Barnaby's Shorts (Volume Two): Barnaby's Shorts, #2

By Barnaby Wilde

Coffee break sized stories including gentle humour, a touch of sci fi, a smidgen of romance and an air of mystery. Stories include The Running Boy, The Magician's Cabinet, The Turing Test and The Case of the Missing Spray Cleaner.
Short stories ideal for lulling you to sleep at bedtime or reading on the train on your way to work.

Is it possible for an author to become trapped in a Kindle? What if you were being stalked by the Invisible Man? and where exactly do people go when magician's make them disappear?

Answers to these questions and more inside.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Barnaby Wilde
• Release date: Aug 15, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476240886

Barnaby Wilde

Barnaby Wilde is the pen name of Tim Fisher. Tim was born in 1947 in Hertfordshire, United Kingdom, but grew up and was educated in the West Country. He graduated with a Physics degree in 1969 and worked in manufacturing and quality control for a multinational photographic company for 30 years before taking an early retirement to pursue other interests. He has two grown up children and currently lives happily in Devon.

Book preview

Barnaby's Shorts

(volume 2)

A collection of short stories

By

Barnaby Wilde

Copyright 2012 by Barnaby Wilde

Barnaby Wilde asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work in accordance with the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.

Published by Smashwords

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Cover picture: Barnaby's Shorts, original self portrait by Barnaby Wilde

Other published works by the author available as ebooks.

A Question of Alignment – a Tom Fletcher novel

I Keep Thinking It's Tuesday – a Tom Fletcher novel

Every Which Way but East – a Tom Fletcher novel

Animalia – a collection of quirky verse with an animal theme

Life… -- a collection of verse on a vaguely 'life' related theme

The Blind Philospher and the God of Small Things -- more verse, with a philosophical theme and bad puns.

Not at all Rhinocerus – a collection of verse with almost no mention of rhinoceros

A Little Bit Elephant – a collection of very quirky verse which is only slightly elephant.

Tunnel Vision – a collection of longer verses featuring flying saucers, dining tables, whales and shoes, with puns and jokes as usual.

The Well Boiled Icycle -- 35 New 'quirky' poems featuring Clockwork Wellingtons, Goldfish, Jugglers and Gingerbread Men, but not necessarily in that order.

Barnaby's Shorts (volume 1) – ten coffee break length short stories to suit all tastes.

Barnaby Wilde is the pen name of Tim Fisher.

Tim was born in 1947 in Hertfordshire, United Kingdom, but grew up and was educated in the West Country. He graduated with a Physics degree in 1969 and worked in manufacturing and quality control for a multinational photographic company for 30 years before taking an early retirement to pursue other interests. He has two grown up children and currently lives happily in Devon.

Visit www.barnaby-wilde.co.uk for the author's blog and more information about the world of Barnaby Wilde.

Table of Contents Barnaby's Shorts (Volume Two)

The Magician's Cabinet

The Blueberry Muffin Affair

One of Those Mornings

Red Rubber

The Turing Test

The Running Boy

The Case of the Missing Spray Cleaner

Is there Anybody There?

Warning Bells

Time for Thought

Other works by Barnaby Wilde

The Magician's Cabinet

There probably isn't a person, alive or dead, anywhere on the planet who hasn't asked, at some time or another, that most pointless of questions, 'Why me?'. Followed moments later by that equally banal question, 'What if?', or it's alternative manifestation, 'If only'. Have you noticed, though, that these questions are only ever raised after something bad has occurred, never after something good? Have you ever heard of anyone asking, after winning the lottery, 'Why me?', or 'If only' I hadn't bought that lottery ticket?

I'm asking those clichéd questions now. What if I hadn't come to that theatre that night? What if I hadn't sat in that seat? But, no, I need to go farther back. What if it hadn't been raining that day? No. Still not far enough. What if my wife had never met that man? No. That's too far. Perhaps I should just start with the day it happened. That was three days ago.

I think it was three days ago. Maybe it was more? Or fewer? The problem is that I've got no reference point. I can't even read my watch. I have no light.

I can tell that I'm confusing you. I'm sorry. I'll start at the beginning. Well, I'll start at a beginning, anyway.

