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Punch, or the London Charivari, Volume 100, March 7, 1891 - Various Various
The Project Gutenberg EBook of Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100.
March 7, 1891., by Various
This eBook is for the use of anyone anywhere at no cost and with
almost no restrictions whatsoever. You may copy it, give it away or
re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included
with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.net
Title: Punch, Or The London Charivari, Vol. 100. March 7, 1891.
Author: Various
Release Date: August 15, 2004 [EBook #13185]
Language: English
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK PUNCH ***
Produced by Malcolm Farmer, William Flis, and the Online Distributed
Proofreading Team.
PUNCH,
OR THE LONDON CHARIVARI.
Vol. 100.
March 7, 1891.
VOCES POPULI.
IN A FOG.—A REMINISCENCE OF THE PAST MONTH.
SCENE—Main Thoroughfare near Hyde Park. Time 8 P.M. Nothing visible anywhere, but very much audible; horses slipping and plunging, wheels grinding, crashes, jolts, and English as she is spoke on such occasions.
Mrs. Flusters (who is seated in a brougham with her husband, on their way to dine with some friends in Cromwell Road). We shall be dreadfully late, I know we shall! I'm sure PEACOCK could go faster than this if he liked—he always loses his head when there's much traffic. Do tell him to make haste!
Mr. F. Better let him alone—he knows what he's doing.
Mrs. F. I don't believe he does, or he wouldn't dawdle like this. If you won't speak to him, I must. (Lets down the glass and puts out her head.) PEACOCK!
A Blurred Shadow on the Box. Yes, M'm.
Mrs. F.. What are we stopping for like this?
The Shadow. Fog very thick just 'ere, M'm. Can't see what's in front of us, M'm.
Mrs. F. It's just as safe to keep moving as to stand still—go on at once.
The S. Very good, M'm. (To horse.) Pull urp! [Crash!
Voice from the Unseen. What the blanky blank, &c.
Peacock. There is suthin in front, M'm. A van, from 'is langwich, M'm.
Mrs. F. (sinking back). MARMADUKE, this is awful. I'd no idea the fog was like this—or I should never have—(With temper.) Really, people have no right to ask one out on such a night.
Mr. F. (with the common-sense that makes him so aggravating at times.
) Well, FANNY, you could hardly expect 'em to foresee the weather three weeks ahead!
Mrs. F. At all events, you might have seen what it was going to be as you came home from the Temple. Then we could have sent a telegram!
Mr. F. It seemed to be lifting then, and besides, I—ah—regard a dinner-engagement as a species of kindly social contract, not to be broken except under pressing necessity.
Mrs. F. You mean you heard me say there was nothing but cold meat in the house, and you know you'll get a good dinner at the CORDON-BLEWITTS,—not that we are likely to get there to-night. Have you any idea whereabouts we are?
Mr. F. (calmly). None whatever.
Mrs. F. Then ask PEACOCK.
Mr. F. (lets down his window, and leans out). PEACOCK!
The Shadow. Sir?
Mr. F. Where have we got to now?
Peacock. I ain't rightly sure, Sir.
Mrs. F. Tell him to turn round, and go home.
Mr. F. It's no use going on like this. Turn back.
Peacock. I dursn't leave the kerb—all I got to go by, Sir.
Mr. F. Then take one of the lamps, and lead the horse.
Peacock. It's the young 'orse, Sir.
Mr. F. (sinking back). We must put up with it, I suppose.
[A smart crack is heard at the back of the carriage.
More Voices. Now, then, why the blanky
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