The Voice

By Kari Miller

Melody has had constant struggles throughout her life and with the recent seperation with her spouse, she's finally had enough. Follow Melody through this dark story as she struggles with depression and battles an unstoppable voice within her that threatens to end her existence.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kari Miller
• Release date: Jun 3, 2014
• ISBN: 9781310174971

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The Voice

By: Kari Miller

SMASHWORDS EDITION

PUBLISHED BY:

Kari Miller on Smashwords

The Voice

Copyright © 2014 by Kari Miller

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author. Your support and respect for the property of this author is appreciated.

This book is a work of fiction and any resemblance to persons, living or dead, or places, events or locales is purely coincidental. The characters are productions of the author’s imagination and used fictitiously.

Table of Contents

Chapter 1 - My Undoing

Chapter 2 - Seclusion

Chapter 3 - Unavoidable

Chapter 4 - End of the Line

Chapter 5 - New Order

Chapter 6 - Home

Chapter 7 - Confessions

Chapter 8 - Sunflowers

Chapter 9 - Pain

Chapter 10 - Mirrors

Chapter 11 - Love & Hate

Chapter 12 - Reruns

Chapter 13 - Reality Check

Chapter 14 - Defeat

Chapter 15 - Cat & Mouse

Chapter 16 - Early Bird

Chapter 17 - Spring

About the Author

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1. My Undoing

You're like my new obsession

Most people would have warning bells going off in their heads upon hearing those words from a new and intense lover, not me; those words fuelled a desire in me that would later be smothered by indifference.

I had grown up with constant rejection and abandonment; I was so thirsty to be desired and utterly owned. I was tired of taking care of myself and others, I was tired of being alone, and mostly I was tired of feeling lesser than. I needed a man to come storming into my life and complete me in a way that I had never known. It sounds weak to most, but for me it was a need that ran deep in my soul. I had felt empty for so long, lingering in and out of minor depressions. The overwhelming need to be desired, wanted and loved had become a sickness. I thought I had found my cure, I thought that maybe someone up above had grown tired of seeing me suffering, I thought that maybe my guardian angel had sent me the man who I so desperately needed - I had thought wrong.

He had come into my life and swept me off my feet. It was as though he would inhale what I was exhaling. His love was so incredibly intense and came on so quickly that I was terrified that it wouldn't last, causing me to guard myself. I had eventually given into him completely, despite the warning bells that he couldn't keep this up for much longer - I had let my guard down too soon. I had given up everything and everyone for him. I had lost everything that I had worked so hard to gain and became completely dependent on him in every part of my life. What I hadn't recognized from the beginning was that he too had his demons that he was battling with, demons that would clash with mine.

Once the honeymoon had died down for him and ritual became the norm, that's when the first signs of trouble appeared. Although the first few months had been bliss, I needed more. He introduced me to another side of him that I wanted nothing to do with. Where prior he would be smothering and a man with a passion burning in his eyes when he looked at me, this new man would retreat into himself and unintentionally demonstrate indifference to my presence. He would walk the line as the man of my dreams and my worst nightmare. My love for him would be fuelled by his fire one day, and then doused with cold water the next. Every time I would convince myself that I couldn't take anymore, he would make passionate love to me and surround me in his protective embrace - melting away any thoughts of abandonment. I was so dependent on him in so many ways. My happiness was based on how he regarded me. I found myself right back at the beginning - needing, wanting and craving to be owned. I started eating only one meal a day in the hopes that he would care enough to yell at me and force me to eat! Of course he noticed, but it was ultimately my decision in the end if I wanted to eat or not. I felt myself getting sick and needed him to tell me to go to the doctors, drive me there himself against my protests - just to know that he cared! But instead he offered me a variety of pills and drew attention back to his own health problems. Yes he had physical issues with his body that the doctors couldn't pinpoint, and I nursed him when it would get to be too much - but I needed the same. In bed, I didn't want slow love making. I needed him to almost take me by force and unleash a manly desire on me - just so that I knew he needed me that much. I wanted him to grab my neck and tell me that I was his in the throws of passion and make me tell him that he owned me inside and out. So much so that everything else became vanilla.

I had given everything to him, including my self worth and respect - I had given him my soul. I needed from him to deliver me self worth and instead I was given silence.  He did try, he was attracted to my chubby and scarred body and he never gave up a chance to tell me so - but it wasn't enough. In the end, nothing that he tried to offer me was enough. My sickness had gotten out of control and I could no longer control my needs and desires and nothing he did would come close to what I needed. Only once he had converted back to the man I fell in love with, after he thought he had lost me, that man gave me a week of everything I had been needing. Even in bed he had grown more passionate and aggressive - almost making