It’s All About Me! The Facts About Maternal Narcissism

By Cynthia Bailey-Rug

Narcissistic Personality Disorder is an unashamed disregard for other people, except for how they can be used. This entitled behavior is devastating, but especially for a narcissist's child.

Drawing on her experiences with her narcissistic mother, the author explains Narcissistic Personality Disorder and the problems it causes, as well as ways to heal, and to manage a relationship with narcissistic parent, all from a Christian perspective.

Although this book is written from the perspective of a daughter with a narcissistic mother, the information is also pertinent to sons of narcissistic mothers or those with narcissistic fathers.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Cynthia Bailey-Rug
• Release date: Sep 11, 2014
• ISBN: 9781311846501

Cynthia Bailey-Rug

Cynthia Bailey-Rug is happily married to Eric Rug. Together they live near Annapolis, Maryland with their menagerie of lovely pets.Cynthia has been a Christian since 1996, and believes God has called her to write. She always loved writing, but realized it was her purpose in 2003. She has since written many articles, and several books. She also has edited books for other up and coming authors. She enjoys reading, animals, classic cars, crafts, gardening, gadgets, and spending time with her friends and pets.She has written the following books:Non-fiction:My Narcissistic Abuse Healing JournalWhen A Narcissistic Parent Dies: Expanded VersionRegrettably Related: A Guide to Toxic In-lawsWhen Love Hurts: Loving A NarcissistWhen A Narcissistic Parent DiesIn Sheep's Clothing: All About Covert NarcissistsThe Truth About Elderly NarcissistsIt's Not You, It's Them! When People Are More Than SelfishChildren and Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A Guide For ParentsLife After Narcissistic Abuse: There Is Healing and HopeIt's All About ME! The Facts About Maternal NarcissismYou Are Not Alone!Emerging From The ChrysalisA Witness Of FaithLessons From The Heart: What Animals Have Taught Me About Life And LoveAll I Know About Marriage...I Learned The Hard Way!Pawprints On Our HeartsBaptism of JoyRomantic InspirationsFacets Of LoveBiblical Perspectives On Narcissism Mini Book Series:The Basics Of Narcissistic Personality DisorderWays Narcissists Abuse And How To CopeShould I End My Relationship With A Narcissist?Biblical Perspectives Mini Books:How To Honor Abusive ParentsLoving Someone With Complex Post Traumatic Stress DisorderCrochet Patterns:Cuddly Kittens Scarf Crochet PatternGnome Mushroom House Crochet PatternMarie's Doily Or Rug Crochet PatternWhite Squirrel Crochet PatternCross Stitch Patterns:Beware Of People Who Dislike Cats Cross Stitch Pattern 1Beware Of People Who Dislike Cats Cross Stitch Pattern 2Monarch Butterfly on Chrysalis Cross Stitch Pattern"My Cat" Cross Stitch PatternPainted Lady Butterfly on Yellow Marigold Flower Cross Stitch PatternPurple and Yellow Iris Flower Cross Stitch PatternSeagull On Rock By Chesapeake Bay Cross Stitch PatternTiger Swallowtail Butterfly On Purple Phlox Flowers Cross Stitch PatternWhite Rose of Sharon Cross Stitch PatternWhite Squirrel Cross Stitch PatternYellow Butterfly on Yellow Marigold Flower Cross Stitch PatternFiction:Sins Of The FatherThe Christian Woman’s Guide To Killing Her HusbandAll books are available on her website at:www.CynthiaBaileyRug.com

Book preview

Before we begin discussing the very difficult topic of narcissistic mothers, I would like to take a few minutes of your time to talk to you about something that I believe is even more important.

I have been a born again Christian since 1996. God since has blessed me in so many ways, including helping me heal from narcissistic abuse. He has enabled me to face the painful fact that I have been abused, to learn some of the reasons why, ways to cope with the damage done to me, to learn that I was not to blame for being abused, and to become open enough to discuss the details to help other people in similar situations. Obviously, God has been extremely important in my healing, and I hope He will be in yours, as well. Because of my faith, this book will include ways you can involve God in your healing if you choose to do so.

If you have not thought about God, or have been turned off to Him or religion in general, please be open to reconsidering your views. I know it can be hard, but please try. I did, and am so very grateful I was open-minded! Please bear with me for a few moments and do not skip over this short chapter.

