Tales from The Satellite

By Ron Houston

Tales from The Satellite is 80 proof reading that will leave you shaken and stirred.
Somethin' That'll Make Ya Do Wrong- Handsome charmer Ellis Raines befriends Johnny Lawson, an unfortunate-looking barfly who is shunned by everyone. Ellis is also drawn into a spellbound romance with beautiful radio personality, Lana Howard, who is worshipped by Johnny. The secret needs of these three to belong to each other lead them to tragedy.

Eubie's Fountain- Eubie McAfee appears to be a typical old man who loves to dance. On the first Thursday of every month, this seemingly old man, transforms himself into an ageless zoot-suited king of swing dancer, known as the Godfather. Whether he's the ageless Godfather or just Eubie, his poignant message is clear, "Never Stop Dancing."

Steel Trap- Garrett Haley is a self-centered, judgmental womanizer. After he plays a cruel joke on the newest hire at the lounge, Garrett literally finds out the "HARD" way what it's like to be judged solely by what's on the outside. Paybacks are a . . . well, you know. This tale of revenge is a uniquely hilarious commentary on social prejudice. "Don't get mad . . . get even."

• Language: English
• Publisher: Ron Houston
• Release date: Jun 10, 2011
• ISBN: 9780972153157

Ron Houston

Ron Houston lives in Cincinnati, Ohio and has been a mixologist for over 20 years and has worked in some of Cincinnati’s most popular night clubs. Ron says, “The diverse group of characters who have occupied stools at my bar were amazing. Their personalities and secrets were captivating.”As an experienced radio talk show guest Ron Houston has been heard frequently on 1230 WDBZ, 1480 WCIN and 1230 KCOH in Houston, Texas. He’s an articulate, humorous personality and is known locally as, “ The Mixologist.”Mr. Houston is the author of the bestseller Tales from The Satellite, The Devastation of Mr. Drake and two-part novel Rogue Prophet series. His latest release is entitled, Shade of the Sun.Ron's Email contact:[e-mail]

Book preview

TALES FROM THE SATELLITE

RON HOUSTON

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Tales From The Satellite

Published by Ron Houston

Smashwords Edition

Copyright 2011 Ron Houston

Cover design by:

Anna D Russell

Gorillaworks Publishing

CONTENTS

Three Old Guys At The Bar Part 1

Somethin’ That’ll Make Ya Do Wrong

Fulton The Grouch

Steel Trap

Eubie’s Fountain

Three Old Guys At The Bar Part 2

Bartenders give you what you ask for. Mixologists give

you the unexpected. Great mixologists fulfill dreams.

I’m a great mixologist.

Ellis Raines

SEATING CAPACITY: 1,100…

A DANCE FLOOR THAT SEEMS

TO HAVE A LIFE OF IT’S OWN…

TWO BEAUTIFUL HARDWOOD

DOUBLE BARS AND SIX

MIXOLOGISTS…

WELCOME TO…

THE SATELLITE LOUNGE

THREE OLD GUYS AT THE BAR PART 1

JOE: Is it our instinct to kill for sport or food? Is the glass half full or half empty? Or is it both?

LEVI: It’s both.

JOE: So it’s both! And we’ve got to stop saying that the glass is half full. We got to understand that it’s both.

LEVI: You can’t rationalize that, cause that’s what got us here as a species.

JOE: Rationalization?

LEVI: No, being a predator. We are predators always. We have been and will be predators always. What we can choose to do is say today I’m not going to kill. Tomorrow I may, but today I choose not to.

CURTIS: The defining point of a predator is that he only kills what he needs.

JOE: So why do you need to kill that deer who ain’t fuckin’ with you?

CURTIS: My freezer’s empty.

JOE: But if your freezer’s empty, do you have to go out and kill that deer? Or can you get some venison at the grocery?

CURTIS: It’s cheaper for me to kill it.

LEVI: Somebody has to kill it.

JOE: Somebody has to. But do ya’ll have to kill in mass?

LEVI: We don’t.

JOE: Ya’ll do, man! That’s why innocent farmers get shot every year. Some gung-ho hunters, that don’t even know how to shoot a rifle, is shootin’ it at somebody’s house!

CURTIS: I don’t think there are a whole lot of innocent farmers getting shot.

JOE: In this area… there’s quite a few.

CURTIS: I don’t think so.

