The Laws of Attraction: Christian Myths and Facts About Pickups, Dating and Relationships

By Matt Sherman

Journey with the authors as they myth-bust the nonsense that has been holding back countless Christians from fulfilling relationships and happy marriages. What is avoided in church is discussed frankly within; succeed with the opposite sex and learn how to pick and woo the person God has put in your path.

Erik Lukas and Matt Sherman both hailed from New York State before moving to Florida in the 1980’s. They ministered together for many years in a church movement with a divorce rate estimated to be under 2%.

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Erik is an accomplished musician and composer who has discipled many students besides journeying through the maze of relationships and relationship advice explored in this book. Matt has written or contributed to over a dozen books in print and also writes extensively for the sport of billiards. He is the Guide to Pool & Billiards at About.com, one of the world’s most popular websites, and is the author of Picture Yourself Shooting Pool. Together they have lectured over 10,000 people live on sex and relationships.

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Matt is celebrating his 19th year of marriage with Janine Sherman while Erik is single but open to new people and new relationships—if they obey The Laws of Attraction.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Matt Sherman
• Release date: Dec 22, 2011
• ISBN: 9781466131392

Matt Sherman

Matt Sherman, author of the book and DVD combo Picture Yourself Shooting Pool, has appeared dozens of times in major newspapers and popular TV channels promoting and teaching the sport of pool and other entertainment. Sherman is an instructional columnist at one of the world's top websites, About.com, and has also appeared internationally on television and in print. As an entertainer and emcee, he has worked with CIA intelligence officers, movie actors, jazz singers and rock guitarists. He has appeared on NBC, ABC, CBS, Discovery, HGTV, VH-1, TNN, C-SPAN, and on radio, and has been quoted in the L.A. Times, Washington Post, Chicago Tribune, Las Vegas Sun, New Orleans Times-Picayune, Time and Time Europe.

Book preview

The Laws of Attraction:

Christian Myths and Facts About Pickups, Dating and Relationships

Matt Sherman and Erik Lukas

Copyright © 2011 by Matt Sherman and Erik Lukas

Smashwords Edition

Smashwords Edition, License Notes

This e-book is licensed for your personal enjoyment only. This e-book may not be re-sold or given away to other people. If you would like to share this book with another person, please purchase an additional copy for each recipient. If you’re reading this book and did not purchase it, or it was not purchased for your use only, then please return to Smashwords.com and purchase your own copy. Thank you for respecting the hard work of the authors.

The Laws of Attraction:

Christian Myths and Facts About

Pickups, Dating and Relationships

By Erik Lukas and Matt Sherman

The Laws of Attraction

Copyright © 2011 by Matt Sherman and Erik Lukas

Book layout and design by BCW Productions

Requests for information should be addressed to:

BCW Productions, 2711 NW 42 Pl, Gainesville, Florida 32605

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced,

stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by

any means—electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or any

other—except for brief quotations in printed reviews, without the

prior permission of the publisher.

All illustrations courtesy of MorgueFile.com except for the

Love Tank and In The Zone images, which are copyright © 2011

Matt Sherman and Erik Lukas.

Scriptures quoted are taken from the New American Standard Bible.

The authors may be contacted with inquiries or concerns;

Matt Sherman at [e-mail]

Erik Lukas at [e-mail]

The Laws of Attraction:

Christian Myths and Facts About

Pickups, Dating and Relationships

By Matt Sherman and Erik Lukas

Erik Lukas and Matt Sherman both hailed from New York State

before moving to Florida in the 1980’s. They ministered together for

many years in a church movement with a divorce rate estimated to

be under 2%.

**

Erik is an accomplished musician and composer who has discipled

many students besides journeying through the maze of relationships

and relationship advice explored in this book. Matt has written

or contributed to over a dozen books in print and also writes

extensively for the sport of billiards. He is the Guide to Pool &

Billiards at About.com, one of the world’s most popular websites,

and is the author of Picture Yourself Shooting Pool.

**

Matt is celebrating his 19th year of marriage with Janine Sherman

while Erik is single but open to new people and new relationships—

if they obey The Laws of Attraction.

The Laws of Attraction

Table Of Contents

The Laws of Attraction

One Big Attraction Piece Fits

Law of Attraction 1: Generate Interest

Law of Attraction 2: Affection Ain’t Attraction

Law of Attraction 3: Affection Makes a Lousy Substitute

Law of Attraction 4: Foolish Intimacy Creates Feelings

Law of Attraction 5: Attraction Makes People Strange

Goodness Didn’t Hurt, But Didn’t Help, Either

Attraction at Church

You… Flirt!

Next on the Agenda: Stimulate Attraction!

Seven Sex Zones

Healthy Sex Helps Make Healthy Families

Summing Up the Zones

Questions for Daters

Attraction F.A.Q

Finding the One

Perfect Ones for Him

For the Ladies Now

Summary of The Laws of Attraction

Touchpoints

About Agape

About Homosexuality

About Contraception

Bonus Section: Men! Attract Women!

How to Create Attraction in the Opposite Sex

Game: A Definition

Core: A Definition

More Personal Inventory

What Do Women Want?

