Finding My Way

By Megan Keith

Breaking up is hard to do... moving on is harder... When twenty-three-year-old Emma discovers that her ex is moving on with his life, she decides to harden up and get on with living her own. Who knew that just opening up to the possibility of a new relationship would be all that it took? Things start looking up when her hot new co-worker Seth notices her. He had been the subject of her fantasies, but she never thought she stood a chance. Then there’s Nick, the sexy and self-assured guy she met at the train station that she cannot get out of her head. When even more prospects begin to show it seems that life is finally looking up. Top it off with a new career opportunity and Emma finally believes she can find her way to a whole new life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Megan Keith
• Release date: Jun 23, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301663187

Megan Keith

I am an indie author, mother of three, wife of one. I live in a small town in country New South Wales, Australia and couldn't be happier about that.I love writing and hanging out with the family and I love listening to music LOUD!!!Reading is my addiction and I love books that are full of angst, heartbreak and breathtaking romance, tragedy, everyday issues and not-so-everyday fantasies. I love swoon-worthy bad boys and hot and steamy sex scenes, edge-of-your-seat drama, twists, turns and surprises. And most importantly, happily-ever-afters!

Book preview

This book is dedicated to my brother who always stood outside the box.

Steven, you were taken too soon and never got the chance to find your way.

I am forever grateful for all your encouragement to reach for the stars. I miss you xx

I believe every story deserves a soundtrack. Movies just wouldn’t be the same without music, right? I think the same goes for books. Lyrics to songs are also stories in their own right. The beat to a song can add a physical reaction. Songs can set the tone for a scene, tell a person’s innermost thoughts, and convey emotions. Here is a list of songs that are either mentioned in the book, were imagined by me to be playing in the background of a particular scene, or just provided me with inspiration. I hope you like this music as much as I do. (Listed in order of appearance.)

1. We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together – Taylor Swift

2. Trembling Hands – The Temper Trap

3. Lights – Editors

4. An End Has A Start – Editors

5. Shadowplay – The Killers

6. All the Pretty Faces – The Killers

7. Change Your Mind – The Killers

8. New Slang – The Shins

9. Sex On Fire – Kings Of Leon

10. The Funeral – Band Of Horses

11. For Whom The Bell Tolls - Metallica

12. Get The Party Started – P!nk

13. Sexy and I Know It – LMFAO

14. Keep Your Head Up – Ben Howard

15. Sometimes – Miami Horror

16. Feel So Close – Calvin Harris

17. The Island, Pt. I (Dawn) – Pendulum

18. Chasing The Sun – The Wanted

19. Spitting Fire – The Boxer Rebellion

20. Diamonds – Ben Howard

21. Only Love – Ben Howard

22. Little Lion Man – Mumford & Sons

23. Settle – Two Door Cinema Club

Emma

Sex. It’s all I can think about these days. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It’s like I am a horny teenaged boy! But I’m not a boy and I don’t even have the excuse of being a teenager anymore. I wish I could get my mind off it. I like sex, don’t get me wrong, I just don’t like thinking about it all the time. And normally I don’t, I barely think about it, except for the last couple of weeks it seems that’s all that I do think about! All of the time!

Maybe because it’s been a while since I have had any. I don’t want you to get the wrong idea about me, I’m not some sex-crazed woman, I have only been with one guy . . . ever.

You know the typical story. We were high school sweethearts. Inseparable. Friends forever. Our futures planned together. His name was Josh. I thought he was ‘The One.’ He may well have been, if we didn’t change. I didn’t change. He didn’t change. Truth is, I’m not sure what went wrong. Josh and I just grew apart I guess. We were not happy anymore.

We met when we were both thirteen. He was in my history class. He sat in the seat behind me. The first day I saw Josh I was instantly taken by him. I thought he was cute. Then again, I was only thirteen; I thought most boys were cute. No, he was different. It was his eyes, stunning blue eyes–

Hey Emma! How was your weekend? And there he is. Adding fuel to my fire. One of the reasons, I think, I am so obsessed with thoughts of sex. No not Josh. It’s Seth. The I.T. guy at work.

