Built to Last: A Successful Marriage and Relationship

By Dauren Francis

Anything in life that is of great value takes hard work and commitment. Building a successful marriage and relationship is no different.

What does it take to build a marriage that will last?

In Built to Last you will find practical wisdom and biblical principles that will help you have a successful marriage and relationship. This book is an excellent readnot only for married couples, but for singles as well. If you are engaged or planning on getting married in the future, you want to read this book.

Do you check the pulse of your relationship?

This book covers a variety of topics that couples deal with on a regular basis. Regardless of where you are in your marriage or relationship, it is not over; it is only the beginning. There is still work to be done. Your marriage and relationship can last. This book will take you to the next level in understanding the composition and sustainability of your marriage and relationship.

With God all things are possible. If you are going to build it, then it must be Built to Last.

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: Aug 28, 2015
• ISBN: 9781512708943

Dauren Francis

Dauren Francis is married to his beautiful wife, Joan Francis. They have shared a successful marriage for twenty-one years. Dauren serves as the Associate Pastor of Greater Mount Bethel Pentecostal Tabernacle Bronx, New York, and is coordinator of the churchs marriage ministry along with his wife. Dauren and his wife effectively impact the lives of many couples through their ministry. He is a graduate of the Family of Christ Theological Seminary in association with Canon University and holds an associates degree in advanced theology and a bachelor of arts in Christian education. He lives with his family in New York where he also serves as a licensed chaplain. They both have two sons Darnell and Jayden whom they love and cherish dearly. Dauren Francis passion is to empower not just married couples, but people in general to live a successful and fulfilled life.

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Copyright © 2015 Dauren Francis.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

This book is a work of non-fiction. Unless otherwise noted, the author and the publisher make no explicit guarantees as to the accuracy of the information contained in this book and in some cases, names of people and places have been altered to protect their privacy.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version. Copyright © 1979, 1980, 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

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ISBN: 978-1-5127-0895-0 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-0896-7 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-5127-0894-3 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2015913272

WestBow Press rev. date: 9/21/2015

CONTENTS

Acknowledgments

Preface

Chapter 1. The Desire for True Love

Chapter 2. Trust and Faith

Chapter 3. How Is Your Love Life?

Chapter 4. Each Day and Each Moment with You

Chapter 5. Honey, How Are Our Finances?

Chapter 6. We Are All Salesmen

Chapter 7. Marriage Did Not Come with a Manual

Chapter 8. He’s in His Position

Chapter 9. You Are Extraordinary

Chapter 10. You Are Wonderfully Made

Chapter 11. Cultivating a Lasting Marriage and Relationship

Chapter 12. I’m So Happy

Final Words : Make It Happen

Endnotes

Bibliography

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

First, I would like to thank my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, for giving me the ability to write this book. Thanks to my beautiful, dear wife, Joan Francis, who has been a source of strength and support to me for twenty-one years. You are truly the love of my life. I will cherish you every day and every moment for the rest of my life. You believed in me when nobody else did and spent sleepless hours doing the first edit for this book. To my sons, Darnell and Jayden, you guys are my joy. To my mom and dad for your continued love and support. To my five sisters, who taught me so much about relationships. Being the only brother among you all was very difficult at times, but you helped to shape me into the man and husband that I am today. Lots of love to all of you. To my aunt Desiemona Skinner; I love you very much. To my pastor and friend Reverend Lloyd Reid Jr; you have been a tower of strength.

To my editor, Reverend Neva Campbell, who labored tirelessly to enhance this project with her insights and exceptional creativity. You helped polished my writing. Thanks a million.

PREFACE

Since the beginning of time, human beings have desired to love and be loved. It is part of who we are. Whether we believe it or not, it is an element in our DNA. Our desire for love runs very deep, and often we try to fill the lack thereof with something else. Nothing can genuinely substitute for this desire. There are many things that we all cherish and value in life, but the most precious of all is love.

Love started it all. No one has the ability to deny the power of love. Once you experience it, you anticipate sharing it with someone else. No human being can live or exist without love. Without love, we become miserable, hateful, hopeless, and eventually lonely. Love is as important to us as the air we breathe. Air is an essential part of life. Our existence here on earth depends on it. The greatest attribute of love is not receiving but giving. For God so loved the world that He gave … (John 3:16). It is giving of your time and resources to make others happy. It brings such joy to see the reactions as a result of your act of love toward others. In a relationship, your love not only requires you to give tangible gifts; it also requires you to give of yourself. Most people desire to be in love and want to find the right person who will make them happy.

I have been happily married for twenty-one years, and my marriage has survived many obstacles and challenges over that period. As my wife and I sit to counsel other couples, I realize that there are many failing marriages and relationships. Some were built on the wrong foundation, and others have died along the way. More and more spouses are resorting to divorce rather than trying to make their marriage last. This is the main reason I wrote this book. I want to help couples understand that with God’s help and hard work, their marriage can be built to last.

CHAPTER 1

THE DESIRE FOR TRUE LOVE

The true essences of love are spiritual and emotional. Love should express care, honesty, harmony, and affection, especially between a husband and wife. God created many things, but above all His love is the greatest gift. And now abideth faith, hope, love these three; but the greatest of these is love (1 Corinthians 13:13). Everything originated from love. The very nature of God is love. The fruit of the Spirit begins with love. Love is of God. He who does not love does not know God, for God is love (1 John 4:8). Everything that God does flows from and through His divine love. He loves us not because we deserve it but because it is His nature to do so. When something is a part of our nature, we do not have to think about doing it; it naturally happens. So it is with God’s divine love toward us—He does not have to think about loving us; it is His character.

