In Search of My Self

By David Wightman

Like many of us, David asks the eternal questions: “Why am I here?” “What is the purpose of my life?” “What is my understanding of God?” “Do heaven and hell exist?” “Whose religion is right?”

Confused by religious dogma and mis­repre­sen­tations, he em­barks on his own quest for truth, firstly by exposing his inner conflicts about the truth as it has been presented, then by gaining a deeper understanding of the teachings of the great Masters. He realises that, while we can learn from others, true wisdom and knowing can only come from within, from a source far more reliable than any teaching – intuition.

Unlike many other books out there, David's intention is to present fairly complex concepts in a way that makes sense and is easy to understand, constantly reminding the reader to let go of what they think they know because only then can truth reveal itself.

In Search Of My Self chronicles David's own journey. His hope is that, in sharing his journey with you, you may awaken to more of your own inner truth and knowing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Quickfox Publishing
• Release date: May 24, 2013
• ISBN: 9781920526252

Book preview

In Search of My Self

One man's journey in search of Truth

By David Wightman

Dedicated to all those in search of truth.

Copyright © 2010 David Wightman

Smashwords edition 2013

Print version available from www.publisher.co.za

Editor: Rachel Bey-Miller

Cover designer: Vanessa Wilson

Cover illustration: Bruce Rolff (BigStockPhoto)

Contents

Introduction

Early influences

Physical life

I AM

Life: diverse yet unified

Who is asking the question?

Reframing entrenched religious concepts

Choices

Perceptions

Illusion and Reality

Thank you, God

Introduction

The greatest gift my parents ever gave me was to spare me the conflict of overcoming the dogmas of some religion – not because they were agnostic or unaware of some source of life. They both grew up under Victorian parents belonging to a specific religious denomination and attending church. Fully indoctrinated, one would have expected them to have felt obligated to force me along some straight and narrow path of their following, but they did not.

Of course, paths are supposed to lead somewhere and that would presumably have been to some point laid down by the belief they were following. The operative word here is ‘following’, for as humans we are exceptionally gullible and we are all inclined to do what everyone else is doing. This gives us a sense of security and comfort. The fact that others are engaging and believing in the same thing surely makes whatever it is we are doing right.

As a boy I was curious about why we are here. It never entered my mind that this was a once-off lifetime. I knew from my innermost being that I was an entity of sorts, as was everyone else, before embarking on this life. My curiosity was to know why I was here. What was the purpose of coming here? I can remember confronting my mother with the question. Suffice to say that she didn’t have an explanation and it must be said that I later learnt she was to spend the greater part of her life trying to answer the question for herself.

Perhaps from the outset I must note that I am not for or against any religion, cult or following. My search for truth has indeed led me to peruse all paths with an open mind. All the Masters who have walked this Earth have helped me in some way in the unfoldment of truth, and for this I am most grateful.

They all had one goal in mind and that was to help humanity with understanding life in terms of what reality really is. The purpose of this book is to tell you of this personal journey in the hope that you will relate to my inner conflicts in understanding the great teachers and that this will enlighten your understanding as you awaken to inner truth.

Personally, when I pick up any book or article of a religious, metaphysical nature, I am sceptical and would expect the same reaction from any reader of this book. Out there in society we have hundreds, if not thousands, of writings on all sorts of beliefs and all are well-meaning and convinced of their own authenticity.

We all prefer to believe that we are not influenced by others and have our own opinions and thoughts. We are convinced that we do not do anything we do not choose to do. However, in reality, there is little we do that is not based on values and understanding given to us by other individuals and particularly society at large. This reminds me of the depression years in New York when thousands of jobless men queued at the soup kitchens. They had absolutely nothing, but everyone, without exception, had a suit on and, above all else, a hat. No-one would have dared expose themselves in public unless they behaved and dressed as dictated to by society. No question of free choice or being allowed a difference of opinion. So entrenched was this type of thinking that it became not only a publically dictated norm but a deep-seated belief in what was perceived and accepted to be right or wrong. Perhaps we would like to believe that had we been there, we would not have done the same; but this is how in all things we are influenced. Everything that programs our minds – as with modern technology, which defines mental processes – has the potential of defining how we think and it is not automatically all bad. But we do need to be able to set aside these influences if we are to reach beyond these fixed thoughts back to the reality of who we are. We need an open mind without preconceived judgement. We need to allow ourselves the ability to examine without threat, whatever our current belief system is.