Seth. I blush, looking up from my desk. I stare at his glorious physique. Sorry, I mumble, I was daydreaming. My eyes finally make my way to his.

You do that a lot, he says. Do I? Oh no, am I that obvious? Surely not! He must have caught me staring at him more times than I am aware of. He smiles and it reaches his lovely brown eyes. Could I get any redder? So, how was it?

How was what? I’m so flustered it takes me a second to realise what he’s talking about. On Friday he came into the kitchen at work when I was having a conversation with Sophie about Kat’s hens’ night. Apart from that conversation, he and I have barely said more than the occasional hello to one another, so that must be what he’s referring to.

Oh . . . it was a blast! Big night! Kat had a great time . . . I think. It’s all a little blurry. I mumble that last bit.

That good, huh? He smiles. That smile. That one smile I keep seeing as I lie in bed at night, as I try to sleep. That smile. The one that randomly pops into my head, at the most inconvenient times. Like this morning when I was buying my train ticket. The guy over the counter gave me a huge grin and I wondered why, until I realised that I had a huge goofy grin plastered on my own face. I was thinking of Seth at the time, but the guy at the kiosk must have thought I was flirting with him, because he winked at me. Well, he was kind of cute . . . he had these dimples . . . beautiful pale blue eyes . . . maybe I will see him again . . . Oh, get your hormones in check! He wasn’t the reason you were smiling in the first place! Seth was. Seth is still standing in front of me. He’s looking at me, probably wondering why I have lost my inability to speak. I blush again. I’m even daydreaming about other guys in front of him. What is wrong with me?

I’m glad that it went well, he says, still smiling, and then he’s gone.

The phone rings.

Good Morning, G & C Printing, Emma speaking.

I hate Mondays. How’d you pull up yesterday? It’s my best friend Kat, it was her hens’ night on Saturday night. Oh wait, did I already say that? I’m still a little flustered.

I was rat shit. Stayed in bed until about two. How about you?

Yeah, I wasn’t much better. I had a lazy old day with Luke yesterday. He wasn’t feeling the best either.

I bet. How’d his buck’s night go?

I don’t think it was as good as our night. Josh had to stop a fight between Jake and Marty when Marty decided to shave Luke’s eyebrow off after he passed out-

He didn’t! I interrupt.

No, the boys stopped him just in time. Marty is such an idiot! I don’t know why Luke remains friends with him sometimes. Lucky Jake and Josh were there. I would have been mortified if Luke had come home minus an eyebrow. Marty should know better! She actually sounds quite mad.

I don’t think that guy will ever grow up! Marty was an idiot most of the time. He was Luke’s friend from high school. Marty and Luke didn’t go to the same high school as us, but I doubt that Marty has changed at all since he left school, he’s so immature.

They went to a club and sang karaoke! Kat says. Can you believe it? Of course I thought they would have gone to a strip-joint or had a stripper at home at least. But Luke said he told them he wasn’t interested in that. The only girl he wants to see naked is me! He’s such a sweetie!

That he is. Or at least, you have him really whipped!

Em don’t say that! She giggles, because she knows it’s true. "I wouldn’t have minded if he had a stripper though. We did."

I know, and he was soooo hot! I swoon. He came dressed as a cop. I was the one that organised it for her. In fact, I organised the whole party. It was at my apartment. Well, I am the maid-of-honour after all! Other than seeing them in movies, I had never seen a stripper before and was quite shocked at how far he took things. He actually rubbed himself on every girl in the room. Not that I minded when it was my turn—like I said, the stripper was hot!

What about those muscles? Kat exhales loudly.

He was so damn ripped! I blush. I don’t know why I’m blushing. Maybe it’s because I have fantasized about him too. What is wrong with me?

