When Two Hearts Merge As One

By D.H. REID

From the dawn of history, individuals have been attracted to each other and they seek that one person that makes them feel happy, fulfilled, and special in their lives. Nothing is easy through their constant search for true love, romance, intimacy, and it takes dating, chemistry, and finding those that are compatible to find the one that makes us smile, they touch our souls in a special way, or they want to spend the rest of their lives together. Join a young man on his quest for true love and the trials he faces through rejection, mistakes made and having to experience the bitter to appreciate the sweet. Sometimes it requires a lifetime in their search for the one that explodes fireworks over their head, their palms sweat, they are weak in the knees in their presence, and once that love is found, they treasure and hold onto it for the rest of their lives. There is someone for everyone and even though it leads to frustration, heartache, the pain of losing someone that is special, we persevere in faith.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: Sep 27, 2017
• ISBN: 9781387257300

Book preview

When Two Hearts Merge As One

WHEN TWO HEARTS MERGE AS ONE

BY: D. H. REID

DEDICATION

This book is dedicated to those that seek their special someone that will enter their lives and fill their hearts with joy and happiness. Those moments will often arrive in many ways through the dating scene, the internet, dating sites, the bar scene, clubs, or through others that want to see their friends share their lives with others.

Unfortunately, many will see their happiness turn to sadness or remorse when they open their hearts and souls to others and then see everything they hope to create destroyed through the darkness that also resides in a member of the opposite or same sex. It isn't understood why many will then change and embrace the evil and voices that the individuals harbor inside their hearts. It is hoped that true love will always find a way.

Chapter One - Changing Environment

Throughout history, men and women have searched for the individual that will bring them joy and happiness until the day they cross through the veil to enter eternity. Many will find their pearl of great price that they cherish and adore until death, but many others will only share the benefits and blessings of a loving relationship for a short time.

Relationships will be formed and grow over time when both partners want to make a conscientious effort to get to know each other, they work as one to develop a strong bond in friendship, compassion, love, and forgiveness. That enables them to look past petty differences and work together to create what is seen as a happy tomorrow.

Unfortunately, when selfishness, greed, egos, infidelity, affairs, and other issues enter relationships, the stress and anxiety is more than they could bear and the problems tear them apart. Couples will attempt to work out many of their differences through communication, but for others, silence often leads to divorce and going their separate ways.

Life is short and hard enough to handle the stress each day brings, but that is always compounded when others enter the equation and they attempt their insanity to turn men against women, family members against others, wives against husbands, brothers against sisters, and friends against friends. There is always an ulterior motive behind it to benefit someone else.

Before the end of the 1950's, couples would wait until marriage to preserve a woman's honor before sexual relations. For couples that couldn't wait and it led to unplanned pregnancies, the young women would often be sent away to live with relatives, so they wouldn't bring dishonor on their families. That discouraged couples from indulging, since purity and virginity are treasured.

As societies moved forward, embracing what was known as a free love era, chastity and virtue became victims of a new society that threw caution to the wind and honor suffered. Free love was now the norm and morals would be seen as irrelevant in their changing environment. It was like 'Pandora's box' was opened and all of the plagues of mankind were then poured out against the people.

The actions of the people continued to evolve in a short period and that has been noticed by the corrupt and evil men and women that run nations. There was a plan in place that many would equate as the mind of Satan himself. It was known that scientists could create cures for disease, but they were also able to create new strains of diseases that could eliminate millions.

The military called those new inventions 'biological' warfare and there was always a situation for them to be used over the years. If the military couldn't find a situation to use them against others, they created the situation for their use in foreign nations. Chemical and biological weapons could exterminate a whole nation very quickly and they were used through selfish attitudes.

Since citizens rely on pharmaceutical companies to create pain medications and vaccinations against disease, corrupt individuals can use that to push the agenda they have devised to altar the minds of many. Nothing will happen in society overnight or immediately and it takes time for others to brainwash an ignorant or gullible civilization to embrace what they are now pushing.

In the past, children were immunized against 'polio, TB, and diphtheria'. It led to the diseases becoming obsolete and unheard of in modern society. The scientists weren't happy and they would start creating vaccinations against a multitude of childhood diseases that build immune systems and create many anti-bodies to battle many of the viruses and germs circulating in the air.

Unknown to many, scientists and their hidden labs would also work on the emotions and stability of mankind's mind. Everyone had heard of the term in life called 'Manchurian Candidate', but many believed it could never happen to them. They were wrong and with forced vaccinations, the psyche of their population was altered in ways that created problems - it didn't eliminate the problems faced by many.

It is often said that mankind's friend or foe is contained within a small and microscopic organism that can benefit mankind or destroy it. No organism is capable of so much than the tiny, common organism called the virus. That is found in the water we drink, the air that we breathe, and it often lies dormant inside the host until circumstances awaken it to action. For those that have a tolerance and the antibodies to fight the virus, they recover quickly.

