Talk Turkey to Me

By Renee S. Ferguson

AS SEEN ON FOOD NETWORK! Find out why it's like having Mom in the kitchen with you only better! Not just a roast turkey how-to, but your kitchen companion for planning the perfect feast plus...your guide to avoiding culinary catastrophes! With step by step instruction featuring everything from sage advice, humor, and cooking time guides, TALK TURKEY TO ME also illustrates over 80 delicious side dish recipes from appetizers to desserts, fowl kitchen follies and formulas for success. With mouth watering photography and eloquent counsel, TALK TURKEY TO ME is seasoned with great ways to cook up a good time in the kitchen. Become your own expert and order your copy today!

â ¢"...one of the cookbooks that is so enjoyable to read that you almost forget it's a cookbook...well written and intensely instructive texts...takes the pressure off how to prepare a holiday meal." Voted Cookbook of the Day Slashfood.com

â ¢"It's all about an all-American mealâ turkey and dressingâ and the queen of all things Thanksgiving is cookbook author Renee Ferguson."
Chef Bobby Flay/Food Network

â ¢"...well written and easy to follow the results are delicious...a highly recommended specialty cookbook!" Harold McFarland/Midwest Book Review

• Language: English
• Publisher: eBookIt.com
• Release date: Apr 26, 2016
• ISBN: 9781456602116

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about this book

Talk Turkey to Me is a spirited and playful how-to book that will guide you humorously as you prepare a perfect turkey for any occasion. It features an assortment of cooking methods. Whether you choose to prepare your turkey the traditional way—roasted in the oven—or on a grill or rotisserie, roasted upside down, or even cooked from frozen (yes!), you’ll find that this cookbook is like no other. The pages that follow contain detailed instructions for more than 20 cooking methods and how to achieve a picture-perfect turkey every time. Our call girl, Renee Ferguson, provides straightforward answers to questions from the call-in turkey hotline, an essential resource for those legions of people who find themselves with a case of turkey trauma when it comes time to prepare their holiday meal.

This comprehensive, step-by-step guide will help you to plan a special feast or an everyday dinner by recounting amusing questions and comments by hotline callers. The helpful but lighthearted responses of our hotline call girl make for lively and entertaining reading.

Turkey is the ultimate comfort food. A turkey dinner usually conjures up images of traditional holiday meals with family and friends. Now you can have that feeling year round. Turkey is making an appearance on menus throughout the year, whether it’s at a backyard barbeque, Fourth of July celebration, everyday dinner, or any of a multitude of holiday gatherings. Low in carbohydrates, fats, sodium, and cholesterol, turkey is a popular choice among the food-conscious, from South Beach, Atkins, and Sugar Buster dieters to those who are simply concerned with healthy eating. Yet for all of its nutritional benefits, turkey still manages to maintain a comfort-food profile.

A turkey dinner offers the versatility of that little black dress in every woman’s wardrobe. It’s the subtle backdrop to the accessories of your outfit—or to the side dishes of your meal. The main course that isn’t prepared properly, like the little black dress that doesn’t fit properly, can ruin your entire evening.

Callers’ kitchen trials and tribulations are recounted by our hotline call girl. Ferguson uses each amusing question or anecdote to guide the reader through the various steps and methods of turkey preparation. Many of the questions will have you chuckling. Just as with reality television, the reader becomes a voyeur, listening in on the everyday cooking challenges faced by so many people. Used as a reference, the book offers quick and easy answers—but don’t be surprised if you find yourself caught up in the questions and answers as you thumb through the pages.

Most cookbooks approach the cooking task from a basic, one-size-fits-all perspective. They assume you’ll be cooking your turkey either in an oven or on a grill and simply give you the required cooking times. Well, one size does not fit all. Maybe you intend to roast your turkey in an oven bag or in Grandma’s covered roaster. Or perhaps you forgot to thaw the bird! Dovetailed with the variety of methods described in these pages are questions and stories from callers that will help to enlighten you in an entertaining way.

Beyond turkey triumphs and challenges, the book includes a collection of tried-and-true recipes for starters, side dishes, desserts, and various accompaniments. Experienced cooks as well as novices who have never so much as picked up a cookbook before will enjoy trying out these recipes. They may even discover a dish or three that will become part of their holiday celebrations for years to come.

So whether you have a convection oven and can’t find the instructions, or are trying to master a water smoker for the first time (or the twentieth), in this book you’ll quickly find your answer, your funny bone, and how to prepare your turkey perfectly, from grocery bag to table.

Part

Part 1: let’s begin to talk turkey

Does Size Really Matter?

The first question on everyone’s mind is how much to buy. The greatest fear of every host is running out of food. There’s an easy rule of thumb for estimating what size turkey you’ll need to purchase. If you like to have leftovers, plan on 1½ pounds per person. This takes into account the weight of the bones, juices (or drip weight), giblets, and packaging. But if you’re having the football team over maybe you’d better plan on more per person!

My husband bought the turkey and it’s so big it looks like it’s nesting on top of the roasting pan. I’ll get a bigger pan, but what was he thinking? There are only two of us. We’ll just have to call some college students over to help us eat it. They can eat you out of house and home, but even then we’ll have enough!