"If I wasn’t already taken . . . he was a god!" Typical Kat, she thinks that she could get any guy to go for her. She probably could too. She is gorgeous! She has beautiful long blonde hair and an amazing figure. But she only has eyes for Luke, ever since they started dating about five years ago.

They started flirting at my 18th, no less. I had met Luke at my brother Ethan’s footy game. His little cousin played in the same team. We’d spoken a few times at various games and he made friends with my then boyfriend Josh. I invited him to my 18th and the moment Kat and Luke met I could see that spark between them. It wasn’t long before they were joined at the hip.

They really are the cutest couple. Too cute sometimes, sickly cute, which was especially hard for me when Josh and I broke up. It was so hard to be around them when my heart was breaking. They tried to tone down their affection when they were around me. I wonder if they did that around Josh too. After all, Luke and Josh are best friends now as well. They have been ever since Kat and Luke got together.

You should have had a crack, Kat says, interrupting my thoughts.

What? With the stripper? As if I would have a chance! He’s a stripper for crying out loud, it’s his job to make girls drool. I’m sure he has beautiful women falling all over him all the time.

Well it could have been fun! You need some fun! Kat says in a more serious tone.

Oh yeah. A hot night of passion with a god like that! I wish! Actually yes, I think that is exactly what I need.

Em, I worry about you. It has been a year since you and Josh broke up-

Eleven months, I interrupt to correct her.

Long enough! You need to get back out there.

The phone rings. Sorry Kat I gotta go. I’ve got a call coming in.

Ok. I’ll see you tonight, help you tidy up.

Sure. See you then. I hang up and take the next call. Good Morning, G & C Printing, Emma speaking.

***

A couple of teenagers are making out on the train when I head home from work. They’re all over each other. It’s embarrassing. I feel like telling them to get a room! But mainly I’m just jealous and trying not to watch. I remember when that was me and Josh. When we were teenagers, who had just discovered sex and we were catching the train to the city for the day, or coming home from the movies, finding it impossible to keep our hands off each other . . .

As I said, we met when we were both thirteen. We didn’t hang out or anything, because at aged thirteen you didn’t mix with the opposite sex. Not at our school anyway. Kat and I were just discovering boys and it was way too embarrassing to talk to them most of the time. In class, Josh and I would occasionally share a joke or pick on the teacher and so on, but that was as far as it went.

I was drawn to him, though. When I was fifteen we had to do a history project together and things progressed from there. We became friends. Which turned into a crush, a madly sickening crush on my part—I was officially smitten with Josh. But I wasn’t ready to tell him that! I followed him around like a love-sick puppy. I’m sure it was obvious to the entire school that I was into him. But we were friends, too, and I was happy to have him as a friend. Grateful even—because he really was the cutest kid in our class and I honestly thought I didn’t stand a chance. He had beautiful blue eyes. His blond hair was short then. He was average build, just a little taller than me and his smile was wide and contagious. He was always so friendly with everyone. There were other girls at school that had crushes on him, better looking girls, popular girls. So Josh and I were friends.

Kat had started going out with Josh’s friend Paul. We were both fifteen at the time, and as Kat and I were best friends and Paul was her first boyfriend she didn’t feel comfortable, at first, being alone with him. I think Paul kind of felt the same way. So we went out together, as a group, the four of us, Kat, Paul, Josh and me.

As Paul and Kat’s relationship took off, Josh and I began being the third and fourth wheels to their dates. They would be making out while Josh and I embarrassingly tried to look anywhere but at them. Eventually we started ditching them. Leaving them at a booth at the diner to walk home together, or moving a few seats away from them at the cinemas.

We found that we had a lot in common; the same tastes in music and books, similar senses of humour. When it came to sending out invites to my sweet sixteenth I invited most of my class to the party, just so it wasn’t too obvious that I wanted him there . . .

