Connecting The Dots Backwards

By Maureen Zamagatsheni Ndlovu

A dreamer but a failure at the same time, Maureen Zamagatsheni Mo Ndlovu has been named all sorts of low names, been beaten, mistrusted, misunderstood, raped, robbed and more. While being a professional worker in a big firm, she partied like any young woman, any addict. Her middle-class lifestyle and relationships with the wrong men (and often low-life men) made her look down on herself. This is her story.

This story is about the author’s issues when she was growing up and how poverty impacted her childhood. It touches on how her father neglected her and failed her as a young girl. Could this shed light on why she struggled to pick the right people to share her life with? She was almost murdered because of her disastrous choices and lost herself in the process, battling from depression and matters of her heart, mind and soul.

The author reveals how she held her head up high after almost being defeated by the wars of this world. Her eyes are the windows to her soul; inside that soul is the power button to her inner strength that rescued her, enabling her to rise up again, to embrace her new life and to inspire many young women and all others.

Today Maureen Zamagatsheni Ndlovu is successful personally and professionally. She is living with her teenage son and her youngest daughter in Midrand, Johannesburg.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Maureen Zamagatsheni Ndlovu
• Release date: Nov 3, 2016
• ISBN: 9781370990450

Book preview

Preface

I wrote this book Connecting the dots…. backwards because I was too pregnant to give birth to my journey; (I felt that I had a lot to tell you about), most of all I needed to inspire and motivate you to learn from my own journey and mistakes rather than you go through the pains and struggles that I went through. God be with you all always.

Foreword

Instinctively I knew that Maureen had not had an easy life, yet her eyes are indeed the window to her soul. I met Maureen many years ago while we both worked for a corporate, a place where we both knew we could easily become just a number, which felt comfortable – for a time. As a published author myself, I thoroughly enjoyed her character – cheeky yet respectful, bold yet humble.

My wish for Maureen, and other women like her, is that she continues to grow from strength to strength in this world – a world that can be unfair, selfish and stubborn. Yet, if more women take on Maureen’s vigour and determination – the world will be a better place.

By Suzanne Franco - Author of Exile Child

Introduction

Who is Mo?

I am Maureen Zamagatsheni Mabusi Ndlovu, known to my close family as Thumbu – it means last born. I was born in the small town of Howick, KZN, so small in fact that there are only a couple of traffic lights. I went to primary school in the farm of Howick for seven years followed by high school in Pietermaritzburg for five years, before moving to Mooi River. I am more than a people’s person, I love people. Yet I consider myself meek (often decoded as shy by acquaintances), however I am also known as an extrovert and outspoken. I’m the youngest of three girls and three boys, so I am the ‘baby’. I always considered myself my mom’s favourite. I was born on the 8th of April 1979 and sadly my mom breathed her last breath in 1988. Not long after, two or so years, my father remarried and my stepbrother was born. I deem my characteristics are that of orphan, daughter, sister, friend, I too am a mother. My son was born in 2001.

Life has a way of throwing unexpected events at you and it nearly turned me into an only child as I sadly lost most of my siblings. On a parental basis, my father’s absence in my life was not a personal choice of mine but of his, and his absence starved me of the fatherly nurturing that every little girl needs and wants. In his current sickly state, as old age continues to creep up on him, like darkness embraces, blankets and envelopes the earth, I have made a promise to look after him and to provide him with my very best, because I allowed forgiveness to take its rightful place.

My challenges and vulnerabilities are interpreted and perceived as strengths by my friends, family and colleagues (I say, ‘Let the weak say I’m strong’). I want to live a good life and enjoy good and memorable times. I don’t weigh up factors or choose who should be my friend or not. I know and admit that I come across to people as more loud and acrimonious than I am. Get to know the true content and the original context of Mo. Be it a rhetorical question, or a reflective monologue, am I coconut? Well, allow me to paint the picture vividly for you as I know where my roots are firmly planted.

I divinely love and embrace Agape (God, unconditional love). My silence should not be interpreted as animosity. I might not recognise your presence but it doesn’t mean that you are absent. I value time as a precious commodity, because when it’s lost, it is gone forever. As a human being I get broken, crushed and left in a state of gasping for my life. I pray and hope that you won’t be the person who pushes me to that level.

