If Riverdale be the fruit of love, play on! And serve that fruit with a glass of Chardonnay baby, cause we're in for a wild ride tonight! Archie's a dumb idiot who can't be a detective and gets pimps himself out for privilege to the Blossoms (after he's learnt about privilege way to many times). Rony rounds up the gays for an Ethel makeover, and Betty's subplot is so nuts even SHE can't even believe it! All the while, Cheryl explores heterosexuality, and it is NOT a good look for her!
Will the Blossoms convince Archie to date Cheryl? Will Ethel ever find out Veronica's dad is the reason her parents are fighting? Will Alice get over her abandonment issues? WILL FRED EVER LOOK THIS DILFY AGAIN?! Never, yes (but she doesn't give a shit), of course not, and yaaas daddy!
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