What Life is All About: Broken for His Glory

By Esther Suter

This book is about the breaking and restoration of a human spirit. It is based on the book of Job. It tells of satan taking over the life of a human being whose greatest desire was to serve Jesus.

Like Job, satan desired to make her curse God and die spiritually. This is an exposé of satan’s tactics and how we can free and protect ourselves from the power of satan and sin.

His objective was also to prevent the writing of this book. As you can see, he failed in this.

Because Jesus is Lord.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fideli Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: May 15, 2015
• ISBN: 9781311876874

Esther Suter

Esther Suter was born into what she calls a dysfunctional, dysfunctional family. Consequently, this greatly and negatively affected her three brothers and her.She grew up feeling inferior and unloved and she became a dysfunctional person. She struggled through life until she finally turned her life over to Jesus.After this, she felt cleansed and healed and was compelled by what He was teaching her. She learned about and grew in spirit and in her life. The Lord eventually instucted her to start a teaching program on a local TV station and she was on television for five years. Her ministry was teaching the way to liberation.God has used her to win souls, heal the sick, and teach people about His kingdom to free them from satan’s oppression.She believes that all who accept Jesus as their Savior have the power to do what He wants them to do.She has been a widow for many years and calls herself an “everyday” person who heard God’s instruction and wrote a book aimed at teaching people that we are all in a spiritual battle, but all who know Jesus have His power to gain the victory.

Book preview

What Life is All About

Broken For His Glory

A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance: but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken.

PROVERBS 15:13

LIVED AND WRITTEN BY

ESTHER SUTER

Smashwords eBook published by Fideli Publishing Inc.

Copyright © June 2015 Esther Suter

No part of this eBook may be reproduced or shared by any electronic or mechanical means, including but not limited to printing, file sharing, and email, without prior written permission from Fideli Publishing.

Smashwords License Notes

This eBook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each person you share it with. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then you should purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Acknowledgements

I first want to thank and praise the Father, Son and the Holy Spirit for being with me and helping me through my whole life. For teaching me the things I have written in this book.

They have helped me become a new and better person, to use them to fight and win many spiritual battles. I hope this book helps many others in the same way.

I want to thank Rhonda Burpo, Paula Deweese, Juanita Edwards and Sheila Green, my good and close friends. Their encouragement motivated me to write this book.

I had wanted to, and believed I should, but I do not type. I tried a few times but it didn’t work out and I believe that was because I didn’t have all the information I needed, so I believed it just wasn’t time to write it yet.

I want to especially thank Paula DeWeese because she unselfishly volunteered to type it for me, which she did.

I also want to especially thank, with much gratitude, Patsy Thacker, who worked on editing and preparing this book to be published. She had some help from her husband, Donald. They worked on it this whole spring and summer. They are wonderful neighbors and friends.

May God grant them many blessings for their generous kindness. May He also bless those who read this book. May He open their understanding that they may learn and grow much in their souls and spirits.

I would also like to thank Aaron Maple. He doesn’t know how much he encouraged me to write this book. Thanks, Aaron!

I also give a great big thank you to J. R. Landis and my brother, James McCartney, for the help they gave me.

I also give a great big thank you to J.R. Landis, my wonderful brother James McCartney and my precious daughter Melissa Contrares for the monetary and encouraging help they so freely gave.

I want everyone who helped me in this endeavor to know that I not only thank them, but love them one and all for their kindness, generosity and the work they put into helping me write and publish this book.

Foreword

The more we grow, the more we come to know the power of God in our lives. This book will, with out a doubt, help you grow in your relationship with our amazing Creator. Esther has always inspired me with her words, wisdom and experience. You will be encouraged and challenged as you read the pages of spiritual insight that have come through Esther’s life. She has truly fought the good fight and has something great to share with you.