As I hop off the train and walk the couple of blocks to my apartment I think about that party. It was at my house, in my parents’ garage. They had gone all out with the decorations; purple and black balloons and streamers, just as I had requested. They didn’t, however, allow me to have a party at night like I asked. They made me have it on a Saturday afternoon. They even made me put a finish time on the party invitations, which was so lame! At least they left us to it; they even managed to keep my brother Ethan out of the way for the entire event. We had the music blaring and surprisingly nearly everyone I had invited actually turned up, about twenty-five kids.

A boy named Travis from my class asked me out that day. I only had eyes for Josh and even though, at the time, I had no hope of my crush actually going anywhere, there was no chance I was interested in anyone else. Luckily that was when Josh found some bravado. He came up beside me and took my hand.

Sorry mate, but Em and I are already dating, he said to Travis before turning to me and giving me a wink.

Oh . . . uh sorry . . . I didn’t know . . . sorry, Travis mumbled as he backed away. He was so red in the face, I felt sorry for him.

My heart was going a million miles an hour. I couldn’t hold Josh’s gaze. I looked down to my sweaty palms and realised he was still holding my hand. I went to pull my hand away but his grip got tighter. Then he started walking, gently pulling me along with him. He took me outside of the garage. Once we were far enough away from everyone he stopped. And that’s when he asked me. Will you go out with me? No words had ever sounded sweeter to me before that moment.

From then on we were official. He barely let my hand go for the rest of the party. It was thrilling, holding hands with Josh at my sweet 16th in front of everyone.

As he was leaving to walk home, at the pre-determined finish time that my parents had enforced, so lame, he pulled me in for a hug and then as he let me go he leaned down for my first ever kiss. It was nothing fantastically romantic, but as far as a couple of sixteen-year-olds kissing for the first time, it was pretty special.

Our relationship bloomed over the coming months. Paul, Kat, Josh and I hung out at school, after school, on weekends. Even after Kat and Paul broke up we still all hung out together, it was a little awkward at first but they remained friends, and even started seeing other people, I mean we were all just kids after all.

After a year, if I was invited somewhere then Josh was too, it was to be expected. We were the package deal. Even our parents became friends. Josh and I were solid, we never argued, we were happy then . . .

Climbing the stairs to my apartment on the second floor I reminisce about how happy we were still, only a little over a year ago. I unlock my door, closing it behind me, and put my keys in the little green glass bowl. It’s the glass bowl that I had bought from the market with Josh a couple of years back. It sits on the side table that I also bought from that same market with Josh. Although now, sadly, it only houses one set of keys instead of two.

I look around my apartment, which is not much bigger than a modest motel suite. The front door opens into a little alcove with the bathroom off to the left; past the bathroom it opens out into a modern kitchen. The kitchen cupboards are white with a timber bench top and red splashback tiles over the appliances. It had been newly renovated not long before we moved in. It has a breakfast bar that overlooks the living room. The entire apartment is painted white, with dark coloured floating floorboards throughout. The living room has glass sliding doors that open onto a small balcony. It has two bedrooms opposite each other straight off the living room, both with doors to the same balcony. My bedroom is off to the right and a spare bedroom, or the junk room, is off to the left of the living room. It’s only a small apartment, but it feels so much bigger these days.

I put my bag on the kitchen counter and flop down on my new comfy couch. It’s oversized with the softest cushions ever, you really sink into it. I love it so much that I have actually spent a couple of nights sleeping out here; it is comfier than my bed. It’s beige with a few floral aqua and blue throw cushions. I only bought it about a month ago so it still has that new furniture smell. It was Kat’s idea; she said I had to have some new furniture before her hens’ night as there weren’t enough places to sit. She was right. So she took me to a few of the local furniture places and persuaded me to buy it. It seats four people quite comfortably, or more if you squish together a little. It cost me over a thousand dollars, but I am glad that I spent the money. It is my new favourite place to be. Kat always seems to know what I need.

