Fifty, Female & Fabulous: A Holistic Guide to Love, Sex & Relationships

By Barbara Griffin Villemez

At the age of fifty and older many women come to a crossroads. We question our beliefs about the essential nature of our lives. Fifty, Female & Fabulous tells us that we are okay no matter what we believe, but it gives us tools to change areas of our lives that are no longer working. This book is not about faith, but about the spiritual underlining our day to day lives. Learning to love unconditionally others as well as ourselves, seeing the beauty that is all around us and in us, accepting that we create the situations that can cause trauma, grief and chaos, and learning how to change these creations is a major part of the visualizations and exercises that comprise this book. Enjoy and accept that we women represent the Divine Feminine that is making Herself prevalent in the 21st Century.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Barbara Griffin Villemez
• Release date: May 20, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476157825

Barbara Griffin Villemez

Barbara Griffin Villemez, Psychotherapist and Clinical Hypnotherapist, University Instructor. Published short stories in CC&D literary magazine and the online literary magazine Write From Wrong. Feng Shui practitioner and teacher. Native American background and Shaman training, author of romantic thrillers, paranormal thrillers, short stories, and self-help books. Barbara lives in New Mexico with her husband and two cats.

Book preview

Fifty, Female and Fabulous

A Holistic Guide To Love, Sex and Relationships HHo

Barbara Griffin Villemez

Smashwords Edition

Fifty, Female and Fabulous

Digital ISBN: 978-1-4507-9918-8

Copyright © 2012 by Barbara Griffin Villemez

Cover Art Copyright © Laura Shinn

Other books available by this author include:

Dreaming Dark

Smashwords License Notes:

All Rights Reserved. This ebook is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This ebook may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this ebook with another person, please purchase an additional copy at Smashwords.com for each person you share it with. Thank you for respecting the hard work of this author.

Fifty, Female and Fabulous is a work of fiction. Though some of the cities and towns actually exist they are used in a fictitious manner for purposes of this work. All characters are works of fiction and any similar names or characteristics to any person past, present, or future are coincidental.

Acknowledgments

My wonderful writer’s group deserves kudos for the great editing they did for this project. Thanks to Gerry Otis, Penny Duncklee, Sonia Segura, Koro Meyers and last, but not least, my husband Clare. Clare deserves my love and appreciation for putting up with me at the computer to all hours of the night. Thank you, Sweetheart.

To view more of Barbara Villemez’s work or stories, visit: www.barbara-villemez.com.

Contents

Forward by Sheila Griffin

Introduction

* * * * *

Part One: Belief Systems and Mental Attitudes

Chapter One: Intro to Belief Systems

Chapter Two: Creating Change

Case Studies

Visualization #1: Accessing the Divine Feminine

Changing Belief Systems

My Own Case History

Chapter Three: Limitations

Visualization #2: The Divine Feminine

Part Two: Relationships and Love

Chapter Four: Relationships

Case Studies

Visualization #3: Meeting Your Soul Mate

Starting Over, Letting Go

Visualization #4: Visualizing A New You

Chapter Five: Love

Love Is Who We Are

Women Behaving Badly

Part Three: Sexuality

Chapter Six: Your Sexuality

Case Studies

Sexual Beliefs

Visualization #5: The Sexual Experience

Part Four: Spirituality

Chapter Seven: Your Spirituality

Religious Beliefs

Visualization #6: Connecting with Spirit

Part Five: Healthy You, Beautiful You

Chapter Eight: A Healthy and Beautiful You

Case Studies

Foods that Fight Fat and Energize

Vitamins, Minerals and Supplements

Holistic Cosmetics

Exercise

Visualization #7: White Light for Cleansing

* * * * *

Summary

Resources

Forward by Shelia Griffin

We are very fortunate to be part of the new paradigm shift from the antiquated past into the bright future for both men and women in our society. It is happening now and will continue to open a new understanding for all of us. No longer do we, as women, need to settle for a back seat in politics, in relationships, and in the work force. More and more women are standing up and speaking out to effect a change in the quality of life for all women, especially the older, more mature of us. Barbara is such a woman.

She brings to the forefront the insecurities and the false beliefs that women have carried over decades and gives us the opportunity to explore these myths. With insight and a gentle hand Barbara guides us through the rough terrain and into a spacious arena where anything is possible. As we speak out and ask for what we want, we initiate better communication between all. As we take care of ourselves, we nurture our relationships.

Take plenty of time to read and experience Fifty, Female and Fabulous. This timely offering may change your life. Enjoy!

Sheila Griffin

Author of Ride on the Wing of the Eagle

March 20ll

Introduction

This book started out as a workbook and tape set for the fifty and older female patients in my psychotherapy practice in Dallas, Texas in the mid-nineties. Many wanted extra copies to give to friends, so the set was self-published and sold in the Dallas area. The world turned, my life changed and I went on to different things. One of which was to remarry after twelve years of single life.