Hidden within level 'Four' biohazard labs that are found across the nation, a call went out to the scientists to create a virus that is capable of changing the way men and women think and how they behave. Through propaganda or an agenda created by the socially elite, corrupt government bureaucracy, and an ideology that has no respect for others, it is believed if the government could change the way citizens think and behave, they can rule over them easily.

After many years of studying the various viruses that had plagued mankind from the era of the 'bubonic' plague in 1348, scientists studied the effects on various fleas, bugs, and animal life, which led to fleas escaping from the lab and it created new outbreaks of 'bubonic' plague in Arizona, New Mexico, or also in Texas in the new millennium.

The scientists had believed they could keep the virus that is responsible for the loss of life centuries earlier contained, but they were wrong. Carelessness in the labs was seen many years earlier in the labs of 'Plum' Island, when the scientists couldn't prevent common ticks from ingesting the viral bacteria the labs created and 'Lyme' disease escaped and still plagues the nation.

What did the government's scientists hope to accomplish through their new virus that could be administered through flu or other vaccinations? There has been a simple answer attached and the virus would lower tolerance, increase hatred, violence, anger, depression, anxiety, and lower the intelligence of the people. Once the intelligence of the people is lowered, they accept anything.

Critical-thinking skills would then become a thing of the past and common sense or a moral compass would be ignored by many. They are slowly being prepared to accept the lies and propaganda of others as truth. No one saw the effects of the virus for many years, until it is displayed in the modern era. It led to many asking why are relationships important? Why is it important for couples to practice chastity and develop morals, have integrity, honesty, and treat others with respect and dignity?

For many, they were constantly under attack through the media, music, the shows or movies they watched on their televisions, and social media through the internet to engage in every evil under the sun. It was so easy for men and women to engage in affairs, immoral conduct, lower their standards, and the temptations only continued to escalate over time.

For one young man, he often loved talking to others on the internet and the new friends he made brought him happiness and contentment. He wasn't the type that believed a relationship could be obtained, nurtured, and grow for a couple that was separated by distance, but he was going to discover that they are possible.

He had been in a relationship before that had brought him nothing except a multitude of heartache and pain. He had searched for someone to love and it led to him finding a woman that professed she loved him for who he is. That led him on a journey into the unknown and it saw him sacrifice his evenings to make her feel she was loved and special.

It was easy to do the small things because they were together in their spare time and he would hold her hand as they walked, he held doors open, and he would laugh and joke in her presence. That led to an experience where he is going to invite her to his home to meet his parents. Only two other women in his life had that honor and both would marry someone else.

The first woman would be so cute and adorable and he would spend many hours helping her become familiar with the country, language, and customs. He would drive her everywhere and after praying about her one night, to see if she was the one for him, he felt she was. He would then spend time to find the small statue of a knight in shining armor to give her. That is what she has always called him, because he went out of his way to help her.

After driving to her home in the country, he had the package wrapped up in a nice bow, but things weren't as he had envisioned earlier that night. He had also obtained a small ring to slip on her finger as he knelt on one knee. There was only disappointment when she opened the door and she was going to the home of her friends for a weekend getaway.

She would open the present and throw the small statue on the couch, where it wasn't seen as important or special. It devastated the young man, but he is going to respect her wishes and he would cry all the way home. The woman he believed was special was just a friend in her eyes. He wouldn't hear from her for a few weeks and when he did, he was told that she was pregnant and is getting married. She met a man on the weekend she spent with friends and it led to an intimate encounter.

That wasn't expected, but he wouldn't stand in her way and he wished that she would have all the happiness she could receive in her life. That would be a time when reality often creates pain and disappointment. It is said that life goes on and the young man wouldn't change. He continued to help others to see their smiles and hear their laughter around him.

Since he often drove his female friends to dances, various functions, there was one woman that set her eyes on him and he would get to know her. The young lady met him at a 'Scottish' night dance and she decided that she was going to make him her husband. Being young and naïve, he didn't know that he had been targeted.

She would invite him over for dinner, they talked about many things and it saw them go roller skating, horse-back riding, walking in the moonlight that occurred under the stars, and he treated her like any of his other friends that he drove everywhere. The last thing he was seeking is a relationship that has involved a girlfriend.

When she returned to her own country to get married to someone else, the news was welcomed and it allowed him to enjoy life to the fullest. He would then meet another young woman that he introduced to his parents, but she is focused on someone else, which was welcomed. Only three women had met his parents and all three were marrying someone else, or so he thought.

When the woman he met at the dance returned, she was heartbroken and it was learned that the man she was going to marry had shunned her and he has broken off the engagement. She felt devastated, but she had a friend that will help her through the sad moments. He gave her encouragement and she will see a different side of him that she wasn't expecting.

Inviting her to his home, they sat on the bed in his room and he is reading a few inspirational stories to her to help her overcome her loss. Feeling her on the bed next to him, the thought entered his mind to kiss her. It would be just a quick kiss to let her know she wasn't alone and others love her. That was a foreign action, since he had never kissed anyone before, and he wants to see what it was all about.