When Josh moved out of the apartment he took the two couches we bought together with him. It became quite bare, but then everything felt empty at that time so I just accepted it. All that was left here were two old mismatched armchairs that I had inherited from my parents. One is brown and the other is blue. Last week I bought a couple of extra throw cushions in aqua and blue and somehow with the new couch and its cushions it all ties together nicely. In fact, it looks a lot nicer than when we had Josh’s black leather couches in here. Now the place looks a little more like a home, not as bare as it did after he left.

A loud knock interrupts my thoughts. I open the door to Kat. She gives me a quick hug as she bounces through my doorway.

Hey Em. She gives me a wide grin. She looks well. Her straight blonde hair falls over her shoulders and her green eyes sparkle. She’s come straight from work.

We have similar jobs, Kat and I. I’m a receptionist at a printing company and she’s an assistant for the managing director of a publishing company. Although she does have more responsibilities than I do and has worked her way up the corporate ladder from the lowly receptionist position that she used to occupy. I am yet to get where I want to be. Kat has more drive than I do. I’m quite happy to plod along and she’s constantly looking at ways to better herself. That’s reflected in the way Kat dresses too. She looks like quite the business woman in her black pencil skirt and tailored black jacket, with a pink silk shirt. I’m dressed in black dress pants and sensible shoes, whereas she is wearing heels and stockings, something that I only do on rare occasions. Our outfits tend to say a lot about our personalities, I think.

Hey. I smile back at her.

So let’s get cleaning, she says as she makes her way to my living room. She takes a look around to assess the damage. Or not! She throws her hands out dramatically. Where’s the mess? Em, I told you I was going to help you clean up!

Yeah, but the party was Saturday night. Today’s Monday Kat. You know me; I couldn’t live with the mess yesterday so I tidied already. She actually does look annoyed. Sorry to disappoint. I laugh. She should know by now that I couldn’t leave it until tonight. I spent yesterday afternoon, throwing out stale chips, washing glasses and bowls and taking out the trash. I even vacuumed.

You even vacuumed! Gee, nothing gets past her. Why didn’t you tell me when I called you at work? I could have saved myself the trouble of visiting you, she snickers. I just shake my head at her with a smile on my face, because I know she’s not serious.

It’s Monday night, we always hang out at my apartment on Monday nights. Luke has footy training and Kat doesn’t like being alone at their place at night. Our favourite show is on telly, which we always watch together. Plus it’s ‘cheap night’ down at the local pizza shop and we always have a couple of drinks, eat our half price pizza and watch TV together. It’s a Monday night tradition we started when Josh left. I think at first it was because she didn’t want me to be alone too often, but now I think it’s become one of the highlights of the week for both of us.

We order our pizza and pour a couple of wines, take our shoes off and put our feet up on the coffee table, relaxing into my comfy couch.

So anything new with you? she asks.

Nope, I give her my usual answer.

Well it’s about time I got a different answer from you.

Yeah, yeah, I mumble. Really? What did she expect? My life is not too exciting at the moment. Other than the times I’m with Kat or at my folks place, I work, I come home, that’s it. So how are all your plans going? Any problems I can help you with? I offer a change of subject; of course she immediately knows I’m referring to her wedding plans. It has been the topic of conversation for the past couple of months. Rightly so too, she’s getting married in less than two weeks.

All good. Don’t forget we have a fitting on Saturday at eleven.

As if I would forget. I roll my eyes at her. She knows that I would never forget something as important as her final wedding dress fitting, which is my dress fitting also. I am so happy for her and for Luke. I’ve been with her every step of the way as she’s been preparing for her big day. She really is every bit the ‘blushing bride’!

Em, I don’t think I thanked you enough already, so thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done these past few months. Especially for my hens’ night! I had such a good time! Thanks for organising it.

You’re welcome, honey. But you can stop thanking me; you thanked me about a hundred times on Saturday night. I laugh. Kat was so drunk, we all were really.

Did I?

Yes, as you were leaving. When your Mum was pushing you into the taxi, don’t you remember? It was the funniest sight. Erin, that’s Kat’s mother, was quite intoxicated herself as she tried to drag Kat into the taxi. They almost fell over a couple of times.