During my earlier days, up to the age of say 25, although I attended various churches mainly because I was expected and in some cases instructed to, I remained wary of being instructed on what I was to believe. And from those early days, I was determined to listen to all but form my own thoughts and be guided from within. I soon learnt, for example, that reaching a conclusion was to reach an end. If I am convinced that two plus two adds up to five, there is no way on this Earth that I will accept anything to the contrary.

How was I from an early age to know what and who to believe, if anyone or anything at all! The easy way out for me would have been to attach myself to a following; be caught up in the masses of the congregation and their collective influences, and to assume myself to be on the proverbial ‘one and only’ path. If thousands of others uphold the same beliefs those beliefs must surely be true.

So it is a fair assumption at this point for you, the reader, to think that this book is yet another self-proclaimed set of beliefs. This is the same position I found myself in for many years – the confusion of finding major followings in basic conflict with one another, and yet all with millions of followers. Who was I to judge? And on what basis?

We are all the product of our own unique environments in that if we grew up in the Andes our lifestyle would differ from the lifestyle of someone who grew up in the Sahara Desert. Similarly, we may not like the thought that the same applies to our religious beliefs. For instance, we may be a confirmed Christian now, but would we have been one if we grew up in India or would we not have been a devout Hindu? This type of question is too tough to contemplate as it challenges our very core beliefs and assumptions. Why rock the boat and face doubt?

To be so-called ‘born again’ by the renewal of the mind is to set aside conclusions and allow oneself to contemplate anew without preconceived thoughts.

As a child does not refer to becoming child-like, childish or meek, but to the state that is prerequisite for setting aside the influences that have been imposed on our minds since those early years. We need to set aside the mental blocks and misconceptions collected and entrenched from childhood through adolescence and into adulthood.

As a parent, it is unnerving to note the influence one has on one’s children. Fortunately, we are largely unaware of it. However, can you for a moment imagine the impact on a child witnessing his or her parents worshipping idols, performing rituals, or expounding beliefs? As a child we look up to our parents, they are our mentors, our instinctive source of survival, and we take serious note of what our parents say, do and believe in, and we are guided by it. Nevertheless, take some solace in the fact that perfect parents have probably never been born nor ever will be. At the end of the day, we end up on earth exactly where and with whom we want and need to be. However, this does not detract from the fact that we are shaped in our outlook on life from an early age.

This phenomenon of our upbringing is therefore not something to be despised or ridiculed but recognised as the first major hurdle to overcome in creating the openness of mind that is necessary in the process of discovering who we are.

We have a memory and what we have learnt will not be lost but, for the moment, to learn beyond the point of where we are right now, it is necessary to set these thoughts aside.

Whatever is currently in the mind forms a point of reference. The brain acts as a springboard, immediately accepting or rejecting new thoughts in terms of what it has been programmed to believe. A genuine desire to know more has to be there in order to free up the mind to contemplate that which it is trying to reject. Seek and ye shall find – but to look with a mind already made up, blocks the capacity to unfold the truth within.

Early influences

In brief, I was born and grew up in an old Dutch homestead nestling on the saddle between Table Mountain and Lions Head in Cape Town. As grand as it may seem, my parents had no money in those years and reams of old wallpaper hung off the walls. In fact, the property as a whole was run down.

My father, a satirist by nature and profession, never fixed anything unless it was really serious like a leak on a bed. In fairness, we never missed a meal and there was always humour – a wonderful antidote to the hardships of this life here on Earth. He was a sensitive soul with a major capacity to give.

My mother was the artist in a family of artists. Although complex, she was outgoing and a good communicator. She spent many of her later years in quiet meditation of what she called