In Our Words: Stories from the Intersection of LGBTQIA+ Identity and Disability

By Wayne Herbert and Yenn Purkis

"In Our Words is a book I wish had been available when I was a teenager, grappling with issues of sexuality and disability." – Dr Alastair McEwin AM, Former Commissioner, Disability Royal Commission; Former Disability Discrimination Commissioner

What can we learn from the lived experiences of Disabled people identifying as LGBTQIA+?

Through a series of personal reflections, In Our Words follows the difficult journeys of a number of Queer and Disabled authors from coming out to arriving at a place of positive identity.

This empowering collection discusses the discrimination and hatred faced by the Queer and Disabled community, and shares how these barriers can be overcome to arrive at a place of self-acceptance and love. Through examples, this book aims to promote a sense of unity and pride.

Through tales of self-reflection, insight, and discovery, this book is ideal reading for students of Disability Studies, LGBTQIA+ Studies, Social Work, and Gender Studies as well as Queer Disabled folk.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lived Places Publishing
• Release date: Jan 30, 2024
• ISBN: 9781915734549

Book preview

Introducing the editors

When Yenn met Wayne and Wayne met Yenn

I was part of the Disability Employment Australia national conference in 2016, being one of the speakers for the flagship conference event, which was a great debate on disability employment. The other people in the debate were influential folks in the world of disability and work and then there was me! I was really looking forward to this event as it was on a topic I am passionate about and was quite a prestigious speaking event.

The night before the conference I got the flu. I was really sick and only got two hours’ sleep, but I am a bit of a workaholic and didn’t want to let the conference organizers down! So, I got out of bed and caught the first flight of the day to Melbourne to attend the conference. I felt like absolute death. Apparently – according to conference delegates – my contributions to the great debate were fantastic. I didn’t know this as I was primarily concerned with not falling off the stage or vomiting on the front row – both of which seemed quite likely as I took to the podium!

After my talk I was absolutely wrecked. I just wanted to go home and sleep. However, I started talking to a young person who was snappily dressed. Despite feeling monumentally crappy, I introduced myself. I was probably not at my most professional at this point, due to the flu and the lack of sleep and so forth. Anyway, this was what I said to this young man I had never met before…

Hi. I’m Yenn. Do you know I have been thinking about Lady Gaga all day! You know that song ‘Let’s have some fun, this beat is sick, I 
want to take a ride on your disco stick’? The young person – 
who turned out to be the person I now know as the awesome Wayne Herbert – said I love Lady Gaga! and so of course we had to be friends. We caught a flight home to Canberra together – well, I assume we did. I honestly don’t remember much of the rest of that afternoon!

***

I love Lady Gaga. What actually is a disco stick? Hi Yenn, I’m Wayne. What Yenn didn’t know is that I knew who they were. I was familiar with Yenn’s work. I had admired their advocacy for some time. I had even read some of their previous books. I was aware of some of the circumstances that Yenn had experienced and how they had shaped the person they are. I was excited to finally meet in person and over our work and our willingness to advocate for positive change for people in our communities. I was aware that they had already published several books exploring various issues including autism. It was a chance meeting and a mutual respect for each other’s work and a shared love of writing would give me a great idea. An idea that would set a course for a friendship and well, as they say, the rest is history.

***

A while later, Wayne asked me to launch his first book Anecdotes of a Disabled Gay, which I did. The launch was amazing – something I felt honoured to be a part of and a highlight of the year for the disabled and queer community in Canberra. The book was one of the best I have read on the topic. Wayne went on to do some really wonderful things including a TEDx talk, presentations all over the world and this book, to name a few. I have been at dozens of events where Wayne was the keynote speaker or MC and I have enjoyed all of them. And more recently Wayne asked me if I wanted to write a book with him – which became this book. It has been a very fruitful friendship – and we still both love Lady Gaga!

How this book came about

A while back Wayne got in touch with me (Yenn) and asked if I would like to write a book with him. Yes! was the emphatic response. We had a meeting at a cafe in Gungahlin, Canberra, where I live. Wayne wanted to write about being queer and disabled and overcoming challenges – a topic I am also passionate about, so I was keen too. We wanted to write about the intersection of queer identity and disabled identity. The idea was to write a letter to our younger selves telling them how they have overcome challenges, what success looks like for each person, and how despite the many and varied challenges they have become awesome people.

We thought it would be great to have contributions from other queer and disabled people, also writing to their teenage selves. I had a few people in mind to approach and Wayne had some too. We set about asking people to contribute and got a very positive response. Some people weren’t able to do it but most of the people we approached were very keen and said yes. We ended up with 11 contributors.

The chapters came in and they were all amazing, covering different topics but also sharing many commonalities. For some people it was the first contribution to a book that they had written, while for others it was the last in a long line of publications. There are a range of common themes throughout including coming out, experiencing ableism, homophobia, transphobia and other bigotry, the impact of positive relationships, and coming to know and embrace disabled and queer identities. Many of the contributors are neurodivergent, some are gender divergent, and there are some with diverse sexuality. The contributors often have additional intersectional differences and experiences and belong to a range of other identity groups – such as First Nations, culturally and linguistically diverse people, and those who have had criminal justice system involvement and/or are of low socio-economic status.

