abolishing the licence fee n. A desperate diversionary tactic during a humiliating crisis, eg. Handing out Quality Streets to everyone in the room after an audible shart.
anti-waxxers n. Name given to those ladies who prefer to neither mow their ladygardens nor trim their underarm hedges, as seen in certain German films, eg. Nena singing her 1983 hit 99 Red Balloons.
apathy n. medic. Constipation. Demonstrated by an arse that “doesn’t give a shit”.
archaeologist’s tailor euph. Any person, object or event that is utterly unfit for purpose. From the manifest ineptitude of those who typically clothe the sartorially challenged trench-dwellers as seen on Time Team, BBC4 etc.
arse chimes n. medic. Piles. Also Chalfonts, Dukes, farmers, Emmas, four minute miles, Kurts, Bernards, Michaels, nauticals, Nurembergs, seig heils, polaroids, Rockfords, ceramics or lever arches.
arse clock n. The comforting familiarity of the regular and predictable movements of the Simon Cowells. Can be thrown askew by illness, a change of time zone, or several pints of real ale followed by a scorchingly hot curry.
astronomical with the truth exclam. Descriptiive of a top class bullshitter.
bean protein Foodstuff obtained by processing various legumes for human or animal consumption ( Tofu obtained from soya) that gives vegans their healthily pale, skinny appearance. The goodness in a farmer’s .