Openers for Attraction Conversations

Asking for a Date or a Courtship

The Laws of Attraction

Journey with us as we myth-bust the nonsense that has been holding back countless Christians from fulfilling relationships and happy marriages. We begin with Erik’s odyssey into the strange and often self-contradictory world of what passes for Christian relationship counseling.

Why Are The Laws of Attraction Needed Today?

Erik writes: Let me start by telling you a little of my attraction story. I became a Christian by placing my trust in Jesus Christ for salvation when I was 16. Shortly after, I began dating a girl I knew from my church, and we courted for about two years’ time. I must say it seems to be the Devil’s frequent trick to send some gal to be with a young Christian while he is still maturing in faith, and hardly ready for the lifelong commitment of marriage!

**It’s Satan’s frequent trick, to make sure a new Christian has a relationship soon after they trust in Christ.**

I entered college while my best girl remained in high school. During my first semester, she cheated on me with another fellow and then had the nerve to brag to her friend, If Erik and I last through this struggle I’ve created, we’ll surely marry. Why did she go to such a length to test my heart? And just as important, I agonized over why I wasn’t compelling enough as a man to keep her faithful. I soon ended that relationship!

Stuck To A Mistake

A downfall I’ve faced, which no doubt many reading this book have also faced, is falling for someone until they’re stuck like glue in the mind, regardless of whether attraction is equally returned. My university had good Christian women seemingly everywhere but didn’t bode well for a romantic life.

Soon I fell for another lady, who saw me as a friend but not a romantic interest. I got stuck on her for two years—she never knew the true depth of my feelings for her.

Over the next 15 years, my life of romance took turns for the worse, if you can imagine such a thing to be possible. I got my romantic gear stuck on a different woman for about ten unrequited years, for just one example!

Yes, I did speak with this third love about my heart’s yearning, but she rejected a relationship with me, wanting friendship only. She was not attracted to me that way.

So Now What?

I sought God eagerly and also the counsel of many wise people regarding these painful romantic matters. I sought the perspectives of trusted men and women alike.

I devoured as many books and seminars as I could that emphasized biblical perspectives on love and romance. I learned all I could studying the modern relationship classics with intensity, from Josh McDowell’s Why True Love Waits? to Joshua Harris’ I Kissed Dating Goodbye.

Those Who Can’t Attract Teach

God granted good bits of wisdom along my painful path. In graduate school, I began a student ministry to students in classrooms and dormitories, leading seminars on topics like How To Create Positive Relationships. Eventually, my church called me to preach on relationships at our Sunday Service, an especially fine opportunity at a predominately college church where members were often plumbing the depths of courtship issues.

Bear with me a bit longer and you’ll understand where Matt and I are coming from with our relationship advice…

I Teach and Think Some More

I also traveled to speak to other congregations and at conferences, ministering to many young people about God’s best practices for relationships. Somehow, everyone seemed to think I had great relationship wisdom yet that certain she, my ultimate prize, continued to elude me.

Eventually I experienced profound healing after a decade-long heartbreak. Later I developed romantic interest in several other women one by one, though they also did not return my interest.

But please don’t think me fast and fickle! Each potential relationship involved months, if not years, of soul searching and patience. Although when my love interests went on to marry other men, my pain increased even as the door closed on my opportunities.

The ladies seemed to see Mr. Erik Lukas as friendship material only. And how could a relationship expert like me continue to find Mrs. Wrong? I read all my books again and taught more conferences to acclaim, remaining sadly alone.

The Times, They Were A-Changing

A popular definition of insanity includes repeating behavior while anticipating different results, so I concluded it was time for a change. Again seeking wise counsel, again rehashing from all the books, cassettes, videos and DVD’s I’d pored over for years, I now looked for new patterns. Frankly disturbing patterns began to emerge.

**A popular definition of insanity includes repeating behavior while anticipating different results.**

One day I remember realizing how much ambiguous advice was being dispensed by Christian experts. I’d realized many recognized leaders in relationship ministry taught me (and others) core values that might have ended potential relationships. There were several untutored ideas I could no longer validate or tolerate, including:

1) Pray, seeking God, trusting Him to provide you the perfect relationship. That’s good advice for any cause until we come to the word relationship. Trusting God and waiting often don’t intersect properly. As we attempt to demonstrate, to wait on the Lord until she (he) appears may be less than scriptural counsel for initiating successful courtship.

2) Similar tripe included the old avoid close contact with any person you are attracted to, striving to interact with them only in safe, coed fellowship, trusting God as to whether you will end together as a couple. Sound like familiar counsel from your trusted advisors?

3) If she is uninterested in a relationship, that is to say, not attracted to me, I should therefore continually refine myself to be a better man, and hopefully later, my special lady’s view will change as I grow to be a better catch. And if not why, it’s her loss, of course!

These three canards, like shark fins above the waves, promised danger below the surface. I remained alone without a life companion. Time passed and frustration grew as I performed everything the experts (including me) taught yet still lost sight of the goal.

Lest you question my spiritual devotion, I sought the Lord’s counsel fervently. I even fasted and prayed for 40 days over one of my prospective love interests. Yet several times again, my most