In Search of My Elusive Unicorn

By D R Hann

Warning to the reader of this book; this book is
sexually explicit, and is not to be taken seriously, it is like adult jokes.
Henry Blanko, a thirty year old, is in search of what he calls, “My elusive unicorn,” or his perfect woman. Not too hot, and not too cold, but just right.
You will read about each and every unique woman Henry dates, hoping this one is his elusive unicorn.
Henry is on a mission, what he calls a “second job.” While Henry is on his mission, he seems to use sports analogies to describe certain dating situations.
Will Henry succeed? Will Henry find his elusive unicorn?
Most of this book is comical, and very sexual.
You will read about the names Henry gives to the women he dates, and with good reasons: the Sucking Beaver, the Countess, Her Mother and I, Catfished and many more.
Read on and, hopefully, you will have as much fun reading this book as Henry does searching for his elusive unicorn.
Warning, the ending goes to a very dark place.

• Language: English
• Publisher: D R Hann
• Release date: Oct 13, 2015
• ISBN: 9781310616662

D R Hann

Just a story teller, not a Leo Tolstoy. You'll either like my books, or hate them. Remember, keep going forward.

Book preview

Introduction

Warning to the reader of this book; this book is

sexually explicit, and is not to be taken seriously, it is like adult jokes.

Henry Blanko, a thirty year old, is in search of what he calls, My elusive unicorn, or his perfect woman. Not too hot, and not too cold, but just right.

You will read about each and every unique woman Henry dates, hoping this one is his elusive unicorn.

Henry is on a mission, what he calls a second job. While Henry is on his mission, he seems to use sports analogies to describe certain dating situations.

Will Henry succeed? Will Henry find his elusive unicorn?

Most of this book is comical, and very sexual.

You will read about the names Henry gives to the women he dates, and with good reasons: the Sucking Beaver, the Countess, Her Mother and I, Catfished and many more.

Read on and, hopefully, you will have as much fun reading this book as Henry does searching for his elusive unicorn.

Warning, the ending goes to a very dark place.

In Search of my Elusive Unicorn

For 30 years of my life I, Henry Blanko, have been single, and so far I have not found Miss Right or who would be Mrs. Blanko

I have decided to write an account of my search so that it may help other guys in their search of their elusive unicorn.

The women I have dated so far have been too hot and broken, or too cold and broken, but never just right, Miss Right, my elusive unicorn.

Now, not to be deterred, I am on a mission to find Miss Right, which I call my elusive unicorn. Not an actual unicorn, fuck, they never did exist. When I speak about my elusive unicorn, I am speaking of that almost perfect woman.

Maybe my unicorn is not the same as other men’s unicorns. Maybe each man’s unicorn is very different.

My elusive unicorn is a woman who can finish my sentences, will back me in every single endeavor that I undertake, a woman who likes rock n roll as well as country, and classical music. A woman who will sit in the park with me listening to jazz, while drinking fine wine, and eating cheese, a woman who knows exactly what I want for my birthday as well as Christmas.

She should be a woman who can dress up and put all other women to shame or dress down, but still looks great in a pair of jeans, shorts, and the ultimate in a bikini.

She should also be a woman who will make me feel very proud as we walk down the street or enter a restaurant, a woman who likes football or will go to the museum of fine arts, and a woman who is not afraid to try new things. A woman who can think on her own, think outside the box and when I fail to find the answer, she will come to my rescue.

A woman who is with me till the end and will say it was well worth it. A woman who knows exactly what kind of sex I desire, and will bring me to total climax, to be completely satisfied.

Naturally, if I can find my elusive unicorn I, on my part, will give her her heart’s desire, constantly doting upon her, love her with every ounce of my mind, body and soul, making sure that her life is perfect, and having her never say there is a problem in her life.

I will be totally dedicated to this woman, my elusive unicorn.

I will not be deterred, I will not be stopped, I will complete my mission, and I will succeed in finding my elusive unicorn.

I know deep in my heart that she does exist.

I would venture to say that less than one tenth of one percent of women may be my elusive unicorn.

Some stay single, some are gay, which means they are very, very rare and hard to find, almost impossible.

Maybe finding a real unicorn would be easier to find.

My friends, most are married, have to be out of the loop. I know all of the woman they would introduce me to, no unicorns here, some dogs, some trolls, some high maintenance, some with loads of baggage, and some with broken brains, which I call broken cuckoo clocks. The same with my relatives’ friends, and I believe they know a lot of fucking cuckoo clocks.

The key is many, many dating sites, almost all of them. I will sign up, and sign up, and sign up. Days, weeks, months, this will be my second job.

If you want to find your elusive unicorn, you are going to have to work on it.

The Sucking Beaver

After three weeks of weeding out the trolls, dogs, and cuckoo clocks, I have finally chosen my first woman, Emma, who, by all indications, may very well be my elusive unicorn.

Her looks are in the ball park, which is where I hope to be parking mine, right into her ball park.

Emma is educated and seems to have common sense and, most importantly, a brain. Why have a woman who is good looking and educated, if she has no brain. I believe that would be like having a car without a steering wheel.

