Birthing an F.P.O. Nana

By Zanne Montgomery Neill

Grandparents move heaven and hell for their grandchildren.

So what happens when being a grandparent usurps the parental roles of our children? How many grandparents live the phenomenon of raising our grandchildren for a week, a month, a year – even permanently? How many of us have engaged in a horribly flawed legal system when trying to advocate for our grandchildren because their parents have failed them?

Through the years I’ve looked for kindred souls in bookstores and online, but the story of this phenomenon – grandparents raising their grandchildren - has not yet been told in all its raw, honest emotion. Most grandparent blogs and sites focus on the chance to brag about sons and daughters and grandchildren, celebrating rainbows and unicorns and straight A’s and Eagle Scouts.

The fact is that too many of us have been kicked in the teeth by thankless children who do not meet their obligations to their children and then have the nerve to get pissed off at us because we do the right thing in their absence... have been devastated by court decisions that only harm our grandchildren in the end... have operated with the best intentions when necessity calls, only to then be used and abused and discarded without a second thought by ingrate children and other family members who have no idea what’s really been going on.

It’s time for F.P.O. grandparents to rally our weary souls and know that we didn’t do anything wrong, that we can still love our children while honestly acknowledging their shortcomings.

How did I come to discover the power of being F.P.O. after 18 years of hell?
Living with way too much justifiable disappointment and anger.
Offering endless apologies for being hijacked by parenting philosophies of the 60s.
Accepting the blinding acknowledgement that I have given decades of my life to nurture and protect my granddaughter because her mother and father were such poor parents.
Reaching the blessed day when my abject pain became a constructive bolt of critical thinking that allowed me to move beyond the love in my heart and the ache in my soul, providing a chance for lasting change and growth in my life and theirs.

There is no power in feeling sorry for yourself.
Welcome to my constructive state of being ... Fucking. Pissed. Off.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Zanne Montgomery Neill
• Release date: May 14, 2013
• ISBN: 9781301440832

Zanne Montgomery Neill

Zanne resides in southwestern New Hampshire and has been writing since her first Halloween poem at age 10. Decades later, her experiences include the privilege of raising her granddaughter, becoming an equality activist, serving people living with HIV/AIDS and riding on the 40th anniversary Stonewall float in the New York Pride Parade. This is her first completed labor of love.

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