I grew up not believing God existed. After all, I thought, where was He when I was being abused? Not to mention, my teaching of him at home as a child was basically If you are a good person, you go to Heaven, and if you are a bad person, you go to Hell, which made no sense to me. I wondered what exactly a good or bad person was. I have since learned God does exist, my deeds do not determine where I spend eternity, He cares about me, and it was never His will for me to be abused. He wants to help you as He has helped me, and He wants to spend eternity in Heaven with you! If you are wondering how to do this, you will be surprised exactly how simple it is.

First, not all good people go to Heaven, and bad people to Hell. Instead of the faulty thinking that deeds determine where you spend eternity, you must acknowledge that you, like every other person, are a sinner. For all have sinned, and come short of the glory of God (Romans 3:23). Because of this you are destined for death. For the wages of sin is death;... (Romans 6:23). This includes eternity in Hell, separated from God.

Sacrifice used to be the required payment for sin. And almost all things are by the law purged with blood; and without shedding of blood is no remission. (Hebrews 9:22). God put an end to that. He loved you so deeply that He gave His Son, Jesus, to be the final and greatest sacrifice – the payment for any and all sin. Jesus accepted your sin, and died in your place: For he hath made him to be sin for us, who knew no sin; that we might be made the righteousness of God in Him. (2 Corinthians 5:21). But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).

You must believe in this, and be willing to repent of your sins. And the times of this ignorance God winked at; but now commandeth all men every where to repent: (Acts 17:30). This means that you change your old ways, live a life pleasing to God instead of only yourself, and you believe that Jesus’ death was for you. It is truly that simple.

Acts 16:30-31 speaks of a jailer who asked the apostles Paul and Silas: And brought them out, and said, ‘Sirs, what must I do to be saved?’ And they said, ‘Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ, and thou shalt be saved, and thy house..’ And, John 1:12 says, But as many as received Him, to them gave He power to become the sons of God, even to them that believe on His name: Lastly, Romans 10:13 states, For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved.

Salvation is truly the best gift ever given! Not only does it mean you will go to Heaven when you die, but God will bless and care for you while you are on this Earth. He will enable you to live a victorious Christian life, full of peace, joy, wisdom and more. No, your life will not always be easy, but it will be so much better with Jesus in it!

If you would like, pray this prayer to accept God’s free gift of Salvation or pray in your own words:

Father God, I realize that I am a sinner. Please forgive me, and give me Your precious gift of Salvation. I believe in my heart that Jesus died for me, as payment for my sins, and I am so grateful for His sacrifice. Please, Father, save me! Fill me with Your love, and Your Holy Spirit. Help me to live a life pleasing to You, and please help me always to keep You as my top priority. Please guide my steps every day. Thank You for saving me, Father!

That is it - you are now a born again Christian! Congratulations!!!

To start out with your new life, I would recommend that you pray often. I personally do not believe in a set time anyone should pray - pray according to what you feel is right in your heart. I pray short prayers often during the day, and very rarely do I say long, elaborate prayers. That may work for you, or you may be more comfortable praying less frequently, but for longer durations. How long or often you pray are not important, so long as it works for you and comes from your heart. Prayer is simply conversation with God, so talk to Him as you would talk to your best friend. And, do not just talk, listen as well. In my experience, God seldom speaks in an audible voice. For me, it is mostly a knowing feeling in my heart. There are other times I have turned on some music or opened a book and a phrase in the song or book just jumps out at me, and I know in my heart God is giving me a message.

Also, read your Bible. Find a translation you like - there are a great many to choose from. The King James translation is written in an Old English style - it is beautiful, but may be a bit harder to understand than a modern translation such as the New International Version. The Amplified and Message translations make wonderful study Bibles, as they use clear language and details explanations of Scripture.

There are many plans available for reading the entire Bible in a year. It is a daily schedule suggesting what to read each day, and if you follow it, by the end of the year, you will have read the entire Bible. They can be handy, but they are not absolutely necessary. A quick online search can reveal many of them if you believe this is something you would like to try. I did it many years ago as a new Christian, and enjoyed it thoroughly.

Many people find going to church a wonderful way to become closer to God as well as learn about Him. Others prefer watching Christian television or listening to Christian radio. A bit of experimenting, and you will figure out what you find the most beneficial.