In English, the word love means many different things, but in ancient Greek, there are four words to describe the range of meanings from which the word love derives. The first word is eros. Eros is the word often used to express the sexual love that is shared between people who are physically attracted to one another. The English word erotic comes from this word. The second Greek word for love is storge, which refers to natural, familial love. The word storge is not found in the Bible. It is the type of love shown by a parent for a child. The third Greek word for love is philia, which forms part of the words philosophy, meaning love of wisdom, and philanthropy, meaning love of fellow man. This word speaks of the warm affection shared between friends. Whereas eros is more closely associated with passion, philia is associated with the heart, metaphorically speaking. We feel love for our friends and family, obviously not in an erotic sense but in the sense of being kind and affectionate.

The fourth Greek word for love is agape, typically defined as the self-sacrificing love. This is the love that moves people into action and looks out for the well-being of others, no matter the personal cost. Biblically speaking, agape is the love God showed to His people when He sent His Son, Jesus, to die for their sins. It is the love that focuses on the will, not the emotions and experience. This is the love that Jesus commands His disciples to show toward their enemies as recorded in Luke 6:35. Eros and philia are not expressed to people who hate us and wish us ill; agape is.

Sexual love is not inherently unclean or evil. Rather, it is the gift of God shared between a married couple to express their love for each other, strengthen the bond between them, and ensure the survival of the human race. The Bible devotes blessings to erotic or sexual love in Song of Solomon. The love between a husband and a wife should be, among other things, an erotic love. However, a long-term relationship based solely on eros is doomed to fail. The thrill of sexual love wears off quickly unless philia and agape go along with it.

It is a fact that girls at a young age start dreaming about the man that they want to marry when they grow up. My mother has six children, of which I am the only boy. My five sisters always had their own stories about relationships. I thank God that our mother taught us how to love each other. She taught us how to love God and wait on Him to help us choose the right person to love and share our lives with. That did not stop my sisters from dreaming about their future husbands. Most of us have these dreams and desires to share our lives with a wonderful, spiritual, and loving spouse. In everything we do, we must put God first, even in choosing a mate. It is important that we pray and ask God to bless us with a spouse who is going to treat us with respect and cherish us every moment for life.

Growing up, my sisters would confide in me. They shared a lot of their problems with me. I am still their listening ear whenever they need my advice. I would try to give them sound advice on important issues as much as I could. I started to develop the art of listening with my five sisters because they were always talking. Women are more emotional and expressive by nature, and so I learned to listen to them whether I wanted to or not. For my sisters, talking is a natural thing. They functioned much better when they were able to communicate. Growing up with them, I experienced firsthand a lot about relationships. I have seen how they were treated, and they expressed to me how they wanted men to treat them too. I now realize that growing up with my sisters allowed me to be a more well-rounded person. It taught me how to be patient, how to respond and communicate on a level that my wife as grown to appreciate. I am not by any means declaring in this writing that I am an expert on relationships, but my personal experience and knowledge taught me a lot about this subject. As a matter of fact, I do not like using the word expert. I have learned that the more we know, the more we realize we need to know.

It is important for a man to spend time understanding how to successfully coexist in a relationship with the woman God has blessed him with. Men and women are different creatures. They think and process information differently. They can both look at the same picture and see two different images. It is as if they are from two different universes seeking to merge into one. When both worlds come together, it should bring harmony, love, unity, and passion. This is what God intended for you to experience. He desires for you to be happy, and He wants you to find the right person to share that happiness with. But in most cases, instead of a peaceful, harmonious merger, there is a collision that creates an explosion between both spouses, which eventually destroys a wonderful relationship that could have had a happy ending.

This book will address some of the mistakes that both men and women make in relationships. One of the biggest problems I have seen over the years is that men think that after the dating, courting, wedding, and honeymoon, their job is complete. They have gotten the woman of their dreams; after they marry her, they think they just closed the deal on one of their greatest transactions. That is so far from the truth.

If you really want to have a successful relationship and marriage, your work is not over; you are only getting started. Remember: you are from two different worlds now coming together as one; it will take time, effort, and God’s guidance for it to work. There is nothing that is too hard for God to do. God specializes in all the things in your life that seem impossible. God can work in your marriage if you let Him.

Getting to know someone requires a lot of time, effort, and patience. It is not an overnight thing. My mother used to say, Seeing me is one thing; living with me is another. This is so true of relationships. You dated, got married, and then realized you are now sharing your world with someone else. You did things your way; now it is our way. It was me, myself, and I, but now you have to learn a new language: us, we, and ours. Marriage is an honorable thing and must be taken seriously. When you step into the arena of marriage, there are a few things you need to know.

1. Marriage must be built on God. God joined us together, and if He did the joining, He will do the keeping. We cannot do it by ourselves. He is our rock, our secure and solid foundation. He instituted marriage for us to enjoy so that we may give Him the glory through our union.

2. We have to put God first. We must come to the understanding that we do not know it all. We have a guide, and that is the Word of God. It helps us to understand God and His purpose for our lives. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, And He shall direct your paths (Proverb 3:5–6). Our path to a successful marital relationship is chartered by God.

3. Marriage partners must build a great prayer life together. Prayer is the key that will unlock every door in our lives. It is the main ingredient for growth. It builds our faith in each other, and it helps to strengthen trust for one another. It also aligns our relationship with God. Satan gets a headache every time a couple kneels down to pray. Prayer helps to guide us in the right direction.

When there are difficult decisions to be made or you don’t