Why I’m glad I didn’t have kids

I’D ALWAYS WANTED BABIES. PROBABLY. Eventually. Possibly. When I graduated from college, in the early 1980s, friends started having them while I remained happily unencumbered. Even after I married, family planning was more like having no plan, other than putting it off until later. When I reached the age when I was supposed to be desperate to be a mother—early to mid-30s—I didn’t feel desperate; I only felt unsure.

My sole mistake at the time, I see now, was not trusting that I’d be O.K.—maybe even better than O.K.—with or without a baby.

Today, more and more women are choosing not to have children, and while the stigma hasn’t completely lifted, it’s not what it once was. But if the urge to have a child is at least to a degree biological, what