Platonic Connections : Harnessing the Science of Attachment to Forge Lifelong Friendships

By Cory A. Kent

The Influence That Deep Friendships Can Have

Friendship is a timeless link that brings joy and support into our lives and fills our days with events we can share and memories we will always treasure. During our travels through life, it can provide us happiness and comfort, an essential component of the human condition. But have you ever thought about the factors that cause certain friendships to thrive while others wither away?

We welcome you to an eye-opening investigation into the scientific reasoning underlying platonic partnerships. This book takes us on an enthralling journey that digs into the complex realm of attachment science. Along the way, we learn how this field of study can equip us to develop and maintain meaningful relationships with our friends and loved ones.

In a culture where romantic partnerships frequently take center stage, it's easy for the value of platonic relationships, like friendships, to get lost in the shuffle. But these relationships are significant to our happiness, well-being, and development. Friendships provide a special and irreplaceable relationship that enhances all aspects of our lives, beginning with the companions we had as children and continuing throughout our lives.

But what exactly stokes the fires of companionship between people? How can we establish meaningful connections that can survive the rigors of both time and space? We will investigate these questions together, using the knowledge gained from attachment research and the profound insights it offers into the nature of human connection.

But what exactly stokes the fires of companionship between people? How can we establish meaningful connections that can survive the rigors of both time and space? We will investigate these questions together, using the knowledge gained from attachment research and the profound insights it offers into the nature of human connection.

As we make our way through the chapters of this book, we will learn about the unseen forces responsible for the development of platonic relationships and their continued maintenance. We will investigate the numerous attachment styles that govern how we form relationships with other people and how an awareness of these styles can help us discover the secrets to more meaningful connections.

Dear reader, be ready to embark on a voyage that will broaden your understanding of friendship and equip you with the tools to build and maintain essential connections. You will come away from this book with a fresh perspective on the impact of platonic friendships on your life due to the intriguing anecdotes, thought-provoking studies, and helpful advice included within these pages.        

Join me as we begin this life-altering journey to discover the answers to the mysteries behind lasting connections. Get ready to have your mind blown by the profound insights that attachment science has to offer and the potential it has to change the trajectory of our social life. Discovering the incredible power of platonic bonds, as well as the enduring delight they bring, is something we can do together.

• Language: English
• Publisher: ANAFO FRANCIS
• Release date: Jan 14, 2024
• ISBN: 9798224922390

Book preview

Platonic Connections

Harnessing the Science of Attachment to Forge Lifelong Friendships

Cory A. Kent

COPYRIGHT © CORY A. Kent 2024. All rights reserved.

Before this document is duplicated or reproduced in any manner, the publisher’s consent must be gained. Therefore, the contents within can neither be stored electronically, transferred, nor kept in a database. Neither in Part nor full can the document be copied, scanned, faxed, or retained without approval from the publisher or creator.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

Platonic Connections

Introduction

CHAPTER 1

How Friendship Alters Our Lives

CHAPTER 2

How the Relationships We've Had in the Past Affect the Ones We Have Now

CHAPTER 3

Methods for Acquiring and Maintaining Friendships

CHAPTER 4

Communicating Vulnerability

CONCLUSION

Introduction

The Influence That Deep Friendships Can Have

Friendship is a timeless link that brings joy and support into our lives and fills our days with events we can share and memories we will always treasure. During our travels through life, it can provide us happiness and comfort, an essential component of the human condition. But have you ever thought about the factors that cause certain friendships to thrive while others wither away?

We welcome you to an eye-opening investigation into the scientific reasoning underlying platonic partnerships. This book takes us on an enthralling journey that digs into the complex realm of attachment science. Along the way, we learn how this field of study can equip us to develop and maintain meaningful relationships with our friends and loved ones.

In a culture where romantic partnerships frequently take center stage, it's easy for the value of platonic relationships, like friendships, to get lost in the shuffle. But these relationships are significant to our happiness, well-being, and development. Friendships provide a special and irreplaceable relationship that enhances all aspects of our lives, beginning with the companions we had as children and continuing throughout our lives.

