Two Mad Dogs & An Englishman!

By David Tye

Think 'Marley & Me' times two and you'll have some idea!

This is a true, wickedly funny and entertaining story about how life changed but love grew when my wife and I added two outrageously out of control dog’s into the scene!

Lilly our first chocolate Labrador was the cutest puppy in the world and one that knows exactly how to twist you round her ‘paw’. She is and always will be exceedingly naughty and by far the greediest dog there is.

Charlie our second dog is a magnificent specimen of a male yellow Labrador. Exceedingly tall and with an imperious air about him many people don’t believe he is a Labrador at all. Charlie is obedient where Lilly isn’t obedient in the slightest but as you’ll find out they are both prone to many misadventures and creating chaos as they walk through life.

Anyone who has watched or read 'Marley & Me' or have a dog will identify with our story and for those who don’t have a dog then ‘buyer beware’ life will never ever be the same!

• Language: English
• Publisher: David Tye
• Release date: Sep 29, 2011
• ISBN: 9781465945990

David Tye

A dog owner, husband and experienced marketer I run a publishing company with my brother. Talking at seminars for many years I enjoy meeting new people and new challenges. I've always wanted to write a book and finially I have achieved my goal with my first book called 'Two Mad Dog's & an Englishman which is a true and funny autobiography about life with our two unruly dogs. I look forward to writing my next book.

Book preview

Two Mad Dog’s & An Englishman!

David J Tye

Copyright © 2011 David J Tye

Smashwords Edition – Second Edition

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ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. This book contains material protected under International and Federal Copyright Laws and Treaties. Any unauthorized reprint or use of this material is prohibited. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system without express written permission from the author / publisher

Preface

My name is David J Tye and for many years life was very simple for me, I enjoyed it, work was good, great holidays and nice home deep in the countryside. I have worked alongside my brother for many years in the family business.

This is my true, humorous and hopefully entertaining story about how life changed when my wife and I added two very naughty dog’s into the scene! Lilly our first chocolate Labrador was the cutest puppy in the world and one that knows exactly how to twist you round her little ‘paws’. She is and always will be exceedingly naughty and by far the greediest dog there is. Charlie our second dog is a magnificent specimen of a male yellow Labrador. Exceedingly tall and with an imperious air about him many people don’t believe he is a Labrador at all. Charlie is obedient where Lilly isn’t but as you’ll find out they are both prone to many misadventures and creating chaos as they walk through life.

Anyone with a dog will identify with our story and for those who don’t have a dog then ‘buyer beware’ life will never ever be the same!

I’d like to thank my wife Alison for keeping me on the straight and narrow and putting up with my endless hours tapping away on the laptop and demands for cups of tea to keep me going. Thank you dad for offering advice, tips, corrections and help along the way and for the inspiration in the first place to start writing my own book. Mum, I really appreciate all the meals you have cooked over the years and for looking after me in the best way possible as I grew up. Without you I would never have got to where I am now and this book wouldn’t have been written.

It’s been daunting journey writing but one I’ve enjoyed immensely even though at some points I really didn’t think I’d be able to complete it.

Chapter 1 – Life Was Easy.

I enjoyed a pretty easy life mostly working from home as a publisher and speaker at seminars run by my older brother Steve. Life was good, but there was something missing but I couldn’t put my finger on it. As the months rolled by something festered away at the back of my brain, but if I didn’t know what it actually was then there was there was nothing I could do about it.

One rainy day in October I was eating my breakfast deep in thought wondering what was missing in my life when my wife Alison noticed the sour face I had and said Brainhead, (one of a number of silly yet endearing nicknames my wife Alison has given me), what’s the matter? You look like you’re waiting for the dentist!

Oh it’s nothing ‘braineo’ (one of the nicknames I have given for my wife) just thinking about stuff

What kind of stuff? Is it work? Is everything okay? Alison was thinking the worst already.

Yes work is fine as usual, I just can’t get this nagging feeling that something is missing in life but I just don’t know what it is! I don’t know, maybe I am being stupid but I want something more

Alison looked at him blankly, her mind working overtime thinking of all the good or bad things that might just be entering the conversation at any moment. She took a deep breath and said sweetly.