My name is John. It's not important. It just happens to be what my parents called me. It seems to work most of the time. Sorry, I'm digressing again. I think I might be losing my mind a little. I'm not sure how long I've been here. I think it's about three days. Did I say that already? I'm very thirsty. I'm not sure how much longer I can last without drinking. I believe people can last weeks without eating, as long as they have water, but there's no water in here. I haven't found any yet, anyway. It's dark in here and I can't see anything at all. Perhaps there is water and I just haven't found it yet. Perhaps there's a light switch, too. Sorry … I need to concentrate. I think my mind's wandering a bit.

My name is John. It's not important. It's not part of the reason I'm here. At least, I don't think it is. Actually, it might be. I'm not sure. I'm not sure about anything any more. I'll try to keep to the story, though, but it's hard to stay focused… I'm so thirsty…

I'll start on the day I first came here. Yes. That will be a good starting point. It was Monday. I don't know if that's important. Anyway, it was an ordinary Monday. Well, it started as an ordinary Monday. It's the last day I woke up in my own bed. That's where I'll start. I woke up in my own bed on Monday at the normal time. I could see that it was raining. It had been raining all night. That isn't important. I don't think it's important … It might be important … If it hadn't been raining things would have worked out differently, I think. Maybe the rain is important after all. If it hadn't been raining I would have cycled to work, as usual. Because it was raining I took the bus. If I hadn't taken the bus I wouldn't have seen the sign.

I think the rain must be important. If it hadn't been raining, I wouldn't be here.

When I woke up it was raining. I decided to take the bus to work instead of cycling. Usually I cycle just for the exercise. Sometimes I take the bus. The bus is quite convenient. It's only a short walk at either end to or from the bus stop. I don't ever drive to work. I do have a car, but I don't enjoy driving.

I need a drink. My throat is very dry. My tongue is beginning to swell up and I have a headache. I think I'm dehydrated. I did feel hungry yesterday, but that's passed. Now it's just thirsty. I think it's three days since I had anything to drink. I tried to feel around the walls, but I couldn't find a door or a light switch. There didn't seem to be a tap either. All I could feel was a plain wall that seemed to go on forever. I might be in a long corridor, but I'm afraid to move away from the wall. Maybe there's another wall parallel to this one just a few yards away. Maybe there are doors and taps. I did try to move away from the wall, but after two steps, in the dark, I lost my nerve and went back to this wall. I think that was three days ago. I'm not sure now…

I was telling you the story. I can't remember how far I'd got. Did I tell you about the bus? I think I did. The bus was crowded, but I did get a seat by the window and I was watching the people walking to work in the rain. Mostly they looked miserable. It was a miserable day. We passed through the High Street, past the main shops, stopping every few yards to let people get on or off. I don't know why I got off the bus where I did. It wasn't my stop. I just decided to get off the bus when it stopped by the theatre.

I've never done that before. I don't mean I've never got off by the theatre, I mean I've never got off at that stop when I should be travelling on for another ten minutes to work. Maybe that's when it happened?

… There's no sound in here. Nothing. I tried shouting, but no one heard me. There wasn't even an echo. I tried whistling, too, but no one answered. I tried banging on the wall, but it feels solid and doesn't make much noise, which is very strange. I think it's probably a brick wall underneath the plaster. I hadn't thought about that before. I don't understand how it could be brick. It should be wood.

… My headache is getting worse. My tongue is getting bigger, too. I wonder why my tongue is swelling up when I'm getting dehydrated? You would think it would get smaller. I think I might die in here …

Sorry… I think I might have gone to sleep just then. I can't tell what the time is. I think I'm drifting in and out of sleep … I NEED WATER! … Sorry …It doesn't do any good shouting. No one comes.

When I got off the bus it was still raining. I had a coat and an umbrella, so it was OK. I don't have them now. I wonder where they are? Probably still under the seat. That's where I put them. Unless they've been handed in, of course. Yes, that's more likely. Handed in when they cleaned the theatre. I had quite a long walk to get to work because I got off the bus too early. I knew I'd be late, but no one would say anything. That's the benefit of being the boss. You get to break the rules and no one says anything.

I was putting up the umbrella when I