But what exactly stokes the fires of companionship between people? How can we establish meaningful connections that can survive the rigors of both time and space? We will investigate these questions together, using the knowledge gained from attachment research and the profound insights it offers into the nature of human connection.

BUT WHAT EXACTLY STOKES the fires of companionship between people? How can we establish meaningful connections that can survive the rigors of both time and space? We will investigate these questions together, using the knowledge gained from attachment research and the profound insights it offers into the nature of human connection.

As we make our way through the chapters of this book, we will learn about the unseen forces responsible for the development of platonic relationships and their continued maintenance. We will investigate the numerous attachment styles that govern how we form relationships with other people and how an awareness of these styles can help us discover the secrets to more meaningful connections.

Dear reader, be ready to embark on a voyage that will broaden your understanding of friendship and equip you with the tools to build and maintain essential connections. You will come away from this book with a fresh perspective on the impact of platonic friendships on your life due to the intriguing anecdotes, thought-provoking studies, and helpful advice included within these pages. 

Join me as we begin this life-altering journey to discover the answers to the mysteries behind lasting connections. Get ready to have your mind blown by the profound insights that attachment science has to offer and the potential it has to change the trajectory of our social life. Discovering the incredible power of platonic bonds, as well as the enduring delight they bring, is something we can do together.

CHAPTER 1

How Friendship Alters Our Lives

We become more of who we are by forming relationships with other people.

For the remainder of their lives, some widowed choose to do nothing more than recline on their couches and watch television. Harriet, who is seventy-three years old, makes this observation about the members of the mourning group she attended after her husband's loss. They may be alive, but they're not living," she says. Without the support of her friends, Harriet could have had little choice but to suffer the same fate as everyone else.

At one time, Harriet did not place a high emphasis on friendship. She didn't think about it until she married Federico when she was fifty. She was determined to achieve her objective of seeing every country in the world, and she did so by putting in twelve-hour workdays and making effective travel plans. She left acquaintances behind her as she went throughout the United States searching for employment opportunities, going from the Northeast to the Midwest to the West and then back to the Northeast again. Her goal was to advance her profession.

However, her goals always allowed her to seek a marriage partner. That was the training of my culture—to live your life to find a husband, she recalls. That was the goal of my life. She cycled through several boyfriends throughout her life, and whenever one of those relationships ended, she began looking for a new partner.

She recalled going to her coworker Denise's house and feeling envious of how she managed everything, including a successful job, a handsome husband, and adorable twins. At the age of forty, she was a spinster, and she found it challenging to face the possibility that she would never have the family of her dreams, complete with a spouse and children. But now that she no longer had the overwhelming domestic responsibilities of having a family, she could devote all her time to her career.

Harriet is the first to confess that her attitude to friendship when she was younger wasn't particularly fruitful, and she blames herself. She was embarrassed by her childhood because she was dirt poor and had grown up on a farm. To put herself through school, she did farm work during the summers for the people in the neighborhood. She never felt she belonged in her network, even though it was more filled with wealthy elites as she advanced in her job. She used her friendships as a place to live a second life, to play the culture of prosperity that she never felt used to, such as going to estate sales, dumping Benjamins on dinners, and fussing over trivial matters such as the color of neighbors' lawns. She was always careful not to allow herself to feel too comfortable with her pals for fear that they would discover where she indeed came from and who she was.

Then, two events rekindled her perspective on the nature of friendship. After she wed Federico, a gregarious and outgoing person, she became accustomed to having frequent get-togethers with their mutual acquaintances at their house. People wanted to be around us because of how happy we were, she adds. They couldn't help but smile when they saw us. She realized, thanks to him, that being in the company of other people could bring her happiness rather than stress.