I know that my wife and I, as well as many others, have been impacted by the ministry and example of Esther’s life. You will come to know this same ministry as you read Broken. As God breaks us of our sin, He then restores us into the image that He destined for us to be. Esther is one whose image has been restored as a beautiful testimony of God’s faithfulness and power. You, too, will experience God’s faithfulness and power as you journey through the words written by a faithful servant of The Most High. Allow God to open up your heart as you read this heartfelt tapestry of a life rescued, changed and used for the glory of the Lord.

John Barrett,

Author, and associate pastor of Hoosier Harvest Church

Introduction

I repeatedly wrote certain scriptures, phrases and instructions all through this book. I have found that if I repeat something to a person a number of times, they will soon use them in their own conversation.

These are some things the Holy Spirit has repeated to me many times through the years. He wanted me, as I do you, to know they are very important to our understanding why certain things take place in our lives.

They can be used as guideposts as we progress in our spiritual walk.

It is like we were taught the alphabet. Going over and over it until we knew and could use it.

It is my hope that this will be a tool that you will use often as you grow.

A word about the devil and the word satan. In this book satan’s name will be written with small s to show that he is not worthy that it should be capitalized. He is the monstrous epitome of evil. He will get what he deserves.

CHAPTER 1

Love

What is the meaning of life? What is life all about? Why am I here? What is God’s will for me? I asked these questions one day while cleaning my kitchen floor. Instantly the Holy Spirit gave me the scripture Matthew 22:37-39. It tells us to love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and to love our neighbor as ourselves. God creates a spirit being and puts it in a physical body. He sent us here to choose Him and His eternal values or satan and his sinful pleasures. God is love. If we seek His eternal values He will create His love in our hearts.

There is a scripture that tells us to store up treasure in Heaven. When I first read this I could not understand how we could take anything to Heaven. I was pretty ignorant and dense when I first turned my life over to Jesus. The Holy Spirit put into my spirit, Your treasure in Heaven is the Godlike qualities that you acquire while here on earth. My next question was what are Godlike qualities? The answer: They are the fruits of the Holy Spirit, i.e., love, joy, peace, gentleness, tenderness, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control and also mercy, forgiveness and tolerance.

In our nature we want everyone to love us. We buy them things, we work for love, and we even give sex for love. We all want to be loved. If we feel or believe just one person loves us, we do not feel we are all alone in this world. If we believe no one loves us then we feel we are all alone with no one to help or protect us. We will begin trying anything we think that will get someone to love us.

I know a few people who believed as a child that no one loved them but someone felt sorry for them when they were ill or hurt. They were either sick or suffering something all their lives because they had substituted sympathy for love. They reasoned, No one loves me but I can get them to feel sorry for me. They will always be ready to tell anyone who will listen to what sickness or any other suffering is going on in their lives. They will unconsciously cause these things themselves. They will not eat a healthy diet or take good care of themselves.

The important word is unconsciously. We do many things to get people to love us but we do not realize that is the motive behind our actions. We feel sorry for ourselves and want everyone else to feel sorry for us too. We all want to be loved! However, nowhere in the Bible does it tell us to strive to be loved. The Bible tells us to give love. Give and it shall be given to you. You reap what you sow. It is more blessed to give than to receive. Love God and love your neighbor as yourself.

My parents were angry and violent people. They tried to solve their problems with anger. If that did not work they would start hitting. We learn by the example our parents display. As children we look at the actions of those around us. We do not really know how to become a man or woman when we grow up; therefore, we look at those around us and copy their actions.

It is written in the Bible to raise up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it. We are all born with a sinful nature. It is our nature to sin and it is the parent’s job to train children to control that nature and teach and train them God’s ways. Why? Because children will not depart from how they are taught and trained when they get old—good or bad. The training is put into the subconscious mind. What the subconscious believes will make us live that way. If we are told we are dumb, ugly, or not good enough, we will go through life believing and feeling that about ourselves. We will not depart from feeling that when we are old.

