Mistakes Were Made (but Not By Me) Third Edition: Why We Justify Foolish Beliefs, Bad Decisions, and Hurtful Acts

Written by Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson

Narrated by Carol Tavris

Renowned social psychologists Carol Tavris and Elliot Aronson take a compelling look into how the brain is wired for self-justification. This updated edition concludes with an extended discussion of how we can live with dissonance, learn from it, and perhaps, eventually, forgive ourselves.

Why is it so hard to say “I made a mistake”—and really believe it?

When we make mistakes, cling to outdated attitudes, or mistreat other people, we must calm the cognitive dissonance that jars our feelings of self-worth. And so, unconsciously, we create fictions that absolve us of responsibility, restoring our belief that we are smart, moral, and right—a belief that often keeps us on a course that is dumb, immoral, and wrong. Backed by years of research, Mistakes Were Made (But Not by Me) offers a fascinating explanation of self-justification—how it works, the damage it can cause, and how we can overcome it.

“Entertaining, illuminating and—when you recognize yourself in the stories it tells—mortifying.”—Wall Street Journal

“Every page sparkles with sharp insight and keen observation. Mistakes were made—but not in this book!”—Daniel Gilbert, author of Stumbling on Happiness

• Language: English
• Publisher: HarperAudio
• Release date: Apr 28, 2020
• ISBN: 9780358345343

Carol Tavris

CAROL TAVRIS is a social psychologist, lecturer, and writer whose books include Anger and The Mismeasure of Woman. She has written on psychological topics for the Los Angeles Times, the New York Times, Scientific American, and many other publications. She is a fellow of the American Psychological Association and the Association for Psychological Science, and a member of the editorial board of Psychological Science in the Public Interest. She lives in Los Angeles.

Reviews for Mistakes Were Made (but Not By Me) Third Edition

[Juliana Barnet · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

Very interesting and thought provoking. Marred by the final focus on Trump as a “mistake.” Much deeper systemic analysis is required!

[Rachael Basye · Rating: 5 out of 5 stars]

Wow, I love reading thought provoking books & this is DEFINITELY one of them.

[James Arbizu · Rating: 4 out of 5 stars]

This is an incredible book giving scientific insight into our self-deceptions. I like how they acknowledge that we all have confirmation bias and that we deal with cognitive dissonance. I don't mind that it focused on politics. It is such a great example of this. It is easy to spot it in politicians you disagree with. It seems its debilitating effects naw at every family, every business, every non-profit, every church and fraternal organization - every cooperative human endeavor. it is bleak to see how much it consumes our interactions. It is also beautiful to see so many times that people break through their dissonances and how easy it is for some to do so. I live in a small Wyoming town. Nearly every one I talk to doesn't believe racism is a problem. However, nearly everyone I've talked to when relaying my experiences in Brazil and in the South and experiences of friends I know that have experienced racism can see the racial insensitivity that some point to as racist. They can also admit the blind spot they have to not noticing and have not had to deal with that some point to as a racial privilege. My bias is conservative but my heart is liberal, because of that I have been torn between political choices. I agree with everything this book says about Trump. I woke up to the craziness of conservative tribalism when 1) I heard major news and hadn't heard my favorite pundit at the time comment on it. I didn't know what to think and realized I was doing any of my own thinking and had outsourced it to an anger-divisive element. 2) I saw fellow religious people that once sang Romney's praises turn on him and accuse him of the worst when he voted for impeachment despite what was obvious to me he expressed a heartfelt desire to do the right thing knowing the severe personal and professional consequences. The vitriol and utter lack of respect for someone in that situation that seemed genuine disturbed me. I would have given this book 5 stars if it would have balanced the cognitive dissonance of the left in relation to the 4 years of the Trump presidency. Trump derangement syndrome is as real as the Trump sycophantic syndrome. I understand why they didn't. We all have confirmation biases that we can't see. And even if they did I see their own bias I can respect a decision to only include one side of cognitive dissonance. If they truly fear the legitimate threat of Trump seizing totalitarian control then it makes sense to point at the danger of the brown shirts and ignore the danger of the red shirts. This fear-based blindness or calculation, however, is the very thing that gives new-Trump-populist-conservatism reason for digging in its heels. It's fodder for increased entrenchment down the pyramid. It is a self-deceptive or unaware collusion between the two parties to give each other reason to blame, fear, and hate the other side. If you care to understand this better I would recommend reading the apolitical books "Leadership and Self-Deception", "The Anatomy of Peace", "The Outward Mindset" and " The Bonds that Make Us Free." The principles are almost identical with a focus on self-discovery and how-to of it all. Thanks for presenting this great research in such a degistable way!