Kat thinks for a moment and I see the recognition on her face, Oh yeah, I vaguely remember something like that! She blushes and we both giggle. It such was a great night!

The best! I state matter-of-factly, smiling at her.

That’s because I have the bestest best friend in the whole wide world! She smiles back at me.

Ditto! I say.

Kat truly is a beautiful woman, inside and out. My best friend, I love her to bits. We’ve been friends since we were ten-years-old, so almost fourteen years now, and I couldn’t imagine what life would have been like without her.

All conversation stops when our favourite show comes on TV. Talking only takes place during the ads and in between bites of our pizza that arrives halfway through the show. We talk about nothing in particular, mainly the characters and storylines on the show.

When it’s finished and we’ve had our fill of food, Kat fills me in on her latest endeavours at work. She’s organising a big event with some authors, for her boss. It will be held at a swanky hotel in the city in a couple of months’ time. A full-on cocktail party, she’s really excited about it. She talks a little about Luke and his job, he works as an electrician. He started working for himself last year and it’s been going very well. He’s just hired another electrician to help him with the workload and is hoping to expand his business even further with possibilities of hiring an apprentice next year. She speaks about her man with such pride, it makes me hurt. I wish that I didn’t feel so lonely. It’s moments like these that I miss having Josh around the most. I used to love bragging about him and his landscaping business too.

So tell me about the eyebrow shaving at Luke’s buck’s night? I ask.

Well, they went back to Jake’s house after the bar. Luke passed out on the couch-

He’s such a lightweight! I interrupt.

She gives me the evil eye, but with a hint of humour because she knows I’m right. Luke is not much of a drinker, which is why he is usually the designated driver of our group. "So anyway, Marty, Jake and Josh kept drinking. Well you know what Marty gets like after a few. He suggested that they shave off Luke’s eyebrow. They all laughed because they didn’t think Marty was serious. Jake told me the next thing he knew Marty was leaning over Luke with a razor in hand. Jake tried to pull him away and Marty started swinging. Well you know Jake, he automatically hit back. Jake is Kat’s older brother. He’s a good guy but he does have a temper at times, especially after a few drinks. Josh got between them and broke it up before anyone got hurt."

Lucky Josh was there then. He usually is the voice of reason with those boys, the most level-headed.

I reckon! Kat agrees. Then her smile fades. Oh . . . that reminds me . . .

What?

So I have some news . . . but I don’t think you are going to like it, she says, changing the tone of the conversation.

"What?" I ask, now I’m curious.

She hesitates, It’s Josh . . . he’s seeing someone.

What? I whisper, I feel winded. I keep telling myself that I’m over him. And I think I am. But . . . he’s seeing someone . . .Oh! I exhale.

I’m sorry. I know that it’s probably hard to hear. But I thought I better say something ‘cause I didn’t want you to find out at the wedding.

He’s bringing her to the wedding? I ask, totally shocked. My voice is a little louder than I intended.

NO! No way! she speaks just as loud, shaking her head. She looks at me reassuringly and speaks a little softer, He wouldn’t do that to you. He didn’t even ask to invite her. He only told Luke at the buck’s night. I don’t think he has been seeing her very long.

Oh . . . Do you know who she is? I ask, although I’m not sure I want to know the answer.

No idea. Luke says he thinks she’s someone he met through work or something, but he’s not sure. Are you okay? I can see that she’s wary of my reaction.

Yes . . . no. She puts her arm around my shoulder. I know that I should be . . . but . . .

I know honey, I know, she says, giving me a squeeze.

Wow. It’s happened. He’s moved on. I don’t know what else to say. I stare at nothing in particular. I cannot describe what I feel. How am I supposed to react to this? Josh and I were together for seven years. Seven whole years! It was just assumed that we would get married one day. Assumed by our friends, our family and even ourselves, I didn’t prepare for this.