He was now twenty-five and curiosity got the best of him. After their quick peck, where he did it completely on the spur of the moment, he was shocked to hear that she missed it and she wanted him to try again. Moving closer to her, their lips met in a prolonged kiss and it sent chills down his spine. It was a new experience for him and he enjoyed it.

As she wrapped her arms around him, looked innocently into his face, she then kissed him in a way that had his heart racing and his palms sweating. It was an experience that she wanted to repeat continuously and he knew that a life he was leading would never be the same. Just looking into her eyes made him feel special and when he drove her home, she kissed him again at a door that led into her home.

The young man discovered that if he kissed her, it meant he would then be responsible to marry her and that surprised him. That wouldn't happen until he had the opportunity to pray about it. When the answer is no, he would try to tell her that he wasn't the one for her, but when he tried, her tears were an experience that made his heart melt and he couldn't hurt her like that.

A marriage without love shared by both the husband and the wife would be doomed to failure before it could ever begin and that is what happened. They would get married, have three children, and then she wanted a divorce. That devastated the young man that only wanted her to be happy and he did what he could to bring joy into each day.

After agreeing to the divorce, he would then authorize her to take all of the children back to her native country and he was devastated. He knew that the children wouldn't see him, benefit from his hugs and cuddles any longer, and they wouldn't be able to learn from his wisdom. He would miss reading them bedtime stores, having them sit on his lap, their hugs, and hearing them say I love you before he put them to bed for the evening.

There are so many small things that parents often take for granted when in a family they create. When they are suddenly taken, leaving only a void that nothing can replace, it breaks the heart of the person that loses them and they would eventually have a new father in their lives to love. The young man has now known the heartbreak of losing everyone he loved and cared for and the pain was unbearable.

For the next ten years, the young man would blame himself for what he has experienced and things weren't the same. It was definitely what he called the changing environment and he missed the love, kisses, and hugs of a woman that he could give flowers to, buy small tokens that showed his love, but that was now in the past.

He would meet a young woman in the bar and knowing she was drunk, she couldn't drive home in that condition. He would let her sleep in his bed, with him sleeping in the chair, since he believed in morals and he couldn't take an unfair advantage of anyone. He would buy her breakfast the next morning to eat and then he ensured that she would be able to drive home.

That wasn't the first time he had never pressed his advantage and each date he went on, he would ensure the young lady enjoyed herself and when he is invited into her home, he excused himself and drove home. With the passing of time, he noticed that he was missing many opportunities to find love and a young woman would catch his attention.

She is intelligent, beautiful, and she had been through many relationships in the past with men that hurt or abused her. Many evenings were spent with her merely talking and reminiscing about the past; trying to win her respect, her trust, and love. She must have thought the young man was strange when he didn't press her for kisses and their relationship steadily grew.

After months of being together, he would smile when she asked for him to hold her close to her. She would then ask him to spend the night, starting the evening with a bath together and he could give her a gentle massage. That is what he wanted more than anything was to feel her lips on his, feel her arms holding him tight, and spending the night lying at her side.

Unfortunately, it was a war taking place inside him and he remembered the old Indian adage that there are two wolves inside each individual. The one in life that is displayed openly is the wolf that is fed, whether good or evil. That created hesitation and he remembered that he was a virgin on the evening of his wedding that took place many years earlier in his past.

Knowing that he couldn't say no to this beautiful woman that he had grown to love, it was precisely what he did, and he could see emotions of despair or hurt in her eyes when he excused himself and drove home. The guilt he now had inside his heart brought tears to his eyes and how could he hurt another person so deeply, just because he wouldn't engage in an intimate experience with her? Perhaps there are times when morals don't benefit anyone.

It played constantly on his mind and he now understood that women are delicate, sensual, understanding, and they know when the time is right for a relationship to move forward. He felt the same, but morals and believing in a higher law had now cost him the love of the young woman through his own fault. There was no apology allowed, because of his own selfishness.

The young woman would overdose on drugs that night and it claimed her life, which devastated him when he heard. If only he had made love to her, a bath could have been shared, or he could have held her close that night, they may now be sharing many happy memories. A human life was lost through a gesture that could have been avoided through an act of kindness and love.

It was a wakeup call for the young man and when the same situation was to appear again in the future, where a young woman invited him into her home, he wouldn't make the same mistake again. Unfortunately, he would again be excusing himself, because the woman would tell him that she was married. It was like he couldn't win for losing and he wouldn't betray someone that was unaware of what was happening.

As time passed and he made sure that a young woman was single that was an employee of a company he worked for, he offered to drive her home and she invited him to her apartment. They had talked many times and he would make her feel special when she was working. If she asked him to make love to her, he was ready to say yes, but again fate entered the equation and he is going to be told that she had 'genital warts', where she was needing surgery.