If you want to have enough for a great day with ample portions but little or no leftovers, plan on 1 pound per person.

*Based on the recommended 1½ pounds per person, allowing for leftovers.

Can you tell me how much my turkey weighs?

This is not a psychic hotline and I am not Miss Cleo, but if the turkey label is missing and you don’t know how much your turkey weighs, simply put it on a bathroom scale and weigh it.

Fresh versus Frozen

A fresh turkey is just that—fresh, not frozen. As it requires no thawing time, it’s ready to cook. One of the hazards of buying a fresh turkey is the tendency to ignore any dates that may appear on the label. Consider when your dinner is going to be and plan accordingly, buying your fresh turkey no more than a few days ahead. Although many advances have been made in packaging and refrigeration, everything has a limited life span: once the wrapper has been cut or compromised, the clock is ticking toward spoilage. Always cook the turkey within 3 days of the sell by date.

I love the questions that start with What would you do?

What would you do? The expiration date on my turkey was 4 weeks ago. It’s been held in the refrigerator the whole time . . . is it okay?

Well, what would you do? Food begins to spoil even in your refrigerator when held beyond the recommended time.

Are there taste differences between fresh and frozen?

Most definitely. Though the differences may be subtle, each type has its own taste. I recommend that you try both fresh and frozen to find out which you prefer.

How fresh is fresh? The commotion was evident. Clearly, the woman was calling from a cell phone. I could hear the kids in the background and the panic in her voice.

We live on a farm in the country. We raise our own turkeys every year and I have four of them in my truck. You know, turkeys stress out real easily—chickens don’t; they’re cool. We’re on our way to slaughter and I think one of them is having a heart attack. The kids are really upset and they’re trying to calm him down. I tried playing soothing music, but this is one really stressed turkey and I think he’ll be a goner before I’m ready. I still have a long way to drive. How long do I have before it’s too late to use him?

Whole fresh turkeys have a limited shelf life. Frozen turkeys have the convenience of extended life. The downside is that they take time to thaw. Many a person has called in a panic, stating that they didn’t know the turkey had to be thawed before cooking.

Frustration abounded in this caller’s voice:

My family is not gonna want to deal with this menopausal woman. My fresh turkey is partially frozen. Help me!

Turkeys freeze at a much lower temperature than water, and it may be that your turkey has ice crystals in the cavity. Run cold water through the turkey; this should resolve the problem.

Thawing: A Complete Guide

National Thaw Your Turkey Day

The Thursday before Thanksgiving is National Thaw Your Turkey Day. No matter how big or how small your turkey, it’s time to take it out of the freezer and put it in the refrigerator. Small turkeys that thaw in 3 to 4 days still can be safely held in the refrigerator if kept in the original wrapper and at a refrigerator temperature of 40ºF or lower.

I’ve got a flock of ‘bingo’ turkeys in my freezer. I’m just lucky—I win every time I go. I’ve got one turkey that’s been there longer than a year. I’m not sure we shouldn’t have a birthday party or a coming-out party when I go to thaw him. Since he’s been in the freezer longer than the others, will he take longer to thaw?

No matter how long your turkey has been in the freezer, it will take no longer to thaw than the times listed in the guide at the right.

I don’t know how much my turkey weighs. It’s been in the freezer and the tag is gone. How long do I thaw it?

There’s no complex mathematical formula for estimating the time required to thaw a turkey. However, you’ll need to weigh the bird on a bathroom scale in order to determine how many days it will need to thaw in the refrigerator (according to the guide at the right).

Follow the convenient guide below to thaw your turkey safely in the refrigerator. (The day you place it in the refrigerator doesn’t count. For example, if you plan to cook your turkey on Sunday and it has to thaw for 2 to 3 days, start thawing it on Wednesday or Thursday.) Be sure to place a tray underneath the turkey to collect any juices that seep through the wrapping.

Quick-Thaw McDraw: Cold Water

I’ve never been a successful turkey person and I have to thaw my turkey in the bathtub. The turkey is floating in my tub now. I have a scuba belt that I could harness onto it to hold it down under water if that would help.

Here’s a quick-thaw method. Partially fill the sink with cold water. Place the turkey breast-side-down in the water so that it’s like an iceberg, with the largest part submerged. The turkey itself will float, so don’t worry—it need not be fully submerged. The U.S. Department of Agriculture recommends that you change the water every 30 minutes. The thawing time is easy to calculate: just divide the weight by two, and that’s the number of hours needed to thaw the turkey in cold water.

Talking to you is like talking to my therapist. I know I’ll feel better afterward—and, better still, you won’t send me a bill! But I still feel insecure about knowing if my turkey is thawed.

I’m not sure if I’m going to make the list of Top 10 Boo-Boos, but my turkey is not entirely thawed. It’s been in the refrigerator for 4 days and it’s still not thawed.

If, when you remove the wrapper, you find that the turkey has not thawed completely, you could run cold water through the cavity to melt any ice crystals that may have formed, or you could just begin to cook the turkey. If you do begin