This is my first date with Emma, so this should tell me a lot; at least I hope it does.

Maybe Emma is my elusive unicorn and, after tonight, she will tell me to fuck off, not like that hasn’t happened before.

Emma is better in person, I believe she is my elusive unicorn, I can’t mess this up. I have to be just right to get this close to my elusive unicorn and not net her; it would be the biggest fuckup in my entire life. Even worse than the time I went for my dream job with the top financial firm of Smith, and Smith.

Why the hell did I buy that hot dog from that food cart? I knew, I was warned, but I was hungry, so I bought a fucking hot dog from a food cart and half way through the interview it happened, I shit my pants, I fucking shit my pants, and had to burp, what a smelly fucking mess.

I know the side jokes now, shit man, poopy droopy, chief brown pants, fuck it I don’t care, like they never shit their pants.

Some good did come out of it, I got some sympathy from the second largest financial firm, Holland, Bitters, and Melrose, and now because they gave old chief brown pants a chance I am one of the top ten producers in the field, and Smith and Smith keeps approaching me but, fuck them, they should have asked me if this was normal or did I have a problem.

But, I can’t blame them, for the smell was so bad, all five men who were interviewing me left the room gagging, never to been seen again.

Shit in the pants is one of the worse feelings in the world.

Tonight is the night and no fucking hot dogs.

Emma, you elusive unicorn, able to hold an intelligent conversation, and when you walked into the restaurant there was not a man who did not turn and look. I would bet that all of their cocks were getting hard just looking at you.

Half way through dinner and, I believe, I am holding my own.

Henry, don’t drink too much, don’t talk about yourself, and watch your table manners.

No burping, farting, or shitting your pants.

When the date is over, walk her to her car and say how about if I call you tomorrow, maybe a kiss on the cheek, but why not her mouth? If I just kiss her on the cheek, maybe she will think I am gay and that I just want a friend, but if I give her a small, light kiss on her lips would that send a message that says I really want to fuck your brains out, and I’m no gentleman?

Maybe just a hug, or how about a light hug and kiss on her cheek? I have to watch the hug; she may think that I am thinking; okay, now I have you in my grip, next stop; balls inside your walls.

Maybe a handshake? Now that is really stupid, you hand job; that says maybe I just want to be your friend, and I am gay.

I’ll play it by ear, see how she acts, maybe I am over thinking this, maybe she will kiss me, or better yet hug and kiss me, or even better yet, hug me and jam her tongue down my throat as she unzips my pants and starts feeling old Henry Jr.

But what if she shakes hands, that means she thinks I’m gay and so ends me netting my elusive unicorn, shit, now I seem lost.

Dinner went great; I believe she will see me again.

At the car, go ahead stupid make the right fucking move.

Henry, what the fuck are you doing? You are hugging her, I believed you are fucked, wait, no, she’s closing her eyes, her lips are puckered, do it man, do it, kiss her you moron. A light kiss and no tongue, I’m passing, this will end well.

What? I believe her lips are parting, I believe she wants to French, and thank God I had a breath mint.

My dick, it’s awake, down Henry Jr., down. God, I wonder if she feels it, she’s probably thinking, what is sticking me, or she knows it’s my penis, and at any moment she is going to call for help.

It’s hard, really hard, must be a gentleman, must be a gentleman.

Can I call you tomorrow?

What, why did I stop? Now she may think I’m gay. This is it; I’ve lost Emma, my elusive unicorn.

Wait, she just told me that she thinks I’m a perfect gentleman and that other men would have always tried, at this point, to hit a home run.

Henry, you smart SOB, you have a second date, all is well and I am that much closer to netting my elusive unicorn.

So no sex, no great foreplay, no giving and receiving oral and no fucking, both soft and slow and hard and fast.

I’ll take a nice long warm shower and Mrs. Rose and her four daughters can satisfy me tonight.

My second date with Emma, my elusive unicorn; I will once again be the perfect gentleman, and most likely go home with a very hard cock, but I will have my satisfaction with Mrs. Rose and her four daughters.

Emma is playing footsies with me under the table. Does this mean she wants me to fuck her brains out? No! I will not be a dumb ass and mess my chances up to finally net my elusive unicorn.

I must be a perfect gentleman; I must keep this in front and foremost in my brain. Maybe if I continue to be a perfect gentleman and continue to get to another base, eventually, I can get home.

Maybe that is the secret, with each date, Emma will let me take another base, so tonight I should be at second, but what if after the night is over I’m still stuck at first?

This can only mean one thing; Emma does not feel for me as I do for her.

Maybe Emma is a taker, a cock tease. She just wants to be wined and dined, knowing I will never advance beyond first base.

So my options would be to just ask Emma if she plans to take our relationship to the next level and stand the chance of losing Emma or keep my mouth shut and let Emma, who maybe a taker and a cock tease, to use me till she tires of me. Fucked up options, there has to be another way.

I am getting to know Emma; I believe she is the real deal, my elusive unicorn. I wonder what she thinks of me.

