The Dark Half: Overcoming Addiction and Taking Your Life Back

By John Christopher Jones

This book can change your life. I wrote it to help others avoid the pain and misery caused by addiction and relapse that I lived through until I finally learned how to recover. I will help you understand addiction and show you the road to recovery. Once you read my story and see what I went through because of my addiction to drugs and alcohol, and then see how I was able to recover from it and remain clean and sober, then you will see that you can do it, too. This book will show you how. Addiction to drugs and alcohol can have devastating effects on life, family, and relationships, and in many cases leads to incarceration or death. If you have family or friends that are having problems with drugs and alcohol, then this book will help you understand them and what they are going through so you can better formulate a plan to help them get treatment so they can start to recover and get their life back.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Mar 3, 2019
• ISBN: 9780359477838

Book preview

The Dark Half: Overcoming Addiction and Taking Your Life Back

The Dark Half:

Overcoming Addiction and Taking Your Life Back

By John Christopher Jones

Copyright © 2017 by John Christopher Jones

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review or scholarly journal.

First Printing: 2017

Second Printing: 2019

ISBN 978-0-359-42463-4

John Christopher Jones

Lynchburg, Virginia 24502

In loving memory of my grandmother, Cecil Jones.

The Dark Half:

Overcoming Addiction and Taking Your Life Back

By John Christopher Jones

In loving memory of my grandmother, Cecil Jones.

THE BEGINNING

TROUBLE STARTS

REHAB

RELAPSE AND THE DARK HALF

MY FIRST TASTE OF PRISON

STARTING OVER

REHAB...AGAIN!

LAZINESS=FAILURE AND DEVASTATING CONSEQUENCES

PRISON LIFE

MORE HEARTACHE

WAITING ON PAROLE

STARTING OVER...AGAIN!

FAILURE...AGAIN!

GETTING CLEAN...FINALLY!

SILENCING THE DARK HALF & LOCKING THE TIGER IN THE CAGE

RECOVERY LESSONS

ANOTHER TEST

A NEW BEGINNING...YOU CAN DO THIS!

EPILOGUE: YOU MUST READ THIS!

THE BEGINNING

If you are reading this book, then you are one of the lucky ones. Millions have died due to drug use, abuse, and addiction. I've read a lot of books on addiction and recovery, but most were hard to understand, and any good points they had were buried in the middle of a bunch of technical mumbo jumbo. Most seemed to be written by doctors and therapists who had never even tried drugs before, and learned about drugs and addiction through education, not firsthand. They do offer some helpful insights and solutions, but can't show you the mind and behaviors of an addict the way I am going to.

Who am I, you ask? For now, let's just say that I'm a recovering addict who has a lifetime full of addiction, relapse, and recovery. I have lived the highs and lows of it and know firsthand what the experience is like, but most importantly, I know how someone can recover and get their life back. I know what you're feeling and what you're going through, and I can help you overcome it and get back to living.

Here is what you can expect from this book: I will explain addiction as I understand it, and will tell you the things I have been through, as well as some things of what others I have known have been through. I'll show you the similarities between addicts so you can see that you are not alone and that others are going through the same thing. I will also show you ways that you can overcome your addiction like I have, if you want to change and put forth the effort to do so. This is a book written by a recovering addict, not a doctor. I have lived this and know what it takes to recover and stay clean. Hopefully, you can learn from my mistakes and save yourself. If you are an addict, then the chances are that you will see yourself in this book and know it is the truth, and maybe you will wake up and save yourself from the nightmare that you've been living. There is so much more in this book and if you give it a chance you will see. I have a lot to say and I want to help others avoid the pain, misery, and devastation that drug and alcohol abuse and addiction can bring.

Let me clarify something early on. Many people are in denial about drug use and addiction. I understand that, as it's one of the most common symptoms of the disease. Some people don't think they have a problem and there is no way that they can be an addict. Well, we'll still see if you think that way after you read this book, but for now, to keep you interested, let's just say that this book applies to anyone if they are using drugs and alcohol and keep having negative consequences or a low quality of life because of it. It is also for families and loved ones of addicts so they can better understand them and what they are going through.

Let me start from the beginning. I was born in the summer of '69, and had a somewhat normal childhood in a middle class family. Well, normal to me was that my parents got divorced when I was a baby, and my mom remarried soon after. Yeah, life with a stepfather. Normal, right? Heck, these days that's practically the standard of a normal family! I saw my father infrequently. He was a wild one and my mom tried to keep us away from him as much as she could. I was a very hyperactive and mischievous child and was always getting into something and doing things I shouldn't. Yeah, it's safe to say that I was a problem child. I also have an older brother, but he was a lot more well-behaved than I was. He is two years and three months older than me. We went to stay with our father for a few days when I was nine, and that was when I had my first experience with drugs. Our dad had some friends over and he had this huge bong with four hoses sticking out of it. He put some weed on there and lit it and let me and my brother each take a toke. I didn't get high and don't remember feeling anything at all from it. As I got older and looked back at that moment, I always wondered why a parent would let their two young sons try drugs.

