Special Ed: And the White Force

By Jules Older

"I'd be careful of that one if I were you."

 

These are the first words Ed hears when he finds himself in a different ... a different what? Place? Planet? Dream? The future?

 

Eventually, Mr. Earle, explains, "Ed, you're inhabiting two dimensions. One at a time, but you're able to cross between

• Language: English
• Publisher: Bunny Farm Press
• Release date: Dec 29, 2023
• ISBN: 9781962791250

Book preview

Dedication

This is dedicated to the ones I love ...

AmberI and WillowI

Leroy and Max and Ben in California

Asher in New Zealand

And, as always

Effin, by my side

Plus,

Stephen Foreman

Why?

OK, why Stephen Foreman ? Back in Baltimore, we struggled through high school together. He became a screenwriter, novelist, and commentator. Except for one brief, chance meeting in Logan Airport — Hey, are you Jules Older? — we hadn't set eyes on each other since we were sixteen.

Until our 50th high school reunion. There, we sat at the same table, caught up on each other’s life stories and, I guess, expected not to meet up for another 50 years.

But, after the event, in the parking lot, Stephen said, I have something for you. Something for you to write.

Whenever somebody says to a writer, I've got something for you to write, the writer — if they're anything like this writer — starts thinking of ways to politely say Thanks but no thanks.

It’s not that we don't want someone else’s ideas; it’s that our heads are already overflowing with our own.

But before I could demur, Stephen said, It’s a name I came up with for a character. I can't use it. So, here he is for you to use. His name is ... Special Ed.

Special Ed. As soon as those two words spilled out of Stephen’s mouth, I was in love with the name. Thank you, I said. And now, just a decade or so later, here's Special Ed. Thank you, brother Stephen.

OK, ONE MORE THING. With all my kid’s books, I've dedicated 7.5% of my profits to good causes. Special Ed is upping the ante. This time, 10% goes to The Samburu Project. They dig wells so that the Samburu people of Kenya can have clean, clear drinking water. You can find out more about them at https://thesamburuproject.org.

CHAPTER 1

NONE OF THE ABOVE

I 'd be careful of that one if I were you.

Why’s that? Special Ed asked.

He's a Pineappler, the voice answered.

What, he eats pineapples? Ooh, I'm terrified.

No, he eats people eating pineapples.

Special Ed decided then and there that he could live without Pineapplers for a while. Like for the rest of his life. Any others I should watch out for?

Hmmm. Well, that one over there is a Gobbler.

What's he gobble?

That's the problem. Just about everything.

Even people?

As I said, even people.

But he's only, what, maybe a foot tall? He's no bigger than a pineapple.

Yes, well, last week that ‘pineapple’ gobbled up a donkey. No, I tell a lie — it was only a burro.

What, that itty-bitty thing ate an ass?

Yes, and that itty-bitty thing’s cousin gobbled a full-grown Burmese python.

Gulp.

Exactly.

"No, I mean Gulp — I assume it was his big cousin. His big giant cousin."

Actually, baby cousin, Little Gobbler. Swallowed the python, then went looking for a ‘gator for dessert.

Yeah, well, I’ll stay away from him, too.

Her. Yes, I would.

By the way, where am I? In the future? On another planet? Am I hypnotized? Maybe in a dream? Special Ed very much hoped the answer would be, In a dream. From which you're about to awake, refreshed and perfectly safe.

The voice made a sound like someone sucking air through his teeth. Then it said, Uh, no, not a dream. Nor hypnosis. Nor any of your suggested answers to the question that I believe you asked me. As I believe you're fond of saying, ‘None of the above.’

CHAPTER 2

FOUR OUTTA’ FIVE

Special Ed opened his eyes. He hadn't known they were shut. His fervent wish went like this: Now that my eyes are open, I’ll see my bed, my Rangers poster, the apple tree outside my bedroom window.

Then he pictured what he didn't wish for: Now that my eyes are open, I hope I won't see creepy things crawling up the walls, won't see python-eating little monsters with big monstery eyes, won't see snakes, won't see aliens, and won't see whoever the guy is who’s talking to me and seems to be reading my mind.

Special Ed got four outta’ five.

No creepy-crawlies, no bug-eyed monsters, no snakes and no aliens.