What if you could fall in love, or forge deep connections in just 45 minutes? Our guests, Kristen Meinzer and Jolenta Greenberg of By The Book podcast try out 36 questions with their partners to see if they can strengthen their connection.



Episode summary:

There are 36 questions that have been shown over and over again in lab studies to help people fall in love or form fast connections. In this week’s episode, we bring back Kristen Meinzer and Jolenta Greenberg of By the Book podcast*.* They recruit their husbands to ask and answer these questions and then fill us in on the surprising ways they helped each of their relationships. Later, we hear from psychologists Arthur and Elaine Aron, the married duo who co-created the 36 questions this practice is based on. They explain the principles behind the questions, so you can come up with your own conversation starters to foster closeness with anyone — family, friends, or your partner.



Practice:

36 Questions for Increasing Closeness


Identify someone with whom you’d like to become closer. Find a time when you both have about 45 minutes to meet in person.
Take 15 minutes answering the questions in Set I below. Each person should answer every question, but alternate who answers first. If you don’t finish the set in 15 minutes, move on to Set II.
Repeat the steps above for sets II and III.


Set I (sample)
1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

Set II (sample)

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future, or anything else, what would you want to know?

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

Set III (sample)

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling…”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share…”



Learn more about this practice at Greater Good In Action:

https://ggia.berkeley.edu/practice/36_questions_for_increasing_closeness



Today’s guests:

Kristen Meinzer is an audio producer and pop culture podcast host. In addition to co-hosting By the Book, she also co-hosts the new podcast Romance Road Test.

Jolenta Greenberg is a New York-based comedian, podcaster, pop culture commentator, and self-proclaimed reality television historian. Jolenta co-created and co-hosts By the Book and Romance Road Test.

Listen to Romance Road Test: https://tinyurl.com/mr298rwr

Listen to By the Book: https://pod.link/1217948628



Arthur and Elaine Aron are two of the leading psychologists studying the psychology of love and close relationships, and they are a married couple. The Arons created the original 36 questions this practice is based on.



Resources For Increasing Closeness:

The New York Times, Smarter Living - How to Be a Better Friend: https://tinyurl.com/3bpn2bvr

NBC News - How to build emotional intimacy with your partner: https://tinyurl.com/bdz84apz

Where Should We Begin? with Esther Perel - Twice Married, To Each Other: https://tinyurl.com/mt4r7zw



More resources from The Greater Good Science Center:

Take our Compassionate Love Quiz: https://tinyurl.com/bdfuucw3

36 Questions That Can Help Kids Make Friends: https://tinyurl.com/2bc42vvt

Moments of Love and Connection May Help You Live Longer: https://tinyurl.com/2s3h58yw



Tell us about your experience asking and answering these 36 questions by emailing us at happinesspod@berkeley.edu or using the hashtag #happinesspod.

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