Once more at the car, I know that I can kiss her, fuck it; I’m going for her tits tonight.

What? Emma has said on the next date I can pick her up at her apartment. I believe it is second base tonight; I am ready for tits landing.

Bucket seats suck, a handful of tit, they feel perfect, and what a nice size nipple. Brain to mouth: prepare for operation tit suck. Sweet, I have not sucked a nicer tit; I think Emma is turned on. I’ll try thinking, mind control, Emma grab my cock.

Fun’s over, she wants to stop, I guess she is wet and knows if she continues, it will be a home run for Henry Jr. and I.

So I believe that is how it will be, I will advance another base with each date and the beaver hole is only two dates away. I get to feel it up on the next date so I will be the perfect gentleman tonight.

I can’t stop thinking about our next date, which is four days away, like a kid anticipating Christmas morning.

I’m going to feel Emma’s beaver hole with such care and gentleness, just slightly touching it, let her get into the mood, let her beaver get wet. Then I will just slightly touch her clit and when she starts to hump I will slowly insert my finger until I hit bottom and take her home to a complete climax.

My net for Emma, my elusive unicorn, is in place waiting to strike, it will not be long.

Once more I am standing in the shower fantasizing about Emma, who is giving me the best blowjob ever, probably the best blowjob in the history of blowjobs. I say when not satisfied, masturbate and fantasize.

This is it, the next date with Emma, and I get to see where my elusive unicorn lives, maybe that will give me more insight as to a way to net her.

Very nice place, no clutter, and clean, which would make perfect sense for my elusive unicorn.

I have dated women having loads of clutter and even worse their places were unclean which, for me, was and is an immediate turn off.

To me, it says if you don’t keep the place where you live clean then how clean is your beaver hole?

Past history tells it all; I once dated a nice and not too bad looking woman, but her place was dirty, I was thinking about leaving when Henry Jr. arose and said to my brain fuck her and then let’s get the fuck out of here.

You know, what the dick wants the dick gets, no matter how smart you are, no matter how powerful your brain is your head between your legs will always win.

Okay, I was horny and she had a nice set of tits, actually her body was great. If I had to rate it, it was a nine out of a ten; her face was only a five out of ten. So I was thinking if I lick her snatch, this will go a lot faster and smoother.

What a mistake. You know the saying—Once you get past the smell, you’ve got it licked. I could not do it, her house was dirty and so was her pussy, it even made Henry Jr. go back into his shell. Without speaking a word, and half dressed, I headed for the door and never looked back.

Believe it or not that woman called me asking if there was a problem. To which I replied, If you don’t know what the problem was, then that is your problem.

For a week I smelled that dirty pussy, vowing if a woman has a dirty place, they most likely have a dirty pussy, and to leave as quickly as if they have the plague.

Which means, with Emma’s place so neat and clean that could mean only one thing, her beaver is just as neat and clean.

After our greeting, and a few kisses and hugs and a handful of Emma’s perfect tits, we were off to the movies for this date. After a stop at a nice pub, where the lights are low, the drinks are strong, and the music is soft as to let you carry on a conversation, it will be back to Emma’s place where I will bring her to climax.

The movie sucked, but only because it was a chick flick. The pub was too crowded, which made getting drinks near impossible but, thankfully, the night is not a total loss, next stop; beaver hole.

Back at Emma’s place, she can also pick a very tasty wine, just another piece that says, Emma, you are my elusive unicorn.

What I did next seemed stupid but turned out to be a smart move.

After I had Emma’s top off, I placed one of her perfect nipples in my wine glass and slowly licked and sucked the wine off. What a turn on! Emma was starting to move her ass, as she wanted to hump.

I did what any other gentleman would have done; I slowly moved my finger into place just as I had planned.

Touchdown, homerun, score, the eagle has landed, one small step for me, one large step for my finger!

My elusive unicorn was in feel good town, she was panting, harder and harder, and my boner was about to explode.

Now Emma was on a wild ride which can only end one way, an explosive climax, and when Emma did, I did also, right in my pants, which is the second worst feeling, right behind shitting one’s pants.

When she finished, she accidently touched my wet cum filled pants. Embarrassed, I said that I was sorry, and what Emma said next made me know I had just netted my elusive unicorn.

It’s okay, I am glad we could cum together, I hope it will always be like this.

Emma had just said the second best thing to me; the first would have been Emma saying that she loved me.

Well, at least there will be no masturbating tonight.

Next stop, balls inside her walls, homerun, fuck city, Henry Jr. gets a tour of Emma’s vagina, and if this could not get any better, she is going to make me dinner two nights from now.

I have to make sure my net is secure over Emma, my elusive unicorn; I will send her roses tomorrow.

Houston we have no problems.

With roses sent and a hard dick in my pants, I am ready for Henry Jr. to pound the beaver, drill the glory hole, probe the moist cave and to explode with pleasures he has never felt.

To use condoms or to not use condoms? I know everybody in the whole wide world would say, safe sex is the only sex, but we