The Art of Saying No

By Nicholas Kaloki

‘Teaching Girls the Art of Saying No to Sexual Affairs, Sex Abuse and Rape’ is a new book that addresses this issue. Hardly a day passes without screaming news headlines of young girls defiled or abused sexually by the very people they trust or those entrusted to their care such as their own parents, teachers, pastors, priests, guardians, very close relatives, trusted neighbours as well as their own peers. Society also faces the problem of teenage affairs with consequences like pregnancy, broken hearts leading to depression and a drop in academic performance, suicide, murder and sexually transmitted diseases, including HIV/AIDS. Intertwined with these is the alarming rate of rape in society and sexual harassment of girls and women. This book discusses frankly how a young girl can protect herself from misusing her sexuality, being misused sexually.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Nicholas Kaloki
• Release date: May 30, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476295381

Nicholas Kaloki

Nicholas Kaloki's book is written by a specialist in Children and Gender issues. He has a wide field experience as a secondary school teacher in several girls’ secondary schools, as well as hundreds of talks, discussions and lectures to the youth, locally and abroad, on the subject. He is a visiting counsellor to leading Girls’ Schools, and interacts with hospitals and the criminal justice system of Kenya in pursuit of justice for girls defiled or raped, while working for the Children’s Department.

Book preview

Teaching Girls

The Art of

Saying No

Copyright 2012 by Nicholas Kaloki

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition License Notes

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Table of contents

Chapter 1: Why saying NO is an Art

Chapter 2: Who to say No to

Chapter 3: Why girls should say NO

Chapter 4: How to say NO

Chapter 5: How NOT to say NO

Chapter 6: Where and where not to say NO

Chapter 7: What a NO means

Chapter 8: When a NO is not a NO

Chapter 9: Keeping off the peer pressure

Chapter 10: Saying no after you had initially said YES

Chapter 11: Signs that a social relationship is getting out of hand

Chapter 12: Rehabilitation of sexually active children

Chapter 13: Rape and sexual abuse of children

Chapter 14: Do’s and Don’ts, just in case of rape

Chapter 15: Rape-report to the hospital

Chapter 16: Helping the rape victim to cope

Chapter 17: The characteristics of a rapist

Chapter 18: What to do to prevent rape and sexual abuse of children.

Chapter 19: How to recognize a child who is being sexually abused

Chapter 20: Rehabilitating the sexually abused child

Chapter 21: Why most rape cases go unreported

Chapter 22: Where to seek help in case of rape, sexual abuse and sexual exploitation of children

PART 1

Saying

NO

To Sexual Affairs

Introduction

The issue of youth sexuality is a complex problem that has baffled the society with endless news dominating newspaper columns and television screens about youth misuse of sexuality, sexual abuse and rape. Hardly does a day pass without screaming news headlines of young girls defiled or abused sexually by the very people entrusted to their care such as their own parents, teachers, pastors, priests, guardians, very close relatives, trusted neighbours as well their own peers. The society also faces the problem of teenage affairs with consequences like pregnancy, broken hearts leading to depression and suicide, and sexually transmitted infections including HIV/AIDS. Intertwined with these is the alarming rate of rape and sexual harassment of women society.

Issues of sexuality are so challenging that most societies would prefer to make any public discussion on them a taboo topic. Unfortunately, this breeds ignorance on sexuality, and sexual crimes by the youth. It is a barrier that has been broken in this book by discussing frankly how a young girl can protect herself from misusing her sexuality, or being misused sexually.

In sexual affairs, girls are usually the losers. Part I of this book shows clearly that a girl has no option but to say NO to all hints, suggestions and proposals for sexual affairs. Saying NO is so difficult that it is an art for which one may need a few lessons.

A discussion on youth sexuality will not be complete without discussing the issue of rape. Part II of this book examines rape as a sexual crime, the challenges of seeking justice for victims as well as how to prevent rape.

The book is written in a child friendly language by a specialist in Children and Gender issues. The author draws real life examples from his field experience as a secondary school teacher in several Girls’ secondary schools, as well as hundreds of talks, discussions and lectures to the youth, locally and abroad, on the subject. He is a visiting counselor to leading Girls Schools, and has interacted with hospitals and the criminal justice system in pursuit of justice for girls defiled or raped while working for the Children’s Department in Kenya. Although the examples given in the book are real, the names and places of abode of the girls have been changed to protect the identities of his clients in accordance with the law.

Note: the girls appearing in the photos were just invited to pose for the camera and, except for their innocence and good behaviour, the vices discussed in the book have no bearing on their lives.

This book is a useful companion to every young girl as well as a guide to parents, teachers, guardians and law enforcement officers on counselling the girl-child and protecting her from sex predators.

Back to Table of Contents

Chapter 1: Why saying NO is an Art

At one time in the life of a girl, a boy or a man is likely to be attracted to her and propose an affair. While the attraction is normal in human relations, a girl has no option but to say an emphatic NO to all suggestions, hints, temptations and pressure to accept a sexual affair. Doing the opposite has had unimaginable consequences on the lives of young girls, like unwanted pregnancies, Sexual Transmitted Diseases including HIV/AIDS, guilt, school drop-outs and shame.

Many girls accept affairs due to factors such as:

1. Peer pressure.

2. The influence of mass media for example watching adults-only TV programmes that glorify the sexual act.

3. Pornography.

4. Lack of life skills on how to say NO to affairs.

5. The feeling that it is her time to attract the attention of the opposite sex.

6. The curiosity to find out how it feels like.

7. The natural attraction of the opposite sex.

8. The temptation of material gifts offered.

9. The influence of the environment in which one is brought up; including a permissive society that glorifies sex.

However, many girls know the consequences of sexual affairs and fear sex like a plague. Yet, they find themselves accepting the very things they swore never to indulge in. They want to say NO to