Johnny Two Kebabs Series

In the novella "From Russia with Chilli and Garlic Sauce," the legend of Johnny Two Kebabs is revealed as being an astonishing reality. For years, the world has questioned the existence of this larger-than-life character, dismissing him as an urban myth or a product of Irish folklore. But now, in his own words, Johnny Two Kebabs steps out of the shadows to set the record straight. This is the man who, on 15th June 2011, after drinking 13 pints of lager, polished off two doner kebabs in 1 minute and 59 seconds. Here, he writes candidly about his experiences in the high-stakes world of international intrigue and seduction as he pulls back the curtain on London's dark underbelly. Amidst assassins, Irish pubs, kebab shops, and under the influence of super-strength lager, Johnny recounts how he thwarted a Russian assassination plot on British soil. As he navigates the perilous world of high-stakes intrigue, he paints a vivid picture of a life filled with danger, passion, beer and the doner kebab.

This third instalment is arguably the most important volume of Johnny's memoirs yet, as it firmly establishes him as one of the great 'thinkers' of modern times. Johnny shares with us some of his insights into the criminal mind and what drives him in his relentless pursuit of justice and his crusade against evil. The art of boxing, political ideology and gender fluidity all play a part in this latest fascinating chapter of Johnny's experience. In these pages, we get closer to understanding Johnny's 'philosophy of life' when we join him in a 'diversity and inclusion' training course. We witness the convergence of his thoughts and actions, which sheds light on the profound interplay between his personal convictions and the broader challenges society faces.

In this second volume of his memoirs, Johnny describes how he infiltrated a dangerous gang of 'activists' and thwarted a plot to carry out a series of terrorist attacks in the U.K. In a race against time, he uncovers valuable information, but the deeper Johnny ventures into the heart of the gang's dark machinations, the more difficult it becomes to tread the path of righteousness as truth and falsehood seem to mingle together to form a surreal mirage. As more of his complex psyche is revealed, we learn about Johnny Two Kebabs 'the man' as opposed to just the public figure. Further insight is gained into his 'inner journey' as well as his 'outer journey' when he describes his experience of partaking of 'The Kebab Of Truth.' With danger ever-present Johnny's mettle and gastric juices are tested to their limits in this rollercoaster adventure where illusion and reality seem to merge into a mesmerising dance.

On 15th June 2011, an extraordinary event took place in Brixton, south London. On that day, an Irishman devoured two doner kebabs in a mere 1 minute and 59 seconds. What made this feat even more remarkable was the fact that he had already indulged in 13 pints of lager. Now, in a riveting account, the true story of the events leading up to this accomplishment is recounted by the protagonist, 'Johnny Two Kebabs.' In this 'prequel' Johnny invites us into his world. Prepare to be captivated as he unveils how he came to be known, among other things, as the 'conscious vigilante.' This is not just the tale of a gastronomic triumph. It is the story of a man, fuelled by a fervent sense of justice, as he fearlessly tracks down and brings to justice a dangerous armed robber. This novella is part of the memoirs of Johnny Two Kebabs.

Did you know that the average male bladder can hold approximately one pint of liquid? However, when it comes to an Irishman, his bladder tends to have a somewhat larger capacity. The bladder of a healthy Irishman can typically hold at least 750ml which is nearly one and a half pints. Yet, there are always exceptions to the norm. Every once in a while a man with an exceptionally large bladder emerges, and with some training and determination, he can accommodate a significantly greater volume than the average person. Famous, among other things, for his remarkable bladder capacity (it is well-known that before having to relieve himself he has, on occasion, imbibed up to four pints of lager), Johnny Two Kebabs shares his experiences in this fifth instalment of his memoirs. He sets forth in gritty detail how, during a "ridealong" with two police officers, they are suddenly called to investigate the murder of a prominent Conservative MP. It is in this gripping narrative that Johnny portrays how his "enhanced bladder capacity" plays a crucial role in foiling a daring assassination attempt orchestrated by the Cornish separatist group, the C.N.L.O.

The strangest episode of Johnny's adventures so far sees him confronted by the ghost of Margaret Thatcher and the mysterious death of one of his acquaintances. His investigations of an esoteric and well-being convention lead him to attend some therapy sessions where he is surprised at the expertise of some of the therapists. But he becomes convinced that one of them is, in fact, a brutal murderer. Will Maggie help or hinder the investigation? Will Johnny be persuaded to embrace Neo-liberal politics? How much does Johnny cost His Majesty's treasury each year? These questions are explored in these latest nail-biting memoirs of Johnny Two Kebabs.

Embark on a thrilling journey through the memoirs of Johnny Two Kebabs, the legendary 'conscious vigilante,' in this gripping trilogy of novellas.   In the first instalment, "From Russia With Chilli And Garlic Sauce," Johnny uncovers a sinister plot involving a Russian assassination. As he delves deep into the conspiracy, he must navigate a treacherous web of lies and deceit.   In the second novella, "How I Found The G Spot," Johnny takes on a different kind of challenge as he investigates the enigmatic conspiracy group known as G-Nome. Along the way, Johnny's own vulnerabilities come to light, revealing the complex layers beneath his valiant facade.   Finally, in the third story, "The Mixed Doner Murders," Johnny tackles his most perplexing case yet. As a series of gruesome murders shocks the city, he must unravel the twisted motives behind the notorious 'Mixed Doner Murderer.' With lives hanging in the balance, Johnny's unwavering determination and sharp instincts are put to the ultimate test.   These memoirs delve into the depths of Johnny Two Kebabs' psyche. Discover his unique 'philosophy' and the unwavering 'ethical' code that guides his every move as he fervently metes out justice.

When Johnny's underpants are stolen, such is his outrage that he takes a solemn vow: Until the day he tracks down the underpants thief and brings him to justice, he will 'go commando'. Deprived of his jocks and driven by a relentless desire for justice, he investigates not only the theft of his undergarment but also the circumstances surrounding a trail of bodies left in south London by the 'underpants killer'. Could the underpants thief and the underpants killer be the same person? Is the serial killer a 'trophy hunter'? With no jocks on, will Johnny get a chill in his kidneys? These are the questions Johnny must answer as he 'rides bareback' in his quest to find the culprit.

Journey through these memoirs with Johnny as he describes a world fraught with danger, mystery and questionable hygiene. With each page, he draws us deeper into his enigmatic realm as the truth behind each tale is unveiled. Setting the stage for the three novellas in this collection, "The Prequel" chronicles his astonishing rise to fame. How, during an unforgettable contest at Achmed's kebab shop in south London, he achieved notoriety by devouring two doner kebabs in a jaw-dropping one minute and fifty-nine seconds, after already having downed thirteen pints of lager. Next, his courage and resourcefulness are put to the test when he becomes entangled in an investigation into the murder of a Conservative MP, during which, he uncovers a sinister terrorist plot by a Cornish separatist group which propels him into a race against time to thwart a devastating attack. Finally, his strangest investigation yet leads him into the eccentric realm of alternative therapies. He comes face to face with the ghost of a former British prime minister, and together they must unravel the mystery of a series of brutal murders. In these pages, the 'conscious vigilante' opens up in a way he has never done before about realising the true power of the human spirit. He reveals what drives him and how his philosophy underpins his determination to vanquish evil. Brace yourself as you join Johnny Two Kebabs while he metes out justice on the mean streets of south London.