Lastly, never forget to talk about your faith with other people. Surrounding yourself with people who share your beliefs is a wonderful experience. They will pray for and with you, they will help lift you up when you are down, they can teach you and you can return the favors for them.

Once again, congratulations on your Salvation! I pray God blesses you abundantly!

Romans 10:9 That if thou shalt confess with thy mouth the Lord Jesus, and shalt believe in thine heart that God hath raised him from the dead, thou shalt be saved.

*****

Introduction

If you have purchased this book, then you are obviously looking for information and answers regarding your narcissistic mother. My prayer is that this book will help you not only find ways to deal with her, but answer any questions you may have, help you to heal from her abuse, learn to continue your relationship with her in a healthier way, or to decide whether or not end that relationship, if that is something you are contemplating.

Although this book is written from the perspective of a daughter with a narcissistic mother, I believe the information to be equally as valuable whether you are a daughter or a son, or even if you have a narcissistic father instead of narcissistic mother.

Having grown up with a narcissistic mother, I understand the tremendous amount of pain and frustration that comes along with it. I also have learned a lot about the incredible amount of damage this behavior can do to a child. Childhood with all of the good and the bad experiences, make us who we are as adults. Many behaviors and beliefs we have as adults have their root in childhood. Thanks to my relationship with God through His Son Jesus, I have learned ways to heal from many of the dysfunctional behaviors and beliefs that I learned in my childhood, and replace them with healthier ones. I will share all that I have learned as well as some of my personal experiences in this book.

Having been a born again Christian since 1996, this book is written from a Christian perspective, as I mentioned in the previous chapter. Although plenty of information from a scientific or psychological perspective is included, I believe a relationship with God to be even more valuable in healing from narcissistic abuse. Science and psychology are wonderful, but God not only knows plenty about both, He also knows people intimately. This means He can help you heal in a way no one else can. However, even if you do not share my faith, this book still can help you.

Also, please be aware that I am not a mental health professional. I have no college degrees nor have I taken any classes in psychology. What I share here is what I have learned through a great deal of prayer, research and plenty of personal experiences.

I am trying to include everything I know relating to growing up with a mother with Narcissistic Personality Disorder in this book. I hope it does not overwhelm you. I will do my best to keep it easy to understand, as this disorder can be very confusing and overwhelming. Honestly, it still baffles me sometimes, and I have been learning about it for several years.

A Little About Me

Not only did I grow up with a mother with Narcissistic and Personality Disorder and possibly also Borderline Personality Disorder, my mother’s mother was narcissistic as well, and I was also exposed to some of her abuse.

Growing up, my mother was very involved with every aspect of my life. Too involved, I realize now, but as a child, I told myself she was simply overprotective because she loved me so much. No one, not even my father, seemed to think anything was wrong when she volunteered at my elementary school several days a week, did not allow me to visit my friends at their homes, or allow my friends come over to visit. I also was not allowed to spend much time with most of my cousins on my father’s side of the family. My mother did not like her in-laws, so she kept me by her side and away from the majority of them when we visited.

Once I entered junior high, my mother was not at school almost daily with me anymore, although she was still quite involved with volunteering at the school. However, my mother still retained a great deal of control over me. This continued into high school.

Just before I turned seventeen, my mother said I needed to get a job. I got a job at the local library, as she had told me to do. On my second night working there, I met a young man who my mother despised upon first sight. We walked out of the library together when our shift was over, and when I got into my mother’s car to go home, she asked who that was. I told her his name. She told me never to speak to him again, because she did not like him. She offered no explanation as to why she said what she did.

A few days later, I learned that he went to the same high school as me. He would suddenly appear in my path when I was going from one class to another and escort me to class, or he would show up in the cafeteria when I was having lunch with my friends. I only halfheartedly tried to avoid him, as my mother wanted, because I did like his sense of humor. I figured she would not learn that we spoke at school. I did not tell her when I found out we attended the same school, so it seemed reasonable to me that she would not find out.

Probably about two weeks after we met, he started asking me out. I kept telling him I had plans with my parents, and I could not see him due to having a very busy weekend ahead of me. The truth, however, was that my mother did not want me to date anyone, even though my friends had been dating for a few years by this time. He was incredibly persistent, and constantly telling me the things I longed to hear, such as I was beautiful, smart, etc. Since my mother was extremely critical of me, words like that were music to my ears. And, since I was so desperate to hear them, I ended up sneaking around at school and work to spend more and more time with him. My mother found out, and that is when my life became a living hell.