At least she was honest with him and he appreciated it. He would excuse himself and tell her if she needed anything, she wasn't to hesitate and he will be there for her. It would lead to him never seeing her again and it told him that many women seek love in their own ways. When mistakes are made for many, they bear the fruits of their actions in many ways and it often hurts.

Knowing that he could eventually meet someone that he could call his own in life, he started visiting the bar to play darts and he caught the attention of a woman that fancied him. Asking if she could see where he lived, he agreed and once inside, she kissed him and was very forward. With past memories in his mind, he watched her lie on the bed and he would put her needs ahead of his own.

With his hands starting at her feet, he massaged her toes, then her ankles to her calves. Moving up her legs, she moaned softly and closed her eyes with each movement of his fingers. Reaching her hips, her back, shoulders, and a gentle embrace of her head, she rolled over and exposed the soft flesh of her bosom and erect, pert nipples.

Moving his hands across her nipples, she reached up and guiding his lips to her erect nipples, she purred with pleasure as his tongue moved slowly from one to the other. With him kissing her neck, her lips, and her stomach, she is going to slide down her panties and kick them into the air behind him. With her exposed without remorse or inhibitions shown, she then reached up and unfastened his belt, slid his pants down, and pulled him on top of her.

Her fingers then guided him inside her and rocking back and forth, she was enjoying each minute of their intimacy. It is only the second woman that he was making love to and the memories of his marriage flooded his mind. It is a moment he enjoyed and having her pulling him inside as deep as he could, they moved together until the sweat poured off their heated bodies and he is going to explode inside her.

As he held her close to him, she had loved the moment they shared and he was welcomed to share many intimate experiences in the future if that is the type of relationship he was interested in. No strings attached and she would be willing to repeat their pleasures shared day or night. That surprised him at the offer he had received, but he wanted something more than just sex.

She understood and she thanked him for being there for her and she could see that he wanted more than a friend with benefits. After saying goodbye, it would be years before the young man would be tempted in the same way. He was visiting friends and a young woman caught his eye. She asked him for a lift home and once he dropped her off, she invited him in for a drink.

It was innocent enough and as they sat on the couch, she leaned forward to kiss him, with her hand moving towards his legs. Moving her hand slowly to the clasp on his pants, she undid it and whispered that she didn't have panties on under her skirt. She wanted him then and there. Before he could react, she had climbed on top of his lap and slid him inside her.

Now that she is moving up and down, back and forth, she moved his hands to her breasts and her erect nipples. Unfastening her blouse, she leaned back and then forward to allow his lips to kiss her nipples in a way that made her moan with pleasure. Moving faster and harder inside her, she squealed when she reached her climax and felt him fill her womanly cavity with hot liquid.

Collapsing on their sofa, she would kiss the young man and say it was time for him to leave. She would always wonder what it was like making love to him from the moment they had met many months earlier. Now she knew her answer and he would know where to find her if he wanted to share another intimate encounter with her. It was appreciated, but one-night stands were a topic that didn't appeal to him at the moment either.

There was one thing noticed and love is something that is created, grown from within, and without the presence of a deep bond, relationships are just friends with benefits attached. That is probably what many were seeking in life, but the young man wanted more and he continued looking for true love.

It has now been thirteen years since his divorce and the young man felt the time had arrived to have the internet installed on his computer, so he can see what is happening around him in the world. He was told by others that he is going to make new friends on social media and he would join a popular site that was frequented by many men and women.

Knowing that he didn't beat around the bush, new friends were made and it was a new experience, since the men and women lived all over the world. It allowed him to talk with others on an individual basis and get to know them. He would listen to the problems of others and voice his advice to help them. It allowed him to become part of the lives of others that filled his nights.

It was during the time that he read the posts of others that he would see an invitation for friendship from the woman that lived in the western states. She was experiencing many difficulties and he wanted her to feel special and that she wasn't alone. From the moment he saw her, he knew that they would be good friends and she could tell him anything.

When he decided that he would write her a poem that would be a way for him to say how unique and special she is, she was so happy and she would spend hours talking to him on the internet. With the addition of a webcam, it was possible to see her in person and he felt his heart melting when he could look straight into her gorgeous or beautiful blue eyes.

Over time, he could feel the love building inside his heart for her and only a few months after they started talking, he wanted her to marry him for real, since they had played a prank on her domineering and controlling sister that tried to control the life of her sister. Sending her an engagement ring, there is laughter, happiness, joy, and she was overcoming the anxiety and stress she had felt, since she now had someone to confide in.

She had been through many trials and hardships in her life and they had all vanished into the past through the love and friendship of the young man that gave her encouragement and the courage to meet opposition head on. He had greeted her when she awakened and she would talk to him endlessly until the moment arrived to say goodnight. It was like she had a new lease on life and she was finally having her dreams come true.

Her children were grown and her son still lived with her. He had a girl that he loved dearly and they often talked about getting married. That would be a moment that left his mother alone in life and now that she was developing an exciting and new bond of love and trust with the young man, he would have to move to be near her and she could then lean on him for companionship.

