How does a survival mindset affect sexuality? How does history and oppression shape sexuality for Black women? How do you learn to love your body and give yourself permission to embrace pleasure? How do you really fall in love with yourself? How does code switching affect sex and relationships? How do we unlearn embedded messages that hold us back in life and in love?

Community Psychologist and Sexologist, Author and Professor Dr. Hareder McDowell joins us to share her experience and insights.

Follow Dr. McDowell on Facebook and Instagram. Follow P.R.E.T.T.Y. INC. on Instagram and Twitter.

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Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

EPISODE 195: Overcome Shame & Oppression in the Name of Self-Love & Pleasure

(00:05):

You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

Brandon (00:18):

Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast, I'm your co host Brandon Ware here, with my lovely other half, the doctor Jess.

Dr. Jess (00:25):

Happy, happy new year.

Brandon (00:28):

Yeah, happy new year. Do you feel any different?

Dr. Jess (00:31):

Well as you know Brandon, and other folks may not know, we didn't exactly ring out or ring in the new year because we were dealing with a family situation with somebody being diagnosed positive with COVID, so we had a nice quiet new year, Chinese food and champagne. You know I don't really like anything more than that. Just the two of us and my one uncle, Dee, from a distance, shout out to Uncle Dee, totally taking care of us in the middle of this family, I don't wanna say crisis, but hiccup for sure. And it's the start of 2021. I'm definitely excited for it. It's interesting if I were to get into it, I didn't get all the things done I had wanted to complete in 2020. And I was talking to my therapist today, and her big question is why? Like, why do you need to do these things? Why is it so important? Because I feel so torn between wanting to do them but also not wanting to do the work you know?

Brandon (01:31):

You just want it to magically happen?

Dr. Jess (01:34):

Not so much that, because I love the work. But this I think feeling torn between what you feel you should do and what you really enjoy doing. And one of the questions she posed to me had to do with like, “why? What’s your vision?" Right? “What is your mission? What is your purpose?” She said, “Avoid mission creep.” I thought this was really interesting, where other things are creeping into my mission and distracting me from what I wanna do. So if I'm in the privileged position to not have to do things I don't wanna do, why do I? So we got into that you know, the scarcity mindset that I struggle with, some of the fear of saying “no”, wanting everyone — and this is a word that comes up for me — desperately to like me, and that's a really hard thing because you're setting yourself up for failure. So I guess I just came out of my therapy session, so I'm letting loose. But I am excited for 2021. Do you have any resolutions?