietly open ourselves to His loving presence.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

Let go and let it happen.

January 8

It is easy to live for others; everybody does. I call on you to live for yourselves.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

When worsening osteoarthritis in my hips made it necessary for me to start using a cane, my first reaction was a negative one. I saw the cane as a symbol of deterioration rather than a tool that would help me walk more easily and reduce pain. It took me some time to turn my thinking around.

Another obstacle I had to surmount was the reaction of some friends and family members. A few blurted out, What’s the cane for? or "You’re too young to use a cane!" Others simply looked at me with an expression of profound sadness. I realized they were upset for two reasons: First, because they didn’t want to see me suffering. And second, because a cane didn’t fit their image of me as a youthful, active, free-spirited person.

I used the cane for two weeks. Then, responding to other people’s reactions and my own self-consciousness, I left it home for two weeks. That hiatus convinced me how necessary and helpful the cane really was. Clearly, I must do what is right for my health, regardless of my own or other people’s reactions.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

I will focus less on self-image and more on self-healing.

January 9

Better indeed is knowledge than mechanical practice. Better than knowledge is meditation. But better still is surrender of attachment to results, because there follows immediate peace.

BHAGAVAD GITA

After many months, you were finally able to surrender to the painful new realities of your illness. By no means had you been able to achieve total acceptance, yet on a day-to-day basis you had become quite skillful at the fine art of accommodation.

By trial and error, for example, you determined which of your favorite sports you would be able to continue without restriction and which you would have to give up. Similarly, after many enervating swings from one extreme to another, you were able to ration your energy in a balanced way. In short, when you finally understood and accepted your limitations; frustration gave way to the satisfying conviction that you could live with this illness.

Then, suddenly, a painful and debilitating new symptom pushed you back over the edge into despair. It was as if the rules of the game had been unilaterally and arbitrarily changed; you felt bewildered and betrayed.

Once more, it was necessary to surrender. This time, however, it took days instead of months. And now you’ve begun to believe, in a most positive way, that life is a series of surrenders through which we achieve transcendence.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

God never gives me more than I can handle.

January 10

We cannot conquer fate and necessity, yet we can yield to them in such a manner as to be greater than if we could.

WALTER SAVAGE LANDOR

On the one hand, we are urged to fight disease with every fiber in our being and with every resource at our command. On the other hand, we are admonished to surrender and seek acceptance. Both approaches make sense, but how can we fight and give up at the same time? The last thing we need these days is another mixed message; we’ve had all the bewilderments and paradoxes we can handle.

Actually, there is nothing at all contradictory or paradoxical about fighting an illness while surrendering to it. Fighting an illness isn’t like fighting a bear. The object is not to wrestle it to the ground and in the process avoid getting mauled. Rather, the goal in fighting illness is to turn it away or at least stop it in its tracks. Fighting, in this sense, means garnering our resources, refusing to become a hapless victim, and refusing to give up hope.

Surrender, in turn, has less to do with giving up than it does with accepting the illness; that is, learning to live fully and gracefully, without self-pity, in the new framework of our life.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

When I surrender, I do not give up determination, courage, or hope. I give up only fear and self-pity.

January 11

To question a wise man is the beginning of wisdom.

GERMAN PROVERB

Some years ago a biopsy revealed that I had a malignant melanoma. My dermatologist spelled out the deadly nature of this type of cancer and insisted that I undergo surgery immediately.

I was shocked and extremely fearful. My mind raced with speculations and doubts. Is it really malignant? Could they have mixed up the biopsy results? Is a major excision and plastic surgery really necessary? Will I be cured?

My family urged me to get a second opinion, but I stalled for several days. Looking back, I now understand my reluctance. Quite frankly, I was afraid that a request for a second opinion would anger my doctor. I didn’t want to appear disrespectful, and I certainly didn’t want him to think I was questioning his judgment.

The truth, of course, is that good doctors welcome second opinions and are not the least bit threatened by them. If and when they do react poorly, it may be time to consider switching doctors.