It was a special relationship and love was growing in leaps and bounds for the two of them. They were so happy and she would write him a letter that is straight from her heart. It let him know what she went through in life.

Chapter Two - When Love Blossoms

The past ten years of my life, since my third divorce, I have found myself without interest to be with another man again. The thought of a husband or a boyfriend wasn’t even a thought that I could entertain in my mind. I believed that the moment for me to experience love or companionship had passed me by. That is what usually happens when you throw your hat into the ring three times and it led to the white towel of surrender being thrown into the ring for the express purpose to concede failure all three times.

Various thoughts will enter the mind and you want to know if you weren’t the type of wife that someone will actually want in their lives. Perhaps I am a woman that is not pretty enough; perhaps my weight is seen as an obstacle for sharing our loving relationship; or perhaps having a forgiving weakness and the sense of value has eluded me in our never-ending quest to enjoy the relationships that were shared by others that were happy around me.

Many of these couples are now celebrating milestone anniversaries in their lives and they are holding hands, kissing each other openly in public, and the sight of a glowing radiance in their smile towards their spouse that shows the world that they love them more than life itself. Is that a goal that could often be enjoyed by all women, or is it merely enjoyed by a few that have found a pearl of great price that enriches their lives? 

Like others had done in life, I graduated with honours from what is called a school of hard knocks and overcoming obstacles would be experienced each day that I lived. Having parents that often scared the life out of their children wouldn’t really be appreciated, but you eventually learn how you survive the pitfalls under those circumstances. When parents are feared, it leads children to do things they normally wouldn't do and I wasn't the exception.

My first marriage would become a lesson in futility of what happens when you are adamant that your father shouldn’t try to run your life. When you are eighteen and a rebellious teenager, the actions that take place in the back of a car led to an unplanned pregnancy. It started off innocently enough, but then there are temptations to deal with that can't be suppressed.

That was an action that everyone should avoid like the plague, because you aren't alone in life any longer. You now have the small infant growing inside your womb, but to complicate things even further, you now have a man that has knocked you up overreacting to the situation and he wants to marry you.

It would become an experience of convenience and without the elements of both individuals loving each other, the inevitable happened and it would end in failure and divorce. I learned the hard way that no one really wants to live their life as a single parent, so when various men present themselves, there is no hesitation when another is chosen that makes us feel special and loved.

Unfortunately, when they possess what is called a roving eye and they will crave intimacy and companionship from other women that come ahead of an adoring wife that cares about him, relationships start to deteriorate. They act normal for others, but it only complicates things when another child could be created and enters the equation. Their caring atmosphere could eventually be evaporating into alcohol, depression, and affairs.

My second husband would announce that he  wants the freedom to sow his wild oats in the beds of other women and when you believe in the sanctity of your vows in front of God, you have to take a stand. You have to say I’m so sorry, but you are being kicked out and a divorce was then filed against him. It would leave me with the repercussions of being single again, but now the reality of the situation is I would have three mouths to feed.

With time continuing to pass and my biological clock ticking away on my life, I felt that hey… maybe the third time could be lucky, and the husband number three was embraced and loved. In the beginning of our relationship, things were seen as being rosy. He has made me feel special and we would share many happy memories that are created. With intimacy shown between a husband and wife, it also led to another new addition to the family.

Unfortunately, husband number three would value his drug dependency, a night of drinking, and his physical abuse often accompanies those in a man’s life. Women figure they can help their spouse climb out of the gutters of evil behavior, so they rise to new levels of existence. As history has shown, men often drag women down to their levels, and they don’t raise their standards.

When my third marriage evaporated into the archives of forgotten history, it was frustrating and many questions were raised that perhaps it wasn’t the men that walked through the door. Perhaps it is their wife’s actions that had driven them into the behavior they had exhibited over the years. It was seen as failure when you are given three swings of the bat and then fail to enjoy a happy life for yourself and your children.

At the young age of forty-nine, I was again on my own with the son that I love dearly. I would continue to home school my son and I would also breed dogs to earn a living. It is the only thing that I could think of that would help meet the mountain of expenses and be the means of support myself.

Men would then walk in and out of my life again and it was the efforts of a desperate woman. The last relationship would leave me scarred for life and it shouldn’t have happened. It is my intention to escape from the evil clutches of a relationship that had deteriorated quickly. Women can anticipate when a relationship has gone south and she needs to flee from the situation.

I was living with a married man at the time and when his wife entered into the equation again, I knew it was time for me to bail and start over. Being an extra mistress in a threesome wasn't for me and I got the truck to move all of my belongings out of his home before his wife returned. 

Being stubborn and hard-headed, I didn't have the patience to wait for men to unpack the truck at my new lodgings, so I climbed on the truck to retrieve the dog food. Before I reached the tail gate, I would have a nasty fall and the impact with the ground broke my hip. It wasn’t seen as a pleasant experience and my femur required major surgery.