My mother soon found someone at my school to report back to her what I did each day. Whoever this person was would call my mother every afternoon or evening to fill her in on my activities of the day. In all honesty, I am not sure if the person lied to her about what I had been seen doing during my school day, or if they were honest with her, yet my mother lied about what this person said. In any case, if my mother said I had been seen with this young man, my mother would scream at me, telling me what a terrible person I was, how I was humiliating her by spending time with him, how I was acting like a slut, how people were talking about me behind my back because they could not believe my terrible behavior, and also what a terrible person he was. Interestingly, she never gave me one example of why he was such a terrible person. I think her only protest at the time was she objected to someone else getting my attention when she thought she alone should be the sole recipient of it. I felt like growing up, wanting to date and wanting to be like other teenagers was looked upon as a betrayal by my mother rather than a natural course of events.

My mother stopped allowing me to eat my lunch at school, saying she was saving me from myself, because she was certain I was having sex with my boyfriend and many other boys at school (including the whole football team!) on my lunch breaks. I was a virgin, and told her so. She threatened to take me to a gynecologist to find out because she was sure I was lying. When I told her please do, she dropped the topic immediately.

My mother also used that extra time together each day to tell me (often screaming at me rather than talking in a normal voice) her usual cruelties - how ashamed she was of me, how I was acting like a slut, people were talking about my terrible behavior and much more. She even told me that the people in my life who I loved the most, my paternal grandparents, were ashamed of me. She also implied they hated me, which hurt me more than anything else she said to me.

The abuse was a daily event for the next year. It lightened up some just before I turned eighteen, and my mother knew she could not control me as much as she had. I got a full time job and my first car immediately after graduating high school, so thankfully, I was not home much. I spent every free moment away.

The month after I turned nineteen, when I got home late one night, my mother screamed at me, waking my father. They ended up having a big fight, and I could not take being in the middle yet again of another one of their awful arguments. I had my first nervous breakdown that night. Neither of my parents realized that happened, as I had locked myself in the bathroom for a few hours as soon as the argument began. I moved out of my parents’ home as soon as I found somewhere to go, about a week later, then I moved back in six months later when I needed to move quickly. That lasted for only four days. On the fourth day, my mother and I got into an argument as soon as I got home from work. My mother drew my father into it as well, and he walked out of the house only a few minutes later. As I went to leave shortly after my father, she threw me into the wall by her front door, knocking a big hole in the wall, and injuring my back to the point I had to quit working a few months later because of the constant, terrible pain. She told people I was no longer working because I was lazy, and never accepted responsibility for throwing me into that wall. My father fixed the wall quietly. A few years ago, he mentioned how big the hole in the wall was and how he had fixed it. He also told me that I did not have to apologize for busting up that wall. That was not going to happen. Ever. I refuse to apologize for my mother damaging that wall with my back!

Since I moved out, my mother’s nastiness has changed, but has not stopped completely. She used to slap me on the back on a regular basis, right where she knew my pain was, or hug me tight enough to make my back pop and crack, which also aggravated my pain. (Now, she lives with constant back pain that doctors cannot fix. This is a case of reaping what she has sown, I believe.) She has never stopped criticizing me. Instead she got more creative with her cruelties. She tells most people that I do not work, although one time she told one of her relatives I write children’s books. (She has never approved of anything I write, even before I started writing on abuse and recovery). I told that person what I really write, which surprised her greatly. Oddly, she never confronted my mother on her lie, as far as I know. My mother has said terrible things about my pets, knowing full well that they are like my children, and this is something that hurts me more than anything else she says or does. And, she still tries to control me on a regular basis, even though at the time of writing this, I am forty-three years old. She attempts to control me by insisting on driving when we get together, telling me what to do or say in certain

Reviews for It’s All About Me! The Facts About Maternal Narcissism

[Cilica · Rating: 2 out of 5 stars]

Heartfelt, written from personal experience but needs much editing. Repetitive and English is hard to read, I was skipping senteces. Should note this is a Christian based experience which is fine but with poor editing hard to read on.