What Are You Waiting For?: Learn How to Rise to the Occasion of Your Life

By Kristen Moeller

What are you waiting for? Do you find yourself waiting for the right moment? The ideal relationship? The perfect job? Are you waiting for your “real” life to begin? Do think that the gifts of life are right around the corner? That one day you will arrive and everything will be okay? Do you endlessly search, yet never seem to find? Through the sharing of authentic personal stories and profound life lessons, Kristen Moeller explores our pervasive human tendency to wait for life and to look outside ourselves for answers. So we don’t try; we give up. We sell out and we forget who we are. We are afraid to succeed, afraid to fail, and afraid to say we are afraid. But as Wayne Gretzky said, “You'll always miss one-hundred percent of the shots you don't take!” Kristen Moeller's mission in life is to inspire you to get on the path, move forward and take the shot.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Viva Editions
• Release date: Nov 12, 2013
• ISBN: 9781936740611

Kristen Moeller

Kristen Moeller, MS, is a coach, speaker, author, and radio show host. She delights in "disrupting the ordinary" and inspiring others to do the same. Kristen first discovered her passion for personal development in 1989 after recovering from an eating disorder and addiction. After years of struggling with low self-esteem, she realized that recovery and joy is possible. Determined to provide this for others, Kristen immersed herself in the field of personal growth, earning a master's degree in mental health counseling, volunteering and working in treatment centers while continuing to train and develop herself. Now, a highly popular radio personality, TED speaker and author, Kristen Moeller is an in-demand workshopper and visionary dedicated to providing people with the tools they need to find and live their passion. Moeller lives with her family in Evergreen, CO.Jack Canfield, legendary author and co-creator of the beloved Chicken Soup for the Soul series, has been empowering entrepreneurs and soothing sick souls for more than thirty years through both his New York Times bestselling books and his formulas for success. Jack, "America's #1 Success Coach," is also the founder and chairman of the Canfield Training Group, which is designed to help people achieve both personal and professional goals. He has been a featured guest on television shows such as Oprah, Montel, and Larry King Live. He also holds the Guinness Book world records for the largest book signing ever (Chicken Soup for the Kid's Soul) and for simultaneously having seven books on the New York Times Bestseller list.

Book preview

PREFACE:

BURNING DOWN MY HOUSE

The time has come to turn your heart into a temple of fire.

—RUMI

Yesterday, I watched as the last of the metal scraps that once were my house were towed away. As the flatbed flexed to bear the load, I caught a final glimpse before it disappeared from view. Pieces of my home, bits of my life, memories turned into heaps of metal tumbled together, then vanished down the road on their journey to the recycling plant.

Three months into the year I declared the year of letting go of attachments, my home and those of twenty others burned to the ground in a raging wildfire that turned lives upside down and killed three people. Had I known what would happen, I would never have uttered that declaration, yet most of us aren’t given the gift of hindsight. What seemed like a promise to release my need to be more, do more, and have more turned into the biggest lesson in letting go that I’d ever had. Faced with tragedy, it’s easy to ask why? During these times, it seems life does not make sense; it is not predictable, nor is it fair. We are confronted with the realization that anything can happen at any minute, that there are no guarantees. And then comes the choice: hang out in the angst of uncertainty, or simply accept life on life’s terms.

Around the time of my declaration of letting go of attachments, I had said yes to the offer to write this book. After I’d dedicated my life to the theme of waiting while writing my first book, the topic had grown stale. I wasn’t even sure what it meant any longer. Often, I pondered: What did it really mean to wait? What is the difference between waiting, patience, and procrastination? Was there any real hope that we might ever stop waiting? Were there appropriate times to wait instead of jumping? How could we possibly tell the difference?

We all have heard of deathbed regrets. We know we are supposed to seize the day. We see others selling out on their dreams—and we swear we wouldn’t do that, yet deep down inside, we know we do. We wonder just how many second chances we need to be given. Just how many wake-up calls will it take for us to learn?

Like you, I have had my own share of wake-up calls during my short time around this rock. I recovered from severe addictions as a young adult; survived melanoma (thankfully we caught it early); lost pregnancies and people who were dear to me. And, each time something happens, I reevaluate life and believe that I gain a new perspective. Then, slowly, I slip quietly back into the status quo. In other words, I fall asleep at the wheel.

This is the tragic fate of the human condition. We have what might be called spiritual narcolepsy. We forget who we are, what we are capable of, and what it is like to feel deeply, intensely, and joyously alive. We forget what it means to be free.

Here’s the truth: Even before my house burned down, I wasn’t free. I was waiting. If you had asked me, For what? I might not have known the answer. Yet there was a cloud of angst just beneath the surface, rearing its head from time to time to remind me of its presence. Even after a journey of personal growth spanning more than two decades, I longed to feel settled; I lacked the peace and sense of freedom I craved.

