Addiction: From Suffering to Solution

By Dr. Joseph Bradley

In Addiction: From Suffering to Solution Dr. Joseph J. Bradley, M.S., D.C., DACACD shares the heart-wrenching and compelling story of his own daughter’s journey through addiction and eventual recovery. He then presents his in-depth knowledge of the genetic component of the disease of addiction, brain chemistry and the reward process, codependency and enabling, the treatment process, the miracle of recovery and relapse prevention. Alcoholism & addiction directly or indirectly affects everyone, yet they are still shrouded in ignorance and shame. Addiction: From Suffering to Solution seeks to eliminate much of the stigma of addiction and helps us view addicts from the same place of understanding and compassion that we view any other disease-afflicted person. Drawing back the curtain on this ugly disease, Dr. Bradley helps us understand the hows and whys of alcoholism & addiction presenting practical tools for getting clean and sober, and staying that way.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hillcrest Media Group
• Release date: Jun 2, 2015
• ISBN: 9781634134682

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FOREWORD

AS A FORMER POLICE OFFICER, Dr. Bradley knows and understands addiction from an insider’s perspective, down and dirty, up close and personal. When his little girl was only two years old he discovered his wife was a chronic alcoholic. Then, when his daughter was in her late teens, he learned the heartbreaking news that she was a drug addict.

The dynamics, drama and trauma of codependency and enabling became first-hand experience as Dr. Bradley surrendered to the truth about his daughter. He came to the critical understanding it was possible she might die living out on the streets, but most likely would die if he continued to enable her at home. Making the most counterintuitive decision a father could possibly make, he kicked her out with the understanding she could only come back home if she sought professional help.

Thankfully, his daughter eventually did seek treatment, has been clean for many years now and their relationship has been wonderfully restored.

Addiction: From Suffering to Solution delivers a powerful message of hope for addicts, family and friends. From genetics and brain chemistry to codependency and enabling to denial and relapse prevention, Dr. Bradley draws back the curtain on this ugly disease, helps us understand the hows and whys of addiction and presents practical tools for getting clean and sober, and staying that way.

The information in this book changed my life; it can change yours.

JEFFERY L. BERGMAN

International Entrepreneur

Recovered alcoholic and addict

EPIGRAPH

The mentality and behavior of drug addicts and alcoholics is wholly irrational until you understand that they are completely powerless over their addiction and unless they have structured help, they have no hope.

— RUSSELL BRAND

Actor, comedian, recovered alcoholic and addict

INTRODUCTION

THERE ARE PROBABLY VERY good reasons why you are reading this book. Most likely, you or someone you are close to suffers from an addiction. You have probably realized already just how damaging addictions can be to both the addict and the people around them. But there is hope.

The goal we are working towards is for you, the reader, to develop workable and manageable skills to be part of the solution, so that together we can all combat this horrible disease. While reading this book, you will see that no one is immune to the disease of addiction. You will gain an understanding of why and how addiction works in the body and mind, and how it manifests into behavior. Ultimately, you come to understand what you can do to combat it.

My name is Joseph J. Bradley and I want to thank you for taking the time to read my book. I am the sort of person who not only wants to know what to do, but also to understand why. I have been involved with addiction, in one form or another, at a professional level since 1989. I have been exposed to many forms of addiction from various viewpoints. I was once in the law enforcement side of it, and now I am heavily involved with the treatment part of it. I educate individuals about addiction in seminars and group settings, as well as formally instructing healthcare professionals.

I want to reach out to and help as many people as I can, but my time and availability are limited. This book gives me a chance to reach beyond my grasp.

When I was in law enforcement, I worked a lot with alcohol and other drug related crime, including putting individuals in jail for these crimes. At the time, I believed this was the only real answer since addicts would always continue their behavior in spite of negative consequences.

I saw people lose relationships, their cars, their homes, their freedom and even their lives. They put their lives and others’ lives in jeopardy. My daughter’s mother was willing to lose everything for alcohol, and I saw criminal offenders who constantly overthrew their responsibilities and families for alcohol and/or drugs.

But I came to realize there must be another answer. I had to reinvent myself to become part of the solution. I left law enforcement and went back to school, eventually getting my doctorate and several other qualifications in substance abuse counseling, naturopathic science, chiropractic and addictionology.

Along the way, I looked into the teaching of addiction treatment in medical school and was shocked by what I learned. Even professionals weren’t being properly educated in the subject.

Science can explain why things are the way they are. I explored the science behind addiction and how it affects the functions of the brain. I formed my own hypotheses, and the pieces all started to fit together.

I started to teach and educate in classroom settings as well as seminars, and consulted for treatment centers, hospitals and colleges.

Through all my varied experiences, I found that the biggest flaw in the treatment system was simply a lack of knowledge. In this book, you will learn the science behind addiction and how to make use of it.