PROCTOR: There’s a species of deerskin wearing farmers getting shot.

CURTIS: Let me tell you about the farmer. If he hears gunshots and they don’t sound like they’re coming from the right spot, he gets his own shit and checks it out. He ain’t gonna be innocent. If anybody gets shot, it’s gonna be the asshole trespassing on his property.

LEVI: My buddy I told you about, that owns fiftythree acres down in Kentucky... don’t let him catch you hunting without permission. He’ll blow you away.

CURTIS: Thank you! You don’t walk on an old farmers’ property and start shootin’ shit.

JOE: Hey Proc, another round.

PROCTOR: You got it.

JOE: Now I’m sitting here with some very intelligent men. But what we’re dealing with is a basic premise, and you guys refuse to see, or even consider….

CURTIS: Joe, I told you a long time ago, your point was well taken! I know where you’re coming from. I just don’t agree with it!

JOE: And I know where you’re coming from, and I don’t agree with it!

CURTIS: Okay! We’ll have to agree to disagree. I’m a hunter! I’m a fuckin’ predator!

JOE: Can we ever meet at the summit?

PROCTOR: Can we all talk over a plate of rabbit?

LEVI: Rabbit stew!

CURTIS: Squirrel man… although rabbit ain’t all that bad.

JOE: Do ya’ll like Chef salad… without the meat?

CURTIS: I love salad! I have me a nice toss salad every time I eat rabbit.

LEVI: Who shot down that carrot tree?

PROCTOR: And did it holler when it fell?

JOE: See, this is why I love this club. I can come in here, and all the bullshit I been dealin’ with all day…

CURTIS: Whoa! Time out! We ain’t dealin’ with no bullshit! This is the real world!

JOE: Naw, Curtis, what I’m saying is I ain’t worrying about trying to get no deals in here, we’re sitting here talkin’ ‘bout why we hunt.

CURTIS: See, the truth be told, I don’t shoot my guns anymore. I got a bunch of squirrels out in my yard, so now I use my blowgun. When I get a taste for some squirrel, I don’t have to go out in the woods no more. It ain’t quite as satisfying, shootin’ a yard squirrel, but I ain’t above it.

JOE: Ha, homeboy done found him another sport… poison darts.

CURTIS: I took out more than one squirrel like that.

JOE: Why don’t you just hunt skinheads if you need to kill?

PROCTOR: Skinheads don’t taste as good on potatoes.

JOE: I’d get more pleasure out of shootin’ that motherfucker, than shootin’ a damn little squirrel. A squirrel is just trying to get a nut. A little skinhead is trying to fuck me up.

PROCTOR: You need to eat the squirrel, for strength to kill the skinhead.

JOE: I ain’t gonna eat the squirrel! When I found out squirrel was rat, I stop eating squirrel. But the skinhead is still out there, shoot his ass.

LEVI: You didn’t go through the same survival training that I went through, rat’s fair game.

PROCTOR: Hell naw! I’ll eat grass first. Fuck that, fix me a big plate of lawn.

JOE: We ain’t got to eat rat! We ain’t got to eat squirrel! We ain’t got to eat dog! We ain’t got to eat none of that shit. We can go to the grocery and buy what we want!

PROCTOR: You can’t get dog at the grocery… I asked.

LEVI: I hunt for the sport.

JOE: You want some sport? Have some sport in killing the motherfucker that’s gonna try and kill you first.

LEVI: I do, that’s why I’m sixty years old.

JOE: I understand that. But you got that neo-nazi motherfucker. Get on a mountaintop and stalk them assholes for about six months. Bang!

LEVI: You and me young-blood, what’s your intentions?

JOE: My intention is to survive. Survive without killing innocence.

LEVI: But see, you weren’t in Chicago’s Westside. My intention then was to survive. So in my britches there was a pistol in my pocket, cause I’m a survivalist.

JOE: I’m a survivalist too, but I ain’t gonna kill no little squirrel that ain’t fuckin’ with me. When I start hunting again, it’s gonna be for those motherfuckers fuckin’ with me first. Then I’ll survive with whoever’s left.

CURTIS: You ain’t got the instinct man… Maybe you moved to the next level.

JOE: I have moved to the next level.

CURTIS: I’ll tell ya straight up, I’m a fuckin’ predator!

LEVI: I hunt necessarily. I’m a predator necessarily.

JOE: The last time I drew my piece somebody had broken into my