Luther Vandross’s music shakes my inner world, so too does gospel music. I have a skilful voice and I use it to worship the Most High and Merciful God. At times I sing at church or with my colleagues when we yadah God, yes and indeed we are crazy like that at times. I love modelling but would only do it professionally if I was more slender and taller. I always watch the TV show, ‘America’s next top model’. I do drink occasionally, I guess in a moderate sort of way. I don’t mind a glass of sweet Rose wine or a fine whisky when I am in the good company of friends; however I don’t drink and drive. Mo, (as I am affectionately known), is already condemned by her family that she won’t amount to anything. As divinely appointed, all destinies are not known to man, only to God.

I’m business-minded and I still believe that my breakthrough is closer in that department. God is releasing my blessings – as I write. I am a true believer and God is the anchor of my faith. I have very powerful testimonies about God redirecting my life so that I did not crumble. My family embraces ancestral worship and I fully respect their choice and in the same breath they respect mine (Christianity).

I go to gym as much as 20 times in a month. I love my body. I love to keep fit and strong, and attractive, as well as to keep in shape of course; besides, the exercise clears my mind when I’m stressed or writing exams. However I have made peace with myself when Cleo at the office told me that I’ll never be a small size but a medium size. It’s okay Cleo, and thanks to her for pointing out the obvious. I have a soft spot for people who are gay, they remind me of myself and I get along very well with them, as long as they understand and respect my sexual orientation. They don’t want anything in return and respect the kind of relationship that we have.

I love clothes, and I always make it a point to dress up in a style that is not in fashion. To me, fashion is in today, tomorrow it’s out but style lasts forever. I am a style guru/snazzy dresser…so they say; one lady at work once asked me, Do you get a fashion allowance here at work? But I’m still not sure if that was a compliment or not, so I just smiled and walked away. If I feel down and out I wake up, dress up, make-up and then show up – that’s me. I love looking good at all times; dress up like you will bump into your enemy, as if I have enemies, plus you never know who you may bump into and I have an image to maintain. I also go into very cheap stores and buy an item that, when you see me wearing it, you will never think that I bought it there – yep, that’s me. I’m not an overpriced-clothes, shoes and bags kind of girl. To be honest, I do dress up for attention sometimes, and I always get the attention when I dress up. I love attention. I love my beauty. I leave a mark in most places, and who wouldn’t want to? Dress to kill. Stand out in the crowd.

I do have fears, of even some small things like frogs. When I was growing up someone said that there are people who bewitch others with a frog and your face will turn to frog’s skin; since then I have had this fear that I can’t shake off.. I suffer from asthma and sinuses, I get one asthma attack at least once a year, but it is mostly sinus attacks if I’m near the sea or a pool or some other people’s perfumes. But funnily enough I love the sea.

I am proudly a Zulu girl who has respect and manners for others; sometimes people disagree with me when I tell them that I’m Zulu and they think that I’m Xhosa, why? I’m not sure. I also have a fear of being out of a relationship; however I do mostly tend to not be in a relationship. The reason is that I push people away who love me, and I also have high expectations/standards and I am choosey. To be honest I can’t find Mr. Right because I can’t even see when he’s in front of me. I’m choosey when it comes to men; I’m stubborn, I demand attention and my time, if his shoes, belt and teeth are not appealing – I bounce. I hope that I’m allowed to have my own choices, as everyone does, perhaps I will end up alone, says Sisi T, since we are similar characters when it comes to men, so I think that I need to tone my attitude down a bit.

I’m not sure if I need to get married to someone who expects me to depend on him…nope. However I do get proposals, but I think that they are the desperate ones – hell no! That’s why I turn them down. This should be a long-term commitment/contract, sorry I shall pass. I’m wiser, humbled and grounded now. I wasn’t this way years back but all the ordeals in life and bad experiences, choices and good experiences have taught me to be like this. I have integrity and I have taught myself as no one was there to show me the right sense of good or bad.

Remember, it’s still possible to turn out to be a good woman or man even if you didn’t get an opportunity to be guided by your parents; it’s what you decide and choose to be when you grow up. You might have regrets but that’s okay, they will clear up in no time if you believe in yourself and believe in God. Hold onto God then he will channel your entire life into a smooth phase. Don’t blame your parents before you become a parent yourself; my father had his