This book is useful not only for professionals to educate themselves, but also family members and friends who want to understand their addicted loved ones better. This book is also essential for individuals who personally suffer from this disease, to better understand themselves and work toward an addiction-free life. This book intends to remove the shame and ignorance of addictions and replace it with knowledge, compassion and understanding.

While reading Addiction: From Suffering to Solution you will often encounter familiar situations and behaviors; ones that you and those close to you engage in. At points, it can even be painful to face. But by confronting the realities head on, you come to the understanding that an addict’s predicament is not unique. It is a set of complex patterns that are the expressions of a disease. Through this understanding you will acquire tools that you can use to deal with your own addiction, or help someone else overcome theirs.

Remember, change does not begin with the first step. It begins with the thought of taking the first step.

Dr. Joseph J Bradley, M.S., D.C., DACACD

1

MY STORY

I’ve seen first-hand the terrible consequences of drug abuse. My heart is with all who suffer from addiction and the terrible consequences for their families.

— COLOMBA BUSH

Wife of Florida Governor Jeb Bush

THE WORD ADDICTION IS derived from a Latin term for enslaved by or bound to. If you are someone who has struggled with or has had to overcome an addiction, or knows or has tried to help someone with an addiction, then you understand why. So here’s my story:

There she was. Suddenly, anything not achieved or any goals unmet were meaningless. I was important and significant. I must have done something right in my life. Me, yes me, a father, a daddy. As I held her in my arms and gazed at her I told her: You are the luckiest girl alive. Why? Because, I am your dad, and there is no one in this world more loved than you are. I would, from this day on, be the very best person possible. I wanted to be the best dad, the best of everything. My thinking was that I wanted to set a standard that one day she would be proud of and want to emulate.

I found any reason to slip her into my conversations. When I brought her home, I walked her up and down my street just hoping someone would notice and approach so I could show her off. I was no longer just someone; I was her daddy. It’s so funny how quickly I couldn’t remember what it was like not being a dad. It’s as if I was always a dad and these feelings of love and protectiveness were always within me.

I walked a delicate balance between working a lot of hours in an attempt to provide for my family, while always making sure I had enough quality time with my daughter. At the time of my daughter’s birth, I was a police officer. Ironically approximately two weeks before my daughter’s birth I was credited with saving a six-week-old child’s life, an event that earned me a City Council award and led to me being selected as Officer of the Year in 1989.

I remember how the rescued child’s mother acted. It was an overwhelming gratitude that I didn’t completely understand. I mean, I recognized the significance of it, saving her child’s life, but it was an appreciation foreign to me. I was about to understand. By the time I received my awards, my daughter had been born. Suddenly, I understood. There was nothing I wouldn’t do, including give my own life for her survival.

As time went by, our relationship grew stronger. We seemed to have a silent connection beyond explanation. When Melinda was about three years old, staying with her Grandparents, I was working the graveyard shift, when I was injured during the arrest of a violent PCP suspect. The next day my parents told me my daughter had awakened crying for me and they had a difficult time calming her down. It turns out the time she woke up coincided with the time I was injured. Over the years, there were many examples of similar incidents.

On her first birthday, her mother Emma was acting peculiar. I didn’t think much of it, but there were several times before and several weeks after her birthday that her mother seemed to be acting strangely. One day while putting clothes away, I found beer cans hidden in the back of Emma’s dresser drawer. I didn’t know what to think. When confronted, she made some lame excuse, which I bought into. I was in denial.

However, I did start to notice little things, like she was always using breath spray and just overall seemed different. One day, I noticed her stumbling as she got out of the car after she had picked our daughter up from daycare. The thought of my daughter being in a car with an impaired driver broke through my denial. This time I confronted her and had both my eyes wide open. She eventually broke down and cried as she told me the truth.

I advised her that she needed to get help, but she adamantly stated she didn’t need it. I didn’t know what to do but as I talked more about it, I began to discover things I hadn’t previously known. I was told by her first husband that he had received primary custody of their two children because she had left them in the car while she was in a bar. How had I not known this? How could I have been so blind?

Well, I gave her the ultimatum and she refused help. So with that refusal my daughter and I moved out. The law, however, had other plans. My concern for my daughters’ safety was not enough. I would have to stress and lose sleep not knowing if my daughter was safe when she was with her mother. Fortunately, her mom’s desire to drink made my daughter want me to take care of her more often. Still, when Melinda was with her mother, I put my life on hold. Always worrying; always wondering.

Then Emma was arrested for drunk driving with Melinda, now two years old, in the car, which was still not enough for me to legally prevent her mother from having her. My life became unmanageable, with my fear over the top. So I convinced myself that trying to work it out with her mother was the best solution. At least I would have a greater ability to protect my daughter.