You will move on too. In fact, you need to move on Em. It’s time. I know Kat’s only trying to help but I am sick of hearing it.

I don’t know how. Just when I think I am getting over it, something happens to remind me that I miss him. And then my eyes are watery again. I haven’t cried over Josh for weeks.

The last time I cried over him was when I re-arranged my bedroom and found an old t-shirt of his behind the chest of drawers. It was a t-shirt that I bought him, navy blue with a picture of a Native American, in full headdress, on it. It held no particular meaning, but he had it for years, wore it all the time. I bought it for him and he discarded it behind some furniture. It felt symbolic of our relationship. I cried uncontrollably when I found it.

When the tears finally stopped, I remembered how the t-shirt got there, which made them start all over again . . .

Josh had been home from work for maybe half an hour. It was nearing the end of our relationship so we had been fighting the previous night, of course, and weren’t speaking to each other. We’d always had such a good relationship until those last few months, so fighting was new to us and it hurt like hell.

It was a Saturday afternoon and Josh had just had a shower, as he usually did after work. I stupidly spilled juice all down my top. I pulled it off as I came into the bedroom to change and he was in there putting that navy blue t-shirt on. His hair was still damp and he was watching me as I walked in. At first, I could see the irritation on his face but then, as he looked me up and down, his demeanour changed. He looked up through damp strands of his long blond hair, his blue eyes lingering on my bra and then they worked their way back up to meet my eyes. His look intensified and that’s all it took. That was all it ever took for Josh and I, a look, that look. Within seconds I had that t-shirt back off of him and tossed over to the chest of drawers. I vaguely remember it falling . . . How did we go from passionate love-making to screaming matches so easily?

Kat gives me a hug, bringing me back to the present. You don’t want him back, Em. You don’t want to be with him, it’s just the comfort and the habit of Josh that’s holding you back. You have to let him go.

You’re right, I know. I don’t want to go back there. But as I say it I don’t feel the conviction of my words. I really don’t want to go back there, do I?

Kat clears our glasses and plates off the coffee table and takes them to the sink. I follow her with the leftover pizza and put it in the fridge.

I’ll wash those Kat, just leave them.

She places the dishes in the sink and turns to me. She gives me a look of sympathy. Sympathy I don’t want. I really do need to move on. I know she feels bad for being the one to tell me about Josh, but it’s not her fault.

"I’m grateful that you told me Kat. It would have been a lot harder had I found out from Josh, or worse, by seeing him with her." I try to appease her with a half-hearted smile.

Kat grabs her handbag and I walk her to the door.

Chin up sweetie. The right man for you is just around the corner, you just need to be ready to look, she says as she gives me a quick squeeze of a hug. Pulling back, she adds, In the meantime, you can just keep fantasizing about that stripper while using your vibrator!

I can always count on you to look at the bright side, can’t I Ms. Katherine Greene? I laugh.

She leaves soon after that. I head straight for the bathroom to have a shower. As tears stream down my face, mingling with the water, I cry yet again for Josh.

I get dressed in my pyjama bottoms and the t-shirt that I have been sleeping in most nights, since I found it a few weeks back behind the chest of drawers.

The right man is just around the corner? Really Kat? If he is, am I ready for that? I know my hormones say yes, but what about my heart, my head and my soul? He’s seeing somebody. I know that I don’t want to be with him, but, he’s seeing somebody.

I don’t expect that I will be single forever. So can I really expect Josh to be? Of course not! I knew he would find someone eventually. We broke up months ago, eleven months ago in fact. Kat’s right, it is time to move on.

Seth

Parking my car in the underground car park I glance at the time and see that I’m a little late today. Great start to the week! If only Max had his headphones on last night, maybe I would have had a better night’s sleep. Man, that guy loves his surround sound! He is such a gamer. All he does when he gets home from work is fire up his two computers and multi-play his ‘virtual life’ away. If he paid a bit more attention to his ‘real life’ the house wouldn’t be in such a mess and he wouldn’t have misplaced his bloody headphones. I‘ll make it my mission to find them for him when I get home tonight. I’m not going to toss and turn again tonight listening to explosions and grunts from whatever online game he’s playing to all hours.