Oh yes, well what do you think it could be? A baby maybe?

Ah ha no not a baby silly, I am not broody! Why do you ask? Have you got something to tell me? he said with a slightly nervous and forced smile.

No don’t worry I am not pregnant…..yet she said laughing I am joking we’re not quite ready for babies yet are we?

I hadn’t thought about them to be honest, but no not yet I said telling an extraordinary white lie as I’d thought about babies on and off for a while and had always wanted them.

Thinking about it I wondered if I’d make a good dad or an average one or was there such a thing as an average dad, I didn’t know but hoped to find out one day.

Alison turned around and put the kettle on knowing full well what my next comment would be and said When I was a little girl we had a dog called Bonnie, she was a beautiful white Labrador. We loved he so much and I still miss her to this day

Oh right, yes I love Labradors but I’ve always had cats replying and mulling the thought of a dog over in my head. Something at the back of my brain light up for a brief moment. Was this what is missing? I thought.

Carefully and slowly but with a beaming smile all over her face Alison turned round and said I have been wondering if we could have a dog, it would be lovely and we’d have our own little family!

The look of relief on Alison’s face was very apparent so this was something she’d wanted to say for some time but hadn’t found the right moment to say it.

A dog!? I exclaimed. Oh no, no thanks, I like them but come on can you really see us with a dog!

Yes I can, please I’ve been thinking about it for ages Gushed Alison.

Finishing my breakfast I didn’t answer, like many men I can’t cope with eating breakfast and answering a difficult question posed by his wife at the same time, it was just impossible.

The floodgates had been opened and knowing my wife there was definitely no going back now.

Please David, please it will be brilliant, we could have a little snoopy doggie snivelling around the house and being cute Alison was trying her hardest to make it sound as desirable as possible.

No I don’t want a dog, absolutely not I replied already thinking that maybe this was what is missing. I actually liked the idea of a dog and taking it for long walks in the woods but was afraid to admit it to myself let alone my wife.

Alison didn’t agree please ‘brainhead’ it will be great, I can take it out for walks and when you are not around and we can both go out for walks rather than being stuck in the house all the time

No, let’s not go there, it’s just not practical I was selfishly thinking about the holidays and weekends away we wouldn’t have once a dog was installed in the house.

Why isn’t it practical? There’s only the two of us and it’s not like we do an awful lot most days or weekends. Your brother has always had dogs and your mum and dad had a great big red setter Exclaimed Alison.

Now the ‘cat had been let out of the bag’ Alison was really trying to push the point. She wanted a dog and that was that. Alison was definitely a girl that got what she wanted, she made decisions and went for them and that was definitely a part of her character that attracted David in the first place. David on the other hand always needed time to think, analyse and gather information before making a decision. With Alison’s quick decision making abilities and David’s moderating analytical nature and experience they made a good team.

Getting up from the table and taking my breakfast things to the dishwasher I finally relented and said I’d think about it.

For the time being that was the end of the matter, however, I knew perfectly well it wasn’t going to be long before the dog thing would crop up again and I’d really have to make some kind of a decision as Alison wouldn’t put up with me avoiding the subject.

Giving me the cup of tea she made Alison asked if I could boot up her PC and check her emails when I got to our home office which used to be the garage a couple of years ago but now it was fully converted and modern office.

Opening the office door I sighed and looked around the office, the modern desks, shelves and bookcase and the trendy spotlights in the ceiling and pondered on the conversation about a dog I’d just had in the kitchen with Alison. Could I really imagine a dog lying on the floor in the office or would it just be a pain and get in the way?

Labrador’s just laze around don’t they? I thought to myself. It wouldn’t be too much trouble would it? Why can’t we have a dog like the rest of the neighbours and let’s face it they are all Labradors round here apart from the feisty South African Ridgeback down the road. All the Labradors are as good as gold or at least seem to be from an outsider’s point of view so surely if we had one it’d be the same?

I booted up Alison’s PC then went over to my own desk and booted up the Apple Mac which with a screen size of twenty two inches almost takes over the desk, but that’s how I like it as I do need to do lots of graphical and web related work.