It was my own fault however and it was my impatience to get things done that caused me to fall off the back of a truck. I wanted to get up, but that was discouraged by everyone standing over me. They called the ambulance and a visit to the hospital was required. After I arrived, the doctors were concerned with the broken bone in my hip.

Unfortunately, with their attention focused on my hip, it is never diagnosed at the time, but I had also cracked five discs of my spine that are found in the lower 'lumbar' region of my back. X-rays wouldn't be taken and I learned the truth that it was overlooked and ignored, which would eventually lead to the extreme pain and suffering that will affect my actions for the rest of my life.

After my hip surgery, which included hip replacement surgery, I noticed an unusual pain when I walked and I began to gain weight, since it had taken an extended stay in the hospital for the surgery to heal. Once I was released, the daily routine was to help me regain my health, but walking and performing a basic activity was difficult.

Without the normal actions that I enjoyed prior to the accident, weight gain has a way of escalating on our hips and stomach region. Now that I looked at a body I didn't recognize in the mirror any longer, I realize that it is difficult  to see yourself as attractive to others any longer. Being slim and just over the hundred pound mark makes weight gain on my hips even more obvious.

It frustrated me, because I was the type of woman that always took pride in the way I looked to others. It put the thought of ever dating a man again or a dream of living happily ever after on a back burner. I felt that marriage is for those that respect themselves, so they could then respect a man they can say sacred vows to across the altar of romance.

It is ironic how a life-altering accident can change the perspectives of men and women and I wouldn't be the exception. My expectations and attitude is now changed and it was now feeling like I wasn't good enough for a man. It has left me damaged goods that are just a liability for others. No one will see a woman with a handicap, that is overweight, and isn't the same athletic girl she used to be as attractive.

For many years, I use my beauty, charm, athletics in the bedroom to attract men into being with me, which of course led to three failed marriages. There may have been failure in the past, but now I wasn't good enough any longer to obtain the love of any man. I have lost the desire to even look at men as a potential partner in life.

At least I still had my pretty face, long, blonde hair that is filled with curls, and I could attract attention with those qualities. My sky-blue eyes are often used to break down the inhibitions of men, but I now saw my body as being ugly and unattractive. Others didn't see me that way and when they flirt with me in public, I would merely turn down their advances. I believed that a life of being a wife or girlfriend is over and I only want to live the rest of my life alone as a single mom. It wouldn’t hurt me any longer that way.

With the invention of the internet, websites were now appearing and there are also many social sites that allowed others to correspond with each other. I joined a site called ‘Facebook’ and it would allow me to work diligently in my pursuit of satisfaction for, or on behalf of a family that was well-known around the world.

When one of their sons wanted to promote his new song, I worked hard to see it rise to the top of the charts, so he could succeed in life. It had given me something to occupy my time and it would continue for almost two years. It would then be followed by an album that I helped to promote. Obtaining true joy comes from helping others in ways they never expect.

I would become a new friend for many people and it is encouraging to see new friends entering my life. They shared many of the same experiences that I had endeared in life and they overcome obstacles to see life as the blessing it is, instead of in a negative way. Many of these new friends were widowed, divorced, and it is nice to speak to others that weren't seen as a scammer or a criminal that only wanted to take advantage of others.  

When you put your profile in the public eye and people can only see your face, hair, smile, and nothing from the neck down, men would again become eager or obsessed to take me on dates, or to flirt over the internet. They were unaware of what existed below my shoulders and many only wanted sex or intimate relations through affairs and one-night stands. They wouldn’t take the time to get to know me and it was an option that wasn’t explored.

It wasn’t known what I had previously experienced in the past, the sudden heartbreak, and the events I had to live with that had put my life in danger. I didn’t want to experience it again at my age, so I wanted peace and quiet. It is easy to endure the drama and heartbreak when you are young, but once the years start passing, attitudes mellow and the drama isn't wanted any longer.

After watching the new year arrive, I was hoping that things were going to improve. I am still helping my friend launch his music career, but I was also suffering from severe money issues. We didn’t know where to turn for help and a fire in our motor home had left us homeless. The last thing you do for relief is ask a friend you have never met for money. They see people that do that as fake friends, scammers, and phony's.

Word went out for any help others could offer and God answered prayers we offered. A friend that let us park the motor home on her property allowed my son and I to live inside the building and act as her security guard. It was a situation where beggars can't be choosers and it was known that it could be a temporary arrangement until something else would take place.

The uncertainty that is surrounding our living arrangements could change through an immediate sale of the property and if that happened, we would be homeless yet again with nowhere to turn. After walking through the building that was on the property, something stood out and there was nothing we can do about it, since we wouldn't have other options to explore any longer.

We understood that it would be a death trap to live there, but when you are out of options, you are forced to put your lives into the trusting hands of God to keep your family safe around you. We were now living in a building that I knew is infested with hundreds of mice, ‘bark’ scorpions, a black widow and funnel-web spiders, an occasional snake, and rats that ran around the attic.