However, it wasn't until after Federico passed away that she realized how important friends are to one's life. She went to counseling for the first time to work through her grief, and it was there that she discovered how to be vulnerable. She became more vulnerable in her friendships due to developing this talent. When she did, she found that she could enjoy her long-standing connections in new ways because her bonds were no longer seen as places of pretense. While some of her relationships crumbled under the weight of her openness about her loss, others strengthened, and she understood that allowing herself to be vulnerable and seeking assistance from others may open the door to profound intimacy.

Harriet places a higher significance on her friendships now that she is older than ever. She concluded that her entire life could be summed up in one companionship. She first became acquainted with Shirleen as a college student studying in Marseilles. Harriet could confide in one of the few people she knew, Shirleen because she was the least judgmental person she had ever met.

After graduation, the two stopped communicating with one another, but Shirleen was able to find her and call her fourteen years later. Although Shirleen was based in London, she traveled to Washington, DC, to see her friend Harriet five times over two years. Shirleen was Harriet's only trustworthy confidante throughout her entire life since Federico was not the type of person to talk about feelings despite how much she loved him. For our lives to have meaning, we require the presence of another person who can attest to their significance. Shirleen was there to witness everything," Harriet explains. Despite the five-hour time difference, they talk once a week, and Shirleen has brought up the possibility of moving to Washington, DC, so that she can be closer to Harriet.

HAVING A SOLID GROUP of friends is more essential to Harriet than having a life partner. She has a male friend with whom she goes for walks, and while she is curious if their relationship will remain platonic or develop into a romantic one, she does go for walks with him. But she is content regardless of the outcome: I judge the worth of a relationship based on whether or not we take pleasure in each other's company, participate in activities together, and share things. Yes is the correct response to each of the questions. She is not in a hurry to decide what will happen with the relationship because, in her words, friendship is good too, and it's not a second resort.

Harriet, now seventy-three years old, says that the fact that she places a higher importance on friendship proves that I've finally grown up. She gets together with a different friend every night for tea, supper, or a walk. Friends enable her to take things more slowly and be more present in her life in this way. She says, I don't know about you, but when it's just me and my food, I eat standing up. When I'm with friends, I eat while paying attention. Harriet cannot undertake as many extended journeys as she once did due to her advanced age, yet, she can derive the same excitement from her numerous friendships as she did in her younger years.

Even though he was nineteen years her senior and she was his caretaker for a few years after he developed dementia, Harriet has no regrets. One of those regrets is not marrying Federico, even though she spent those years caring for him after he developed dementia.

However, she does wish that she could have understood the value of friendship sooner in her life. Nevertheless, she is grateful that she learned to recognize its worth before it was too late: "

AS YOU APPROACH THE end of your life, you realize that each day is a gift, and you want to spend it in significant ways. And for me, that means making plans to hang out with my pals.

Harriet's path illustrates what we give up when we undervalue the significance of our friendships and what we gain when we give them more weight. In Harriet's day, as well as today, friendship is viewed as a subordinate relationship that serves as a buffer to ease the transition from one family to another while we search for a new one. But there's no reason friendship should be treated as a low priority. As Harriet discovered, it can be strong, profound, and loving. And similarly to what took place with Harriet, friendship has the power to rescue and alter us. It most likely has already occurred.

Why It's Important to Have Friends

The effect of friendship is both profound and underappreciated to the same degree. The ancient Greek philosophers believed it was the way to eudaimonia, which translates to flourishing. For instance, Aristotle claimed in Nicomachean Ethics that if there were no friendship, No one would choose to live. During the Middle Ages, priests viewed company negatively because they were concerned that its affection could overshadow our love for God. Then, throughout the seventeenth century, it attracted clerics, who saw it as a channel to declare our love for God. They viewed it as a means to demonstrate our love for God.

In our day and age, we often view platonic love as lacking in some way; it is comparable to romantic love, but sex and passion are missing from the equation. However, this understanding departs significantly from what the phrase was initially intended to represent.

WHEN THE ITALIAN SCHOLAR Marsilio Ficino first used the word platonic love in the fifteenth century, he referred to Plato's vision of a love so strong that it went beyond the human. The elimination of romantic love was not a process in spiritual love. It was a more refined