The Ballad of Clyde

By Reed Bosgoed

Clyde Simmons is one of Britain's most devoted, vocal, and well educated environmental activists. Just ask him and he'll be more than happy to tell you. Goaded into a position where it's time to put up or shut up, Clyde finds himself at an impasse. His friends have a scheme and they need one more pair of hands. Will Clyde prove his mettle, or prove he's a poseur?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Reed Bosgoed
• Release date: Jun 17, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301793204

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The Ballad of Clyde

by Reed Bosgoed

Copyright 2013 Reed Bosgoed

Smashwords Edition

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The Plan

Meetings like this always put me on edge. Twenty minutes of circular discussion, a handful of joints are passed about, and the only thing that gets accomplished is deciding what type of food we're going to call out for. When I signed on for this they told me we'd be changing the world, not sitting on our arses getting stoned all bloody day. We're supposed to be an environmental protection group for Christ's sake. So far the only thing we're protecting is me, from chronic insomnia.

I should have known when they told me the name of the organization that it'd be a huge waste of time. I mean, 'Mother Earth's Avengers'? Ridiculous! Sometimes I think the only reason I joined is because the name reminded me of my favourite comic book.

There's our fearless leader Travis, waddling his way into the meeting a full hour late as par usual. Probably got held up buying a trunk full of crisps on the way over. Just look at that fat bastard. Honestly, what kind of ponce manages to be a five foot two, three hundred pound vegan? Just how many of those veggie burgers he's always going on about does he eat in a day? Oh, here he comes:

Oy there Clyde. Good to see you again. Y'alright? And once again, he talks right in my face. I'll have to make sure to clean the spittle and crumbs off my jacket after I leave the meeting. Phew! From the smell of it, he's had some onions on his veggie burgers today.

I'm just fine Travis old boy. How are you? Anything special on the agenda for today? Whatever it is, I'm sure it'll be just as much a waste of time as the 'Save the whales' leaflet campaign from last week. Maybe we'll think outside the box and boycott a fast food chain for the umpteenth time. Not that any boycott would keep this porky bugger from stuffing his face with whatever he can find. When I was in college, our student activism group held protests, rattled cages, really got things done. These people just sit around complaining about paltry first world problems.

Some big things in the pipeline Clyde. I think you'll approve. We're about to come into our own as a voice for mother nature. My, my, he did say that with more