Mojave rattlesnakes called the area their home and it wasn’t uncommon to see them poke their head through the door or enter many areas that could put the dogs or my family at risk. They are seen crawling through the sage brush and tumbleweeds that surrounds the property. Living with a specter of death surrounding us on a daily basis would become mentally draining and it led to anxiety, frustration, and severe depression.

Now that others were hearing that we have to move, friends on ‘facebook’ sent prayers and encouragement. Some men were determined that they want a wife and they would be quickly deleted if they forced the issue. Neighbors are also determined to marry me, but without physical attraction and feeling anything special for them, they would remain as friends only.

After three failed marriages that are one-sided in love, a fourth time under those conditions would have to be avoided. It was always said that our ways aren’t really God’s ways and I wasn’t aware that Heavenly Father had other plans for his beautiful daughter that was now struggling in life.

Things would often materialize when we aren’t expecting them in our lives and I wouldn’t be any different. After posting about my troubles on my wall, someone would send me a friend request that I didn’t know. He was friends with my sister and apparently, he had been following the hardships and pain in my life for many months.

There was something different about him, from the way he smiled, to eyes that could see inside a troubled heart, and his request was accepted. The man was kind and sent many kind and uplifting messages to me that were written from his heart and made me feel special. When someone enters your life that makes you smile from saying good morning, you know that there is a chance that you are making a new friend for life.

Now that we are friends, I noticed that the picture of my mysterious friend looked like he is in his early thirties, so I’m not concerned with anything that would be more than friends. It had been many years now since an accident is going to take place and I was now approaching the age bracket that would be reserved for those that are contemplating retirement from the work force.

Eleven years have now passed since my last relationship that is responsible for damaging the discs in my back, affecting the 'sciatic' nerves in my lower spine. In my mind, I believed that no one could possibly see a woman that is crossing the threshold of fifty as being wife material, which is a convenient way of removing the pressure of romance from the friendships.

It was a known fact that I wasn’t rich, prosperous, and a young man would probably run at the thought that he couldn’t benefit from me that way. There is also the issue of instability hanging over us and men often prefer a woman that is stable in their lives, whether mentally, physically, or spiritually.

The hip issues from a botched operation caused pain and it wouldn’t allow me to participate in any of the activities that are often cherished before I had suffered my accident. Many young men want women to experience activities that are seen as an adventure, whether it would be seen as dangerous or not. Others want their partner to satisfy them and do things inside their bedroom that women would need to be a contortionist to perform.

As I have learned through the years of solitude and loneliness, many of the older men want to embrace each day as it arrives. That prevented the conflict of unexpected demands and I knew that my new friend wouldn’t flirt or even try to exploit a friendship that is created through the small seed that has been planted in my mind.

As time began to pass, I found myself wanting to read the posts he would put on the walls of his friend’s, especially when I am having another one of my down days again. He is a positive man and I enjoyed reading the things he had to share with others.

There was definitely something special that touched my soul and his words were more than inspirational. It gave me encouragement that ‘nice’ men still exist inside a world filled with greed, envy, strife, perversion, and sorrow.

I was beyond impressed that a man could share so many Bible scriptures to uplift others and remain positive. After watching everything he will write, I didn't see him online again until the new year. I had to assume that this new friend that I enjoy immensely had left the social-networking site for a reason that was known only to him.

Life goes on and it was in late January that he returned, offering to help us in a way that we weren’t expecting, since we were struggling to survive. Our motor home, where we were living had caught fire, meaning we would have only a single option. We had to move into a ‘death’ trap that included mice, snakes, scorpions, and the various species of spiders that I mentioned earlier.

After we had moved into a garage room where we didn't have beds or even a couch to sit on, my son would have to sleep in a chair. I had found the box spring of a bed that is hard and didn’t ease the pain I felt in a hip very much. Needless to say, my situation had led to more depressing remarks that would appear on my wall again. Like before, others would always offer to pray for us, but something happened that no one was expecting.

As I went to my ‘facebook’ wall and looked at my page, expecting to see a usual amount of ‘sorry for your situation’, or have faith remarks, the kind or considerate friend had sent me a poem he had written just for me that would make me smile and it was never forgotten. It had to be framed, because he is touching my soul in a way that no one had done in many years.

He told me that he had entered the poem in a writing contest and it would be posted on my wall. If it won, he was going to send me the cash prize, so I could smile and relieve the pressure I was under. I informed him that it was a poem he had written and if it won, he should keep the earnings.

It was a nice gesture, but at the time, I didn’t trust men and I didn’t want to get close to an individual under any conditions. It is said that angels are near when we need spiritual guidance and this unselfish act had definitely caught my attention in a way that couldn't be described.

The poem is so special to me now and I want to share it here, so everyone can see a poem that was written just for me. It was called when you bask in the glow and it was written in a way that filled my heart with hope, faith, and the words gave me the strength to go on.

WHEN YOU BASK IN THE GLOW

When you walk into the room, all eyes do see,

A beautiful creation that was meant to be.