Let me say a few things about my father. My younger self loved him dearly. He was like a rock star to me, and was intense with a huge personality. He was also a black belt in Tae Kwon Do and full of confidence. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder and we only saw him a few times a year, so it was very exciting when we did see him. He always brought presents and we had a good time, but he did have a drug and drinking problem with a temper to match, and he could be very intense.

I remember clearly the last time I saw him. We were staying with him and his third wife, Cheryl, in Roanoke, VA for a few days, but that trip was cut short. It all started with a simple night out. We went to a bar that had an arcade connected to it, and my dad gave me and my brother each a roll of quarters so we could play games while he drank. We quickly ran through those quarters and he gave us more. We were having such a fun time, but don't they say that all good things must come to an end? We left the bar/arcade and went to the Three Chefs restaurant. My brother sat on our dad's lap and got to steer the car, and it was gonna be my turn to do the same on the way home. Well, that never happened. My dad continued drinking and his mood changed dramatically, very dark and scary. For the record, let me say that he never hit or abused me or my brother, although my mom said he was abusive towards her. I don't know, as those are her memories and not mine. I'd like to think he didn't, because I hate that type of behavior. A woman is to be treated as someone special and not to be abused or mistreated. Anyway, the drunker he got, the more he spewed venom about my mother and stepfather. It was very uncomfortable. He was in such a drunken state and terrible mood when we left, and he drove home, forgetting all about his promise to let me steer on the return trip. I was too scared to remind him.

He had turned into some kind of evil monster that terrified me that night. I looked in his eyes and saw that the father I knew was no longer in there at the moment. Alcohol and his violent temper had changed him into someone I didn't know anymore...someone I didn't want to know. He was drunk and driving his family home, and we were all too scared of him to challenge him about it. It was as if a car accident would've been a better alternative than to upset him further. Luckily, we made it safely back to his apartment, but then the real drama started when he called my mom on the phone. He was in a violent rage, cussing her out and punching the walls, putting holes everywhere in the sheetrock. He wanted to talk to my stepfather, but my mom wouldn't put him on the phone. As I said, our father never hit us, but we were still terrified that night. He had turned into a demon from a Stephen King novel, and I wished he would go back to the hell he came from.

Our mom wanted to talk to us and finally convinced him to give us the phone. This was way before cell phones, so we ran into the bathroom with the long stretch cord trailing after us. My brother and I are crying uncontrollably. I'm eleven years old. I don't know what to do. We close the door and lock it and cry to our mom on the phone. We can hear daddy yelling and cussing, and then he comes to the bathroom door and yells for us to give him the phone back. We were terrified of that demon monster daddy in the hall and we refused to open the door. A few seconds later, his bare foot comes straight through it! I told you he was a black belt! It may have been an irrational thought, but even now I can remember thinking that he was gonna kill us, only it wouldn't be him that killed us, but the drunken demon monster daddy that he had turned into. After his foot came flying through the door and he said we had better open it, well, we opened it immediately because we definitely didn't want to make him madder than he already was. Mad is an understatement. An insane rage is probably a better description. Even to this day, I have never seen rage like that. It was utterly terrifying.

Everything was a haze after that. I don't remember or know how or why, but he eventually calmed down and we all slept on the living room floor in some blankets. Yes, we all slept...until there was a knock on the door at 2am. The door opened and there stood three uniformed police officers. They had come to rescue us from the father of the year, aka drunken demon monster daddy. They collected us and took us out into the parking lot where my mother and stepfather waited for us in their car. That was 38 years ago when I was 11, and I can remember the final scene like it's an HD video etched into my brain. Even though my father had calmed down, the demon reappeared to snarl the last words I ever heard him speak. He came outside and shouted to my stepfather, I will take you on, anytime, anyplace! One of the police officers calmly replied, This is not the time or the place. With that we drove off, never to return. Never ever to return.

Isn't life crazy sometimes? My father was an addict. He screwed up his life and left a huge hole in mine. He made so many bad decisions because of drugs and alcohol, and he affected so many people because of it. And to top it off, the last words I heard him say were not even said by him, but by the demon monster daddy addict that he had become.

