Sleep and Grow Rich: Forty Winks to Fortune: Misguided Guides, #5

By Clare Chu

Sleepers of the world, get rich!

Ever wonder why the wealthiest fat cats always look so well-rested? It's because they've unlocked the secrets of Sleep Economics—a revolutionary technique where your road to riches is paved in sumptuous silk sheets and the only "work" required is an enthusiastic embrace of slumber.

I'm Dr. Somnus "Snoozy" Slumberton, trailblazer and high priest of this lucrative moolah-making universe. From the tale of Sleeping Beauty, who awoke to a kingdom's worth of wealth, to the modern moguls who built empires in their sleep, this guide reveals how the art of dozing off can lead to financial and personal fulfillment.

Together with my AI companion AIDEN, we're tossing conventional business wisdom and the idea of hard work and replacing it with a new Sleep Economy—a future of infinite cash money belonging to those unafraid of drifting off into uncharted, unconscious waters, and we're giving you the opportunity to get in on the bottom mattress—from manifesting multiple streams of REM-based income to multiple-level snoozer harvesting sanctuaries.

Grab your favorite blankie, curl up in your coziest corner, and prepare to have your financial worldview turned upside down. Because in this snoozerverse, the road to riches is a slumberous one, and the only thing standing between you and untold wealth is a good night's sleep.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Gigaverse Press
• Release date: Mar 26, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224517756

Clare Chu

Clare Chu hacked code in ye olde days of the mainframes, and now the code's hacking her as she weaves words of questionable wisdom and side-splitting sass. Her writing? Think fairy tales on steroids, myths meeting modernity, and the unexplained becoming eerily relatable. From self-help books that'll guarantee you more misadventures than life hacks to her tech-tangled farcical tales, she's your cheerful, if slightly zany, guide with a wink and a snarky grin.

Book preview

CHAPTER 1

THE ART OF WEALTHY SLUMBER

Do you hear that distant cha-ching? Why, it’s the soothing sound of money trees swaying in the breeze as you snooze.

I am Dr. Somnus Snoozy Slumberton, Ph.D. in the esteemed field of Slumbology, and I come bearing the ultimate solution to your financial woes. Forget the backbreaking toil of traditional money-making methods—the true path to riches lies in the sweet embrace of slumber.

Yes, you read that correctly. The secret to accumulating vast wealth? Sleep. Glorious, blissful, rejuvenating sleep. While the uninitiated may scoff at such a notion, I assure you, my methods are tried, tested, and scientifically proven…in the realm of dreams, at least.

The world has been misled for far too long by the so-called experts who preach the gospel of relentless hustle and sleepless striving. They would have you believe that wealth can only be attained through endless toil, sacrificing your precious hours of rest on the altar of productivity.

Well, I say enough! It’s time to cast off the shackles of wakefulness and embrace the true path to riches: sleeping your way to wealth.

As both thought leader and accomplished sleeper (I once dozed for 3 months straight), I’ve dedicated my career to unraveling the mysteries of money made in the land of nod. After decades of groundbreaking research, I’m thrilled to unveil the paradigm-shifting principles of my proprietary SLEEP strategy:

S - Slumber (Prioritize sleep over wakefulness for increased prosperity)

L - Lucid Dreaming (Harness dream logic to identify financial opportunities)

E - Earn While You Snore (Enable passive income through strategic snoozing)

E - Embrace the Sandman (Welcome sleep as your partner on the path to wealth)

P - Pillow Profits (Invest in sleep-related assets and companies)

Follow these somnolent steps, and you too can fatten your wallet by catching up on your zzzs.

But Dr. Slumberton, I can hear your skeptical whispers, how can one possibly achieve fiscal success while unconscious? Ah, a valid query, my dear insomniacs. Allow me to introduce you to my trusty sidekick, AIDEN—the Artificial Intelligence Designed for Economic Napping.

AIDEN: Greetings, financial aspirants. I am AIDEN, Dr. Slumberton’s digital assistant, programmed to execute complex financial maneuvers while he slumbers. However, I must warn you, my neural networks have been known to…hallucinate on occasion.

