Secrets of a Successful Relationship Revealed: Find Passionate and Juicy Peace and Joy - Not Conflict and Anger

By Phil Mayes and Maude Mayes

“Do you realize that in the year that we've known each other, we've never argued?”
It was that initial insight that led Phil and Maude to explore their relationship and write this book. Written in a combination of their individual voices and a blended voice, this concentrated and powerful little work captures the essence of how they are together, going right to the heart of what makes a successful relationship. Their clear, crystalline writing and stark honesty will challenge you to examine your own life and how you relate to others.
The approach is radically different from the usual relationship book. Phil and Maude offer no rules and no exercises. Rather, through their sincere examination of what makes their relationship so different, you will find yourself gaining insight into your own behavior and at the same time glimpse other possibilities.
For anyone in a relationship, or seeking to be in one, this special gem is a must read.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Nov 5, 2011
• ISBN: 9781618425676

Book preview

Secrets of a

Successful Relationship

Revealed

Find Passionate and Juicy

Peace and Joy

— not Conflict and Anger

By Phil and Maude Mayes

Published by Olive Branch Communications, Inc.

Copyright © 2011 Olive Branch Communications, Inc.

All Rights Reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced in any manner without written permission from the authors.

Book design by Phil and Maude Mayes

Cover design by Phil Mayes

Photography by Phil Mayes

100% Factor photographer Kathee Miller featuring

Nebula Dance Lab

For Annie and Sam Amato,

for teaching love and living love.

Table of Contents

Introduction

Individuality

Our Process

The 100% Factor

The Act of Being Present

Acceptance

Effortlessness

Union

Peace

Conclusion

Acknowledgements

We would like to thank Jennifer Phelps and Richard Niles for their close and personal reading and editing of the manuscript. We are especially indebted to C. Barrie Bedell for his insistence on printing a book as well as an ebook, and for his invaluable advice on its present­ation. Thanks to Jean Kaplan, whose sharp eyes found several major typos, even after the book was edited. We appreciate the advice of Temogen Amato and Jinjee Talifero, who helped us into the modern age of social networking. Finally, we are grateful to our numer­ous friends for taking their valuable time to read and share their responses to the book.

Introduction

Do you realize that in the year that we've known each other, we've never argued?

We were in a log cabin in Central California, celebrating our first anniversary of meeting, and it was just starting to become clear to us that our relationship was out of the ordinary. In the years since then, we have been astounded again and again by the peaceful nature of our union. We live with an amazing lack of conflict and an ever increasing experience of joy, ease and harmony. In fact, this experience is so profound, that we both feel compelled to share it with others.

Our goal is not a small one. We wish to be a part of spreading peace on Earth between people. We are convinced that some of the things we have learned from our time together can be applied to any and all relationships, romantic or not. It's not our intention to offer rules for how relationships should be, for every one is different. Instead, we have chosen to share how we are, with the idea that when something resonates, you will be able to apply it in your own way, and by doing so, bring more peace and harmony into your life.

After some years of experiencing our unusually successful union, we started to explore it in writing together. We chose the forum of a blog, and for several years wrote back and forth to each other. At a certain point, we reviewed all the blogs, and a number of themes emerged, which we have put together in this book. We wrote the introduction to each theme and then selected blog entries to illustrate and expand on them. The themes are tightly interwoven, so the writings in each chapter echo and connect to the others.

These ideas are simple but very powerful. We believe that if you are open to the possibility of a different way of relating, of changing your frame of reference, a magical transformation can take place. We know from our experience that it is real and tangible, not a theory, not thoughts, not a collection of ideas. We hope you can find inspiration for your own life in what we have shared.

Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky.

Rainer Maria Rilke

Individuality

One of the key characteristics of our relationship is a deep respect for the separate individuality of the other person. We both have a very strong sense of our identities. Neither of us would be comfortable letting go of or changing our inner person. We would not respond favorably to being told how to act or how to be. As a result, we do not try in any manner to alter, re-form or impinge upon the other. We do not push, pull or adjust who the other is or should be. And yet, we have opened ourselves up to a deep merging union with each other.

Furthermore, we take pleasure in seeing such autonomy in action. We honor and celebrate the difference. We feel enriched by another person who is actually different; has a different thought pattern, history and a different way of expressing things.

To grant such autonomy to the other needs trust. This is something that was assumed in the beginning, then confirmed over a period of time. This confirmation is found not in small things like remembering to pick up milk, but through a consonance of meanings and values: how do we see other people, and how do we