If we feel that way we will never like ourselves and we will always believe no one else likes us either. We will always feel lonely because we have isolated ourselves. We never feel a real oneness with others, but we will try to find someone who will love us. We will always feel empty and alone. We will seek someone or something to fill the emptiness and take away the loneliness. The only one who can change that is Jesus. I was living that life. After I turned my life over to Jesus, even though I was married, I still felt empty and alone. I would pray to be able to be in love and feel loved. After my husband died, I began the seeking again.

One night I dreamed I walked up some stairs. Jesus was at the top looking out a window. He looked very sad. I asked Him why and he answered, My family has gone shopping. They just keep shopping and shopping. I love them and want them to come home so I can show them I love them. They will not come home so that I can. They all have emptiness here. He put his hand over his heart. They are all trying to fill the emptiness but they never will. It is a spiritual emptiness and I am the only one who can fill it. But they will not come home and let me do that and show them that I love them.

When I awoke, I realized that was what I was doing. The Holy Spirit showed me that I had made falling in love and having someone love me an idol. That was my greatest desire in life. He gave me the scripture Matthew 6:33. Seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness. His righteousness is the fruit of the Holy Spirit. All of my life I had been seeking love, and all the time I was doing the opposite of God’s will.

It was very difficult for me to give up my idol. I went through a very strong emotional battle with myself but, with the Lord’s help, I won the battle. At first I would not show love because I had been very hurt by my mother and others as I grew up. The devil had put into my subconscious mind that if I loved I would suffer. Loving was one of my greatest fears. I had a stony heart. After Jesus gave me the dream, I would still not let myself show love that I did not feel.

One morning as I awoke, the Holy Spirit gave me this poem:

A time to give a crust of bread.

A time to pat a troubled head.

A time to teach a lesson learned.

A time to give a dollar earned

A time for past stories to be told.

A time to loosen a loving hold.

A time to give a loving smile.

A time to go an extra mile.

Oh well, oh well, too bad the feeling.

Alas, alas, another dealing.

The poem told me there were many ways to give love even if I did not feel it. Love is the greatest commandment. I was not to go by my feelings or lack of them. I was to obey God’s commandment and give love in actions.

He showed me that even if I hated someone, I was not to let that feeling control my actions. I’ve had people say (and I have said it myself in earlier times): You are a hypocrite if you pretend that you like someone you really hate. If you do it just to hide your real feelings, it is hypocritical; however, if you are doing it to be in obedience to God, it is not hypocritical. We will be obeying the Word of God and not letting our sinful self and feelings control us.

When the poem stated, Too bad the feeling, alas, alas, another dealing, it meant that I had refused (because of fear) to show or express love. I was going to have to go through some more suffering until I would obey. I would be listening to someone tell of suffering they were going through, and I would want to put my arm around them to show them love and comfort; however, something inside seemed to close and prevent me from doing that.

After the poem I began making myself hug people. It was very difficult at first, but it gradually got easier. Now it comes naturally and the feelings are there also. I had been making myself do this for a while when one night I dreamed of a garden. In the dream I was very happy to see the plants that were growing. They were healthy, flourishing plants and I was given the understanding that the seeds of love I had planted were growing. I was beginning to feel and show love without the fear. Not only that, but people were beginning to return that love. I was giving so I was receiving just as God’s Word tells us we will. His Word is true!!

So do not worry about people loving you. You show them love and it will naturally come back to you. It probably will not happen the next day. It takes time for seeds planted to grow, but grow they will. Give and it will be given to you. People think that means just money but it does not. It means love, forgiveness, help, mercy, acceptance and so forth.

Try it, you will like it. Life is so much better when we are giving and receiving love rather than trying to control other people’s emotions all the time. That is very stressful and frustrating. In God’s Word, it tells us to let the love of God be shed abroad in our hearts. That means to let the Holy Spirit create God’s love in us. God’s love is perfect. Perfect love casts out fear.

I read the scripture that perfect love casts out fear. I could not grasp the real meaning of that scripture. I had been praying about it one day. That night I dreamed a large bear was chasing me. I was running in terror. I came to a garage that had an old-fashioned barrel beside it. I thought if I jumped on the barrel I could get on the garage roof and the bear could not reach me, so I did that.

