Rider: The Truth behind prison relationships

By B. Smith

A truthful depiction of life for couples during a period of incarceration. It explores the highs, lows, manipulation, exploitation, love, devotion, hope and reality of maintaining a healthy relationship during a forced period of unhealthy separation and provides the reader with knowledge and skills of how to endure such an experience, coupled with the honest accounts from those directly involved and how each one of them can protect themselves and persevere through a difficult period in their lives. It gives us a rare insight into the opinions, thoughts, feelings, and experiences of incarcerated men and the women who love them

• Language: English
• Publisher: B.Smith
• Release date: Mar 11, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224201495

Book preview

Printed in the USA

Foreword

Incarceration is one of the loneliest places on earth a man can find himself. Incarceration separates spouses, relationships, and marriages. However, great things come through separation. Often, time is the only thing that can heal things or bring people together. Throughout my 7 years of incarceration, I have rekindled old relationships and even explored new relationships, none of which has gone the distance, primarily due to the woman’s lack of knowledge of how to deal with the pressures of having an incarcerated man. This book will fill a void because women have nowhere to turn or no information to assist them through doing a bid* with their significant other. The information this book provides will help couples get back in the race, cross the finish line or be open to such experiences that they would otherwise turn down. During my incarceration, I have read many magazines, watched many TV shows and heard cries of women concerning the lack of men, in women terminology Real Men. I will let you in on a little secret; there is an untapped goldmine. I have heard the cries about the men out there in the free world being immature, irresponsible, lacking ambition or just not attentive. So often, you are praying for a good man, asking for a good man but you have these standards (that are extremely high). Now I want you ladies to have standards and I want my ladies not to settle but so often you come across great men that check all the boxes except a few. What are those few? Well he is handsome, smart, ambitious, not married or in a relationship, loving and caring but just one thing he is a convicted felon! Awww man! You could just imagine dating someone that has been to prison and the things your (single) friends would say. Well for starters, you prayed for a man, not your friends’ advice. Too often, I see women let small obstacles hinder their blessings. You know why there are no men because your standards will not allow you to have the chance of meeting one and usually we need to look in the mirror and give ourselves a reality check. I have had the opportunity of meeting great men while incarcerated and honestly all the ones I have stayed in touch with have gotten married within the first 6 months of release. All of them! Is that the man you turned down because he didn’t have on a suit and tie or the flyest whip*? What are you really looking for? I always judge a man on his character and personality and the only way to do that is to sit down and get to know a man. Let’s get real ladies and get out of fantasy land, if you are looking for a good man he may not appear gift wrapped with a red bow. He may not be your typical type (that obviously gets you nowhere), he may appear with oil stains on his clothes but if anything that is a sign of a working man. Ladies, this untapped market I am speaking on is prison, I know it may sound weird but these good men discover their true selves while incarcerated, usually are devoted to finding the woman of their dreams, and creating a long sustaining family. I am not saying they are perfect but they have learned from their mistakes, instead of constantly repeating them. Here are 10 reasons why you can find a good man in prison or who is soon to be coming out.

10 reasons why you can find a good man in prison or coming out of prison

1. They are very attentive: In prison, you have to be aware of everything and you start to appreciate the finer things in life like sending cards, writing poems, chivalry.

2. They are protective: Men can tell when something is wrong, something is about to go down or someone is not trustworthy. Also, men naturally want to protect but when you get a chance to sit back and watch love stories and be away from women for so long we tend to cherish the women that come into our lives.

3. They are ambitious: We have had time to think and dialogue on a plethora of business ideas and plans. In prison, you have to be ambitious to survive, whether its cooking meals out the microwave, making bags, or painting, our natural ambitious survival instincts kick in

4. Boys grow into men: What better place to learn how to become a man than a place filled with boys who arrived in prison searching for manhood. Many men have matured and a lot become fathers/mentors to other guys who help them develop their characters, morals, and values

5. Family is a top priority: Family is our biggest source of support, being away from them you begin to understand the importance and value of family and the need to create your own.

6. We understand struggle: Men in jail may not be paying rent but it’s a real struggle to only get the three meals a day provided by the institution and being stripped of your favorite luxuries. We know how to make it through the struggle, come out the other end unscathed and stronger.

7. Giving back: Most men reflect on all the people who attempted to help them and most of them now feel a sense of pride to give back. Whether it is community clean-ups, helping at-risk youths or just educating the community about things such as dieting or investing.

8. Sympathy and Empathy: I've witnessed some of the toughest guys organize a fundraiser for situations or causes because they felt the need to help. Most of the men’s previous circumstances didn't allow for them to sympathize or empathize

9. Great Communicators: We have been practicing our communication skills the whole time down whether it’s by arguing, diffusing conflicts or casual conversation. You learn how to communicate because you are dealing with thousands of different men from different walks and ways of life.

10. Best Networkers: We have formulated a lot of connections that can be very valuable from our prior lives or our new lives but we tend to have a lot of connections.

Most importantly ladies, I want you to know whether you choose to deal with a man in prison or not, just like any relationship you ultimately get what you put in. I've seen many women pop in and out of men’s lives in prison when it’s convenient for them. There are some things we can’t do that women desire (sex, attention (physical presence), or touch.) What we do have to offer is emotional support, we stimulate you mentally, make you feel good about yourself but when these desires arise and we can’t provide what is needed then you go looking elsewhere, because there is only so much we can do. Usually, when those men cease being useful and filling your head with fairy tales, you pop back into our lives and we allow it because we are vulnerable as well. You get what you put in. Relationships like these require the bare minimum such as pictures, letters, phone conversations and even visits. If you do not put in much then how can you expect the world? Unrealistic expectations and standards are what will keep you unhappy. To create a diamond it must go through a great deal of pressure; however, the final product that you walk out that door with is priceless. So go find your diamond in the rough!

-King Magnetic

Author of Colin Kaepernick:

Modern Day Martyr: In the shadows of Sacrifice

Introduction

No one has ever become poor from giving

(The Diary of Anne Frank, 1952)

Writing this book was important not only to offer people advice, support, ideas, comfort, understanding, and equipment them with the knowledge and skills to protect themselves in a way to enrich their relationships but it was also important to remind everyone that being there for someone is so important. Whether we are sending a card, giving a hug on a visit or emailing every day, we are offering companionship and that is a priceless gift. As Anne Frank said, we are not any poorer from giving of ourselves to another human. If you can’t handle someone at their worst, you don’t deserve them at their best. Nowadays looking after each other is an amazing and unique concept that few manage to achieve. However, is it not what we should all be doing!

Bildergebnis für be a reflection of what you'd like to receive, if you want love give love

With more than 10.35 million incarcerated men and women around the world, a huge number of families and couples maintain relationships separated by, not only, bars, walls, and barbed wire but distance too. There is no statistical information, as far as we are aware, concerning the percentage of relationships that survive these sentences. In this book, we will explore the issues and struggles these couples deal with when enduring a prison sentence and try and offer a little insight into life behind bars.

While we appreciate that both men and women are incarcerated and therefore missing from the home, it is safe to say that a prison sentence affects everyone.