Thank You For Not Laughing

By Chris Illuminati

Keeping a journal is recommended practice for all writers, comedians and even crazy people. Just a notebook to jot down life’s sometimes forgotten moments, deep thoughts, big fantastic ideas, big dumb ideas, funny quotes, story changes, jokes, to-do lists, and whatever crosses the mind in hours spent awake.

I keep a writing journal. Several. Most of the writing should never be seen by eyes other than mine because even my eyes find the writing troublesome.

This is the stuff from those journals I decided to share. Thank you for not laughing.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Chris Illuminati
• Release date: May 20, 2012
• ISBN: 9781476206578

Chris Illuminati

Chris Illuminati is a freelance writer and contributor to such popular websites and magazines as Ask Men, Asylum and Penthouse and has had articles on Cosmo, Maxim, AOL Health and MSN Money. He is the co-author of The A**holeology: The Science Behind Getting Your Way – and Getting Away with It and the sole author of the follow-up A**holeology: The Cheat Sheet. Yes, it’s his real last name. It’s written in black Sharpie on the inside of his underwear as proof.

Book preview

THANK YOU FOR NOT LAUGHING

By Chris Illuminati

Copyright © 2012 by Chris Illuminati

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Table of Contents

Introduction: Um...What’s This All About?

Coffee Shops

I Survived

Stand-Up Roller Coasters

Funny Shirts

Talking

I Still Feel Like Crap

Dunkin Donuts

Hooters

Property of Nike

Live Blogging an Energy Drink

Charity

White Bread

Record Setter

Old Friends

Summer Reading

Sex Train

Knock on Wood

Pictures

Pen Pals

Free Form

Gas

Author

Decaf

Alone

Trust

Silence

Karma

Seizure

Paper Clips

Museum

About the Author

Um...What’s This All About?

Keeping a journal. It’s recommended practice for all writers, comedians and even crazy people. Just a notebook to jot down life’s little forgotten moments, big ideas, funny quotes, story changes, jokes, to-do lists, big dumb ideas, little ideas and whatever crosses the mind in hours spent awake. Actually, it’s also recommended for writing down the thoughts that pass through the mind during sleep (written, of course, after a person wakes up).

I keep a writing journal. Several. Most of the stuff should never be seen by eyes other than mine, and even my eyes find the writing troublesome. Luckily, the peepers and the brain are pretty tight friends, so the eyes kind of know what they’re dealing with.

This is the stuff I decided to share.

Coffee Shops

There are three types of people that regularly hang out in coffee shops – those who want to be seen, those who don’t want to be seen and creative types.

The people who want to be seen are usually very lonely. They know all the workers by name, and the workers know their names, their usual drink (usually something incredibly complex and tasty only to them but they feel it should be on the regular menu except no one in their right fucking mind would drink a half caf with four Sweet & Low, 2% milk, a shot of coconut flavoring and ground cinnamon stuck to the top of the straw. It tastes like shit, I know, because I tried it right after someone ordered it right in front of me in line), and everything about their