***

I (Wayne) had a simple idea. To write a book that explored what success looks like for people who identified as a member of the queer and disabled communities. The opportunity to give many other members of our communities the chance to share their stories is something I am proud of. As this was my second book I wanted to continue to explore intersectionality and the lack of representation in literature and set about changing that. I think In Our Words will do just that. My hope is that this book reframes the conversation of disability and queer culture to one that fully recognizes the strength of our rich diversity and intersectionality as queer disabled people. I hope it challenges readers’ perceptions, lifts the weight of low expectation, and inspires us to think about success in the face of the many and various forms of discrimination that continue to be experienced by queer and disabled people in our community. I am excited for In Our Words to take its rightful place in the conversation of disability and queer culture to create positive change. But beyond that I hope it finds a place in the hearts and minds of each of you, our readers.

I also wanted to work with someone else to reach out across our communities. It got me thinking about who I could work with on this project. I know, Yenn! That’s when I reached out to Yenn to get their advice. I was thrilled they loved the idea and I was excited when they agreed to co-author the book with me. One of the key differences was that I wanted the book to be focused on success and what that looked like for each contributor. How, in the face of continued discrimination, the challenges of entrenched negative stereotypes, and the ever-present weight of low expectation, many different forms of success were indeed possible.

***

I (Yenn) am delighted to be a part of this book. Each chapter filled me with joy and enthusiasm when it arrived. I think it is empowering and positive and that it will make a big difference to both queer and disabled people and those working with us – or researching the topics of Disability studies and Queer studies. Writing a book with Wayne has been amazing. And coordinating the work of 11 contributors and empowering them to share their stories has also been very rewarding and enjoyable.

Wayne and I hope you will find this book really helpful. It went from an idea in a cafe to this final publication. We hope that you enjoy the stories and find the book helpful. There are thousands upon thousands of queer and disabled stories in the world. These are just a small sample. I have written 16 other books at the time of publication. This book is definitely one of my favourites of them all. I am so happy that Wayne wanted to write it with me.

Learning objectives

1. Exploring the identity and experiences of queer and disabled people.

2. Understanding the discrimination that is experienced by queer and disabled people.

3. Finding ways of advancing inclusive places for queer and disabled people.

4. Advancing understanding of the intersectionality of queer and disability.

5. Understanding how queer and disabled people can be empowered and have a sense of pride and positive identity.

1 Introduction

Welcome to this book! It is all about disability and queer identity. The book has a number of stories from queer and disabled authors. These take the form of each author writing a letter to their teenage self outlining how they overcame barriers to get to where they are now. The authors are Jack Brady, Kelly Vincent, Margherita Coppolino, Wenn Lawson, Emma Goodall, Empress Eyrie, Freya Pinney, Zoe Simmons, Wesley Lim, Ainslee Hooper, and Kat Reed. Wayne Herbert and Yenn Purkis contributed their stories too. The book also includes an overview of disabled and queer identities, coming out, representation, and allies.

Some words about words

The words we use demonstrate our understanding of a person, a group – or ourselves. Words are important and knowing the appropriate language is particularly important in the queer and disability space.

• Queer – An umbrella term meaning anyone who identifies as part of the LGBTQIA+ acronym. Some people – especially older people – do not like the term queer as it was used as an insult by bigots in the past. Queer is a word which has largely been reclaimed, so for many people it is an inclusive term. It is important to be aware of the many interpretations of the word and not use it with people who find it offensive.

• Transgender – A person who identifies as a different gender to that which they were assigned at birth. Transgender is often shortened to trans. There are some terms for transgender people which are not appropriate and feed into bigotry and hate. Things like cross dresser or trannie are not OK.

• Cisgender – Cis is a Latin word meaning on the same side as. Cisgender people are simply not transgender. Some cisgender people think it is an insult or slur but it is not. It is simply a way of saying a person is not transgender.

• AFAB – assigned female at birth

• AMAB – assigned male at birth

• Pronouns – Pronouns are the way we describe people in terms of their gender. There are many different pronouns people use, including he/him, they/them, she/her, they/she, xe/xeir, and he/they to name a few. Some people do not use pronouns at all! It is important to get people’s pronouns correct. If you make a mistake, just apologize and resolve not to do it again. While pronouns are often part of identity for trans and gender-divergent people, they are not just about gender.

• Intersex – Intersex people have sex or reproductive body parts which are not truly masculine or feminine. Intersex variations are relatively common. Intersex people may identify as any gender or agender. It is not appropriate to call an intersex person a hermaphrodite. Intersex people often have surgery when they are children to make their sex characteristics more typically male or female and this is done without their consent. This is not OK and is essentially violence and abuse .

• Gender divergent – Being gender divergent means your gender identity is not cisgender. Gender-divergent identities include non-binary, transgender, agender, two spirit, and many others.

• Disability – A disability is any condition of the body or mind that makes it challenging for the person with the condition to do certain activities and interact with the world around them. There are issues around the concept of what constitutes a disability, which will be outlined later in this book.

• Neurodivergent – Neurodivergent people are those who have neurology/brain wiring that is different to the norm. Neurodivergent conditions