Seeing how I still waited rubbed me raw when I looked at it. One might think that, with a master’s degree in counseling, a multitude of transformational programs, hundreds of self-help books, years of work with fabulous mentors and coaches, I would be at peace. Yet my drive for perfection wormed its way into my quest for growth, shrouded in the cloak of personal development. I deceived myself into believing that, with enough study and practice, I would be fixed. I would arrive. I would attain the elusive state of perfection. I would find meaning, perhaps even the meaning of life! And then (and only then) would I be free.

But the more I searched for the answer, the more I missed the point.

Had my house not burned to the ground, this would have been a very different book. I might have played it safe. I might have hoped to give you the Five Simple Steps To Never Wait Again! But guess what. There are no Five Simple Steps. They don’t exist. There is no quick fix. So, instead of my watered-down words on waiting, while I continued to wait my life away, you are getting a fresh take, a heightened sense of urgency, and an increased compassion for our human struggles.

In the transitory period after I lost my home and all my possessions, grief became my teacher. While struggling to live a still-vibrant life, I developed a whole new respect for both jumping into action and what it means to wait. I learned the true difference between waiting as a way of avoidance and malcontent and the type of patient, allowing waiting required for going through a grieving process. As I peered deeply into my old behaviors, I began to relax my grip on the idea that life would go the way I thought it should.

Where once I had celebrated my intense push to succeed, that now felt as barren as the smoldering remains of my home. Instead of my driven-ness, what began to emerge as the smoke cleared and the ashes settled was a new-found freedom to simply be.

And yet if, once and for all, I could tell you the secret to waiting—the mysterious reason for why we wait and how to stop—I just might be tempted. For so long, I wished for a magic wand to wave and make this whole crazy world make sense. Now, I don’t believe that wand exists. Instead of a wand, I will offer words and tales for us to discover together the very things that keep us stuck in life, and keep us waiting to feel free.

I will walk with you, to shine a light, illuminating the nooks and crannies of life where waiting hides out. We will dive in and explore lost dreams and forgotten goals. We will discover our deep-seated reasons behind the waiting. We will turn away from quick fixes that soothe us temporarily but leave us wanting more. We will tell the truth about all the ways we wait in life and come to terms with the impact waiting has had in the past, how it robs us even now, and how it will continue to rob us in the future if we don’t alter our path.

The truth is, you will wait again. We won’t pretend this isn’t so. We won’t slap on a bandage and take empty actions that stem from our attempts to deny this fact. Life doesn’t come wrapped in a neat little package—yet so many of us seek just that. And, when it doesn’t turn out that way, we are back where we started, wondering how we got here again.

While writing this book I lived in friends’ basements, in hotel rooms, for a short while in a 1967 Airstream trailer on our burned-out land, then finally in a new home in a different setting. As I wandered, I wondered. As I wondered, I wrote.

In these pages, I am sounding the fire alarm. I am calling out the troops. I am shouting from the rooftops: It’s time to wake up! And I am whispering in the dark. I am calling you gently. I am encouraging you to inquire into what begs for your attention. As you read my words, I hope to assure you that I understand the struggle, while reminding you of what you are here for.

This journey is not for the faint of heart. Peering into the depths of our souls to see the truth is for the brave. Continuing to catch ourselves when we wait again with compassion and a gentle spirit is the way of the lion-hearted.

INTRODUCTION:

WHAT THE HECK ARE WE WAITING FOR?

Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite

or waiting for the wind to fly a kite

or waiting around for Friday night…

—DR. SEUSS, OH, THE PLACES YOU’LL GO!

It has been said the journey within is the most important journey of all. Many of us follow a path, searching for meaning—for something bigger. A lot of us have been doing this for a very long time. We have the skills, we have the know-how; we are wise beyond our years and generous to a fault. We have attended a legion of trainings, workshops, and retreats. We have studied with the teachers, masters, and gurus. We may even have become a teacher, master, or guru ourselves. With this level of dedication, you would think we would be happy.

Mostly we are. Then there is that small, vexing voice that keeps us craving what we don’t have, desiring things to be different, and hoping one day to arrive at some magical destination just on the other side of the horizon. We don’t quite let ourselves rest in who we are or where we are. Instead we continue to seek and search. And all the while, we wait.

Once upon a time, we simply waited for the basics. We waited to earn more money, to have less debt, to get married (or to get divorced), to have children, to retire. Many of us even waited to become spiritually enlightened! We hoped the next new experience or seminar or retreat would give us the answer. We waited for the right teacher to say the right words and hoped all would fall into place. We waited for recognition, to be discovered, to feel safe, to get it right. We waited to feel inspired (one of my personal favorites). We waited until our affairs were in order, our eggs in different baskets, our ducks in a row. We waited for world peace or the next president or a new car. Some of us even waited to die.

