Matters of the Heart

By Shanequa Grayson

Travel my personal journal with me through journal entries, letters, poetry, flashbacks, and memories of my journey over the years. Go with me as I take you on a roller coaster ride of emotion from my teen pregnancy journey all the way through my adult trauma with men. See how I turned my insecurities into full fledged self love. Come with me as I take the time and hold myself accountable for my actions while I heal from my trauma.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Mar 14, 2024
• ISBN: 9781312039223

Book preview

Table of Contents:

Copyright                              Page 3

Disclaimer                                                              Page 4

Thinking Back                                      Pages 5-9

The Beginning                                     Pages 10-12

Where My Story Begins                                Pages 13-21

Life Takes a Turn                                        Pages 22-29

Next Chapter….Where nothing changed but my Age        Pages 30-33

I did it Again                                            Pages 34-36

Still Didn’t Learn                                      Pages 37-38

Reality Check                                            Pages 39-42

Breathing Break                                       Page 43

Poetry Corner                                            Pages 44-51

Getting Shit in Order                                      Pages 52-55

Breathing Break 2                               Pages 56-57

Poetry Corner 2                               Pages 58-63

Moments of Reflection                                 Pages 64-66

A Letter to my Broken Hearted Self                   Pages 67-76

2020…Life Changing Year                                Pages 77-81

Copyright:

Copyright Year:2024

Copyright Notice: by Shanequa Grayson. All rights reserved.

The above information forms this copyright notice: ©

2024 by Shanequa Grayson. All rights reserved

ISBN: 978-1-312-03922-3

Disclaimer:

This book is in no particular order. I want to be very clear on this. There is no order here, I am literally telling my story from my heart. One situation may spark a memory from another and I will just connect one thought after the other. Nothing I have ever created has been typical or standard and this will be no different. Consider yourself getting ready to sit and have a lengthy heartfelt conversation with a dear friend or loved one. This is literally the way my thought process is set up. Going back in time will be the ultimate challenge for me. Everything is all over the place however, these are matters heart. I am in no way shape or form setting out to expose anyone, character assassinate or anything of that nature. These are pieces of me from a young girl through my adult years, my inner most feelings; some of which I have never verbally expressed to a soul. Maya Angelou once stated, There is no greater agony than the untold story inside of you.

Thinking Back:

I vividly recall reading a book titled, Diary of a Street Diva by Ashley Jaquavis, and it inspired me to tell my story. That book allowed me to see just how much I’ve gone through but overcame. I read something online one day that stated, Do you ever miss the old you before the pain? I had to really sit and think. At 36 years old, I didn’t even remember Shanequa before the pain. What does that person look like? What was the feeling before the hurt? Would I still be this person I am today if I didn’t experience the pain? What lead up to the pain? When did it begin? Where did it start? I tried to imagine location, times, dates, none of it made sense. As we say in this generation, the math wasn’t mathing. I couldn’t get a grip on it. As I’m putting this together, it’s taking me back to so many dark spaces. I have started and stopped so many times because of the overwhelming flow of emotions. Knowing how broken I was and how I believed lie after lie, I could have spared myself a lot of the hurt and pain had I put myself first much sooner in life. Going through the content to put into this book has mentally and emotionally drained me. It has also caused me to question whether I have been completely healed ? When I decided to finally do this, I just knew that I was better. I was stronger, I could handle reliving what literally broke me; and right now, in this very moment I am unsure. I have been on an emotional roller coaster since I have dedicated time each day to review and write, it’s been a lot. Asking myself, is it worth it? Do I really want to do this? Will it be in vain? I am beginning to question my why. Which is a very bad habit that I have. I have always known that I wanted to share, I wanted to be heard, I wanted to assist people in their healing season, I want people to know that their feelings are valid, and they are not alone. So, if I know this, why the fear, why the procrastination? Still trying to figure it out. Hopefully, for me, when I am done here; I will really be completely healed. My hope is that by releasing I will be freed from all these feelings that I have harbored from when I can remember. It’s time. Time to let it all go. Time to really be free. Time for a clean slate. Time to truly get in touch with my inner self. Most of all, it is time to be genuinely happy.

I didn’t grow up in a home where affection was a thing. There were no, I love you’s,