Things Not To Do Or Say To Your Pregnant Wife

By Jerald Wilkins

Sometimes men forget to use their internal editor. During my wife's pregnancy, I discovered I never turn mine on. I started posting some of the things I'd do or say without thinking on Facebook, and soon developed these postings into a book.

For men who find themselves ducking and hiding in a corner from their hormone crazed spouse, here are a few lessons that may keep you alive.

Exerpt:
I’m not gonna lie, there was more than once in my younger, wilder days when I got the ‘I think I’m knocked up’ scare and thought, “Please God, no. I’ll swear off women for a year, or at least a week.” Every time, I ended up owing the big guy a week. Now, when my wife told me she was late, after my first response of, “What’s new?” and upon realizing what she meant, I tried to buy every pregnancy test in the store.
I waited outside the bathroom and cursed the bastard who invented the damn thing and made me wait an extra two minutes. I half expected Amanda to walk out with a baby boy already delivered and ready to go to college. (My mind can carry on a long way in two minutes.) Patience, I found, was the least of many lessons to come.
That first test said I was to be a daddy. Well, actually it said “plus sign” but I triple checked the instructions and the translation was that there was a mini me on the way to world.
My brain hadn’t quite caught up with this reality, and I found it hard to believe, so I did the sensible thing. There were three tests in each box, so let’s just go best two out of three. It was at this time, only moments into the pregnancy, that I discovered the first thing to not do or say to your pregnant wife:

Things Not To Do Or Say To Your Pregnant Wife #1: The proper response to “Honey, I’m pregnant” is NOT “Can you pee again and make sure?”

• Language: English
• Publisher: Jerald Wilkins
• Release date: Jan 22, 2012
• ISBN: 9781466076075

Jerald Wilkins

Jerald Wilkins does not hold a degree. He has almost completed degrees in English, Theatre, Education, and for one semester declared himself a business major. He finally settled down as a Program Director and On-Air Radio Personality. When he finds the time, Jerald enjoys building large, to-scale popsicle houses. As a Staff Sergeant in the US Army Reserves, he has had the opportunity to travel around the world and see the best and worst of humanity. Now, as a father, he has learned more in three years than any combat tour could ever teach. Jerald lives near Lewiston, Idaho with his favorite women: his wife, Amanda, and two daughters, Jolie and Peyton. (Assuming they haven’t kicked him to the curb.)

Book preview

����cbook_preview_excerpt.htmluU�n�F���En����‘�Vi����K��j���.��O�����%=��l���ۙ3sFW��*�(�]m;�D�K��ЍлH�fҗ?e��>rL������c��R����h����\Ht4��&u�6ѭu�I8Y�2Lѵ]���^^>~B�m��u5�� ��7��O"�Dv�?�Zj$Ҥ����_2���$�iIg�=� �b��"���nݞ�lYHrǚL�K�4��2��v�.�3��d=�ܑ �H��@�A+��N*عQ@�AUAΦ��v��S�/�����X�� �����cb��D.��$:7�q3�Q�X z=�������i,k�K��%�B
�l��+�h��i�:�0�@�YqG�̸͘;�������L�ZK���i/��&`�x�VO�֝2X}I/� �]}�q���[,�6�6�� �к>� y��_FE]4q�m������p��O������7Rg�����G�;�+��1d�<�=[���P�W� _v��5�|�]O]�Tf�K��{��2-�0���ʰ�qIgh��C�r�D��D���6"^��#=j��V����g},k0���!M5^�U��_W���; ��Si�����I�|�@E��/��y�L���J��eh��ǘ��G4�S�ي��c�P��3��NS�nƾw�Z��C"�鍩w&%N\RA�) �{V�z�7�aϳ�L�sE�MlbR��۟�Q�\�Ȍ�8�0�pث�C��t<(�z�������Q�s��#�9��;՛��κ��6�+�KåJ���#u6����$(�V���7���T���`<:͜( 5�����0a�չq��L�-`=B���*jϐZA!��<� �eD�nL��E��D�.�C]��q�v�$VX��3=���cGξ`�S�i�{N8��+x�뫉���Y38��VO������Y~:�b�_��oo���:����������:h��\�VBώˍ�\<��Eҁ