January 4th came around and I was already tired, beat, and a little out of my mind with grief. I never thought much of end-of-the-year activities holding such an outcome. Nevertheless, there I was, holding my dog for his final breaths, tears streaming down our faces.
Welcome to Musing Interruptus. Life and death are two of the most natural events I can think of. Sex is another, but we’ll save that for another installment. Life and death… things we are certain of, unless confronted by Morpheus in the Matrix with some groovy pills.
Day 12, year 2022. I remember the precise moment when he said, It can’t get any worse than this. I immediately glared at him and said -oh please don’t do that. You should know better by now. I am well aware that those words are not magic, nor did they instigate the forthcoming events. The Christmas season began with two thoughts. 1. I am going to stop being a grinch. It was actually an advance on a Christmas present. 2. A seasonal movie would have this be the watershed moment that puts the protagonist’s sense of goodness and hope to the test. A Christmas Spirit test. A story is as old as time.
I vowed to put the Christmas tree up and not mention the atrocity of having a green tree rotting for the pleasure of the household, thus my personal pet name for the tree over the years, Christmas Corpse, was not heard, not even once. No gentle listeners, not even once. I ventured into a handicraft store, bought a few kilos of glitter, glue, paint, tulle, and ribbons…  and made decorations and a reef. I Played Christmas songs, fake it till you make it. And by George, I had the Christmas Spirit, it invaded me all over, I was intoxicated… Christmas hives all over the place. I was the voice of Christmas hope and tenderness… I was feeling good about it. I even philosophized over the importance of controlling one’s feelings and perceptions and taking responsibility for one’s feelings. If you listened to my last podcast of the year, I freakin’ recited the Night Before Christmas. I Christmased it up alright.
Bad news at work, and some shocking news from another two fronts… which by the way, in the end, had good outcomes. In the face of this,  I didn’t consider giving up the Christmas Spirit, no. I only decided to be close to family, and that was the right move. In the end, the people we call family, be they your flesh and blood or the family we chose to have, are with whom we need to be, in happy times, but especially in the hardest times. I recognize the universe did not throw things at me, nor was I the subject of a cruel experiment. No. I am just a human, getting by and yes, loving every moment of it. Even in the hardest and darkest times, love shines through. I don’t think it hurts any less, though.
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