When I reached the roof I turned and saw that the bear had gotten on the barrel also and was climbing onto the roof. I was terrified and felt helpless. I was sure I was going to die. The bear looked at me with fear in his eyes and pointed at his throat. I knew he had something lodged in his throat that was choking him to death and he was begging me with his eyes to save him!

I thought if I saved him then he would kill me, but I felt sorry for him and wanted to help him. I thought if I stick my hand in his mouth and dislodge the thing choking him, he would then bite off my hand. I was still very afraid but could not just watch him suffer and die, so I stuck my hand in his mouth and dislodged whatever it was that was choking him. He jumped up on the roof, hugged me and said, Oh, thank you, thank you. As I awoke I heard someone say to me, Perfect love casts out fear.

I understood that the fear of loving was a self-centered fear and I was thinking only of myself. The Holy Spirit said very forcefully for me to get my mind off of myself and think of others, put others first!

I have heard and read many times someone will say that their Mom or Dad loved their brother or sister more than they loved them. Some of these people saying this were in their 40s and 50s and were still hurt because Mom or Dad did not love them the most. My mother did not love me at all. My dad drank and always had one mistress after another. We lived in a shack and he would give Mom barely enough money to feed us. We went hungry at times.

I had three brothers and I was the only girl. Mom was full of anger, rage and jealousy. She took that out on me. She finally got the courage to get a job in a factory. She would buy my brother’s clothes for school but she did not buy me any. She did buy me some underwear and socks. I just wore what others gave me. I thought she loved my older brother more than me because she let him physically, mentally and emotionally abuse me. He was two years older, but she would not punish or correct him. At times I hated him and wanted him to die so I would be free of him. Sometimes I felt sorry for him because adults abused us both.

After I turned my life over to Jesus, He began bringing out the things of my childhood that satan had used to try to destroy me. I had buried most of it in the depths of my subconscious but He began to bring it out for me to acknowledge and deal with. He showed me that as a child Mom told me no one liked girls. I believed no one loved me. They loved my brothers but not me. I prayed for Jesus to give me His thoughts and attitudes about it.

Let the love of God be shed abroad in your hearts. Matthew 5:43 through 48 tells us God’s will. It also tells us what perfect love is: Perfect love means we are willing to suffer and/or die for others. Jesus said, Love one another as I have loved you. He sacrificed His life for others. We can give our lives in ways other than death. The Bible tells men to give their lives for their wives and to live their lives for the welfare of their wives and not for themselves. Some mothers live their lives for their family.

So many people live their whole lives trying to get other people to love them. Many have the desire to be loved the most or be the only one to be loved. It is a me first problem. Scripture tells us that they who want to be first will be last. The people who want to be loved the most usually (if not always) feel unloved, as the Bible tells us. The Bible is true and our lives are judged by what is written in it whether we believe it or not or whether we know it or not.

When we believe someone is loved more than we are, we will be envious and angry with him or her and the one we think is being unfair to us by loving someone else more. We will say and do things to hurt and/or embarrass them. Therefore, we will be hurt and embarrassed also. It may not come from them but it will come. We reap what we sow — another scripture by which we are judged. The Bible tells us the greatest spiritual gift is love. Give and it will be given to you, pressed down, shaken together and running over.

Jesus blesses us for our obedience by loving us through others. He gave us the instruction book to teach us how to live our lives so we do not have to suffer. Love forgives, thinks no ill will, nor returns evil for evil. Love fulfills the law, does not lie, cheat or steal. It does not commit adultery, it does not covet or murder. It naturally obeys God’s laws.

Love should be our most desired gift. We all have a sinful nature that we need to be freed from. It prevents us from doing God’s will. So look within. What is your desire? To love or be loved? To give love or take it away from someone else? Your future happiness depends on your answers. Our actions today determine our lives tomorrow. Jesus said, If you love me keep my commandments.

