Hiding in My Pajamas

By Becky Kueker

Somewhere between a memoir and a how-to, Hiding in My Pajamas is a uniquely refreshing funny and candid look at the emotional costs of retirement. Closing that work-life career door behind you as you start Chapter 2 of your life, while working out the emotional aspects, has become the best kept secret with professional women today. Retiring from a successful career as partner in a commercial architecture firm, Becky shares her own personal journey as she started a new life, 1,600 miles from her home, while struggling with the emotional stereotypes that deal with retirement and aging. She exposes the fears and anxieties, along with the marital turbulence, and financial challenges she faced along the way. Utilizing wit and wisdom, she bares her soul and her marriage to encourage women to try and not hang on to the past. For women from 40 to 65, Becky shares her “Plan” for a secure financial and emotional retirement. She outlines strategies to get your plan in place, sharing not only her story, but heartfelt stories of women who have tried to stop the runaway freight train of emotions as they close the door on their careers. Exploring why ”this wasn’t what I planned”, she offers the courage to identify a brand new you as you joyously move on to a different life with new purpose and meaning. Finally someone has published a brutally candid look at a 25 year plan to retirement from a woman’s perspective that resonates with honesty.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Becky Kueker
• Release date: Aug 26, 2017
• ISBN: 9781370398287

Becky Kueker

Becky Kueker is a Tucson-based, nationally known speaker and author traveling around the U.S. providing presentations that relate to her personal journey about retirement and long term financial planning. She retired from a 20-year career as a partner in a woman-owned, commercial architectural and interior design firm. Leading business development and forming strategic relationships with Fortune 500 companies around the world, she also chaired the firm's Corporate Advisory Board. Becky was named a top Woman of Achievement, received the "Star Catchers" Award from St. Louis County Library, and is a recipient of the YWCA President's Award honor. Becky is the author of the highly popular book Hiding in My Pajamas.

Book preview

HIDING IN MY PAJAMAS

A Professional Woman’s Journey to a Financially & Emotionally Healthy Retirement

By

Becky Kueker

Copyright © 2015 Becky Kueker

All Rights Reserved.

v1.0

Distributed by Smashwords

This book may not be reproduced, transmitted or stored in whole or in part by any means, including graphic, electronic, or mechanical without the express written consent of the publisher except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

The opinions expressed in this manuscript are solely the opinions of the author and do not represent the opinions or thoughts of the publisher. The author has represented and warranted full ownership and/or legal right to publish all the materials in the book.

Outskirts Press, Inc.

www.outskirtspress.com

ISBN: 978-1-4787-6343-7

Cover photo 2015 thinkstockphotos.com. All rights reserved - used with permission.

Ebook formatting by www.ebooklaunch.com

This book is dedicated to:

The wonderful women who allowed me to include their personal thoughts and stories.

To my husband Gary and my daughter Heather who never doubted I could do this.

CONTENTS

Preface

1. The Awakening

2. The Plan

3. Show Me The Money

4. Where Will You Live?

5. What Will You Keep?

6. How Will Retirement Affect Your Marriage?

7. When Should You Leave?

8. Hiding In My Pajamas

9. Your Health Is Your Future

10. We Are Not All The Same

11. Settling In And Happy Endings

12. It’s Getting Good

Sources

PREFACE

"Retirement kills more people than hard work ever did"

Malcolm Forbes

I was 69 years old when I decided to retire, and determined to not just firmly close the door on that part of my life, but to happily embrace a whole new life. That was the plan that was my Plan, as I retired from a successful career as a partner at a woman-owned commercial architectural and interior design firm in St. Louis. Since my husband, Gary, and I had talked endlessly over the years about our Plan for retirement, I felt ready to embrace a whole new chapter in my life. But sometimes the grand plan, the road less traveled, the course you take, ultimately leads you to a cliff. As many wiser than me have said, "it is how you handle the free fall off the cliff that makes the difference".

I thought we’d done everything right. We had saved, invested, researched and planned our next chapter. But our plan covered everything—except the emotional aspect of retirement. No wonder I didn’t want to get out of my pajamas. I had no idea what I wanted to do or even who I was.

Reading retirement self-help books, many said "build a strong foundation of WHO you are; Embark on a journey of discovery of WHAT you want to do; Design a blueprint for HOW you’ll get there". I had my plan damn it and I was on target. When I decided to sit down and write a book about the process of retirement it was when I newly retired and still giddy with excitement. I wanted to share the wonderfulness of the experience and what it meant to me.

Two years later I had no idea it would be as painful for me as it was. Documenting your innermost feelings about a personal transition, took more courage than I ever thought I had. I finished the book with the full support of my husband. He also took a leap of faith trusting in me to provide an overview that would help and even inspire others as they look to transitioning into the final chapter of their lives as we bare ours. The end result of this journey has been wonderful for us as a couple. We discovered many surprises about each other, some silly, some funny, and of course some we did not see coming that caused many bruises and bumps. But now we know if we survive my writing a book we can survive anything and are better because of it.

What I ultimately learned was that I was not truly invested in my emotional journey or in any way prepared for the emotional roller coaster I was experiencing. That’s why I’ve written this book. It’s not a self-help book but a heads up for successful professional women like you. I can say with complete honesty if I had someone be as candid with me about retirement as I have been in the book I would have done many things very differently.

Chapter 1

THE AWAKENING

I was born before the baby boomer generation but just a couple of years on the tail end of the "Greatest Generation". It was an era of conformity, but also a period of post-World War II happiness. As a group we focused on peace, love, and ultimately television that amazingly connected us to the world. I remember a time when communities were stable and closer, when we could drink clean water from the pump in the back yard, when kids played outdoors all day in the summer without worry, and when people didn't lock their doors. It seemed as if our worries were simpler then.

It was also the era of Pre-feminism. When I was in college in the 60’s we were the powder keg on the edge of the movement of women’s rights. It was a time of burning bras as well as daring not to wear bras, and marching on Washington to be in control of our own destiny. We sat in dark café’s cigarettes glowing in the dim lit light, sipping bitter coffee hatching plan after plan of what that would look like. We were going to be in control of lives and live them to the fullest, not like our mothers. So with glowing faces we joined hands and made promises that in our hearts we were not sure we could keep.

I grew up in a dysfunctional house hold with abusive parents before that sort of behavior was even discussed. As the oldest I was disciplined, self-sacrificing, cautious and extremely fearful. My life was filled with upheaval, poverty, and deprivation. Being the oldest I soon took on the role as a parent trying to protect my younger brother John from physical harm. I did not understand it until later in life but I was old from the age of 4 when my father broke my arm because I had misbehaved. Living a life in fear of reprisal allowed me to disappear into an identity that no longer resembled me. At a very young age I became the ultimate people pleaser because that allowed me to survive.

Author Fred Rogers of Life's Journeys According to Mister Rogers: Things to Remember Along the Way said, "Who we are in the present includes who we were in the past". Even though we are shaped by our past we don’t have to let it define us in the future. I worked for years with therapists to get over defining myself by how my parents abused me. It took me a long time to understand that their lack of love for me and my brothers was not a reflection of who we were but a reflection of them.

Unfortunately one of the traits I did adopt to cope was the art of self-deception. Being the people pleaser allowed me to lie to my inner self.