We live in interesting times, and, as the world continues to change, the waiting game changes too. These days we are busier than ever before. We are clearer about our purpose and why we are here, yet we often sense that something is still amiss. As the earth seems to spin faster and faster on its axis, a craving emerges from down deep, turning into an itch we can’t quite scratch. We look around at all the change, transformation, and upheaval that surround us and, even though we marvel, we find that in our heart of hearts what we really want are some old-fashioned guarantees. We want this wild and wacky world to make sense and even to slow down for just a moment so we can catch our breath. We keep searching for that magic pill—the one that would make us, the world, and everything all right.

And, at this rate, we could wait forever and ever and ever. This crisis may be subtle, in that our waiting might slowly fizzle the life force right out of us, or it might be severe, where we one day wake up and realize it’s too darn late. That’s the thing about waiting—it is inherently sneaky. It seems so eminently reasonable, like the right or wise thing to do, given our current precarious state. Then it takes over as a quiet, often unconscious decision that traps us in its murky depths.

The result of all this waiting is that we have lost our freedom to simply be. And, when I say be, I mean that deep-down, knowing sense of who we are and what we are made of, that quiet peaceful voice that tells us we are OK, the ease of feeling at home in our own skin. Instead, we have false images of how we should be, who we should be, what we should be, and, most of the time, in our own estimation, we don’t come anywhere close.

The time has come to stop waiting for the world to make sense. The time has come to stop waiting for life to slow down and things to settle out. The time has come to live our lives anyway—in the face of waiting, of massive upheaval, as well as everyday stumbling blocks. If this really is (and I will borrow the profound words of Mary Oliver) our one wild precious life, what are we doing about that? Will we live in fear of the other shoe dropping, the bottom falling out, or the house burning down? Or will we go forth anyway, into the unknown, embracing the uncertain and reveling in the wildness of the in-between?

That’s what it means to stop waiting. It means we go forth anyway. We go forth into our dreams, hopes, and fears. We live that dream we have tucked away for a rainy day. We take that leap we have always hoped to take even when we don’t know how it will turn out. We simply come to know ourselves as people who go forth anyway, people who keep moving when all we want to do is quit, people who fall to our knees and get up, time and time again.

We also come to know when stopping is the kindest thing we can do for ourselves, and we learn patience for our souls in a way we have never experienced before.

This is what real freedom is, to be at peace with ourselves, even in the face of all fears and hopes, even in the unknown while we confront the seductive pull of waiting.

It’s time we wake up—and maybe we don’t need an emergency—to remind us of this fact. Maybe, a gentle knock is enough.

The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon,

but that we wait so long to begin it.

—W.M. LEWIS

The book is about the concept of waiting. It’s about noticing the waiting and waking up to its effects. If you’re a human being, you’ll probably fall asleep again, but you can wake up a little quicker each time once you know what waiting looks and feels like for you.

You will have the opportunity to distinguish how, where, why, and for whom you wait, and you will discover some ways to get moving again. However, we are not talking about diving into frenetic frenzied activity in every area of your life. True, some people like more movement and activity than others, but this carpe diem nonsense, if taken too far, just leads to burnout. We will celebrate seizing the say, and also celebrate just hanging out with the day and maybe watching some sunsets or dogs or Netflix.

You will clarify what matters to you. You will hopefully let go of some of the waiting that doesn’t serve you—the waiting that gets in the way of living—and embrace more of the waiting that is actually patience, acceptance, allowing, transforming—gently and all in good time.

By the end, you can discover who you are, what you really want and who you want to be when what is unessential is stripped away.

In each chapter, we will be looking at a different type of waiting. You will be distinguishing some of the ways you’ll know it’s there, where it’s hiding, and where it might scuttle off to hide next. You will also receive some suggestions and practices to deal with waiting and some ways to move through, into, or around it that both the gigantic Soul You and the smaller Everyday You can learn to live with.

Perhaps once we are cleared of some old holding patterns, we really can greet our life with a Hurrah! instead of the fear that so often grips us, trips us up, or stops us cold. Perhaps we can finally accept that nothing is certain, that to be human is to be messy, and that throughout it all, we don’t have to wait for life to be ironed out. Perhaps then we will experience the freedom we have waited for all our lives.

Imagine this:

You come to the edge of a cliff. You look down and wonder. Once you might have jumped, but now you play it safe. Deep down, you know who you really are and why you are here. You crave freedom—freedom to be and to do and to discover yourself. You feel called to make a profound difference in the world. You feel the pull of internal peace. Yet, you linger on the edge, unsure of what to do next.

Now ask yourself: Where did you lose your freedom to fly?