I grab my satchel from the passenger seat of my car and head for the elevators. I’ve only been working here for four weeks and I’m really enjoying it so far. I’m yet to make real friends as I’ve been so busy learning the ropes. Bob, the guy I took over from, was nice enough but he was old and set in his ways. He’d been doing the job so long that it was second nature to him which made getting information out of him rather difficult. He wasn’t that good as a teacher, often making me feel like an idiot for asking any questions.

Looking after the computer programming for a company of this size has been a huge adjustment for me. The last job I had only had ten people in the office compared to the thirty or so employees they have at G & C Printing. However, I’m starting to settle in now.

I’ve never really been that good at making new friends but I think that, given time, I will possibly make a few here. One of the office girls, Sophie, has been quite friendly, good looking too, but overly talkative. Pete in accounting is nice, we’ve gotten lunch together a couple of times. Emma, the receptionist, is okay, she usually seems preoccupied or a bit stand-offish though. My new boss Julia is pretty easy-going, too.

When I get off the elevator I see Emma at her desk.

Hey Emma! How was your weekend? I ask when I reach her.

Seth, she says huskily. She obviously has been thinking of other things because she seems startled to see me. She blushes. Sorry, I was daydreaming, she says, looking me right in the eyes.

You do that a lot, I reply, thinking maybe she just doesn’t like her job or something because she seems to be on another planet whenever I talk to her. So, how was it?

Oh . . . it was a blast! Big night! Kat had a great time . . . I think. It’s all a little blurry, she says with a slight grimace on her face.

That good huh? I smile at her. She told Sophie and me all about the hens’ night she had planned for her friend on Saturday night, stripper included. She strikes me as the kind of girl that would love to party, so not my type at all.

Well I’m glad that it went well, I say before I walk away. I can’t help but smile as I can see that she is daydreaming again and probably hasn’t even heard me.

My office is situated at the end of the horseshoe corridor that spans the floor. I grab my laptop out of my satchel and place it on the table that is to the left of my desk and glance out the window on my right. Unfortunately it’s only an internal window that gives me a view of the corridor that leads back to reception and the office opposite mine which belongs to Pete. It’s not exactly the office I pictured I would end up in when I accepted the job. Working on the fifth floor of a building in central Melbourne I had hoped for a window looking onto other buildings, offering some natural light at least. Instead I ended up with an office not much bigger than a bathroom, the only light offered from a fluorescent globe above. I don’t mean to complain, I am grateful, it’s just not what I expected is all.

I get to work on re-programming the client database to include some new fields that Julia has requested.

***

I am so engrossed in my work that I don’t even look at the time or even notice Pete until he taps me on my shoulder.

Hard at it mate?

Oh hey Pete, I turn to face him.

So, you coming to lunch today? he asks.

I glance at my watch. Huh, I had no idea that it was lunch time already. Where we headed today? I ask as I stand and grab my wallet and phone.

I was just gonna get a sandwich from the deli. That ok?

Sure, I answer as we start walking down the corridor.

After we get our food we take our seats at the café. Pete proceeds to brag about his daughter Grace and how she was in bed singing the new Taylor Swift song instead of going to sleep last night. He really is in love with that four-year-old. I’ve not met her but he has an adorable picture of her on his desk. I can’t help but laugh when he starts singing out of tune that ‘we are never ever ever getting back together’ and I can imagine how cute his daughter would be, singing about something she doesn’t even understand. And I just know that the song will be in my head for the rest of the day now.

Jazz is thinking maybe we should enrol her in singing lessons. That kid can actually hold a tune! She doesn’t get that from me, but Jazz’s family is quite musical. He smiles with pride.

Jazz (Jasmine) is Pete’s wife. I