Recently it was suggested that I take the set and turn it into a book. Hopefully I’ve been successful in presenting this information in a manner and form that will be beneficial. There are many resources on issues that affect older women: books and tapes on sex, relationships, menopause, anti-aging and enjoying the senior years, etc. are in abundance. The Internet is also a

prodigious source of information. The problem with this abundance of resources is that it can be confusing, especially when the information is conflicting. And it often is; one source claiming that herbs are beneficial during menopause and others claiming these same herbs can be harmful. This is just the tip of the iceberg. I’ve found advice that cautioned about seeing a therapist for marital issues and advice that one needs to see a therapist to get one’s life back on track. So discernment is a key part of sifting through the myriad amount of information.

We’re all different. Our biological makeup may be the same, but our DNA differentiates us from one another. What works for one does not necessarily work for everyone. The information presented here is a set of formulas with options. Some of the material is just good old common sense and others have proven out over the years of working with women. Time marches on is an old cliché, but time does seem to speed up the older one gets. And, how one approaches this middle part of life will determine how healthy one is in the later years.

I’ve divided the book into four parts with a fifth part on staying healthy. Each part stands alone, but is also part of the whole. Just as we stand alone, but are more than the sum of our parts, each significant to the rest. The physical self, the intellectual or mental self, the sexual self and the emotional and spiritual self all carry equal weight. None can be neglected if one wants to have a holistic and healthy life.

By the time one reaches the mid-life age of fifty, we’ve had many experiences, some good and some bad. These experiences shaped not only how we see ourselves, but how we see others in our sphere of influence. Sometimes these experiences have caused us to see life through a distorted lens. Today more than fifty percent of marriages end in divorce and any woman who has been through a divorce knows how traumatic it can be. I certainly know. I’ve been through two divorces. It doesn’t matter whether the woman initiated the divorce or whether the husband did, divorce can create emotional issues for both parties. There is always some feeling of guilt, anxiety, and emotional pain. In rare cases there can be harmony created when two people realize they no longer fit as a couple and the divorce is mutual and equitable. But, I think this is a rare occasion. Invariably someone feels cheated from the split.

My private practice was mostly with women and many of them were going through divorce. Most had tried some couples therapy, but were unable to resolve the issues. Many were being replaced or had been replaced by younger women. They began to question whether their life had any meaning. They were feeling devalued and where many had focused their lives on their children and wifely duties they were now feeling that their lives had been a waste. Depression, anger and sometimes guilt set in and the ability to cope went out the window. Some thought about suicide and the ones who had no more than a high school education worried that they might have to count on their grown children for support.

My mission when working with these women was to show them how strong, intelligent, resilient and creative they really were. I pointed out all the skills they had accumulated over the years of raising a family and taking care of a home. In those years they were organizers, nurses, cooks, bookkeepers, teachers, handymen, in other words, jacks of all trades. We problem solved how they would organize their new lives as single women. I also worked with women who had never married. Gay women had problems with love and relationships, but most of the time family acceptance was the most pressing issue with the younger ones. All of these women needed a lift of the spirit, boost of the libido, a shot of mental stimulation and a hefty dose of self-worth. I have to pat myself on the back as a therapist as the majority of these women went on to happy, healthy lives, some going back to school or utilizing their talents in other ways.

Hopefully this book will help other women to make changes that will enhance their lives and give a greater appreciation of self. Many years ago I read a book that was titled The Goddess in Everywoman. In my eyes I see every woman as a goddess in her own right. Nurturers by nature and willing to give love and to be loved, women as a whole give the world the positive spin it needs. Most women are life affirming and there is nothing more beautiful than to see a woman loving who she is when the Divine Feminine within shines out to the world.

Barbara Griffin Villemez, September 2011

Part One:

Belief Systems and Mental Attitudes

Chapter One:

Intro to Belief Systems

Our belief systems determine how we view life,

affirming or fearful.

The baby boomers have marched into the 21st century by the millions. The majority are women. Most of these women are at a crossroads with no guidelines pointing to which path is the right path to take. They see themselves growing older and looking for panaceas. There aren’t any. Botox, cosmetic surgery, expensive creams and lotions are really a waste of money. To have a satisfying older life the test is to nurture the inner you. One can look like she is thirty when she is fifty, but if the inside is hollow or the personality is shallow, it does not matter how expensive our make-up or our cosmetic surgery.

I’ve been told that I look pretty good for my age. Part of this is genetics, but I think it’s because when I turned fifty, I made a vow to change my life. It was during this time that I went through my second divorce. The process of change lifted my spirit, gave me energy and showed in my face, body and actions. I touched and embraced the Divine Feminine.

How we approach this part of our lives will determine how healthy we are mentally, emotionally and spiritually. We’re living longer lives than our mothers and our grandmothers. We want those years to be healthy, active and fruitful. We look for fulfillment, happiness, peace and security. No one wants to grow old alone, but for many of us this can be our future. Our belief systems, cultural norms and early conditioning all contribute to how we approach our fifties and beyond.

Using our feminine energy these guidelines, exercises and ceremonies will point to the path that is right