You're probably wondering that if I was only eleven, then how come those were the last words I ever heard him say? Remember when I said life was crazy sometimes? Well, he and his wife were murdered shortly after that. Yes, murdered. Murdered by people he knew, and yes, drugs were involved. Both of them were shot multiple times even after they were already dead. My father, just another addict in denial who lost his life and never changed. Just another tragedy that could have been avoided with treatment for addiction, effort, and change. His life affected others. It affected mine, and in turn my life has affected others, so both good and bad, the ripple affect of addiction continues to affect lives for generations. This problem is huge and affects so many people, and even though my father was murdered, at least his death was quick. My addiction has caused me a lifetime of pain and misery. Sometimes I have been so low that I thought even death would be a relief. I want to make you think, and I'm gonna do everything I can to get my point across, so I ask you now...have you ever contemplated suicide because of the miserable state of your life, and was the state of your life due to the decisions and actions that were the result of drug and/or alcohol use? Many times we are our own worst enemies and bring these bad things upon ourselves, but have no fear, because we also have the power to overcome these things as well, and I will tell you how by the time this book is done, so read on.

TROUBLE STARTS

Okay, so I'm eleven, a hyperactive and mischievous child, and my father and his third wife have been brutally murdered. So now what's next for me? Little did I know that the biggest mistake of my life was soon to come, and it would be the beginning of the end of life as I had known it. The coming events would change everything and life would never be the same. What happened, you ask? Well, when I was fourteen, two friends and I got some marijuana. I had never been high or drunk before and wondered what all the fuss was about, so I wanted to try it and see for myself. In the woods near my house, we passed a joint around. I didn't get high at nine years old when I first smoked it, so I was skeptical that this was gonna have any affect on me at all, but after a couple of minutes it hit me. I felt like I was in a dream and everything wasn't real. Time had stopped. We talked and laughed and the feelings were incredible. I loved it! It was the escape I'd been looking for. I was finally home.

I immediately had more problems in my life. Smoking weed made me lethargic. I didn't want to do homework, which led to zeroes and incomplete assignments, and my grades suffered. I was smart enough to get straight A's in school, but no homework and a lack of participation quickly led to C's and D's. I was always skipping school or getting sent to the principal's office. My relationship with my stepfather was tenuous at best, but my behavior and trouble at school further complicated things. I started smoking cigarettes as well. I did it mostly to fit in and try to be cool, but with my addictive personality I quickly became hooked. I had problems before I started using marijuana, so I can't blame the drug for that, but using brought on a whole new set of problems. I always had low self-esteem, but could usually escape that when I was high. As it turned out, though, I ended up wanting to always escape, and I loved the feeling of getting high. I wanted to get high and forget about my problems, but it became a vicious circle because I stole from my mom and skipped school to get high. My behavior got worse. So in getting high to forget my problems, I created more problems, and then in turn needed to get high to forget about the new problems. It was a no-win situation. I was always in trouble at home or school and wondered what the heck was wrong with me. Why did I always make the wrong decisions? Was I just a bad person...someone who was worthless and didn't belong in this world?

I hung around with fellow drug users and we were pretty wild and all troublemakers. Birds of a feather flock together, as the saying goes. Or better yet, maybe misery loves company is a more fitting description. I ended up getting trouble with the law as a juvenile. Petty things, but still enough to get me introduced into the system. I was picked up on a misdemeanor vandalism charge and taken to the W. W. Moore Detention Home in Danville, VA. It was my first time being locked up and I hated it. After a few days inside, I had a hearing to see if I could go home. It was denied and I was accompanied to the elevator by a policeman. When we got inside and the doors closed, I started to cry. Having your freedom taken is the worst, and I still remember that moment like it was yesterday. I hated being locked up, but hating it didn't mean that I would straighten up and never have to go back again. That is a freakin' understatement! Just wait until you hear the rest of my story.

I cried and went back to lock-up. Eventually I was released, but went back to the same old things. Same friends, same behaviors. I didn't realize I had a problem with drugs and it never dawned on me to try to quit. Using marijuana was normal to me now, just another routine part of my life. I blamed myself and everyone and everything else for my problems without thinking that smoking weed just might have something to do with them. Just the opposite, really. I NEEDED the weed just so I could escape the problems. Yeah, it's safe to say that I was pretty naive back then. Marijuana was the source of my fun and my escape. It was a great feeling to be high, and a dreadful one to come back down and face reality again. In those early days my mindset was that drugs were not the problem, but the solution to the problem. How wrong I was...

As a juvenile I stayed in trouble for one thing or another. All I wanted to do was party and be with my friends. The escape was all that mattered, but let me tell you that reality always catches up with you. I took my stepbrother's motorcycle late one night and drove up the highway to a friend's house to get high. I was 15. Remember the crappy relationship with my stepfather that I told you about? Well, he pressed charges on me for that and I was put on probation.

Things were extremely tense at my house after that, but I still didn't straighten up. I harbored resentment and let all the pain turn to anger. I wasn't a violent person and didn't hurt anybody or get into fights, but was just plain mischievous...lying, stealing, missing curfew, etc. At this point I had only used marijuana and nothing else. Since