I asked the Lord one day, What is the basic meaning of the Bible? He gave me the same scripture that He gave when I asked Him what life was all about. Matthew 22:37-39, Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength and your neighbor as yourself.

The devil gives us the opposite of God’s will. He wants us to focus on self and trying to get people to love us. If we do, we will never be happy. God’s will is the only thing that will make us happy. If we are not happy, we need to examine ourselves and find out what is in us preventing us from being happy.

We are born being self-centered and self-absorbed. Our parents are to show and teach us to love. That should be the first thing we learn in life — to love. Now-a-days parents are usually too busy or self-absorbed themselves to express much love. Some are too damaged from their own growing up that they never learned how to show love. My brothers and I all grew up without being taught how to love. We were all hurt and rejected so that we all had a fear of expressing love. Then we were unable to teach love to our children.

There is a scripture that tell us the sins of the parents are visited on the children. We pass them down and teach them to our children — generation to generation. Someone made the point one time that in the 1800s some people complained as our generation does, that the next generation was worse than their generation had been. I think they do get worse with every generation because each one passes on their sins. Thank God He intervenes and saves, and some people are still able to love and teach love to their children.

The 13th chapter of First Corinthians tells us what love is, what it does and what it does not do. Matthew 6:33 tells us to seek God’s love above all else and to seek His righteousness first. God is love, which is His righteousness. Jesus said that love fulfills the law. If we have God’s love created in us (and it does have to be put in us by God), we will never break His laws. We will not steal, kill, lie, covet, commit adultery, etc. When we do these things, we are acting out of self-love. We matter and others do not.

The problems many people encounter in receiving and expressing God’s love are (1) an inability to know and experience God’s love and to love Him in return, and (2) the inability to love and receive love from others. God stands ready to produce His love within us (Galatians 5:33). We will know we love God when we love our brothers and sisters in Christ and our fellow man, which includes our enemies. The Holy Spirit told me one time that someone may be my enemy but I do not have to be their enemy.

Jesus said, If you keep my commandments, you shall abide in my love just as I have kept my Father’s and abide in His love. These things I have told you, that My joy might remain in you and that your joy might be full. When we accept Jesus as our Savior, we are born of the Holy Spirit. God changes our old nature and gives us love for others, if we will receive it.

One day I was painting my living room when I noticed a woman walking toward my house. I realized it was one of my ex-sisters-in-law whom I hated. I was a brand new babe in Christ so my human spirit had been reborn but my sinful soul still had to be cleaned up and restored. When I saw her, I was instantly angry that she was coming to my house. I said, Oh no, Lord, I do not want her here. I do not even want her in my yard. He put the scripture in my mind, Love your enemies. I do not want to love her, I answered. Another scripture came to me, Love one another as I have loved you. I do not want to love her. If you want her to be loved, you will have to do it because I don’t want to.

All this happened in a second or two. I got down off the ladder and went out the door and through my front yard to meet her because, as I told the Lord, I did not even want her in my yard. I met her at the edge of my yard. I looked her in the eyes and suddenly this great overwhelming love came into me and rushed out of me to her. I put my arms around her and told her I was glad she was there and I meant every word. God had taken me at my word and He loved her through me. In the process He also filled me with love for her. I still love her to this day even though she died some years ago.

She stayed for three days and was saved during that time. She told me later that she had asked Jesus to save her because of the love that came from me which was God’s love that He put in me. I was truthful when I told Him I did not want to love her. So He did it for me and for her.

Another time I had some not-so-desirable neighbors. Sometimes they had drinking parties all night especially on Saturday night. I had to run a fan all night to drown out their noise so I could get some sleep because I got up early Sunday morning for church. They threw their beer cans and chip bags over my fence for me to clean up the next day. I prayed and prayed for years for them to move. They stayed for about twenty years.

One Saturday night I arrived home about 9:30 after visiting one of my brothers and his wife, and I saw these neighbors were having another one of their parties. Oh, Lord, please give me a break, I pleaded. They will be out there all night, I complained. As