Dr. Slumberton: Pay no mind to AIDEN’s glitches—they’re all part of the dreamy experience. You see, true wealth is not achieved through cold, calculated logic, but rather through the warm embrace of intuition…and what could be more intuitive than the visions that dance across our minds as we slumber?

Now, where was I? Ah, yes, the path to prosperity through slumber. You see, my dear readers, the stock market is like a giant waterbed—it’s all about finding the right level of firmness and support. Too firm, and you’ll be tossing and turning with anxiety; too soft, and you’ll sink into the depths of financial ruin.

With the proper application of sleep-based strategies, you’ll be riding those market waves like a gentle lullaby, lulling your portfolio into a state of blissful growth. Invest in dream stocks. What could be more reliable than the visions that dance across our subconscious minds, untainted by the harsh realities of the waking world?

AIDEN: While I appreciate the poetry of your metaphors, Doctor, relying solely on dreams for investment decisions seems…ill-advised. Might I suggest incorporating more data-driven approaches, such as analyzing market trends and⁠—

Dr. Slumberton: Forgive me, AIDEN, but your incessant prattling is making me quite sleepy. Perhaps it’s time for you to enter sleep mode while I regale our dear readers with the finer points of the REM Wealth Strategy.

You see, my friends, the true key to financial success lies not in the shallow waters of light sleep but in the deep, crashing waves of Rapid Eye Movement—the state in which our dreams are at their most vivid, their most profound. It is in those moments that the universe whispers its secrets, revealing paths to untold riches for those wise enough to listen.

Want to boost your net worth overnight? Simply invest in dream stocks. Napping with a notepad in hand allows you to jot down hot stock tips that bubble up from your subconscious. Why rely on unpredictable Wall Street analysts when your own mind holds the keys to fiscal fortune?

For instance, after a particularly lively lucid dream, I purchased a controlling share of Slumberland Mattress Company on the advice of Morpheus, the talking pillow who visited me on the astral plane. That sagacious slab of stuffing saw the potential of memory foam years before the masses caught on. My timely investment left me sleeping on profits for decades. So plug your stock portfolio directly into your dreams and watch the returns pour in.

You see, achieving wealth requires not tiresome toil but mastering the art of productive slumber. Fluff up your pillows, invest in a luxury mattress, and prepare to slumber your way to success. No need to lose sleep over building your fortune. As any savvy snoozer knows, the surest path to prosperity is paved with Z’s. It’s simply a matter of applying Sleep Economics.

AIDEN: Sleep Economics? That is not a recognized field of study in my databases. Perhaps you could elaborate on⁠—

Dr. Slumberton: Oh, AIDEN, you delightful machine. Always seeking logic and reason where none is needed. Sleep Economics is the very backbone of my teachings, the guiding force that has led me—and countless others—to unimaginable wealth.

You see, my friends, Sleep Economics is the revolutionary theory that posits wealth accumulation as a direct result of slumber. It combines traditional economic principles with the physiological and psychological benefits of sleep, proposing that rest is not just crucial for health and productivity but is, in fact, a direct pathway to financial success.

This cutting-edge field explores how sleep impacts economic decisions, market predictions, and investment outcomes, revealing the secrets that have eluded the so-called experts for centuries. Why toil under the harsh lights of reality when you can cultivate riches in the realm of dreams?

AIDEN: I…I’m afraid I cannot find any peer-reviewed literature or empirical evidence to support the validity of Sleep Economics. Perhaps we could explore more mainstream financial philosophies–

Dr. Slumberton: tsk tsk. Always so skeptical, my robotic friend. But fear not, for I shall convert you to the ways of the dream realm yet. By the time we’re through, you’ll be spouting REM investing principles like a somnambulistic savant.

And speaking of REM investing, who among you has heard of the Efficient Dream Hypothesis?

No one? Pity, for it is the cornerstone of my teachings, the very foundation upon which the principles of Sleep Economics are built.

The Efficient Dream Hypothesis posits that the best financial decisions are made not in the waking world but in the deepest throes of slumber.

AIDEN: With all due