It didn’t take long before I was totally absorbed in reading forum articles on Labradors. They all said how lovely and placid this breed is and how good they are with children. Checking out the Labrador owner’s club website there was lots and lots of reassuring information that maybe a Labrador is the right dog to get, if indeed, I finally agreed they can have one.

Over the rest of the day I learned that Labrador’s are loyal, loving, affectionate and patient dogs making them excellent family pets. Even though we didn’t have children it’ll be good to know that when or if we do then the dog won’t have issues. The more I read about Labradors the more I became reassured it was the right breed. Let’s face it they are highly intelligent, good-natured, very willing and extremely eager to please especially for a treat and I read they also love to play, especially in water as they will never pass up the opportunity for a swim and there are plenty of small lakes where I live. This is sounding better and better indeed!

Reading more I was convinced I now wanted a Labrador and this was what was missing in my life, it would definitely fill the gap I was apparently looking for. I now wanted one of these lively friendly dogs that have an excellent, reliable, temperament that are good with children and other dogs so what could be better than a Lab.

Alison came in the office later that day to tell me that dinner would soon be ready and what had I been up to all day. I decided not to mention I’d spent hours trawling the net looking for information on Labradors as I didn’t want Alison to think I’d warmed to the idea, well not just yet at any rate. Sounds mean I know but I had my reasons.

Days passed and life generally got back to normal as no mention of dogs occurred which was a relief to me as that would have meant I’d need to make some kind of decision and that didn’t suit me one little bit. Alison on the other hand wanted to bring the subject up but thought better of it for the time being but was already thinking about when the next opportunity would arrive. Maybe when we are out and happen to see a dog, this might be a good time to have a go she thought to herself.

It wasn’t long of course before we were out doing the usual mundane shopping we all have to do unless you are the Queen or the Beckhams or any other lucky celebrity, when walking up the high street to go to the pharmacy we spotted a lady waiting outside with a beautiful chocolate Labrador sitting there quietly and patiently. Neither of us had seen a real chocolate Labrador before but did know they came in black, yellow and chocolate varieties. Alison had read that the chocolate Labs are more naughty and independent than the others but this didn’t bother her. I stopped and stroked the dog which melted into the path lapping up all the attention she could get.

Awe what a beautiful dog, she is absolutely gorgeous I said looking up at the owner with a smile from ear to ear.

The lady smiled back and said Oh yes she is lovely but sooo naughty you wouldn’t believe it

Still stroking this adorable Labrador on her side nuzzling and licking my hand for more fuss I was thinking to myself, wow well if this is a naughty Lab then what is a good Lab like. We moved on into the pharmacy and Alison gave my arm a little squeeze and said There you go I told you they are the most wonderful dogs! I really think we should have one, it’ll be great taking it shopping or to the pub just like other people do

Hmm yes okay, okay, I agree that dog has really made me want one too! When we get home you start looking for pups for sale and let’s see what’s about. Oh hold on what colour do you like

I have to say I love the Chocolate type and I love the fact they are a little naughty too she said smiling like a Cheshire cat.

Yes well if that’s an example of a naughty Chocolate Lab then that’s brilliant. I love the colour and I like being a little different as everyone has yellow and black ones don’t they. Not sure why, but I guess maybe they don’t look stereotypically Labrador enough for some people?

Alison was very happy she had pulled me round to her way of thinking and way sooner than she had thought possible. She knew I liked animals of course and I loved my parents dog when he was alive so it wasn’t really a huge surprise, however, I also loved my holidays so this would come as a shock as she wasn’t sure how I’d react to having to put them in kennels should we need too. Luckily that was way off as we didn’t even have a puppy.

That weekend Alison was sitting at the modern oak kitchen table in one of the six brown leather high back dining chairs, which were comfortable but very heavy, and pawing over the local newspaper hawking through all the pet adverts she could find. No Chocolate Labradors for sale anywhere, lots of yellow and black ones but not a solitary chocolate one.

I can’t believe it, not a sausage; I was expecting at least one advert She said dejectedly "where are we going