This continued over several months, with the living environment becoming more and more miserable. It also appeared that Emma’s alcohol consumption was increasing. It was certainly more in the open. I realized I was making things worse, but hung on for the thought of my daughter’s safety. Then it dawned on me; she wasn’t safer. She was around the behavior even more often than before!

I started staying away more often with Melinda. I arranged for her to have slumber parties with friends and relatives when I wasn’t around. Then, one day her daycare provider called and told me that no one had picked my daughter up. I left work to get her. When I arrived, I found her mother in the daycare parking lot passed out behind the wheel of her car. Thank God she hadn’t picked her up.

That was it for me. I no longer cared what the obstacles were. She would not have any more chances to hurt my daughter. I told Emma that Melinda would be with me and that was it. She had only one option and that was to get treatment. Other than that, I told her she could take whatever legal action she wanted. I no longer cared. She refused to get help and, to my dismay, didn’t do anything at all about her problem.

Over the next several years, Emma saw Melinda sporadically and never overnight. Then one day, after a visit with her mom, I picked Melinda up and her mom had obviously been drinking. She said to me she wanted to see Melinda more often. To my surprise my daughter, now about nine years old, looked at her mother and told her, I don’t want to be with you, I only want to be with my daddy. I was so saddened by my daughter having to say that, but at the same time I felt relief. My daughter appearing older than her young age and seemingly not fazed by her impulse of having to say it, started to appear happier. She openly talked about it after and she seemed empowered by it. I couldn’t help but feel sad though by the fact that she had to say that to her mother and that I was not able to have done something.

The effect of that night was, we did not hear from her mother except for the occasional intoxicated phone call. When my daughter was about twelve we moved from the Bay Area to Las Vegas. Before moving, I called Emma and asked her if she wanted to see our daughter. She said yes, and Melinda seemed excited about seeing her as well. Well, the day came and we went to visit. They had talked on the phone a couple times and a lot of things were promised. Then we got to her apartment.

After knocking on the door numerous times, I saw my daughter looking into the apartment through a window. She appeared very somber and with almost no affect. As I looked in, I saw that the apartment was empty. She had moved. We went to the office and no forwarding information had been left. Melinda remained quiet until, while on the way home, she said to me sadly, She didn’t want to even say bye.

My heart was broken as I fought the urge to say something bad, but also had no words of encouragement to offer. What was most disturbing was her quiet sobbing all the way home. I couldn’t make her feel better, but I vowed to myself that I would never let her be in that position again. We moved the following week and my daughter has not seen her mother since. All she would have as a reminder of having a mother was a card on her birthday and at Christmas.

Now in Las Vegas, we had found a home. We had our ups and downs, but remained close. We had our rituals of watching certain TV shows, and my daughter had many friends. She was a straight A student through middle school and into high school. She loved school, and although she had a lot of friends she still liked to hang out with dad. I could fully trust her; we could talk easily and she was into all the things that kids enjoyed. She liked girl bands and was very active in sports. In fact, she played softball and excelled in soccer. She had been playing for several years and was the leading scorer on her team for two years. She had accumulated numerous first place trophies and academic awards.

So, as she got older, we continued to do fun things together. I would help her with homework, and we always had time to watch TV together. She was very popular and had many friends. She seemed to prefer having friends spend the night at our house rather than staying at theirs. Even in her early teens she remained young at heart, still sleeping with her favorite stuffed animal.

She went into high school, still wanting to excel and took all Honors classes in pursuit of an Honors Diploma. She was maintaining a good balance between school, friends, sports and family time. She had always been a stray animal lover. We had two dogs and a cat. I remember going to the high school track and running around the football field. She walked up to me holding a cat that she heard meowing in the bushes. Of course, this meant we now had another cat.

Somewhere near the end of her freshman year I noticed that her choice of friends had changed. Her new friends appeared to have heavy attitudes versus more of a carefree attitude like her own. The new friends seemed to come from families with problems and preferred our home over their own. As her sophomore year began, my daughter was spending more time away from home, but I wrote it off as her just growing up and changing.

I tried to not over-parent and to be there for her, and allow her to come into her own. She was still doing well in school, so I didn’t make a big deal out of her completing assignments late on Sunday nights instead of being more on top of things as she had been in the past. Again, she was still a straight A student, so nothing was jumping out as being a significant change that would have required me to be concerned. Other than not spending as much time doing things together, which I attributed to her just growing up, we still had an open and honest father and daughter relationship.

Right around February of her sophomore year, she started talking about friends in school whom I had never met. This had never happened before. I’d always had a face to put a name to. One new name that stuck out was a friend my daughter mentioned all the time as being her new best friend. I insisted on meeting her. She had her new friend spend the night and she seemed nice enough. There was something about her though, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it, and that bothered me.

Then on March 31st, (I remember