Chapter 1:

Waiting for Me

Age has given me what I was looking for my entire life—it gave me me. It provided me the time and experience and failures and triumphs and friends who helped me step into the shape that had been waiting for me all my life.

—MOLLY IVINS

Perhaps you are curious as to how one becomes a Professional Expert on Waiting. I am not sure whether we are born, or made, or both, but it feels like an arena in which I’ve had exceptional talent for a long, long time.

I don’t remember when I first became a seeker. It may have been during the time spent in my mother’s womb, as I sought a way out while I impatiently waited to be born. Or perhaps I emerged thinking I was in the wrong place—that back in there was better than out here in the world. For as

Reviews for What Are You Waiting For?

[snowangel51 · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

This was an inspiring book about why we wait, what we may really be waiting for, how to overcome our hesitation, and when it may be best to wait for the right time. Fear of the unknown often keeps us stuck. We could wait forever for the perfect time to change jobs, end relationships, move on, take the next step. At some point we have to trust ourselves and take that risk in order to stretch ourselves and open up to new possibilities. We are bound to make mistakes, but the biggest mistake may be if we wait too long and are left with regrets. Kristen Moeller intertwines her own story throughout the book as an example. As we each become more responsible for our own journeys and face the unknown, we grow as we are meant to. There are examples of how to learn to let go and how to find support along the way. Each chapter has "Gentle Knock"s with more to think and write about as the reader personalizes their own journey. The book made me think more deeply, and helped nudge me along my own path. I recommend it highly.

[vikinggypsy · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

I enjoyed the stories in this book, which are meant to get across points and lessons. For someone who enjoys stories and learns better that way, I think this is a great format. Personally, It is easier for me to learn in a more textbook style of learning. Give me the information that is needed and explain how to apply that knowledge. Although there is valuable information contained in this book, it seems more of a "reading for entertainment" type book than it does a "self help" book. Even so, I would recommend this book and do think it was well written!

[flying_monkeys_1 · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Rating: 3.5 of 4What Are You Waiting For? is not your typical "self-help" book.You won't find any quick fixes or ready-made solutions. And it certainly doesn't abide the formula: your problem + the author's (the expert's) answer = do what they say precisely and your life will be perfect.No, it reads more like a personal essay than bona fide "expert" advice, and Moeller doesn't come across as having it 100% together and ALL figured out. In other words, she's someone who's been there, done that, and wants to share what could potentially help others in the same situation(s).What Are You Waiting For? presents generalized areas of life in which one could be waiting, then Moeller shares her personal experience with waiting in those specific areas. In between and after her insights, there are calls to action she named, "Gentle Knocks." These are my favorite part of the book because they encourage readers to explore their life, ways of thinking, perceptions and beliefs to seek out and create their own answers - instead of waiting for or depending on the author or expert.Here are a couple excerpts that resonated with me:"And I started to accept that 'my purpose' was an evolution versus an arrival (p. 132).""Funny that the permission we seek to be ourselves ultimately comes from within. We are our own jailkeepers... (p. 242)."Especially recommended to those who may be dealing with loss and, perhaps, waiting to greive or fully heal. Or to those who are willing to do the work to examine and pinpoint the waiting rooms in their life. Not recommended to self-helpers who live by the "formula."Received this paperback via LibraryThing's Early Reviewers program in exchange for an honest review.

[doingdewey · Rating: 3 out of 5 stars]

I find this book difficult to describe because I disagree with the book cover description. Purportedly, this is a book about how to change your life instead of waiting for your life to change. In reality, it largely focuses on the author’s own challenges throughout her life, from early drug addiction and bulimia to her recent loss of her house in a wildfire. She reframes many of these challenges as ways in which she was waiting for something. She also includes thought-provoking questions that challenge the reader to apply the lessons she’s learned to their own life.

When the author was describing her story, I loved her writing. Her word choices were intelligent, original, and emotive. I felt for her even though her life story was nothing like mine. Some of the challenges she struggled with, particularly within her relationship with her husband, felt universal enough that her advice could be helpful to anyone. Her questions for the reader were thought-provoking and could encourage people to think about their life in a new way. As a memoir, I think this book had great potential.

Unfortunately, when she started to give advice, her writing started to include more cliches. Her attempts to relate each challenge back to the idea of waiting for change felt a bit forced. Often, unless you’d been through her specific situation, I didn’t feel her advice would be helpful. She never gave scientific backing for her advice. It was all based on personal experience, which seems most useful to me if people want to feel less alone in a particular challenge. If your house had just burned down, reading about the ways she deals with it and the ways in which she still struggles with it could provide a much-needed companionship in a difficult time. If you’re looking for an interesting personal story or if, heaven forbid, your house just burnt down, this might be the book for you. If you’re someone who just wants a self-help book about how to better seize the day, I would seize a different book.

This review first published on Doing Dewey