A smile so enchanting, it can fill our soul,

And make us feel love, like that was your goal.

Thank you for being so warm, tender and kind,

For always being a friend, helping others in a bind.

Giving us a reason to live, to share happiness again,

Never dwelling on our problems, our anxiety or pain.

No one appreciates the true beauty within,

Because they are too busy, enjoying their sin.

Your eyes are the window that lets everyone know,

Just how special you are, when you bask in the glow.

With love and compassion, showing others the way,

To enjoy the friendships of others, appreciation to stay.

A special bond is created, when two souls join as one,

In a relationship of trust, like the new morning’s sun.

You are never alone, when you have friends at your side,

There is no reason to fear, to seek shelter, or hide.

Because you possess a spirit of gold, unique and true,

Creating relationships eternal, where others love you.

To receive a poem like that is now priceless to me and it didn't come from a store. It would come from the heart of an individual that put the feelings of others ahead of themselves. It was something that was very special and it has touched my heart.

The poem wouldn't win the prize or anything to mention, but the thought is what would count for a woman that is struggling with the demons that would be surrounding me. If only for a brief moment in time, I am able to forget all the problems that are troubling me.

In February he posted a new picture on ‘facebook’ and I noticed that there was a big difference between the two pictures. He wasn’t a young man at all, as his first picture had indicated. He was still a young man however and the new friend is only six years younger than I am. He liked that new picture he is posting, because a special event allowed him to appear in his tuxedo.

Unfortunately, at the time, I still wasn’t looking for a man in my life. He is a man that became a kind and considerate friend. Something about him had a profound effect on me and I found myself looking forward to reading what is going to appear from him on a daily basis. I even found myself posting some stories, just to see what he could have to say about them. I enjoyed seeing all his responses and what he had to say.

We have spoken a few times on messenger and it was always nothing more than what friends would say to each other through cyber space. I assumed he was married and he lived in Canada, which was over 4,000 miles away. That wouldn't allow us to speak in person, but even though distance separated us, there is something magical and special that I could feel inside my heart and I could feel the voice telling me that he would never hurt me.

At the time I still didn't give a relationship or having anyone become more than a friend a second thought. My heart was far from open for anyone that I accept, but it felt that there was something unique and different about a man I had never met in person and he was nothing more than a stranger to me. He would possess a unique gift that could break down the most obstinate barrier and I knew that the barriers I had erected to protect me would fall.

That is when I will receive another poem that was written to help me in my life. It was sent to help me overcome all the pressure I was facing and it was meant to give me strength and encouragement to persevere each day. It will be called when you feel alone and it made me feel like I was walking on the velvety clouds of heaven.

No one had ever taken the time like this to make a woman that was elderly like me feel so alive and loved in a special way before. I knew that a special love for this compassionate individual would begin to blossom and I would now feel the barriers of resistance disappearing around a heart that would be hurt many times over the years.

WHEN YOU FEEL ALONE

Close your eyes and listen with your heart

There are words being said, though we are apart

With each grain of sand that passes through time

A beautiful flower emerges, so serene and sublime.

A comforting hug, a gentle kiss that touches the soul

It gives us strength from within, so a person feels whole.

The beauty of love can fill the dark void that we feel

When we can’t stand any longer; that is when we do kneel.

To give thanks for what we have, even if it is small

Because a mansion is waiting for those that don’t fall.

Overcoming the pain, the hurt, and the buckets of tears

We are never alone, when it comes to overcoming our fears.

The still, small voice whispers words that we need to hear

To lift us when we are down, our sorrow turns to cheer.

We can’t look back, changing what we did in the past

But the future is what we make it, with a love that will last.

Age is just a number, but our spirits are eternal to grow

Especially when two souls bond as one, then you do know

That as a new morning breaks, with the sun and the dew

You feel something special, because others will love you.

After receiving something that is so beautiful, I found myself watching for his posts when each day started to pass. I found reasons to ask him questions and he wasn’t a normal man that I had often dealt with in person on the site. The constant encouragement and support had made me feel very special and alive, but there was something else that his presence did and he helped me to return to attending church.

It had given me a new perspective on life and I am now looking forward to getting up each day. I am smiling for no reason and I am feeling happy again through him. It was an emotion that I didn’t feel for a long time and I would feel emotions of love and compassion that were missing for many years. Has it become possible for two hearts to merge as one this late in life?

When March arrived, something strange happened and out of the blue, the dear friend that I now loved asked me to help him write my emotions into an email that he started writing and I was to take over where he left off. It is the type of message that prompted real emotion and it wasn’t something you can ignore or lie about. It was special and it was like a bright light was turned on in my heart and it showed me that I was previously walking in darkness.

I was now seeing inside the very soul of someone that I had still never met in person or face-to-face and the attraction we felt for each other was seen as mutual. About a week before the first of April arrived, I noticed that we are acting silly online and something came over me.

It was completely out of character for me, but I had asked him if he would be my eternal husband in heaven for all eternity. I was expecting