By seeking second opinions, we acknowledge that we have choices and can still exercise a certain amount of control over our lives. We begin to take responsibility for our own well-being and become active participants in the treatment and healing process.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

Whose life is it anyway?

January 12

Experience has taught me this, that we undo ourselves by impatience. Misfortunes have their life and their limits, their sickness and their health.

MICHEL DE MONTAIGNE

For sound and practical reasons, many of us have committed ourselves to living life a day at a time. Experience has taught us that this is the most effective way to remain in the present, and to avoid fearful mental sojourns into the past or future.

However, those among us who suffer from chronic pain can easily become discouraged when applying the one-day-at-a-time approach to rehabilitation, especially if we tend to have more bad days than good days. Because we so desperately want our pain to diminish, we work hard at our healing and rehabilitation programs. We expect to feel better tomorrow or within a few days—certainly by the end of the month—and when we don’t, we become disappointed and angry.

The point is that, yes, in many areas we should try to live one day at a time, but in certain illness-related areas it is also important to cultivate a long-term approach. Since the dramatic improvement we seek may not come in eight weeks or eight months, we might be better served by visualizing freedom from pain and its limitations occurring a year, two years, or even three years down the road.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

High hopes and realistic expectations.

January 13

In fair weather prepare for foul.

THOMAS FULLER

Those of us who live in southern California have been told for years that a great earthquake—the big one—could occur at any time, and that we would be well advised to prepare for it. Like many others I ignored the warnings, until the devastating Northridge earthquake literally shook my house off its foundation. Within two weeks I had prepared an elaborate and expensive earthquake survival kit containing all the recommended items and then some.

A year passed. One day, I found myself resenting the time and money I had spent on earthquake supplies that I would almost certainly never use. But then, a short time later, I couldn’t help smiling. My negative and rebellious attitude was easy to recognize, for I have felt exactly that same way at times about the effort and money I spend on my health: exercise, stretching, food supplements, medicines, medical tests, and so on.

This time it didn’t take an earthquake to shake me back to reality. I realized that while forethought and preparedness rarely bring immediate rewards, they almost always pay off in the long run.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

Prevention may not always be possible, but it’s always preferable.

January 14

To improve the golden moment of opportunity, and catch the good that is within our reach, is the great art of life.

SAMUEL JOHNSON

When we first try a support group, many of us are restrained, skeptical, and cynical. Before we even walk through the door into our first meeting, we take the close-minded view that these people can’t possibly help us, because our circumstances are entirely different than theirs.

But then, sometimes within minutes, reluctance gives way to relief; we feel completely at home. As the weeks pass, we benefit in ways we could not have imagined, and our enthusiasm grows.

We soon realize that our case is not different at all, and that we can indeed learn a lot from others with the same illness. How comforting it is to calmly compare and discuss symptoms, options, doctors, and treatments. How freeing it is to dispel myths and acquire new tools for living and coping.

Week after week we are infused with new life as we see others resolving their problems and achieving their goals. Along the way, we receive encouragement and support for our own progress. In no time at all, it seems, our skepticism has given way to loyalty and commitment.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

There is much I can gain and much I can give.

January 15

In the hands of the discoverer, medicine becomes heroic art…. Wherever life is dear he is a demigod.

RALPH WALDO EMERSON

One night in a Chinese restaurant I spotted my cardiologist with his wife and three young children. I caught his eye and waved; he waved back and smiled broadly. Seeing him outside of the usual clinical setting was a comforting reminder of his humanness.

There was a time when I couldn’t feel that way. Like most people, I tended to put doctors on pedestals. I ascribed to them far too much power, and for that reason I was afraid of them.

Looking back, I can see how this attitude compromised my medical care. Since I perceived doctors as godlike authority figures, it was important to win their respect and approval. I wanted them to like me and felt they wouldn’t if I bothered them by asking too many questions, by calling the office, or by complaining about my symptoms. Only rarely did I question a diagnosis or a recommended course of treatment.

Despite my hard-won enlightenment, those childish feelings occasionally return. When they do, I remind myself that the effectiveness of my medical care depends in large measure on my participation—my objectivity, my honesty, and my assertiveness.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

Pedestals are obstacles.

