50 Ways To Grieve Your Lover

By Glennys Marsdon

100 tips, 80 quotes, 50 light-hearted emails to help gain back control.
Used during international disasters such as the NZ Pike Mine Disaster.
At 43 years of age Glennys Marsdon suddenly found she was a widow. She also found there weren’t many books for young, (or young at heart), widows or widowers. As a qualified psychologist she drew on over twenty years experience researching human behavior, to find out what she might expect. A year later when a good friend called asking for advice she fired off an email entitled "10 things I have learnt so far". The 10 things soon grew to 50, and when more people called for advice, she realised the emails had to be shared. It contains cartoons by her partner Michael Collins dec,
As a result Glennys was profiled in Seth Godin's book Tales Of A Revolution, People Poking The Box and Making a Difference.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Glennys Marsdon
• Release date: Apr 2, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476349794

Glennys Marsdon

Consumer Psychology consultant - Author - Freelance writer - Blogger Telstra Business Women Awards 2012 nominee Profiled in Seth Godin's book True Tales of People Poking The Box and Making A Difference Glennys's passion for people and problem solving saw her train as a psychologist and establish an independent consumer psychology consultancy, The Customers’ Voice. She has spent over 20 years exploring why consumers do what they do, which has given her the opportunity to meet a broad range of people including domestic violence perpetrators, SAS members, indigenous communities, CEO’s, celebrities and the most challenging of all, teenagers. Her writing life began in the 1980’s at the Australian Red Cross where she produced the Youth Magazine. With the sudden loss of her partner in 2010 she wrote 50 Ways To Grieve Your Lover, which has been used in tragedies such as the New Zealand Pike Mine Disaster. As a result she was profiled in US internet and marketing guru, Seth Godin’s book called, True Tales Of People Poking The Box And Making A Difference. Godin’s book was the result of a worldwide competition which, unbeknown to Glennys, a friend had entered her into. Her follow up book, Me Time: 100 Strategies For Guilt-Free Me Time, was born out of a desire to reduce the number of colleagues she saw suffering stress-related illnesses. It recently won a People's Choice Award. In 2012 she was nominated for the Telstra Business Women’s Award. She sits on a number of government committees and is the Professional Development Coordinator for the Australian Society of Authors in Western Australia. She has had several freelance articles published and her blog www.theponderroom.com, which is read in over 60 countries, recently won a Versatile Blogger award. She is currently embarking on her first fiction novel, with much trepidation.

Book preview

INTRODUCTION

June 18th 2005, 4.00pm ......my heart drained.

Not the slow trickle I had become used to over the past 4 days, after my partner had suddenly taken ill one Saturday afternoon. No, this was a sudden tsunami that evacuated the entire contents of my heart in less than one second.

What? I said.

I'd just made it back from the trek down the long corridor, past the neglected nurses' station and forlorn trolleys, to the toilet, all the while accompanied by a flickering overhead light. Having made the decision to turn off the life support machines, I had asked the nurse how long it would be.

Can't be sure really, it could be minutes or hours. She replied while absent-mindedly unhooking the myriad of multi-coloured tubes and cables.

I'd been holding on for so long, I couldn't wait one more second, so I made a quick dash down the corridor.

As I walked back it felt like a small semblance of normality had re-entered my life. It was not unusual for Michael to be left waiting, while I answered the call of nature yet again. I smiled, remembering the usual sight that awaited my return.

There he'd be propped up against the wall, patiently waiting, arms sunk deep into the front pockets of his jeans. He'd turn, his eyes watching as I came closer, his mouth slowly molding into a smile that would eventually engulf his whole face. He'd take my hand in his and we'd set sail on the next part of our journey together.

With this image in my head I turned and re-entered the small room situated next to the hospital ICU ward. The immediate family had been occupying this room on and off for the past 4 days.

Someone was talking to me. I could see their lips moving. I was still focusing on the image of Michael and I walking hand-in-hand, eyes looking forward, contented smiles on our faces. Finally I made out two words.....

He's gone.

He was 50, I was 42.

We had been inseparable for 6 years.

I'd often heard it said that we were a 'great love', 'soul mates', a couple who 'reminded people how good relationships could be'.

You guys inspired me to be nicer to my partner.

But really we were just us, two people trying to work it out together, without harming each other in the process.

Now as I was answering the call of nature ...... nature decided that Michael had waited patiently for one last time. It was time to take him back. If only I had held on a bit longer.

How the book came about...

Twelve months on, I received an email from a close friend who had just lost her best friend. Knowing about my loss she asked if we could meet.

I replied with an email titled: "Ten things I have learnt so far", hoping but not knowing, whether this would provide comfort.

We decided to meet outdoors rather than in a coffee shop with lots of people around and for some strange reason we picked the somewhat romantic option of eating fish and chips on the beach.

The next morning I re-read my email. After two hours, four cups of tea and ten chocolate biscuits the list had grown to 20 things.

Given my research background I guess it was hardly surprising that I started researching what was going to happen to me. What could I expect? In the first 6 months I tried to find other people like me, and see how they were coping.

As a result the list grew into a combination of anecdotes I'd gleaned from books, conversations with other widows, and other thoughts I had stumbled upon.

Then one day during these 6 months I was undergoing my own session in an MRI machine. Nowadays they give you headphones so you can listen to music. After about 15 minutes in the machine the song Clare de Lune started playing through my headphones. This was Michael's favourite piece of music. He'd often mentioned that when he did eventually pass he would want this song played at his funeral, which we duly did. At that moment I must admit to shedding a tear as I felt Michael was with me, helping me get