January 16

Things are where things are, and, as fate has willed, So shall they be fulfilled.

AESCHYLUS

When close friends find out about our illness, they often react by saying, You’re such a good person. It’s so unfair that this is happening to you! Our friends and loved ones are insisting, in other words, that it’s not right for bad things to happen to good people, and we couldn’t agree more.

Such feelings are understandable. If we dwell on them, however, that can make it more difficult for us to accept our illness. If we believe that good people shouldn’t get sick and die, aren’t we implying that it’s okay for bad people to be afflicted? Aren’t we saying, moreover, that illness and death are not natural parts of life but, rather, are eventualities that should befall only those who deserve them? And doesn’t our bad things shouldn’t happen to good people philosophy indicate that we see illness and death as punishment?

Unfortunately, we are indeed ill and frequently in pain. Since it is far easier to accept these realities by approaching them as natural parts of life, this might be a good time to examine and perhaps try to change our deep-felt beliefs, attitudes, and feelings on the subject.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

In God’s hands, in God’s time.

January 17

Ah, how good it feels! The hand of an old friend.

HENRY WADSWORTH LONGFELLOW

When it became clear that you would be spending a lot of time in bed, you made the bedroom as comfortable, livable, and as inviting as possible. You bought a firm new mattress and a good reading lamp. You brought in books, plants, and a new TV. You had the windows washed and light-blocking blinds installed.

Now that you’re settled into your new environment, you vow that it will be dedicated to wellness rather than illness. Since you don’t want to shut yourself off from the world, even though that choice is tempting at times, you decide to put together a support network.

You take out pen and paper and thoughtfully prepare a list. You think first of those people who have already been helpful, who have demonstrated their willingness to be there for you no matter what. Who else? Who among your friends, relatives, and support-group contacts can you truly count on?

Then you make up another list, a shorter one, of the people who can’t handle your illness. Finally, you draw up still one more list, not of people, but of the things you can do to show your gratitude for the help you are receiving.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

How can I widen my world?

January 18

It is better to understand little than to misunderstand a lot.

ANATOLE FRANCE

A friend stopped by to tell my wife and me that she had been diagnosed with a relatively uncommon inflammatory disease. When she mentioned its eight-syllable name, we said we had never heard of it.

Very few people have heard of it, she responded, and I get really upset when I try to describe the illness and get them to understand what I’ve been going through. Some of them look at me blankly. One man at work actually backed away as if he might catch something from me.

Her frustration brought me back to the time, years ago, when I was first diagnosed with Systemic Lupus Erythematosus, commonly known as lupus or SLE. It was all I could do to understand the illness itself, let alone explain it to others. I, too, experienced blank stares and people pulling away.

I eventually came up with a solution to the problem. For some friends and co-workers, I scripted a short explanation that provided just enough information but not more than they needed (or wished) to know. For close friends and relatives, I made copies of an article that explained the illness clearly, concisely, and encouragingly.

THOUGHT FOR TODAY

Explanations aren’t always necessary, but when they are, my guidelines will be simplicity, clarity, and brevity.

January 19

Faith, mighty faith, the promise sees, And looks to that alone; Laughs at impossibilities, And cries it shall be done.

CHARLES WESLEY

Many things were unsettlingly new and different today. We visited a clinic in a strange building in a remote part of town. The nurses and doctors were unfamiliar, and we couldn’t help feeling anxious. It again became painfully obvious that cascading and unrelenting change is among the most challenging aspects of chronic illness.

It’s not only that we have to deal with new people, new experiences, and new feelings. Many other changes that go far deeper have the potential to traumatize us emotionally, and slow our pace of recovery. We may have to give up a career, seek financial help, and depend on others as never before. We may suddenly have a great deal of time on our hands and face long days and sleepless nights. We may be frightened by the numerous physical changes that are taking place.

But the fear of change diminishes quickly when we affirm the power of God that abides within us. That inner strength allows us to conquer our apprehension and face all changes with courage and confidence. With each new day and each new change, we quietly